Books Ring Mah Bell's Reviews > Nauti Nights

Nauti Nights by Lora Leigh
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Feb 27, 08

bookshelves: would-rather-eat-my-own-poop-than-r

i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say there's some "nauti" penetrations and stuff.
Not sure how the motorcycle fits in with the "Nauti" theme.
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Comments (showing 1-36 of 36) (36 new)

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message 1: by W.B. (new)

W.B. OMG...you revived this nightmare, didn't you...didn't you???

I can't believe she did a (gag!...and i'm sure that sound is made often in these books) sequel...


message 2: by Books Ring Mah Bell (last edited Feb 27, 2008 05:57PM) (new) - added it

Books Ring Mah Bell I HAD to do it, Bill. HAD to. This is a TRILOGY, and I will not rest until we have shredded all 3 NAUTI books!

(oh, i think there's some gargling too, to go along with the gagging.)
was that out of line?

oh well.



message 3: by David (new)

David I think you are performing a valuable service for the entire goodreads community. Looking forward to your further dispatches from the bleeding edge of nauti romance.


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

BRMB, why oh why do you keep drawing me into your nauti world of headless torsos and oily pectorals? Personally, I'm waiting for the future titles in this series: Nauti Brunch, Nauti Prostate Exam, Nauti Ontology, and Nauti Newt, which I heartell will feature a suitably oiled and mammarian Newt Gingrich on the cover. Wooohooo!

P.S. I read in the paper there was an office building explosion or something in GR. (Grand Rapids, I mean, not Goodreads.)


message 5: by Books Ring Mah Bell (last edited Mar 15, 2008 06:33PM) (new) - added it

Books Ring Mah Bell David G. - Right on! this is public service here! Friends don't let friends read the Nauti Trilogy!
David the Pole - thanks for the visual of an oiled up "nauti newt". that's so sexy...
I like the other titles... may I also suggest "Nauti ophthalmologist - visions of a brown eye".
way to be current on the Grand Rapids scene! A building blew up in Eastown (one of my favorite parts of GR.) Gas leak, they believe. My favorite used book stores, blues bar, and hot dog place survived. Very exciting times here in the rapids. (oh, and we are under ANOTHER winter weather warning).
sigh.


message 6: by W.B. (last edited Feb 28, 2008 08:17AM) (new)

W.B. Oh, I suppose there will have to be some Nauti-Nurses...male nurses on Alaskan trawlers who have to administer lifesaving warmth to seagoing hets who fell overboard...

I hear one of the favorite pasttimes of the Nauti cover models is lying on their backs, putting a marble in their ab lines, and trying to make it roll from start to finish without dropping out...sort of like that Infiniti commercial only much much gayer...




message 7: by [deleted user] (last edited Feb 28, 2008 08:44AM) (new)

Bill, I have really great abs. By abs, of course, I mean "antilock braking system." It gets all the fly honeys stoppin' and starin' when it starts grinding on all that mad ice.

(In the interest of disclosure: What they don't tell you is that from the chin up, this model is the spitting image of Ernest Borgnine. Scary but true.)


message 8: by Books Ring Mah Bell (last edited Feb 28, 2008 08:58AM) (new) - added it

Books Ring Mah Bell ooooh, antilock braking system!! tell me more, honey!

bill, see if you can summon a nauti nurse for me. I feel faint with David bragging about his abs!


message 9: by W.B. (new)

W.B. Ernest Borgnine was hot. Well he was in the Poseidon Adventure, because those boiler rooms were really frying the actors.

Boy, when MARTY came along, can you imagine his joy? Can you imagine how the agents were in heaven...I imagine them saying something like...

"I got this guy, Oinie...face like a pig's ass...he's POIFECT for this role, POIFECT I tell you...and he can ACT...he'll will break your heart, if your stomach doesn't turn foist..."

And they wuz right!




message 10: by W.B. (new)

W.B. ABS is okay....but there are surely hotter forms of traction....traction is actually a word underutilized...i think it has good "p.p."...pornographic potential...it's a guy word, of course...


Books Ring Mah Bell as in "she put me in traction?"

hmmm.


message 12: by W.B. (new)

W.B. lol...wasn't thinking of that...but that could be a result of very intense passion...

no i was thinking about how much guys like getting traction...and there is a pun of course...i'm sure this pun is in nauti-nurses...
i'm talking "asstraction"....of course...

someone should do a book of all horrid accidents or mishaps that happened during real sexual encounters...nothing fatal but you know...the old heart attack with a hooker on your johnson motel thing...

how DOES the preacher clean that up for the eulogy anyway?

i'm sure there's a biblical verse that can be made to fit....


Books Ring Mah Bell bill, you sound like just the guy for the job. (composing the book of sexual encounters gone wrong, not the sermon thing... although I am sure you'd do that well, too!)

i'm staying away from giving a bible verse that could be used for 2 reasons.
1) my knowledge of such verses is limited
2)i've already met my sacreligious quota for the day.


message 14: by W.B. (new)

W.B. how about "Blessed are the sleaze-makers?"


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

Maybe I should've been more explicit. The Nauti model looks look the current version of Mr. Borgnine, at age eighty or whatever. You know, version 3.2 with the runaway eyebrows.

As for the compendium of sex gone amok, I remember that one time I got my Toro snow blower stuck in Tipper Gore's uterus. Boy, did we have some 'splaining to do at the ER. Oh, but how we laughed until we cried...!

BRMB, I fear that your incendiary libido might be setting off explosions throughout the greater Grand Rapids metropolitan area because of all these decapitated Nauti models. Just try to remember that they probably smell like formaldehyde and Eternity for Men. That oughtta cool you down.





message 16: by Jessica (new)

Jessica BRMB, aka the book whore, would you be so kind as to post one or two of these naughty bits? I would get so much pleasure out of reading a well-chosen naughty passage...as might others, me thinks...


message 17: by W.B. (new)

W.B. Jeffrey Dahmer might enjoy the headless gay man aspect...although I think the idea is you can imagine whatever your idea of "hot" is...like I personally am seeing Don Knotts on top of that buff bod...God was so unfair to that angel when he doled out a body...


message 18: by W.B. (new)

W.B. LOL re the Toro snow-blower and Tipper....I knew Frank Zappa was right and she was wrong...she's sort of hot...like the faffiest stripper in the club...the ones the other strippers have to cheer up all the time about her watermelon stretch marks...the one rubbing Udder Cream in all the time...


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

That's fine... leaving the Nauti model's head as a variable and all, but what if I'm into someone with Larry King's torso? Where does that leave me?? Neglected as a demographic, as usual.


message 20: by W.B. (new)

W.B. Larry King also knows the wonders of Udder Cream...


Books Ring Mah Bell not much of a market for "larry kings midsection" sorry, David. although it could be hot, wearing nothing but the suspenders! WOW!
(oh, another explosion here in grand rapids!!)

bill, udder cream and don Knotts!?!!?
holy shit. that's it.
I am going to take my nap now. I really can't keep up with you guys today.

jessica... I will be back with a "nauti" passage for you. since I don't have the book, this may require some creative writing on my part.


message 22: by Jessica (new)

Jessica oh i love the iddea of a naughti creative writing project! perfect!


Books Ring Mah Bell ok! your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a scene from this fine book, simply from looking at the cover. grab your pens (or keyboard) and get to it.


Books Ring Mah Bell **disclaimer. I am not, I repeat NOT a writer. I am currently under the influence of prescription painkillers. This is not directly from the book. Just my little interpretation of the foolishness behind the cover of the Nauti book.***

"Put these on, you will need them for the ride", Nauti boy said.
She put on the leather assless chaps and wished for boots with spurs. As she tried to glimpse her backside in the mirror, Nauti peeked in.
"Oh, baby, you look so damn good!", said Nauti.
She thanked her lucky stars for all the hours she put into those "Buns of Steel" videos.
Following him out to the motorcycle, she licked her lips as he disrobed. How she longed to run her hands and lips over those pectoral implants! Nauti swung his leg over the bike. he placed his member, already dewy and huge with excitement, on display, on the seat.
"My god! It's huge!" she exclaimed breathlessly.
"It's all me" Nauti said with great pride.
"oh, that's hot too, but I meant the motorcycle. Is that the Revolution® engine? 1130cc's?"
"Um, no, it's 1250cc's. Wanna ride?"
As she straddled the hog she quivered with anticipation. Nauti fired up the bike, the power rumbled deliciously beneath her. She leaned forward and Nauti slid his mansword into her already damp sheath.
"wait! Nauti! Shouldn't we use protection?"
"oh, but of course, my love!" Nauti says, as he hands her a helmet.
"thanks, but where's yours?" she looks back and notices for the first time Nauti has no head.

...to be continued.


message 25: by Jessica (new)

Jessica What a cliffhanger you gave us! No head--indeed! Excellent work so far. Can't wait for the rest! A+ so far for your superior efforts.
--your Creative Writing Instructor (panting heavily).


Books Ring Mah Bell I forgot to work in the udder cream for Bill!
blast.


message 27: by W.B. (last edited Feb 29, 2008 07:34AM) (new)

W.B. I think it's awesome...you have a real gift for this sort of parody...I would actually read a book which parodied romances of this sort this hilariously! I think you could actually make some mazumah off it...

My favorite part is this deflation of Nauti's (ego) tumescence...

My god! It's huge!" she exclaimed breathlessly.
"It's all me" Nauti said with great pride.
"oh, that's hot too, but I meant the motorcycle. Is that the Revolution® engine? 1130cc's?"

No, I recant...the best part is the last line lolol.




message 28: by Jessica (last edited Feb 29, 2008 07:45AM) (new)

Jessica I agree... you have a real gift for this sort of thing. And this reader (ahem, your Creative Writing instructor) is eagerly awaiting Part 2 of your efforts. More please!
:)
J.


Books Ring Mah Bell there is no way i could try to write any sort of erotica/romance seriously. i think there's a rule that the the words "member, moist and heaving" have to appear so many times. and I'm not sure if i could work that in. so to speak.


message 30: by Jessica (new)

Jessica Yes, but parody as W.B. suggests, could be so much fun! You've got at least 2 eager readers here, probably many more as well I'm sure...


message 31: by W.B. (new)

W.B. Yes, the parody is the creative thing here...all the harlequin-type romances are pretty interchangeable...but i don't think anyone's ever done a successful parody...it's ripe for the plucking...


message 32: by Jessica (new)

Jessica I've heard some by poets, as in a poetry reading...but that's about it I think. Go for it BRMB!


message 33: by [deleted user] (new)

Sorry, folks, I'm late returning to the party! BRMB, great, um, job on the parody. I love the last line... so wonderfully deadpan. But why am I not surprised that you have a knack for writing smut lit? You're a nauti natural.


Books Ring Mah Bell there's my favorite David! Good day!

Moi? smut lit?

I do agree that parody erotica romantica is a market untapped (ahem). Guess I should try to be creative. what will I do when the pills run out?!?!?
:)


message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

The pills never run out, my dear, if you know the right doctor.


Books Ring Mah Bell hmmm. there's a story in that. "oh, doctor. I NEED those pills! I'll do... anything!"

thanks for the idea.
:)

Happy weekend, everyone!


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