Here is a list of things I learned from this book:
1) All mermaids wear tube tops and matching headbands
2) Even though girls with glasses aren't pretty, they are usually smart, so be sure to include one in your circle of friends, as long as she remembers her place.
3) If you can do something better than your friend, be sure to show her up in front an audience. After all, there's no point in letting her feel good about herself and watching her receive praise for something at which you're obviously more talented. How would that benefit you at all?
4) All girls with dark hair are unattractive unless they can be classified as "exotic-looking."
5) Sea turtles are ugly and dumb, but sparkling underwater ponies are pretty cool.
6) Nothing is worth doing unless you're getting free jewelry as a reward.