John no longer uses this account. I have no patience for this bullshit any longer. There are many ways to state an opinion that is in disagreement with this review, and so far, many of you have FAILED to do so. I will no longer tolerate disparaging comments. Rethink them if you don't want me to delete them.

Thanks,
John's Sister

PS: John is not male. She changed her gender status so she would not receive misogynistic comments, or gendered insults. JFYI.

I will tell the complete and honest truth. And I will tell it right now.

I...I...

I...

I don't...

*takes deep breath*

Idon'tlikethisstory!

It's true, okay, it's true!

Let me explain!

I've never liked Cassandra Clare. In fact, I hate her writing. So it surprised me in this story that I could even deal with her prose. Deal with it, mind you. It surprised me even more that I could read through it somewhat smoothly. So my problem isn't with her prose.

It's Alec and Magnus.

Yes, you read right.

Read it again.

My problem. Is with. Alec. And. Magnus.



*sigh*

Okay, before you dub me as a homophobe and move on, allow me to explain.

Alec and Magnus, apart, I like them. Magnus has a certain charm which, to a point, you have to respect. Alec isn't a bad guy, and when he isn't bitching at Magnus or Clary, you can't really have a problem with him either. (Although he does angst quite a bit, so does everyone in this series, so you can get over that.)

So, you may ask, what is my problem? I claim to like the characters enough, so why can't I like them together?

Ah, let me give you one word, my dears, execution. Clare doesn't know how to execute much of anything correctly, especially her ideas that seem to be original. She'd rather write her less original ideas (Ginny Bella Clary and Draco in Leather Pants Edward Angstyer Harry Jace) to "perfection" than the actual ideas that might be worth something if she tried.


My first problem?

Magnus's body language creeped me out.

Now, one of my friends pointed out that a 100 year old warlock is BOUND to be creepy. This is my point. In this story, I keep getting creepy perv vibes off of him. Now, I know the typical response "Magnus is really seventeen! He hasn't mentally or physically aged a day!" This is nice, but it's just impossible. After you've lived for that long, it's just...preposterous that you would be able to just ignore everything you had to go through. He's the high Warlock of Brooklyn, if I'm not mistaken, and he had to learn SOMETHING to get in that position.

It's just the little things that he does that steer me away from him. Probably, it was the thing of wearing the jeans so low on his hips Alec had to look away. That sort of kept me looking like this,



Yeah, like that.

I'm not that much of a prude, but come on. That just weirded me out.

Moving on,

Then we have Alec. Oh, Alec. Insecure, emo, closeted gay. Okay, this is cute, but what else? What makes Magnus attracted to him? What makes him attracted to Magnus? In this story, we're shown their relationship. Basically,

Alec is gay.

Alec likes Magnus.

Magnus likes Alec.

Alec doesn't want anyone to know he is gay.

Thus, he doesn't want anyone to know he likes Magnus.

Magnus is exasperated at this.

That is the basis of their relationship. Thankfully, we fix this later and get rid of the last three. So, we have.

Alec is gay.

Alec likes Magnus.

Magnus likes Alec.

And that is it. Not that I find anything wrong with this, but...come on. And later we have to create fake conflict for them, because we're running out of actual conflict and apparently even Clare is getting bored of writing the same thing over and over again.

Okay. This is cute.

So, besides Magnus's slightly creepyness and Alec's...generallyness...there isn't much there. I don't see why I should like them. I mean, they aren't annoying together or anything, but there just isn't...

...

There just isn't...

Any...

Ijustcan'tseeanychemistry!

There, I said it! Okay, I said it!

Basically, after a while, I was just looking at the screen like,


Cuuute.

Basically, what I'm saying?

Alec = Okay.

Magnus = Okay (kind of a creeper, but okay).

Alec + Magnus = x


x =

Okay. Now what?

Merged review:

Fans of The Immortal Instruments --

I've decided to rate this 2 stars. That's all I can give it.

Here we go --

First thing's first
Characters

JACE

The meme that most describes him?


Yes. Jace is a jackass. That much of a jackass.

In fact, this meme doesn't even do Jace justice. Jace is the reason I hate this book. Jace is not just a jackass -- he is a gigantic asshole.

He bosses Clary around constantly, to the point where logic is twisted just so they can end up at the same place together. He thinks himself higher than everyone else, picks fights for no reason (to the point where he goes in a pub full of werewolves who just lost a cub(no older than fifteen) and berates them for feeling sad about this -- WTF?), and is a general awful person.

The worst part?

Because of his "BWWWAAADDDD PWWWAAASSSTTT" we're supposed to be sympathizing with this self absorbed FREAK! Let me tell you this, I don't give a flying banana leaf(yes, running out of euphemisms here) how tortured or depressed or loony this guy is, if he is an asshole he is an ASSHOLE, no questions asked! I am not going to excuse him for it because he has a little wangst material!

Don't get me wrong, Jace's life sucks, sure -- but I don't CARE. It can suck and suck and suck -- that doesn't give him an excuse to be such an asshole all of the time.

Everytime Jace comes up in the book, I want to curse at him. I want to kick him and scream at him. I WANT HIM DEAD IN THE GROUND.

Jace ruined this novel for me than anything else. The self absorbed jerk.

CLARY

Actually, Clary isn't as annoying as I thought she was going to be. If she wasn't such a Mary Sue and a moron, maybe I could like her.

Firstly,

Let me give you the meme that describes Clary,



Also,



Firstly, Clary is such a flaming Mary Sue.

She can create her own runes. Runes in this world are like spells in the Harry Potter world. Let's take Harry. Imagine he can create his won spells -- on the spot, mind you. Lets imagine they always work. Now, make his dad Voldemort. He's not a chosen one anymore, but his dad being Voldemort should make up for that, amirite?

Her own BROTHER wants her. As in, wants to mate with her. Wants to run away with her. Gross.

Secondly, she is an idiot.

And by idiot, I mean utter and complete moron.

"Clary could see why they were called the Fair Folk, for they were fair indeed with their pale lovely faces, their wings of lilac and gold and blue—how could she have believed Jace that they meant to harm her."

Can I roll my eyes? Just because they look prrrtttyyyy, THEY CAN'T HARM ANYONE??

She is a block of wood. A prop. I was surprised that the story was even told from her point of view. She is rarely active. The entire novel, everything is happening to her, which can get vastly annoying. She isn't as whiny as Jace, thankfully, and not nearly as much of a jackass. But she is just...a block of wood.

She is also a doormat. She lets everybody walk all over her -- and only protests when it has to do with Jace!

She had to be told FIVE TIMES not to touch the magical fairy drink that would keep her dancing forever. FIVE TIMES. You'd think that after that long living in such an unpredictable magical world, she would have gotten a little bit of common sense and thought "Oh God, maybe...just MAYBE...this isn't a good idea! Maybe I should listen when people who have lived in this world their entire lives talk to me!"

She never has any ideas. She never contributes anything. The only saving grace is her stupid rune making skills, which aren't used in the slightest to actually do important things.

Honestly, if Clary was cut out of this book and replaced with a plant, I doubt it would have made much of a difference.

MAGNUS

A delicate mix between,



and,



The first thing that set me off about him was that he seemingly popped out of nowhere, only to be a healing plot device.

Nobody had met him before, besides Alec.

EDIT! : Actually, as lovely Jillian corrected me below, they HAD known Magnus. This is odd to me, because from their reactions upon encountering them, it seemed like they had no idea who he was. Well, another reason as how I don't think very highly of Clare's writing skills. I don't care if I come into a book seventy volumes late -- there are some things I should be able to pick up! This happens to be one of them.

The second thing that set me off was when Alec sat on an end of a couch, only because (as Clare narrates) "it was as far away from him as possible". I get that this might have been because he didn't want anyone to think he was Magnus's boyfriend. I can deal with that.

But then we have number three.

"Mother." Alec's voice as he interrupted his mother was firm, implacable, and not unkind. "Father. There's something I have to tell you." He smiled at them. "I'm seeing someone."

Robert Lightwood looked at his son with some exasperation. "Alec," he said. "This is hardly the time."

"Yes, it is. This is important. You see, I'm not just seeing anyone." Words seemed to be pouring out of Alec in a torrent, while his parents looked on in confusion. Isabelle and Magnus were staring at him with expressions of nearly identical astonishment. "I'm seeing a Downworlder. In fact, I'm seeing a war—"

Magnus's fingers moved, quick as a flash of light, in Alec's direction. There was a faint shimmer in the air around Alec—his eyes rolled up—and he dropped to the floor, felled like a tree.

"Alec!" Maryse clapped her hand to her mouth. Isabelle, who had been standing closest to her brother, dropped down beside him. But Alec had already begun to stir, his eyelids fluttering open.

"Wha—what—why am I on the floor?"

"That's a good question." Isabelle glowered down at her brother. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Alec sat up, holding his head. A look of alarm crossed his face. "Wait— did I say anything? Before I passed out, I mean."

Jace snorted. "You know how we were wondering if that thing Clary did would work or not?" he asked. "It works all right."

Alec looked supremely horrified. "What did I say?"

"You said you were seeing someone," his father told him. "Though you weren't clear as to why that was important."

"It's not," Alec said. "I mean, I'm not seeing anyone. And it's not important. Or it wouldn't be if I was seeing someone, which I'm not."

Magnus looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Alec's been delirious," he said. "Side effect of some demon toxins. Most unfortunate, but he'll be fine soon."

Can someone tell me that making your boyfriend forget what he was saying when he was just about to admit to his parents that he was seeing you is NOT creeper behavior???

VALENTINE






There is a problem when I type your villain's name into Google and get a bunch of hearts and people kissing.

However, I can move past this if your villain is actually menacing in the book. Valentine is not. I struggle to care about whatever he does. When Jace being an asshole outshines this guy murdering CHILDREN for some freaky power ritual, there is a problem.

*sigh*

ANYWAY,

Those were the biggest problems, characterwise, I had with this book.

Secondly,
The Runes

*sigh* It'd be nice if we could have actual RULES for these things. Like, levels of runes one can preform. What happens if you draw a wrong rune, what makes a rune -- you know, actual creative thought. Could we have explored this, when, I dunno, Clary was CREATING runes???

Too much to ask, I suppose.

Thirdly,
Plot of the book
In pictures

Firstly,



Then some Jace angst.


Then some werewolves.


Then Jace being a jackass.


Then some kissing. (Well, eventually anyway)


Then some...vampires? Well, somewhere in the story there are vampires.


Then, more boredom.


Give or take more werewolves, more Jace being a jackass, Clary idiocy, and LOTS and LOTS of boredom...

And then we get a bad guy showdown...


It's a hell of a lot less interesting that that, though. More like this,



And that's pretty much it.

Oh, more kissing though.

Fourthly,
I am bored...

So, I will end this review. I've pretty much hit the nail on the hammer with everything that annoyed me anyway.

However,

YOU CAN LOOK NOW, THE IMMORTAL INSTRUMENTS FANS!

I will state what I like.

Maia

Maia was one girl who I liked. She was interesting, she didn't stand around and do nothing -- she acknowledged Jace as an asshole and didn't try and throw him pity parties because he had a hard time -- she fought (most) of her own battles, and wasn't an annoying and whiny brat.

HIGH FIVE.

Maia and Simon

Simon himself wasn't enough to get me to like him. He was a quipster, mostly, and his quipsterness with Maia's general awesomeness is a win. Her personality can suffice for his.

I liked them together. They had chemistry. They had something. I liked how the "Children of Night" and "Children of Moon" finally got along -- to show that, HEY, we DON'T have to hate each other just because our ancestors did.

That, was a win!

Things I didn't Mind

Alec,

Isabelle...

Alec?

...

...

Isabelle???

...

...

Concluding

Over all, this book wasn't my cup of tea. And I would not recommend it to anyone. BUT that doesn't mean there aren't some things that I DO like about it. Like Maia. And Simon.

Woo. That was long.

If You Are Enraged at My Review, Read This!

This if my personal opinion and IF you feel like making a rebuttal to my points, please feel free to do so. However, I'd appreciate it if you refrained from ad-homenim attacks (aka Namecalling), saying I "don't get it" or "don't liek don't read". I'd really appreciate that.


ADDITION YAY!
10/16/2011

How I became a devoted Jace/Simon shipper
(Excerpt from the book.)Jace sank to his knees, still holding Simon's shoulder. He thought hopelessly of Clary, of her pain when she found out, of the way she'd crushed his hands in hers, so much strength in those small fingers. 'Find Simon. I know you will.'

And he had. But it was too late.

When Jace was ten, his father had explained to him all the ways to kill vampires. Stake them. Cut their heads off and set them to burning like eerie jack-o'-lanterns. Let the sun scorch them to ashes. Or drain their blood. They needed blood to live, they ran on it, like cars ran on gasoline.

Looking at the ragged wound in Simon's throat, it wasn't hard to see what Valentine had done. Jace reached out to close Simon's staring eyes. If Clary had to see him dead, better she not see him like this. He moved his hand down to the collar of Simon's shirt, meaning to tug it up, to cover the gash.

Simon moved. His eyelids twitched and opened, his eyes rolled back to the whites. He gurgled then, a faint sound, lips curling back, showing the points of vampire fangs. The breath rattled in his slashed throat. Nausea rose in the back of Jace's throat, his hand tightening on Simon's collar. He wasn't dead. But God, the pain, it must be incredible. He couldn't heal, couldn't regenerate, not
without—

Not without blood. Jace let go of Simon's shirt and dragged his right sleeve up with his teeth. Using the jagged tip of the broken strut, he slashed a deep cut lengthwise down his wrist. Blood gushed to the surface of the skin. He dropped the strut; it hit the metal floor with a clang. He could smell his own blood in the air, sharp and coppery.

He looked down at Simon, who hadn't moved.

The blood was running down Jace's hand now, his wrist stinging. He held it out over Simon's face, letting the blood drip down his fingers, spill onto Simon's mouth. There was no reaction. Simon wasn't moving. Jace moved closer; he was kneeling over Simon now, his breath making white puffs in the icy air.

He leaned down, pressed his bleeding wrist against Simon's mouth. "Drink my blood, idiot," he whispered. "Drink it."

For a moment nothing happened. Then Simon's eyes fluttered shut. Jace felt a sharp sting in his wrist, a sort of pull, a hard pressure—and Simon's right hand flew up and clamped onto Jace's arm, just above the elbow. Simon's back arched off the floor, the pressure on Jace's wrist
increasing.