Brad's Reviews > Promoted to Wife?

Promoted to Wife? by Paula Roe
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Apr 11, 2011

did not like it
bookshelves: smut-for-maiden-aunts, book-club-read, bedtime-book
Recommended for: Manny and his Maiden Aunts
Read from April 11 to 14, 2011 , read count: 1

I take whatever book I am reading with me wherever I go, so it was inevitable that someone was going to catch me reading Promoted to Wife? in public. It just happened to be at our local grocery store. I am well known there because I cook for our family every night, and I love fresh produce and ingredients. I am at the store daily. So when Diane, one of the cashiers, saw me reading Promoted to Wife?, she was quite happy to tease me, and I took it with good grace. But as I walked away, she said, “You could learn some things from reading books like that [sic]!”
I thought, “Really?!” So here’s what I learned:

Twelve Things I Learned Reading Promoted to Wife?

12. I am too fat and poor and old to be desirable in any way.

11. Romance is all about domination and mindgames.

10. I spend way too much time making love when I make love. I should just fall asleep when it is all over.

9. Communication, schommunication!

8. Screw flowers and chocolate, expensive shoes are the perfect romantic gift.

7. Computer billionaires, Real Estate millionaires and Mafiosos have nothing in common.

6. It is my groin that should be swelling rather than my penis.

5. You can’t be friends if the things you do to one another are “downright dirty.”

4. You really can write a book set in Australia without any marsupials.

3. Motherhood doesn’t define the quintessential feminine, that would be shopping.

2. A little bit of rape is acceptable, so long as your lover wants it.

1. I could have learned the previous eleven lessons (except maybe #4))faster and more enjoyably watching Days of Our Lives.

You know, though ... I wouldn't be opposed to reading another.
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Comments (showing 1-40 of 40) (40 new)

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message 1: by j (new) - rated it 1 star

j i think she means "enjoy." with ironic quote marks.

i am still 15 pages into this one. i will have to come to terms with the fact that i'm going to have to spend a lunch hour reading it.


message 2: by Chip (new)

Chip WTF??!! I hope at least you aren't reading this on a kindle. You should take full advantage of that cover for public reading.

PS. The "?" adds a wonderful amount of ambiguity to the title. Is the transition from mistress to wife a promotion? WE DON'T KNOW!


message 3: by Robert (new)

Robert I'm a bit confused about No.2: how is it rape if your lover wants it?


Eh?Eh! I lovelovelove #6!


message 5: by Brad (last edited Apr 14, 2011 07:46PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad I think I am going to add a ? to the title of everything I right from now on. Paula Roe is a genius of ambiguity.

You know that scene in the film version of Gone With the Wind when Rhett threatens to crush Scarlett's head like a watermelon, Robert, and then he says something like, "Tonight's one night when you won't shut me out!" before carrying her up the stairs and ravishing her even though she's said "No!" and punched him repeatedly. And then Scarlett wakes up transformed in the afterglow of blissful fornication. That's #2.

Thanks, Eh?Eh!. I wonder if Paula knows what the groin is?


message 6: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Plus, I've gotta share this here because it rocks! Thanks, Elizabeth. Life Coaches


message 7: by Robert (new)

Robert That could get you into a lot of trouble in a British court! Not that I've ever seen/read Gone With the Wind.


message 8: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Good thing this was set in Australia amongst all the criminals ;)


message 9: by Whitaker (new)

Whitaker I know a number of women who would agree with #8. I have a friend who was thrilled to bits when her husband gave her a pair of Louboutins as a pressie after their first baby.


message 10: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Lucky me. Erika would be much happier if I gave her a pair of Salomon 3D Fastpacker Mid GTX Day Hiking Boots.


message 11: by karen (new) - added it

karen fuckit - i am going to get this today - i have a lot to learn.


message 12: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad I was thinking of putting pink instead of motherhood cause I needed something appropriately sterotypical, but she had hot pink accents on her desk, so ...


message 13: by Brad (last edited Apr 15, 2011 07:43AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Yeah, what was the deal with being embarrassed about wearing comfortable panties? Man alive.


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Days of Our Lives! I used to watch that like crazy! It really is better. One time Marlena got possessed by the devil which was, like, the best thing ever to happen on a soap ever. Ever.


message 15: by j (new) - rated it 1 star

j i watch DOOL for like six months in high school. the plot involved an evil twin of marlena and an elvis impersonator, if i remember right. one of the twins had a southern accent. i had a friend who liked to go around saying "baht i luve jhawn!"

it was very amusing at the time.

i think one of the twins was also a nun?


message 16: by j (last edited Apr 15, 2011 08:23AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

j one life to live and all my children were just canceled. i guess one is a semi-spinoff of the other.


message 17: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine Joel wrote: "one life to live and all my children were just canceled. i guess one is a semi-spinoff of the other."

my mom is going to be so sad.


message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

One of the twins might have been a nun - most of the characters on DoOL are Catholic, so you can get really great plot-lines like John Black finding out he'd been a priest before he was brain-washed by Stephano into thinking he was Roman Brady.

I haven't even tried to watch in a long time. Soaps are a lot more expensive to produce than some variety show hosted by D-listers, so they are getting canceled right and left. Kind of bums me out really, because I love the almost live theater quality of the shows.


message 19: by j (new) - rated it 1 star

j i have a friend who has watched one particular soap for decades (not sure if it was one of the canceled ones) and she is a staunch defender of the format.

it is kind of sad that people used to be able to work on these shows for decades -- not just actors but the writers and crew -- and all that will be gone.


message 20: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad I was a HUGE fan of DoOL because of my Mom. It was on when we came home for lunch as kids, and then I discovered that knowledge of it adn Young and the Restless was a great ice breaker with the girls I was crushing on (sadly, I was too stupid to realize it put me in the "just friends" category forever).

I love that James Franco was in General Hospital last year. I actually watched it again because of that.

And I can still do an impersonation of Marlena during her exorcism: "You will fail priest!"


message 21: by j (new) - rated it 1 star

j my mom looooves to tell the story of the time my brother and i, age seven or so, were watching Y&TR with my grandma over the summer. she said we should go outside but we refused.

i clearly remember the plot had to do with someone being raped, and later he went to a plastic surgeon to change his identity to elude capture, but the guy tattooed "RAPIST" on his forehead.


message 22: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad I totally remember that, but I didn't put that together with Y&TR! Crazy.

I always teased my Mom, too, because of the idiotic Luke and Laura storyline in GH, where Luke rapes Laura, then marries her a few months later.


message 23: by Grace (new)

Grace Tjan Joel wrote: "my mom looooves to tell the story of the time my brother and i, age seven or so, were watching Y&TR with my grandma over the summer. she said we should go outside but we refused.

i clearly remembe..."


Oh, that's must be where Stieg Larsson got his inspiration for that tattooing scene in The Girl Who Played with Fire!


message 24: by Judy (last edited Apr 15, 2011 09:43AM) (new)

Judy I got my mother hooked on "All My Children" 35 years ago, and I've always felt sort of guilty about it. I don't remember any devil possessions, or "falling in love with my rapist" storylines, but it did seem like people in Pine Valley were prone to attacks of amnesia and the return of a long lost twin sibling and secret illegitmate babies given up at birth. And having seven or eight marriages.


message 25: by j (new) - rated it 1 star

j god how many times am i going to be freaking kidnapped???


message 26: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Freaky isn't it? How did we find each other again?

I've always been bitter that I've not been kidnapped, actually. I always wanted Stefano to take me to some tropical island and torture me for a while.


message 27: by [deleted user] (new)

K.I. wrote: "Brad wrote: "I've always been bitter that I've not been kidnapped, actually. I always wanted Stefano to take me to some tropical island and torture me for a while."

♥"


Oh man, I loved when Days would leave the US. Were any of you watching when everyone went to "Paris", which consisted of one cafe with a striped umbrella- how French! -and some "catacombs". So great.


message 28: by [deleted user] (new)

God, I love Vivian. Is Ivan still sidekicking for her? The actor was so my favorite, the way he would ham and ad lib. Almost as good as the ad libs from early 90s Jack, the one before the squinty blond Jack.


message 29: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Ceridwen wrote: "K.I. wrote: "Brad wrote: "I've always been bitter that I've not been kidnapped, actually. I always wanted Stefano to take me to some tropical island and torture me for a while."

♥"

Oh man, I love..."


Wasn't there some crazy pseudo-French woman named Monique back in that Paris thing?

I was a big fan of the original Jack, and now squinty, blonde Jack is in that DC Comics TV show Human Target


message 30: by [deleted user] (new)

Squinty blond Jack was also on Fringe, yeah?

Was it Monique? I think she was supposed to be Cajun? She had a great trembly face, if we're thinking of the same character.


message 31: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Maybe I'm conflating two different characters?


message 32: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad And he was the guy on Fringe. That's right.


message 33: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad He's married to her in real life? Cool. I like him. My kids and I watch Human Target. It's not Erika's thing, though.


message 34: by Brad (last edited Apr 15, 2011 03:19PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad You know our list of "read" books and that top thirty of ours? Well, Promoted to Wife? is making me feel awfully dirty because the votes for it have pushed my beloved Ursula K. LeGuin and her A Wizard of Earthsea review off the top 30. I want to cry.

So throw me a bone friends, go and hit "like" on my review of Wizard of Earthsea. Please, please, please?! I don't care if my Harrison Ford biography review gets the boot. But not Ursula. Please not her.


message 35: by Robert (new)

Robert Can't - I already voted for it! :-(


message 36: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Hahaha. i bet almost everyone did and I am going to be screwed. Thanks for shcecking, though, Robert. You rock like a heavy metal god. ;)


message 37: by Robert (new)

Robert Console yourself that they are votes for reviews, not books!


message 38: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Indeed.


message 39: by mark (new)

mark monday well i went ahead and voted for Earthsea Wizard because i like you so much, but honestly, can't we learn so much more about ourselves, our hearts, our souls, in topical books like Promoted to Wife? the only thing i learn from campy, over-the-top niche books like the ones leguin writes are so-called lessons about finding equilibrium, strength of spirit, and other bits of sordid hoo-ha & whatnot. GOD, BORING!


message 40: by Brad (new) - rated it 1 star

Brad Too true.


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