Manny's Reviews > Whom God Would Destroy

Whom God Would Destroy by Commander Pants
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Apr 09, 11

bookshelves: science-fiction, too-sexy-for-maiden-aunts, well-i-think-its-funny, command-performance, received-free-copy
Read from March 31 to April 09, 2011

- Boy! What are you sniggering at?

- Uh, nothing sir.

- Exactly what kind of nothing would that be? Maybe the rest of the class could be enlightened?

- Uh, a book sir. Sorry sir.

- And who, pray, is the author of this book, which is evidently so much more amusing than an English lesson?

- Uh, Commander Pants sir.

- Don't be ridiculous, boy. Give it here. Ah, hm, I see that is his name.

- Yes sir.

- Boy, can you explain the difference between "it's", with an apostrophe, and "its" without?

- Ah, yes sir, with an apostrophe it means "it is" and without it means "of or belonging to it".

- I'm glad to discover that you occasionally pay attention in class. I fear your new favourite author was somewhat less attentive.

- Yes sir.

- Command Pants's magnum opus seems to be on the smutty side. I notice a startling number of occurrences of the word "cunt".

- Ah, sir, that's often used as an acronym, standing for Contact Undercover...

- Spare us the details, boy. Can you tell us what this book is about, apart from sex?

- Ah, well sir, it's actually more about religion and the nature of reality. I mean sir, how do we know that anything is real?

- Well boy, if nothing is real then you can comfort yourself with the thought that the detention which I am about to give you isn't real either.

- Well, yes sir, that's just it sir. Maybe you aren't real. Maybe I'm not real. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe God is playing games with us. I mean, for all I know, we're both characters in some sketch someone's put together to amuse...

- Boy, have you been reading Philip K. Dick?

- No sir.

- Jorges Luis Borges?

- No sir.

- Douglas Adams?

- No sir. Just Commander Pants sir.

- Well boy, when you have finished it you may want to broaden your reading habits a little.

- Please sir, can I have it back sir?

- I shall return it to you tomorrow, boy. Now, I would like you all to open your copies of The Tempest to page 84, and write a short essay on the speech by Prospero that you'll find there. "Our revels now are ended."

- Sir?

- Please refrain from disturbing me, boy. Ah, that's what CUNT means.

- I'm sorry sir?

- Nothing, boy. Never mind. Continue.
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Reading Progress

03/31/2011 page 12
4.0% "So in this book, God's called Jeremy and he's trying the subtle approach..."
04/04/2011 page 95
32.0% "It can't really be blasphemous to suggest that God masturbates, given for example that, according to Ancient Egyptian theories of cosmogony, the Universe started that way. But it's unusual to provide so many details."
04/06/2011 page 155
52.0% "Tip of the day: if you're a social worker, it's generally unwise to suggest to your boss that a missing client may have been kidnapped by aliens."
04/08/2011 page 195
65.0% "Someone's possibly been kidnapped by aliens, someone's possibly become his own psychiatrist, someone is possibly about to get laid, God is in His New Age Store and all is possibly well with the world."
04/08/2011 page 255
85.0% "We've discovered the relationship between aliens and Big Macs. Next, God is going to be interviewed on morning TV..."

Comments (showing 1-1 of 1) (1 new)

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message 1: by Donna (new)

Donna the dimensions involved would be a lot to think about, though the idea of being the spunk of God has a certain raw beauty to it. Might make me try to live a better life to live up to it.


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