Haleema 's Reviews > Marked

Marked by P.C. Cast
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
4336293
's review
Jul 01, 2011

did not like it
bookshelves: hate, bad-writing, not-again, predictable, half-wit-characters, stupid, just-begging-for-snark, shitfest
Recommended for: What is this? Recommend it to someone? NEVER!
Read in July, 2011

Beware of spoilers! (But then again, just don't read this book.)

Warning: This review is just me being very negative. In no way will this review sound intelligent and well written. Therefore, if you wish to continue, you may.

Anyway, I will start all the way from the beginning. There are so many things I'd like to point out.

I pick up the book. I see the cover. It's a picture of half a girl's face. I'm guessing that's Zoey. Whatever. I look at the back. There is a comment from Gena Showalter on the top that says:

"From the moment I stuck my face in this book it hooked me! Totally awesome new take on vampires! Marked is hot and dark and funny. It rocks!"

First of all, what kind of author talks like that? Or is she just as idiotic as the Casts? Or maybe she really did like it. Or maybe the Casts "made her write that." Dun dun dun. You'll see what I'm talking about shortly. There is also a dreadfully long summary of the whole damn book on the back. Way to give away almost everything.

description

The Characters:
Let's start with the protagonist herself, Zoey Redbird.

I found someone whinier than Bella Swan. Someone more stupid than Bella Swan. Someone more clumsy than Bella Swan. Yes, that's possible. I'm not even joking, everyone.

Specific evidence of Zoey's stupidity:

- Page 1: "If I died, would it get me out of my geometry test tomorrow? One could only hope."

Oh, that's completely understandable. I mean, I feel dumb for thinking about whether I left a lasting legacy. I should be thinking about miniscule matters such as school tests. Silly me.

- Page 46: "She wasn't thin like the freak girls who puked and starved themselves into what they thought was Paris Hilton chic. ("That's hott." Yeah, okay, whatever, Paris.")

Freak girls? This is a serious matter, you fucking dumbass. Skinny shaming. I wanted to shoot myself with the stupid parenthetical overkill they put throughout the whole damn book as well.

Page 100: "Cereal?" I suddenly perked up. I seriously adore cereal, and have an I heart Cereal shirt somewhere to prove it."

Do I need to even explain what's wrong with that sentence?

Page 188: "Can I ask you something? It's kinda personal," Erik said. "Hey you've seen me drink blood from a cup and like it, puke, kiss a guy, lick his blood like I'm a puppy, and then bawl my eyes out. And I've seen you turn down a blow job. I think I can manage to answer a kinda personal question."

What the fuck?

Page 277: "Aphrodite laughed a throaty, I'm-so-grown-up-and-you're-just-a-kid laugh. I really hate it when girls do that. I mean, yes, she's older, but I have boobs, too."

Yes, because only breasts signify that a girl is grown up. Great message, Casts.

description

I'm not sure if they deliberately created Zoey for the sole reason that we should all hate her. They have no idea how teenagers act and talk. Apparently all teenagers talk like rotten teenagers LIKE OMG! NO WAY! YEAH, WHATEVER! I HAVE BOOBS, TOO! ZOMG.

Zoey is the special, one-of-a-kind, "chosen one." Only she can rule the world, basically. Her mentor is the best. She has all the powers. She is the one and only. Cliche much? Very. I was just sad I was stuck inside her head for the entire book. I felt suffocated.

Zoey's friends are all pathetic excuses for friends. The "twins" are annoying little brats. Damon is just a moron. And oh yeah, the country girl. Stevie Rae is just fucking annoying.

Aphrodite and Erik. I couldn't stop laughing every time I read about them.

AND WHO THE HELL HAS ORAL SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCHOOL HALLWAY?! Or am I really that naive when it comes to horny high school children?

- Erik is the more stupid hotter version of Edward Cullen. He follows Zoey around. He asks her incredibly awkward/creepy questions. He's just very romantic, am I right.

Erik =

description
That's the ugliest thing I've seen in my entire life.

- Aphrodite is just a poor excuse for an antagonist. *Googles Aphrodite* Oh! The Greek goddess of love, beauty, and sexuality! Another character whose name defines her personality. *rolls eyes*

The writing:
I guess editing just lost its meaning in the midst of horrible books. Where is Editing?! Where are you, my love?!

I'm not even going to talk about the plot because there was no plot. I only read half the book (painfully), but I'm certain there was no plot for the parts I didn't read as well.

Overall, this is what I came to know:
1. I found a book worse than Twilight.
2. I found a protagonist worse than Bella Swan.
3. So far, this is the worst book I have ever read.

How in the world did this get published? I'm sure the publishers were drunk. They had to be. I'm ashamed to give this even one star. It's not worthy of anything! The Casts could kill the main character and it still would never amount to anything. What a shitfest.

I just want to say one last, important thing to the Casts:

description

Just in case I am called a rotten bitch for trash talking this book.
453 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Marked.
Sign In »

Reading Progress

07/08/2011 page 1
0.0% "*reads first page of "Oh-so-hated-upon-book." First sentence: Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse I saw the dead guy standing next to my locker. Uhh... I hate Zoey already."
07/08/2011 page 1
0.0% ""Sixteen." I'm crappy at math, but K's math impairment makes me look like a genius. What a friend you are, you female dog."
07/08/2011 page 4
1.0% ""Stop crying. You know I hate it when you cry!" HA! Like hell you do, Zoey. I hate you!"
07/08/2011 page 7
2.0% "Zoey is the female clone of Holden Caulfield."
07/09/2011 page 40
13.0% "Zoey is just... UGH! She's so dumb. A poor excuse for a teenage girl."
07/09/2011 page 44
14.0% "Oh God... Please... someone. Just... behead this Troll. Behead her! Shatter her. Morph her into green slime. Destroy her. She's a whiny little twit that needs to be annihilated because of her sheer uselessness."
07/11/2011 page 53
17.0% "What the hell is up with Zoey? Is she deliberately being stupid and annoying? Zoeybird? Really? *dies laughing*"
07/11/2011 page 57
19.0% "Zoey isn't just stupid. She's a special kind of stupid. A different, rare one. The obvious stupid kind. I can't even explain. What the hell is up with the random parenthesis'?"
07/11/2011 page 83
27.0% "Who in their right mind has oral sex in the middle of a school hallway?! That's just disgusting! What is up with these authors? *shudders* This book is ridiculous. And the scariest part is that I'm still reading it. Why?!" 5 comments
07/12/2011 page 100
33.0% "I'm done. I'm... forever scarred for life. I gave up. Finished." 3 comments

Comments (showing 1-50 of 108) (108 new)


Wendy Darling It doesn't get much better, Haleema...


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

What I have never understood about the Casts and this series, is how they admittedly set out to sound lmmature and childish in their writting. Everytime I hear that it just sounds very backwards


message 3: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert I think you hit the nail on the hammer with your review. I do hope you recover from that book coma, though :(


Haleema Kate: Wow. I'd rather not understand at the same time.
Severus: Thank you. *sniff, sniff* It hurts...
Palice: YES! Believe it or not. Those are real quotes. Sad, isn't it?


♔ Leah. This has to be one of the best reviews I have ever read on GR.

I hear the best medicine for your book coma is rest and a healthy and good YA book that restores your faith in literature.


Haleema Why, thank you, leah! I know. However, it's so hard to go back to my normal life now. I'm still traumatized... ;)


♔ Leah. You could always go after the author bitches with a chainsaw ;D it will make you feel better even though you will be on the run from the law.


Haleema Just a chainsaw?! Ha! A chainsaw, sword, axe, drill, shovel, pitchfork, everything. Every. Single. Thing. That. Can. Hurt. A. Human.

I sound insane, but blame the Casts.


message 9: by Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) (last edited Jul 15, 2011 08:54PM) (new)

Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) If it makes you feel better,
[spoiler alert]
in the later books neferet turns out to be a psycho bitch who wants to murder zoey ^_^.]


Haleema REALLY?! Oh, thank God. Thank God! *dies a happy person*


♔ Leah. I only suggested a chainsaw becuase those other weapons are too good to kill the Casts, in my opinion. ;)


Haleema True. The Casts aren't worthy to be finished by such wonderful weapons. They're too good.


♔ Leah. I say we should raise Voldemort from the dead and leave it up to him to torture their asses. MUAHAHAHA.


Haleema Absolutely! The Dark Lord knows best. He shall invade their dreams, give them pain, and send Nagini to consume their bodies. Excellent.


message 15: by Ammarah (new)

Ammarah LMAO!!! this review is extremely hilarious!! how long did it take you to write????


Haleema Thank you! Well, I took out specific examples from the book, looked for specific pictures, etc. So it most likely took me an hour and a half to write this.


message 17: by Arianna (new)

Arianna Harsh but to the point. Nicely put.


Haleema Thank you. I had to put it out harshly. This book does not deserve mercy.


Sabrina Oh my I'm dying you summed up pretty much how I felt this entire book.


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

Believe it or not, I've read a book that was worse. -.-


Haleema Worse than this crap?!

Is this a joke?


message 23: by [deleted user] (new)


Haleema Oh, God. *marks it as To Read so she can make fun of it later*


message 25: by [deleted user] (new)

Haleema, it's not even for the lulz. I wanted to jump out of the window while reading it.


message 26: by Ali (new)

Ali The writing in this thing is hurting me. I had been hearing about this book everywhere I went, and had absolutely no idea what it was about, just that the title sounded kind of okay (which is possibly one of the worst complements I can give), so looked up the first book on here, and yours was the first review I came across which provided excerpts of the book's prose. I am considering suing you because there is now a screwdriver embedded in my eye, and a head-shaped hole in the wall next to me, and the cat is avoiding me for some reason. Time to make a mental note to avoid these books.


Haleema Yeek, Ali!

The truth hurts! Hehehehehe.


message 28: by Angela (new)

Angela this review made me want to read this book just to laugh at it...


Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) *peeks in*
I've, um, uh, read uptil the seventh book. Or was it the eighth? I'm not sure. But yeah. I have a love-hate relationship with these series. I LOVE reading them, because they are so ridiculous, and it's fun to make fun of them later, but I HATE that books like these can get published, and other more worth-while books arent.
Iz you mad?
*raises arms to protect head from upcoming missiles*


message 30: by Anna (new) - rated it 1 star

Anna Please don't be freaked out but after reading your review... I think I love you.


Aly (Fantasy4eva) omg! this was freaking hilarious. sorry you had such a bad experience. just think of me. i read two more after this one. don't ask me why. urgh. they were even worse. THE SLANG. omg. THE SLANG and the words used in the book overall, is all i have to say. who the fuck say poopy anyway?


Brittanie This review is pure perfection. "Post Traumatic Just Read A Crappy Book Disorder" PERFECT! My head hurts so bad, I can't even look at my bookshelf. I'm going to sleep this one off.


Haleema Angela , I had to close the book, get up, step out of my house, and laugh my buttocks off. At the serious, suspenseful parts.

Mel, lol! The first book was enough for me!

Anna, this review was for you. Only you. <3

Aly, YES! And the parenthetical overkill! *dies*

Brittanie, thank you! You know the book is bad when you suffer from a disorder. =D

Shaylee, you make good choices, unlike me!


Kaylee wait... so you didn't finish it completely? I'm on page 55...and I'm feeling the same way you do... I'm not sure if I'm going to keep reading it..


Haleema Kaylee, I read majority of it. However, I just couldn't read every word of it.

Do what your heart tells you, Kaylee!


Kaylee Meh, we shall see how I feel in the mere futur if I continue reading... thank god I didn't but it though haha.


Haleema I wanted to finish it so I can get my revenge by writing this review! I put myself through crap so I know that in the end, it will be fine because of my review. Weird, but true.

=D


Eponine I know how you feel dear. I just finished this drek, and my IQ feels lower.


Haleema Dear, Eponine. I will pray for you.

(Your name is awesome, by the way.)


Eponine Haleema wrote: "Dear, Eponine. I will pray for you.

(Your name is awesome, by the way.)"


Thank you kitten.


message 41: by Isabelle (new)

Isabelle hahaha thank you Haleema for an excelent review!! I agree veryvery much on everything you wrote about this book! hahaha when I read this I couldn't stop laughing, I totally agree!!


Haleema Thank you, Isabelle! =D


Samantha Jewiss Want to know something sad? I carried on reading the series.....


Samantha Jewiss Oh and great review :D


message 45: by Theresa ♫ (new) - added it

Theresa ♫ (*Shrieeeks) I love your reviews, Halemma! :D


Haleema Thanks, everyone!


message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Rodent loafs . . . hehehe


Marisa To the words right out of my mouth! Gosh, I gave up already. I can't believe I made it all the way to Burned. I just gave up now.


message 49: by Val (last edited Jan 17, 2013 07:51AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Val i think you'll find it satisfying that Nyx comes down personally in book 10 and tells Zoey to stop whining.


Haleema Oh, wow. I finally have just a tad bit respect for one of the characters now.


« previous 1 3
back to top