I didn't think it was possible, but Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler managed to fuck up one of the best ideas of 2011.

It's 1996, and less than half of all American high school students have ever used the Internet.

Emma just got her first computer and an America Online CD-ROM.

Josh is her best friend. They power up and log on--and discover themselves on Facebook, fifteen years in the future.

Everybody wonders what their Destiny will be. Josh and Emma are about to find out.

How do you fuck up an epic idea like that? I'll tell you how -- you focus on two vapid teenagers and their relationship issues.

I loved Thirteen Reasons Why, despite the various issues I had with it. So you can imagine how much I was anticipating The Future of Us. I pre-ordered it, and I never pre-order books. Now it's sitting on my bookcase like an evil step child, laughing at me for my foolishness. I thought this collaboration would be brilliant. I'd never read My Butt, the Earth, and Other Round Things, but it was a Printz contender, which must have set it apart from vapid chick-lit like The Princess Diaries and All American Girl. So why does this read like a David Levithan/Rachel Cohn Collaboration?

ETA: I read My Butt, the Earth, and Other Round Things a few months ago. I didn't like it. In fact, it was rather vapid, in league with All American Girl or The Princess Diaries. Give me Ruby Oliver over whatshername any day. I don't know why the hell it was a Printz Contender.

It's quite possibly the most disappointing book I've ever read. Even more disappointing than Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. It takes an epic premise and fails on every mark. And then it doesn't even give us an ending. It trudges along, through the mud of false suspense, and dies before it even gets out of the sludge.

Now, before I continue this review, I should let you know that I am a teenager. I'm seventeen and I have friends who are just as, or even more, vapid than the teenagers in this novel. Problem is, I have no interest in reading about idiots, no matter how realistic they are. I want dynamic, well written characters, not whiny teenage girls who worry about old condoms their best friends keep in their wallets. Hell, that doesn't even bother me -- when it's done the right way. Sara Zarr does it well. Elizabeth Scott does it well. These authors, in this book, failed on every account.

As a contemporary novel, it fails.

As a science-fiction novel, it fails.

As a fantasy novel, it fails.

As a snap-shot of the 90's, it fails.

This reads like a bad PBS special, or that Groundhog Day rip-off Nickolodean ran after Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide ended. I'm calling Miranda Cosgrove and Nathan Kress to star in this because at least they'd make it interesting. And that's not saying much.

I'm not even a real 90's kid, and this reads like a fake rendition of what the 90's were.

I have so many issues with this novel, I have to make a list.

1. Emma

If you're suddenly given a portal into your future Facebook account, what do you do?

a) Look into the politics of the future.
b) See how you can make a quick buck off of future companies by investing in the stock market.
c) Find out who wins the future Superbowl/World Series/March Madness so you can win a bunch of money.
d) Worry about who your future husband is 24/7.

Once you've changed your future and you're happy with your husband, what do you do now?

a) Figure out possible career paths for yourself.
b) Check up on your family.
c) Use knowledge of the future to your benefit, while avoiding the butterfly effect.
d) Whine because you want a hotter guy.

After you've generally screwed everything up to the point where you're depressed and living in an unhappy marriage, what do you do now?

a) Leave the future alone because, you, idiot that you are, can change it simply by not marrying who your Facebook page says you will.
b) Realize that the future is constantly changing and that there are millions of outcomes that become void once you're aware of them.
c) Realize that because you've seen this outcome, that means your future self wants it.
d) Whine about how unfair everything is.

Now that you've really fucked up your future, you decide to kiss your best friend, who absolutely adores you, in the hopes of having a drastic change in your future. What do you do when he calls you out on your bullshit?

a) Apologize
b) Ask him out.
c) Feign confusion.
d) Blame him and make him apologize to you.

If you answered d) to any of the above, please defriend me and stop reading this review. I have no patience for you in my social sphere.

Emma is quite honestly one of the most shallow characters I've ever had the displeasure to read about. Her thoughts revolve around guys, 24/7. Which guy is hot, which guy isn't, and who she's going to marry. Seriously, her big (one chapter) resolution was about how she never gave herself to her boyfriend completely and she resolved to be more committed. Eh, no. Her real problem is that she was a shallow bitch who didn't really care who she used to get what she wanted. And she didn't really have goals outside of getting a hot husband, unless you count her fleeting commitment to getting into a decent college, which is dropped halfway through the novel to focus on her relationships.

There's nothing wrong with a novel that focuses on relationships -- when those relationships are interesting. The character development here is barebones at best.

2. Kellan

The award for biggest hypocritical misandrist goes to Kellan, Emma's best friend. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less about her plot line. And, strange enough, it's never resolved.

Just remember this bit of wisdom -- if a girl is leading you on and jerking your chain left and right, don't ever think about moving on because she might want you back. And if you go on a date, she has the right to be pissy, especially when she decided, that very week, to break up with her boyfriend and go on a date with another guy she talks about constantly. Because you're her back up plan. Don't ever forget that. It's not manipulation. It's love, girls and boys.

3. Sydney

I liked Syd. Unfortunately, she's the placeholder girlfriend. Why Josh likes Emma over her, I have no fucking idea. Sydney is hot. Sydney is nice. Sydney is rich. And Sydney is way more interesting than Emma. In fact, I wanted to know the details of her relationship with Rick and what might have lead to her being the only girl in their class to stand up for No means No and Yes means Yes.

4. The Plot

Plot lines are mentioned and dropped like 2012 republican candidates. It's ridiculous. One moment, Josh is worried that his brother might be gay. The next? Nothing. One moment Emma think Kellan is pregnant. The next? Nothing. As for the main plot line? The only reason I finished this book was because I wanted to know if Emma would be unhappy in her future, and if Josh would move on. That's a piss poor way to keep the story moving.

5. The End

There was no end. It's like someone left out the third act because they were too lazy to finish writing the book. And I'm guilty of that. But I expect more from Printz honor authors and NYT Bestselling authors.

6. The Science, or Lack of

If you're reading this because you want a decent spec fic read, don't bother. This is a Degrassi special that desperately wants to fit in with the Animorphs.


This is why people don't like YA. Along with Across the Universe, this novel is everything that's wrong with the genre. Instead of focusing on, I dunno, the story, the characters, or, hell, an interesting romance, we're once again given a boring tale of Mr. And Mrs. White Teenager and their Oh So Dull First World Problems. Save yourself the effort. Just go watch The N.