Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish)'s Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Jul 27, 11

bookshelves: flounce, pathetic-and-or-stupid-female-lead, wtf-is-this, caused-me-rage, disappointing, lurking-pedobear, ugh-first-person, speshul-snowflake, judging-you, i-hope-the-mayans-were-right, apparently-theft-is-okay, lowest-common-denominator, we-deserve-the-apocalypse, wtf-is-wrong-with-you-people, trees-died-for-this-crap, supports-theft-rh, chris-brown-would-be-proud, this-is-not-a-romance, male-lead-who-needs-a-junk-punch, me-and-ranty-mcgee, drank-the-haterade, author-needs-a-muzzle, not-for-realreal-just-for-playplay, curiosity-killed-the-cat, my-masochism-is-not-the-sexy-kind, ftlog-stop-calling-it-her-sex
Recommended to Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) by: I'm actually still talking to her.
Recommended for: Coma patients, no wait, they have enough problems.



This was a poorly written, utterly ridiculous, never ending mess as a fan fiction. The speed with which they "published" this indicates that they merely conducted a find and replace on the names and did not put in a good faith edit or rewrite the highly problematic storylines (read: the entire thing). The writing is insipid and juvenile. The characters are static, one dimensional, and unbelievably vacuous. (And also sound suspiciously and consistently British though they are supposed to be American.) In addition to the theft of intellectual property committed here it is not worth your time. If you like reading about incredibly stupid women, females being treated like the family pet in a relationship and marriage (outside of the poorly executed initial BDSM relationship), and no character development do a Google search for "Master of the Universe" and you'll find a residual copy of the original floating around. Save yourself the money and don't reward this unethical enterprise.

Added: A summary of Fifty Shades of Grey Master of the Universe.

Written to save a friend the . . . effort. . . of reading this – may my brain's sacrifice not be in vain. This story is not original fiction, therefore names will not be changed from the original as I will not protect this author or her "publisher."
*Language Warning*


(view spoiler)
–––
My Fifty Shades Darker review.
My Fifty Shades Freed review.
My review of the Bundle. It includes some important points I didn't include in these reviews.
Links of Interest
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 921) (921 new)


message 1: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Squee! *likes* It's still utterly ridiculous and your sacrifice was not for naught.


message 2: by Alyssa (new)

Alyssa I actually googled 'Master of the Universe' after reading your review and I found a PDF copy with the twilight cast! So was this book originally written as a fan fiction? And is it exactly the same story with the character's name changed?


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Alyssa wrote: "I actually googled 'Master of the Universe' after reading your review and I found a PDF copy with the twilight cast! So was this book originally written as a fan fiction? And is it exactly the same..."

Yes, it's the same story. The only thing that has been changed are the names and physical descriptions of the characters.


message 4: by Alyssa (new)

Alyssa thanks for the heads up, I'll save myself the $33!


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Alyssa wrote: "thanks for the heads up, I'll save myself the $33!"

Glad to be of service!


Baba  ♥♥♥ Tyler, Marcus, Archer, Dean, Tate, Dan & Hunter Alicia, your review is...hmmm...how can I say this...rather entertaining. :) I had so much issues with this story AND the characters...I just couldn't finish it. Awful.


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) Bwahahaha! I love this review so much. :D I couldn't get through the first couple chapters, so I have no idea how it felt to slog through the whole thing. As the author of an unfinished, rambling and, in hindsight, utterly stupid fanfic, I know just how much fail these can be. LOL


message 8: by Noreen (new)

Noreen Viscioni Alicia, your review is "spot on" I am stupified by the characters in this book and their wishy, washy nonsense!


message 9: by Kat Kennedy (new)

Kat Kennedy I think I just about died laughing during your story paraphrasing. That was some seriously hilarious shit!


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Baba wrote: "Alicia, your review is...hmmm...how can I say this...rather entertaining. :) I had so much issues with this story AND the characters...I just couldn't finish it. Awful."

Yeah, the only reason I made it through the first part was because it's hilarious bad!fic and fun to mock with friends. Then it moved from funny to just plain disturbing.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Bwahahaha! I love this review so much. :D I couldn't get through the first couple chapters, so I have no idea how it felt to slog through the whole thing. As the author of an unfinished, rambling ..."

Haha, multiply reading those first few chapters by 90. Unfortunately, SQID never realized her fanfic was utterly stupid and it's been inflicted on a wider audience.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Noreen wrote: "Alicia, your review is "spot on" I am stupified by the characters in this book and their wishy, washy nonsense!"

I am stupefied that this trash somehow made it on the Goodreads year-end list. These characters (and story) are horrendous! Not to mention it's not actually a book.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Kat wrote: "I think I just about died laughing during your story paraphrasing. That was some seriously hilarious shit!"

Thank you!


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) Alicia wrote: "Haha, multiply reading those first few chapters by 90. Unfortunately, SQID never realized her fanfic was utterly stupid and it's been inflicted on a wider audience."

It really does boggle my mind the utter brazenness of taking a Twilight fic, doing some name replacing, tweaking a few details, and then getting it published. Shit, I'd never dare do it because it's wrong on so many levels.


message 15: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau If I assume that the Goodreads default filter is set to review likes, then there's only one five star review for this book that has more them than you. And it's only 17 clicks away from your 32. You're so close to the top and to the unsuspecting book buyers who look at book reviews before deciding whether to read it or not.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "It really does boggle my mind the utter brazenness of taking a Twilight fic, doing some name replacing, tweaking a few details, and then getting it published. Shit, I'd never dare do it because it's wrong on so many levels..."

Right? I'm really glad there are more people who understand that this is wrong than greedy, money-grubbers with no scruples whatsoever.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "If I assume that the Goodreads default filter is set to review likes, then there's only one five star review for this book that has more them than you. And it's only 17 clicks away from your 32. Yo..."

I've never thought of that. It would be cool if that's how it works! Though mine doesn't show up this way. On the main page it shows a bunch of five star *vomit* reviews. =/


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) I could take one of my fanfics and tweak it lots (because I know it's got huge flaws) and try to flog it to the publishers, but that's because it's based on Homer, the Iliad and, very nominally, the Troy movie, not Stephanie Freakin' Meyer. I wouldn't even consider reworking my LOTR and Sharpe stuff to make a buck. That's completely hands off, as far as I'm concerned and should stay in ficworld where it belongs.

There's some consolation that these 2 books are out there in internetland and the author isn't able to get every single penny. Thievery works both ways. ;)


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) Yours is the #2 review on the page when I look at it, Alicia. The first little section listing my friends' reviews are packed full of 5 stars. UGH.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I could take one of my fanfics and tweak it lots (because I know it's got huge flaws) and try to flog it to the publishers, but that's because it's based on Homer, the Iliad and, very nominally, th..."

Yeah, at least there's a difference using something that is in the public domain. I do hope more people look for the fic than pay actual money. The thought of anyone actually paying for this "book" makes me weep for humanity.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Yours is the #2 review on the page when I look at it, Alicia. The first little section listing my friends' reviews are packed full of 5 stars. UGH."

TG most of my friends reviews are 1-star. I guess I don't see my review there because it's mine? I see all the other high count reviews.


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) I think that even though the book is getting raves left and right, the urge to get it free wins out over any airy-fairy notions of "support the author". Mwahaha.

Ummm, yeah...I've got some special friends with special tastes. :P I'm sure they can say the same for me and my cheesy-ass old bodice rippers. I kid because I love.


Sandra Best summary EVAH!!! I'm still laughing!!!!


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I think that even though the book is getting raves left and right, the urge to get it free wins out over any airy-fairy notions of "support the author". Mwahaha.

Ummm, yeah...I've got some special..."


Haha, at least those are actual books, even if cheesy. ;)


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Sandra (TwilightMomofTwo) wrote: "Best summary EVAH!!! I'm still laughing!!!!"

Hehehe, thank you! =D


message 26: by Beth (new)

Beth "[Start of an argument.]
[Edward stops it with sex.]"

me: DED

alicia, you're brilliant :D (didn't need to know that tampon thing though. bluurghhhhhhhhgghh)


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Beth wrote: ""[Start of an argument.]
[Edward stops it with sex.]"

me: DED

alicia, you're brilliant :D (didn't need to know that tampon thing though. bluurghhhhhhhhgghh)"


Hahahaha, I'm sorry, but the tampon thing is crucial to any retelling of this story. Ahahaha!


Sophia. OMG this is so fucking hilarious!! Hahahaha way to go, it's fantastic!!


Amber Marie Pettit Okay, I am sticking to the fact that I love the "Fifty Shades" series so far, but OMFG your paraphrasing was hilarious and extremely entertaining. I was laughing my ass off. I am going to google "master of the universe" though. Even if it started out as fan-fiction, This shit was right up my ally. I still loved this series.I just wanted to comment on how fucking hilarious your parody was. Nice!


message 30: by Audrey (new) - added it

Audrey Wait...the tampon thing...uh...WHAT?!??????????


message 31: by Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) (last edited Dec 06, 2011 11:22AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) Good Lord, I just found that part in the actual story. O__o
(view spoiler)


message 32: by Audrey (new) - added it

Audrey WHAT
THE
FUCK


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) As if the first person present tense wasn't bad enough....


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) OH GOD. I COULD HAVE GONE A THOUSAND LIFETIMES WITHOUT READING THAT AGAIN.

How anyone finds this terrible story sexy, I'll never understand.


message 35: by Audrey (new) - added it

Audrey I'm traumatized.

I'm sitting here, at work, and I'm traumatized.

Hold me.


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) Alicia wrote: "OH GOD. I COULD HAVE GONE A THOUSAND LIFETIMES WITHOUT READING THAT AGAIN."

Sorry! :P


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) *holds you* This has to be a valid use of sick leave.

Oh, and look the "publisher" never fixed the egregious abuse of ellipses. Nice.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Alicia wrote: "OH GOD. I COULD HAVE GONE A THOUSAND LIFETIMES WITHOUT READING THAT AGAIN."

Sorry! :P"


We're all survivors now.


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) And sorry for posting this sentence again, but the money quote also has a typo in it:

And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet.

And...a gently pulls? Whut?


message 40: by Audrey (new) - added it

Audrey Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "And sorry for posting this sentence again, but the money quote also has a typo in it:

And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet.

And...a gently pulls? Whut?"


YES.

O__o


message 41: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Alicia wrote: "*holds you* This has to be a valid use of sick leave.

Oh, and look the "publisher" never fixed the egregious abuse of ellipses. Nice."


You can't really blame them for that, can you? After all, Stephanie Meyer abused them first and as this is a fanfiction tribute to Twilight an original fiction it only follows what others have done before.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "And sorry for posting this sentence again, but the money quote also has a typo in it:

And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet.

And...a gently pulls? Whut?"


Hahahahaha, OMG. I skimmed it so I didn't see that.

Such amazing levels of fail. It's unfortunate these people don't have shame, they should feel it.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Alicia wrote: "*holds you* This has to be a valid use of sick leave.

Oh, and look the "publisher" never fixed the egregious abuse of ellipses. Nice."

You can't really blame them for that, can yo..."


Haaaaahaha, well, when you put it that way it's very true. So, uh, thanks Little Brown, for starting a ~trend.


message 44: by rameau (last edited Dec 06, 2011 11:20AM) (new) - added it

rameau Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Good Lord, I just found that part in the actual story. O__o"

Could you please edit your comment and add spoiler tags for the quote? I know you don't have to and that this is Alicia's review, but you are spoiling an important unique part this titillating story for the rest of world.

*reaches for the vomit bucket*

Sorry.


Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) rameau wrote: "Could you please edit your comment and add spoiler tags for the quote?"

Hah! Done.

Also, because I'm fucking bored at work fascinated by this piece of literary excellence, Microsoft Word tells me there are 80 mentions of "subconscious" and 58 mentions of "inner goddess."

In case you were all wondering.


message 46: by rameau (last edited Dec 06, 2011 11:29AM) (new) - added it

rameau Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "rameau wrote: "Could you please edit your comment and add spoiler tags for the quote?"

Hah! Done.

Also, because I'm fucking bored at work fascinated by this piece of literary excellence, Microsof..."


Of course I was. Thank you so much for those. And for the edit.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "rameau wrote: "Could you please edit your comment and add spoiler tags for the quote?"

Hah! Done.

Also, because I'm fucking bored at work fascinated by this piece of literary excellence, Microsof..."



Hahaha, I couldn't remember what the partner of her "inner goddess" was. Now that I do maybe I'll have them make an appearance in the summary. Also, I'm actually surprised that it was only 80 and 58 mentions. The seemed to pop up a lot.


message 48: by Audrey (new) - added it

Audrey So I take it you all are *ahem* thrilled that this book took home second place this year in the Goodreads Choice Awards for Best Romance? *wiggles eyebrows*


message 49: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Audrey wrote: "So I take it you all are *ahem* thrilled that this book took home second place this year in the Goodreads Choice Awards for Best Romance? *wiggles eyebrows*"

What I'm thrilled about is the comments on the Goodreads "announcing the winners" front page. I'm going to quote Seton's comment from there now.

Sarah wrote: "But seriously... Lover Unleashed?!?! That book was horrible! I can't understand that!
"


I can't stand that series but it's still miles better than the runner-up: 50 Shades of Grey. What I want to know is how the hell it can get 3800 votes when ONLY 2200 rated it in the first place and I know not every 2200 voted for it since I was one of them. Can we say ballot stuffing?

Pee-thetic.



Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Audrey wrote: "So I take it you all are *ahem* thrilled that this book took home second place this year in the Goodreads Choice Awards for Best Romance? *wiggles eyebrows*"

What I'm thrilled about..."


Haha! I couldn't help it, I responded.


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