4.5 stars. CONTAINS SPOILERS!

"All men have the stars, but they are not the same things for different people."
- by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, "The Little Prince" -



78...

What would you reply when the woman you're falling for is telling you that she's had sex with 78 men? Judge her?

The heroine, Elle Kavanagh, is a junior vice president of corporate accounting. She prefers having casual sex and one night stands. In fact, she doesn't do relationships and intimacy. It's been more than three years since she slept with a guy. Enter Dan Stewart...He's a lawyer. Dan and Elle meet at an expensive candy store. The interest is instantaneous, and she expects to have sex with him but nothing happens. When they meet again, however, she doesn't leave anything to chance. And Elle gets more than she bargained for with Dan, as he agrees to her no dating policy. Instead of dating they call their interludes "appointments". Both of them agree to not getting serious. No attachments, just casual sex.

I've never felt more convinced than at this moment that writing a story in first person POV could be that perfect. It fit. Irrevocably. Wow, this was a very intense, emotional, and riveting story! This is NO comfort read. Actually, it really hurt reading this book and it was sad, but on the other hand there's also a lot of hope. Granted, I have to admit that in the beginning there's no such hope at all. However, as the story unfolds I felt that there's hope for Elle to overcome the pain, shame, and guilt, hope to be able to lead a "normal" life again, hope to find happiness and to be loved.

Also, the writing is excellent as well as beautiful even though the subject matter is the opposite of beautiful. As it is it's very ugly. There's a lot of depth here and you'll find well developed characters. The author has written a very thoughtful and thought-provoking story, and I appreciated it how Ms. Hart was pointing out the psychological effects.

Elle was repeatedly raped when she was a teen. Elle is deeply hurt and very seriously messed up. Shame and Elle are no strangers to each other, and she feels guilty what happened in the past. Elle is thinking constantly. All the time. What's going on in her head is called "white noise" and she can't just turn it off.



She has a lot of baggage to deal with and as the story unfolds, I was doubting rather often if she would really be able to overcome her pain and to just let go of the past. I don't know if I can explain it properly but sometimes it felt kinda surreal. Elle tells her story and the reader (at least my humble self) gets the impression that her body is cut off of her mind. She is "real" but at times it seems like she's telling someone else's story. Elle is very detached, quiet, and reserved, and she is not used to smile or to laugh a lot. Elle has this kink to count anything she's seeing. It helps her to calm down and she shields her mind and body by counting or doing maths. It is like a body armor.

The sex scenes are well-written, erotic, sensual, and hot!

I had a minor problem with Dan. The heroine offered a few hints regarding her issues, and he should have known that something was very wrong with Elle. When a woman refuses to kiss on the lips, when she doesn't like being hugged, and when she refuses to let a man go down on her because it's "ugly" then he must know that something isn't quite right. He knew that she had big issues with intimacy. Why didn't he insist much more to have a talk with her? Granted, he tried and Elle didn't let him in. But please, you have to try harder, just be more tenacious.

"Still staring at the woman in the mirror, I hung up the phone. She looked as if she was going to cry. I felt bad for her, that woman with the dark hair, the one who only ever wore black and white. The one who might have been pretty if she'd only take care of herself, if only she weren't smarter, if only she didn't earn more money. I felt sorry for her but envied her, too, because she, at least, could cry and I could not."