“I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“If you run from me, I will chase you, and I'll find you....”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“We're going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?- Timmie”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Do you think I’m pretty?” I heard myself ask.
Something I couldn’t name flashed across his face.
“No. I don’t think you’re pretty. I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“There is only one way to fight, and that's dirty. Clean gentlemanly fighting will get you nowhere but dead, and fast. Take every cheap shot, every low blow, absolutely kick people when they're down, and maybe you'll be the one who walks away." Bones to Cat”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“I am a nice young girl here to pick up your granddaughter for the weekend... We're going to a Bible retreat to scare the devil out of her. - Bones to Cat's grandparents”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“We're, ah, taking a break to evaluate things, and, um, reexamine our relationship, so I stuffed him in a closet!" I burst out in shame. Timmie's eyes goggled.
Is he still there?”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Right, then, mate, terribly sorry for my unspeakable rudeness, and I do beg your pardon. I can only say that it was caused by my natural affront to the notion of her as my sister. Since I'll be shagging her tonight, you can imagine how I'd be distressed at the thought of rogering my sibling"
"You shmuck! The only thing you'll be shagging tonight is yourself!"
"You wanted sincerity, well, luv, I was sincere.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“I was thrown into a state of sheer, mindless panic. “It’s my mother!” I whispered fiercely,
as if Bones hadn’t figured that out. “Holy shit, you have to hide!”
I literally shoved him toward the bedroom, yelling, “I—I’ll be right there, I’m not
dressed!”
He went, but with none of my hysteria. “Kitten, you still haven’t told her? Blimey, what
are you waiting for?”
The Second Coming of Christ!” I snapped. “And not a moment sooner! Here, in the
closet!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”

“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“One corpse, extra crispy! Do I hear a thousand dollars? ”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“I thawt I thaw a putty tat.” “I did, I did thee a putty tat" Finished with his Tweety Bird imitation, he grinned unpleasantly at me. “Now, then, luv, let’s get down to business”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!”

I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet.

He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!”

“Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”

“Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup.

“Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace" as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil" or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Charles,” Bones said distinctly. “You’d better have a splendid explanation for her being on top of you.”
The black-haired vampire rose to his feet as soon as I jumped off, brushing the dirt off his clothes.
“Believe me, mate, I’ve never enjoyed a woman astride me less. I came out to say hello, and this she-devil blinded me by flinging rocks in my eyes. Then she vigorously attempted to split my skull before threatening to impale me with silver if I so much as even
twitched! It’s been a few years since I’ve been to America, but I daresay the method of greeting a person has changed
dramatically!”
Bones rolled his eyes and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re still upright, Charles, and the only reason you are is because she didn’t have any silver. She’d have staked you right and proper otherwise. She has a tendency to shrivel someone first
and then introduce herself afterwards.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“My father was English. He date-raped my mother so she's hated English men ever since. You know my boyfriend's English, and I'm, uh, I'm half-English, which she's never been real happy about. If she finds out I'm dating someone English, she'll ah, think I' turning my back on her and becoming a foreigner.'
Cathy, that's the stupidest reason I've ever heard.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“I don't mind foreigners. God save the queen!" he squeaked and ran.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“...and remember, be
good only if being bad ain’t more fun!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“He picked the wrong profession. Should've stayed a prostitute. He'd have made millions. - Cat”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“That’s right, Justina!' he said more than
once. 'We’re going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave