mark monday's Reviews > Devil of the Highlands

Devil of the Highlands by Lynsay Sands
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Oct 15, 12

bookshelves: i-gave-up, romantika, rain-man-reviews
Recommended to mark by: RBRS Assignment #1

These characters were just too dumb to hate. I thought the opening of this book was the fucking best opening of a book ever, and Lynsay Sands is another author on my must-buy list. It doesn't seem to matter whether it's a paranormal or a historical, her stories have humor and heart and leave me feeling good when I'm done. Standing room only on the train, heat index already at 115, nauseous service dog, and this book. Ok I'm done with this book and let me tell you it's funny, exciting, and has lots of love. Here is a summery of the book enjoy.

Evelinde is promised to "The Devil of Donnachaidh" and all she has heard about him are EXTREMELY horrible things. Have you ever had your nipple sucked accidentally? Have you ever sucked someone's nipple accidentally? Cullen is no dummy and his instant attraction to Evelinde causes him to move quickly to get her out from under her stepmother. He doesn't talk much, but he does grunt and growl A LOT. Scottish is an awesome language. "It's uncanny," said a senior researcher, speaking under condition of anonymity, they have improbably good sex like a couple of blow-up dolls. I like sex scenes. The great thing about them is tha they are usually the parts of the book that it opens to naturally, because when you're rubbing one out you tend to open the book a little wider. So you go looking for the parts of a library book that open easily, like Evelinde's womanhood. I laughed so hard I had to wash my face and can't fathom obvious-to-the-village-idiot type ideas like how a person might want a change of clothes when moving to a new home or that maybe you should stick around to introduce your new wife to your family. Or talk to her, ever.

Lots of humor, lots of hot lovemaking, and a happily ever after filled with love. I enjoyed Cullen and Evelinde immensely. Mostly because there was no contrived plot device to keep them apart - this book cares more about the woman’s orgasms than a lot of porn I’ve seen, and people who are forced into other marriages, they are just fucked. Each of the main character's learn a little something important about the other and all the miscommunications that they had had in the not so distant past are easier to understand. But don’t these people know there’s so much better porn out there? Whiskey tango foxtrot?

___________

my sincere apologies, Esteemed Literary Group. i know this was an assignment that i should have completed. i should have read this purely as a lark, and enjoyed the hilarious absurdity of it all. or i could have gotten my pretentioso on, and looked at it from a political perspective, deconstructing its hilarious gender politics. but i just couldn't do it, any of it, none of it. i couldn't finish this one. i...just...could...not...do...it. let's pick a better book for the next go-round! although i suppose "better" is purely subjective.

and so i have presented to you my very first Drunken Review in the form of a very special Review Mash-Up. Guess the Reviewers! i can take no credit for a single phrase above the italics, i just don't have it in me now, and i feel it's time that other reviewers work for me! those were some good pisco sours i had tonight. the ceviche and those beef heart skewers were pretty tasty too. woot!


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Comments (showing 1-50 of 85) (85 new)


message 1: by Mariel (new)

Mariel Some of those were Miriam's. Other than that I don't remember!


message 2: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday hints only!

c and/or a guy (husband?) whose messages are on the same review, e, m, lr (most awesome lines imo) and about 4 positive reviews whose riviewer initial i've forgotten.


message 3: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday yes, you did. two great lines!


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

mark wrote: "yes, you did. two great lines!"

Haha! And a Dbr! I recognize some from NSP, who is indeed my husband, and Lightreads, and Miriam?


Sparrow I got Lightreads', too. And Joel, right? The part about opening the book wider? And there's something from Michelle in there, maybe? I'm going to check now.


Sparrow Hmmm. Not Joel. I have suddenly also realized this is not what I want to spend my sunday morning doing. But most of it was familiar! So . . . yay?


message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

Not Joel. If it has an f-bomb in it, it's me.


Sparrow I thought the part about the sex scenes opening naturally was a dude. OH because it was NSP!!


message 9: by mark (last edited Aug 07, 2011 12:17PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday ceredwin - yes to all 3! altough i denna ken what a 'DBR' is.

oh, yes i do - Drunk Book Review. duh to me!

meredith - no joel. i don't know if he even wrote a review? michelle sounds like a familiar name - so, perhaps. i don't recall. the part of the sex scenes opening was all NSP and was frickin' funny.

another review i stole a line from was manny's, but just a little phrase about senior researchers/anonymity.


message 10: by Tressa (new)

Tressa "The great thing about them is tha they are usually the parts of the book that it opens to naturally, because when you're rubbing one out you tend to open the book a little wider."

I don't belong to this group but that there right above is an instant classic.


message 11: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday that was a great part! i also loved:

"Standing room only on the train, heat index already at 115, nauseous service dog, and this book."

from Lightreads. that was from an awesome review that ranted out a lot of hate, so i wanted to somehow put that line in a paragraph where the linenow sounded like a positive thing. s/he (not sure) also wrote the funny porn lines.


message 12: by Tressa (new)

Tressa The whole thing is a hoot. That "rubbing one out" sounded like you. I was surprised it wasn't.


message 13: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday it does sounds like me! but i was lazy when i put this one together - and drunk! but its fun to read after the fact. i was actually a little nervous the next day to see what i had done.


message 14: by Mark (new)

Mark that was really clever. If you managed to construct that when you were drunk I am going to over-indulge on whatever you were drinking


message 15: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday pisco sours! delicious!


message 16: by Mark (new)

Mark well i am just off to a pub quiz with a mate and am not sure if ' The George Pub' will stretch to pisco sours. I might have to make do with a dry white wine


message 17: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday don't risk it. i don't want you tossed out of The George Pub due to a book review!


message 18: by Mark (new)

Mark by the way, we won. Admittedly only eight teams and they were, like my mate and I, probably not the top notch quizzers of the world but come on a victory is a victory


message 19: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday perhaps this is a lucky review. 'tis the luck of the Highlands, helping us all out in our times of need!


message 20: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny So Dada! This is going to start a new trend!


message 21: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday i tried to start a new trend with this, but alas! as with all of my attempts at trend-setting, 'twas doomed for failure.


message 22: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny No, the world just needs a little time to catch up! We have to liberate ourselves first from the chains of classical linear reviewing.

I must find a suitable book about which to write my first Dada review.


message 23: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday The Holy Bible?


message 24: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny Hm... not as a first effort. I need to get warmed up properly.


message 25: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday Lolita? a Pahlaniuk? The Secret?


message 26: by Traveller (new)

Traveller "Have you ever had your nipple sucked accidentally? Have you ever sucked someone's nipple accidentally? "

Does it count how sober you were at the time, and what you were actually aiming to suck?


message 27: by knig (last edited May 15, 2012 05:21AM) (new)

knig I followed Traveller here. At first, I was pleasantly surprised, as I actually thought your review was serious. I was impressed, as its a well known fact men don’t read romance novels and in fact disparage the genre. Which just happens to account for 50% of all paper back fiction sales. (with lots of my money in that pot as well). What is the problem with men, why won’t they read it? (Just my opinion here, but because they are busy watching porn online. That’s the equivalent fix on Mars, I guess). And then, the dénouement: Mark thinks it’s a lark. Tsk and phooey.


message 28: by Traveller (last edited May 15, 2012 05:14AM) (new)

Traveller Sorry Knig. I always read the start and the end of a review first. The meat in the middle last. I don't do that with my books, mind, just textbooks sometimes.

Anyway, admit Mark did it cleverly, since he managed to fool you (initially) - eh?

PS. But Mark really is a sensitive intuitive guy, and an astute reviewer - usually. Har har.


message 29: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny But Knig, I have tried to read romance novels, and my considered opinion is that they just aren't usually very good. The same goes for online porn. Over, say, the last three years, I would in fact say I'd spent more time reading romance novels, but I think both genres are tired, formulaic and fundamentally uninteresting.


message 30: by Traveller (last edited May 15, 2012 06:00AM) (new)

Traveller Manny wrote: "But Knig, I have tried to read romance novels, and my considered opinion is that they just aren't usually very good. The same goes for online porn. Over, say, the last three years, I would in fact ..."

True. Romance novels are boring, the same structure over and over, just different settings. Most erotica eventually gets boring too, just *ing in different positions with different, er.. ok, thinking up variations here can probably be the most interesting of the 3 genres.

Porn can become excruciatingly boring, especially if you have a male friend who finds it his duty to send you copies of all of the Gigabytes and Gigabytes of porn he feels compelled to download. *yawn*

In the beginning I used to watch the more juicy appearing ones, and the most original seeming ones, which is why I've ended up watching a fair amount of BDSM and 'weird' erotica like teddy bear porn and rubber-ducky-in-the-bath porn... but then after a while, even that gets old, and you think - oh, no, same old boring thing, tralala, just different hair color, skin color and setting. Even the "dirty talk" stays the same.

Hit the "DELETE" button. Aaah, much better. Oops, well, I hope he doesn't end up reading this. Indignant recriminations might ensue. But hopefully he's too busy watching porn to bother much with GR... >:D


message 31: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny Traveller, your male friend has an unusual conception of duty. What do you send him in return?


message 32: by knig (new)

knig Hah Traveller, you crack me up. Here I am should be working, instead, I'm looking up rubber ducky in bath porn. (yes, people like me obviously still exist: naifs). I can see its some kind industry, but the only thing I can acess from my censored Fortress is this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12mXLF...

I'm not sure thats what you meant, though.

There is also this, but that may not be it either:

Slow Death by Rubber Duck: How the Toxic Chemistry of Everyday Life Affects Our Health Slow Death by Rubber Duck  How the Toxic Chemistry of Everyday Life Affects Our Health by Rick Smith


message 33: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny I have seen Slow Death by Rubber Duck, and I can guarantee that it is not porn.


message 34: by knig (new)

knig Damn. Then I'm still in the dark here.


message 35: by Traveller (new)

Traveller Ok, to clarify, this guy belongs to Pay-for XXX sites. So I very much doubt that anything he sent me would be allowed on Youtube.

This person is a collector. Besides porn, (and mind you, with an appetite for unusual porn) he also has an appetite for unusual and obscure video games. Me, I'm just a more mainstreamish videogamer, and I actually play the games I own.

I similarly read the books I own, other than certain people who just collect video games or books, like my uncle collects hip flasks (yes, hip flasks), just because they are, well, a certain scarce genre of book or video game, or.. hip flasks.

Anyway, so I don't mind donating games that I'll never get to play, so I donated him some games, and also gifted him one or two that I found cheap at used goods stores. In return, I now have ... XXX porn. :P

Sshhht.. I don't actually want this to get out into the open... Anyway, I transferred most of it onto an external drive, for 'in case' I might for some reason want to view it some day when I for some reason have the time...


message 36: by knig (new)

knig I was actually kidding about the youtube: I'm not that wet. Or, maybe I am. I don't know. Sigh, look just send me your porn please, I guess. teddy bears, rubber ducks, rabbits...any other animal, vegetable or mineral going, the lot, cause I'm way behind here.


message 37: by MrsJoseph (last edited May 15, 2012 07:22AM) (new)

MrsJoseph dammit mark! I was going to rec you a good romance. :-(

Plus, you look like you were having too much fun in that pic. nofunforu!


message 38: by [deleted user] (new)

Rec me a good romance! I've found quite a few I've enjoyed in the genre, but there sure is a lot of dross. True for most genres, I expect.


message 39: by Traveller (last edited May 15, 2012 07:59AM) (new)

Traveller Knig-o-lass wrote: "I was actually kidding about the youtube: I'm not that wet. Or, maybe I am. I don't know. Sigh, look just send me your porn please, I guess. teddy bears, rubber ducks, rabbits...any other animal, v..."

LOL, the rubber ducky skit was actually quite cute. Why I even mentioned it, is because it came packaged with a video of a girl doing her teddy bear (or vice versa?). The reason I even mentioned this porn in the first place, is because it was relevant to Karen's review, http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... , which reminded me of the porn in question.

Basically the duckie version starts off with a real rubber duckie, which suddenly turns into a man in a duck suit. Yeah, not a man in a chicken suit, - a man in a yellow duckie suit. Bwhahaha.

Sorry, Mark.


message 40: by mark (last edited May 15, 2012 12:44PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday responding to.... some posts somewhere above... i think by Knig-o-lass & Traveller & Mrs Joseph:

never fear, i haven't given up on Romance yet. i like to consider myself a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to lit, so there will be more time spent in this genre. and hopefully some eventual enjoyment. last year i went through a research-and-buy phase and still have quite a large pile to eventually read:

The Iron Duke
Darkfever
The Silver Devil
Bound by the Heart
The Darkest Night
Gabriel's Ghost
My Fair Captain
Pleasure Unbound
Slave to Sensation
Warrior
Nicholas
Lord of the Forest
Sweet Savage Love
...and, um....
Skye O'Malley


message 41: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh, don't read Skye. That sucks ass.


message 42: by mark (new) - rated it 1 star

mark monday that "...and, um..." was just for you!


message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

Ha! I'm like the Skye O'Malley Defamation League.

Just bear in mind in addition to centering on a nihilist who is raped a thousand times, it is also incredibly boring, like there are pages and pages of descriptions of furniture and outfits, and seven thousand pages long.


message 44: by [deleted user] (last edited May 15, 2012 01:20PM) (new)

I want you to read Nicholas so I can hear about multi-cocked thrills though. I would like hand drawn diagrams from the review, plz.


Sparrow It is a terrible book. Probably the worst in the world. But, one thing you could do is read parts I and II and skip part III. Part III is where it jumps off a cliff into the literary pits of hell.


message 46: by [deleted user] (new)

Part one is super bad too. Really, there's just this one section in the middle where Skye has a pet panther on a leash, and that's very awesomely Madonna video like, but that's the only fun part.


message 47: by knig (new)

knig I'm not seeing Loretta Chase, Judith Ivory, laura Kinsale and Theresa Medeiros on that list. In fact, I'm not really sold on that list. Gayle Feyrer is good too.


Sparrow Ceridwen wrote: "Part one is super bad too. Really, there's just this one section in the middle where Skye has a pet panther on a leash, and that's very awesomely Madonna video like, but that's the only fun part."

Facts.


message 49: by [deleted user] (new)

The Fever series is super fun. Although, that first book can be a trial, I admit, and it's not fair to tell people to read two books to get to funtimes.


message 50: by Sparrow (last edited May 15, 2012 01:31PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Sparrow Ugh. Did not enjoy. But I find myself being crotchety about trivialities sometimes if they are not my particular bag o' treats.


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