Nenia Campbell's Reviews > Nightlight: A Parody

Nightlight by The Harvard Lampoon
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Mar 06, 14

bookshelves: everyone-hates-it-but-nenia, ya-baby-ya, uf-pnr, publisher-vintage, lulz
Read on July 11, 2011

Belle Goose is a vain, delusional, psychotic, idiotic, socially retarded girl who has come to Switchblade, Oregon on a mission: that mission is to find a vampire boyfriend and get him to bite her. You will fall in love with her (deliberate?) misinterpretations of people's shocked and sometimes horrified responses to her inappropriate behavior. You will laugh when she falls over escalators, prams, computer cords, other students, and her own left feet. You will cringe at the inane statements she makes that are supposed to be romantic, like "his voice jangled like a thousand male sirens."

And just who, exactly, is the lucky object of her misplaced affections? Edwart Mullen is a socially awkward, braces-wearing, video-game-playing computer geek with an obvious hang-up about girls. The other students seem to regard him warily, and fearfully: the obvious conclusion--he's a vampire!

Hilarious hijinks ensue as Belle stalks her way into Edwart Mullen's affections. Harvard Lampoon takes shots not just at the plot of Twilight, but also the values it advocates (bad ones), the one-dimensionality of the characters, cheap shots at the movie, works it has been accused of plagiarizing from (*cough* True Blood *cough*) and Stephenie Meyer's notoriously purple prose. However, even die-hard, twi-hard fans of Twilight will appreciate the over-the-top humor in this book. Especially when Belle's intense desire to meet a vampire lands her in a little more trouble than she bargained for...

Here are two of my favorite parts, which I thought were quite clever:

"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'What's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen--with nothing but the names of the month on them" (p.76).

Or this one:

Suddenly, I remembered Zeno's paradox. As long as Josh kept moving towards my throat in half integrals, he could never reach it.

However, he did not move towards me in half integrals--he moved towards me in a single lunge (p.114).

And get this--Belle drives a fricken U-HAUL to school!! How awesome is that?
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Nenia Campbell LOL. So true.

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