Stephanie's Reviews > The Sun Also Rises

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
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Jul 08, 14

bookshelves: 2013, classics, lots-of-drinking, yawn
Read from February 06 to 07, 2013

I was sitting on the patio of a bar in Key West Florida. It was August, it was hot. The bar was on the beach where there was lots of sand and water. In the water I saw dolphins and waves. The dolphins jumped and the waves waved.

My glass was empty. The waiter walked up to my table. “More absinthe miss?” He asked. “No, I better not. *burp*” I put my hand over my glass “I read somewhere that it can cause hallucinations and nightmares. Just some ice water please.” I said. He put and empty glass in front of me, tipped his picture of water over my glass until it was full, at that time he stopped pouring.

A man I did not know walked up to my table and said to the waiter “No one in Key West is to stop drinking alcohol while they are conscious, you know the rules Manuel! Don’t make me repeat myself; did you hear me? Don’t make me repeat myself, it’s annoying.” Manuel rolled his eyes.

“I’ll drink to that”. I said and held up my glass of ice water to the stranger, then put it to my lips and drank. It was cold. I set it back down on the table. “I just finished a book where everyone repeated themselves……drove me to drink!”

“Sorry Mr. Hemingway” said Manuel “she said she wanted ice water, so that’s what I gave her”. A cat ran by, it was fast. “Meow” it said. It was orange. “But you know the rules Manuel, you know the rules.” Repeated Mr. Hemingway “I know the rules Mr. Hemingway, how could I not? You tend to repeat yourself constantly, it must be all the absinthe…..” muttered Manuel.

“What did you say Manuel?” Asked Mr. Hemingway “Nothing” said Manuel. “Bring the lady some Champagne right away!” said Mr. Hemingway. Manuel walked away towards the kitchen.

“Who are you?” I asked the man I did not know. “Hemingway, you wouldn't happen to be related to the writer would you? His book The Sun Also Rises was the book I was just referring to; I don’t remember ever being quite so bored. On the bright side, I think it did wonders for my blood pressure.” I said.

Dressed in worn khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt with one too many colors, he stood there at my table and squinted at me, sweat rolling down the sides of his face and into his gray beard. It was hot. He set his drink down on the table, hard, and pulled out a chair and sat down. “May I sit?” he asked as he put his dirty bare feet up on the table and tipped the chair back. “Sure, you’re already in the chair. Besides I don’t think it will be long before you fall on your ass.” I said, I drank some water, it was cold. “Language! I’m Ernest Hemingway the guy who wrote that boring book” he put his feet on the ground and the chair dropped down with a bang. He put his right hand out to shake mine. I stared at it for a while then took it.

“Stephanie. Hey, I don’t want to come across as insensitive but aren't you dead?” I asked “Really? I don’t feel dead….at least I don’t think I am.” Said not dead Ernest “Damn! Absinthe lives up to it's reputation." I said and smacked the left side of my head with my left hand. My head was hard.

“Manuel!! Where’s that champagne?" I shouted in panic. “So” Ernest picked up his drink and drank the whole thing in one gulp. “I am one the greatest American writers, if not the greatest, everybody says so. And you…..” he paused and pointed his finger at me using the same hand that still held the glass, the melting ice clinked “you didn't like the Sun Also Rises?” he asked and set his glass down.

“I know, I heard the same thing, that you were one of the greatest American writers, so imagine my surprise when I didn't love it like the rest of the human race. In fact, I really didn't like it AT ALL! Please don’t hurt me.”

Manuel walked back to the table caring the bottle of Champagne and two glasses. He sat the glasses in front of us and went about the task of opening the bottle. “Thank god your back Manuel, I think I’m hallucinating. I hope champagne helps things normalize.” I said, the bottle said “pop”. “It won’t help because you are not hallucinating.” He said and poured the Champagne, he turned and walked off. I picked up the glass and drank. It was bubbly and cold.

“What else didn't you like about my book?” Asked Ernest “I’m really not comfortable telling you to your face, but, alright” I said “I found all the characters to be aimless, unlikable, drunkards that didn't have any idea what to with their lives but travel about the world constantly drunk….which doesn't sound all that bad on the surface, but it was so not interesting.” I said “They were so excruciatingly boring that I couldn't even care enough about them to remember who was who.” I said “It felt like it would never end, but when it did end the only thing that I liked about it was the fact that it was finally over. No big payoff to make the boring book worth my time.” I sighed and finished off my Champagne, I poured myself and Ernest another glass.

“Wow. Sorry you hated it. I suppose you can’t please everyone.” He said. “I’ll buy you dinner to repay you for putting you through that”.

“That’s not necessary, but I could eat. I must bathe first.” I said. “Well sure, it is hot after all.” He said “Yes, I must bathe you understand? One cannot dine without bathing first, so you will have to wait until I bathe.”

“I must bathe. I must bathe. I. must. Bathe.” I said.

“Now you’re just making fun of me.” he said.

“Yup……I will make you suffer the way you made me suffer.” I smiled.

“Great. I look forward to it.” Said not dead Ernest. We rose to our feet, Ernest took my arm, we steadied ourselves and stumbled off into the sunset.

Also reviewed on shelfinflicted
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 142) (142 new)


message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Uh oh. I feel an all caps tantrum in the near future.


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

or I might just cry. Has begging and pleading been used on this site as a way to combat reviews you don't agree with?


Stephanie Haha! I will try to make the review entertaining so as not to upset all you 4 and 5 star people. Obviously there is something wrong with me because everyone LOVES this book and I can't for the life of understand why. It's like I'm in an alternate literary universe.


message 4: by Trudi (new)

Trudi Uh-oh, biblio-cooties!

Wait til Amanda sees this!


message 5: by Trudi (new)

Trudi I love that this compelled you to create a lots of drinking shelf. Is that for the book's contents, or what it drove you to do?


Stephanie Trudi wrote: "Uh-oh, biblio-cooties!

Wait til Amanda sees this!"


Yeah....I know. I'm doomed. Maybe she can explain to me why I should like it and what is actually wrong with me.


Stephanie Trudi wrote: "I love that this compelled you to create a lots of drinking shelf. Is that for the book's contents, or what it drove you to do?"

A combination I think. I kept hoping it would get interesting, or that the end would have a big pay off......but no......no no no!


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

Stephanie wrote: "A combination I think. I kept hoping it would get in..."

Well, clearly you just didn't get it, duh. Keep you're distance from Kemper, there must be some kind of bug going around.


Stephanie Anthony wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "A combination I think. I kept hoping it would get in..."

Well, clearly you just didn't get it, duh. Keep you're distance from Kemper, there must be some kind of bug going around."


There is 600+ miles between us, plenty big enough of a buffer zone. If I can pull off the review the way I want it to come out, it'll be worth the agony of reading the book. Hopefully people will still talk to me :)


Kemper I'm the least of your problems. It's Amanda that you should be worried about. Very worried.


Stephanie Kemper wrote: "I'm the least of your problems. It's Amanda that you should be worried about. Very worried."

I know........she lives even farther away though.


Amanda Stephanie wrote: "I know........she lives even farther away though."

Amanda's got a full tank of gas, a GPS, 54 sick days, a bottle of absinthe, night vision goggles, and nothing to lose. Road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs . . . and 1 star The Sun Also Rises reviews. Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Kemper Here comes the pain...


Stephanie Amanda wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "I know........she lives even farther away though."

Amanda's got a full tank of gas, a GPS, 54 sick days, a bottle of absinthe, night vision goggles, and nothing to lose. Road to..."


Haha! Are you also wearing astronaut diapers?

Kemper, I do not scare easily.....as you well know.


Kemper You really shouldn't be cracking jokes when Amanda is north bound and down. It'd probably be wiser for you to be trying to acquire some false ID and getting out of town. It's your only chance.


Amanda Stephanie wrote: "Haha! Are you also wearing astronaut diapers?"

I always wear astronaut diapers, because you never know when the opportunity for madcap cross country mayhem will present itself. Such is the life I lead.


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Amanda wrote: "Amanda's got a full tank of gas, a GPS, 54 sick days, a bottle of absinthe, night vision goggles, and nothing to lose."

This sounds like a book I would pay top dollar to read.


message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

Stephanie wrote: "I do not scare easily.....as you well know"

Isn't it pretty to think so...


Stephanie Amanda wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Haha! Are you also wearing astronaut diapers?"

I always wear astronaut diapers, because you never know when the opportunity for madcap cross country mayhem will present itself. ..."


That's an exciting life, one I can only dream of leading. But doesn't the diaper rash get annoying after a while?


Stephanie Kemper wrote: "You really shouldn't be cracking jokes when Amanda is north bound and down. It'd probably be wiser for you to be trying to acquire some false ID and getting out of town. It's your only chance."

That's silly, I will use my proper ID to get really drunk with Amanda once she get's here! To bad it's not summer or I'd take her to the Islands.


message 21: by Trudi (new)

Trudi Stephanie wrote: "But doesn't the diaper rash get annoying after a while? ..."

Switch to Depends Amanda. No diaper rash!


Stephanie Anthony wrote: "Amanda wrote: "Amanda's got a full tank of gas, a GPS, 54 sick days, a bottle of absinthe, night vision goggles, and nothing to lose."

This sounds like a book I would pay top dollar to read."


So would I. That book does NOT sound boring at all......unlike some other books I know.......


message 23: by [deleted user] (new)

Stephanie wrote: "Anthony wrote: "Amanda wrote: "Amanda's got a full tank of gas, a GPS, 54 sick days, a bottle of absinthe, night vision goggles, and nothing to lose."

This sounds like a book I would pay top dolla..."


Ouch.


message 24: by Trudi (new)

Trudi Stephanie wrote: "That's silly, I will use my proper ID to get really drunk with Amanda once she get's here!..."

Me too! Me too! Let me know when she gets there, and I'll jump on a plane!


message 25: by Trudi (new)

Trudi Stephanie wrote: " That book does NOT sound boring at all......unlike some other books I know....... ..."

Ha! Hemingway burn!


Stephanie Anthony wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "I do not scare easily.....as you well know"

Isn't it pretty to think so..."


Yes it is :) you forget I've spent my life as a carny making fun of people's faces......big scary peoples faces....drunk peoples faces. I have had my sketch torn to pieces in front of me then have it balled up and thrown at me.

I Laugh and laugh!


Amanda Stephanie wrote: "That's an exciting life, one I can only dream of leading. But doesn't the diaper rash get annoying after a while?"

Diaper rash is a small price to pay if it will right a literary wrong.


Amanda Stephanie wrote: "That's silly, I will use my proper ID to get really drunk with Amanda once she get's here! To bad it's not summer or I'd take her to the Islands."

Oh, wait. You're offering booze? You have now been absolved of all literary sins and may proceed to viciously review this book without fear of retribution--only a substantial bar tab.


Amanda Trudi wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "That's silly, I will use my proper ID to get really drunk with Amanda once she get's here!..."

Me too! Me too! Let me know when she gets there, and I'll jump on a plane!"


Something tells me Hemingway would approve of this plan!


message 30: by [deleted user] (new)

Amanda wrote: "Oh, wait. You're offering booz..."

So wait, one moment it's all cross-country absinthe-and-violence fueled vigilante justice (with night vision goggles), and the next it is let bygones be bygones and let's have a drink? ..you're kind of turning into my hero right now.


Amanda What can I say? I was always a cheap date.


Stephanie How about everyone come to Ohio and get drunk with me!! Yay!!

Seriously, the review will be more entertaining than vicious...when people stop making me draw them and throwing $$$ at me, then I'll have time to do a proper job! Sheesh!


Brian The Sun Also Rises is a four star book. This thread, however, is five stars. All the way.

Where can I buy some astronaut diapers? Are they only rated for distances equal to or less than travel from Houston to Orlando? Are they Nowak endorsed?


Amanda Brian wrote: "Where can I buy some astronaut diapers? Are they only rated for distances equal to or less than travel fro..."

Astronaut diapers: because revenge can't wait for a pee-break.


Stephanie Brian wrote: "The Sun Also Rises is a four star book. This thread, however, is five stars. All the way.

Where can I buy some astronaut diapers? Are they only rated for distances equal to or less than travel fro..."


From what I understand from the story about the crazy astronaut lady who drove across country to kill her rival (the wife of the man she loved). She wore them the whole trip.....but, I wouldn't reccomend it.

I know....according to those I respect this book is a 4 or 5 star book. Clearly, I'm missing something. But I couldn't wait for it to end.


Brian No worries at all. You have great taste and I totally understand when friends of mine don't like Hemingway. And if you had liked it we wouldn't have had this hilarious thread. :)


message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

Stephanie wrote: "I know....according to those I respect this book is a 4 or 5 star book. Clearly, I'm missing something. But I couldn't wait for it to end. "

You didn't like the book, you didn't like the book. I made a girl cry once because I told her I didn't think the Harry Potter books were really that good.


Stephanie Anthony wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "I know....according to those I respect this book is a 4 or 5 star book. Clearly, I'm missing something. But I couldn't wait for it to end. "

You didn't like the book, you didn't ..."


You didn't? Now I'm going to cry!


Stephanie Brian wrote: "No worries at all. You have great taste and I totally understand when friends of mine don't like Hemingway. And if you had liked it we wouldn't have had this hilarious thread. :)"

That is true :)


message 40: by [deleted user] (last edited Feb 10, 2013 01:22PM) (new)

Stephanie wrote: "Anthony wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "I know....according to those I respect this book is a 4 or 5 star book. Clearly, I'm missing something. But I couldn't wait for it to end. "

You didn't like the b..."


My talent, apparently: making women cry with my taste in books.


Richard Reviles Censorship Always in All Ways You think this was bad? It's a riveting slice of deathless compared to the horrible horrible torture that is For Who the Hell Cares...I mean, oops, For Whom the Bell Tolls.

I felt my brain shutting down and my breathing slowing to dangerous slowness and my blood oxygenation dropping below 80% the longer the torture went on.


message 42: by [deleted user] (new)

Richard wrote: "You think this was bad? It's a riveting slice of deathless compared to the horrible horrible torture that is For Who the Hell Cares...I mean, oops, For Whom the Bell Tolls.

I felt my brain shuttin..."


And, inversely, For Whom the Bell Tolls is my favorite novel of all time. One of the few books I've read more than once. More than twice.


Richard Reviles Censorship Always in All Ways That's why there are so many books called classics, there can't be only one way to love stories and the telling is the best way to sort it out.

Plus this allows us to change over time. I used to be anti-Austen, and then came at Pride and Prejudice at the proper time to appreciate it. Likewise Mrs. Dalloway, which I used to dislike; read it again many years after the first read and became a Woolfian.


message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

I love Miss Woolf, but I can't get into Austen at all. It all seems so inane to me when I try and read her books. I remember I hated Their Eyes Were Watching God the first time I read it in high school, but I had to read it again a few years ago in college and the book damn near broke my heart.


Stephanie I have The old Man Of The Sea, I thought I'd give him a second chance on that one.......in the distant future!


Richard Reviles Censorship Always in All Ways Anthony, I'd just say try again after you're 40.

Stephanie...ummmm...The Old Fart in High C is, at least, short. But good...? No.


Stephanie Richard wrote: "Anthony, I'd just say try again after you're 40.

Stephanie...ummmm...The Old Fart in High C is, at least, short. But good...? No."


Ah.....oh well.


message 48: by [deleted user] (new)

Hey...wait a second! I read your review and I survived it! You have an entirely different viewpoint than me, because, you know, I love this book and you hated it. So it would only make sense that a differing viewpoint would ruin the book for me and in turn my very life. But it didn't! And I actually respected your opinion and really enjoyed and liked your review! And my own opinion still exists and somehow the world is not exploding as a result of the two inhabiting the same existence. What the heck is going on here!


Kemper You missed the point.

(Also, you should have mixed some milk with your absinthe to have some tasty Green Russians.)


Stephanie Anthony wrote: "Hey...wait a second! I read your review and I survived it! You have an entirely different viewpoint than me, because, you know, I love this book and you hated it. So it would only make sense that a..."

Imagine that. I was worried that everyone who read this would have turned to hating this book with abandon. Thank the gods it didn't!


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