Steph Sinclair's Reviews > Midnight Sun

Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer
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About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that suffered from Manic Depression. And third, I was strangely and unashamedly entertained by it all.



I know what you are probably doing. Right now, you may have your head cocked to the side with your eyes squinted, wondering if you read that last part correctly. I will repeat: I was entertained. First, let me clear the air. I was not entertained by the story or the writing. Shit Heavens, no. For the same reasons why some found Midnight Sun disturbing, I found it unintentionally comical. I can't tell you how many times I snickered or LOL'ed. Well, that's a lie, I probably could, but it'd be an awful long review.

However, I will touch on a few standout parts that really tickled my pickle. OMG, did I really just type that? Project Hindsight is melting brain cells.


Manic Depressed, murderous vamp with feelings:

Like I mentioned earlier, Edward definitely suffers from manic depression. He first starts off as an extremely condescending vamp, but as soon as he lays his eyes on Bella and gets a whiff of her sweet-smelling blood, he quickly becomes a murderous hunter. Now, this I can understand to a degree because vamps, ya know, drink blood and all. BUT, as he is thinking of various ways to murder everyone in his biology class and eat Bella, he starts whining. He literally has a "woe is me, fuck my life!" moment.
Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me.
It's all about him, isn't it? He isn't the one who's *thisclose* to being eaten, but here he is singing the, "Why cruel world?!" song. And his bitch fest continues...
Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in?
*sigh* Are you done?
Why had she come here!
Sometimes people move, Edward. It happens! Man the hell up!
I didn't want to be the monster! I didn't want to kill this room full of harmless children! I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial!
*Rubs temples*
I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.
You tell that little human, Eddie. *Pats back* Feel better now?

Then, the next page over he gets back to work plotting Bella's murder. You know who Edward reminds me of best in the beginning of Midnight Sun? Have you ever seen The Smurfs? Remember old Gargamel and how he was always either planning some lame attempt to catch and eat the smurfs or crying from failing so hard?

*Evil crackle* Yessss...I'll get those little blue smurfs! I'll sneak into their village while they sleep and boil them alive! Won't we Azrael?

(view spoiler)

Okay, now imagine Eddie just like that while he says,
She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.

Conniving little bastard, isn't he? ^_^

Of course, then he runs off to Alaska and throws himself one hell of a pity party. Then, he goes back to Forks and falls head over heels in love with the most "mouthwatering" "beautiful" "selfless" INSANE girl. This is how I envisioned Edward for most of the partial draft *wink* book:



*sigh* Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You need help, son.

And there is also another human who had the misfortune to make Edward's personal hit list: Mike. I actually felt sorry for the douche bag in Midnight Sun. If Edward wasn't thinking about eating Bella, gently caressing her lips (LOL, who does that?), or how she looked in that damn blue blouse, he was thinking of "annihilating" the "obnoxious boy." Oddly enough, that too, had me LOL'ing. I know, I know. I'm a strange one. Heh. And when he said, "I wasn't going to stand around arguing with the wretch," I fell out. LOL.


He creeped, He perved, He stalked:

The creepiest thing, yet hilarious to me, about Midnight Sun is when Edward watches Bella sleep.
I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom?
LMAO, you fucking aren't! This book is a Stalker's Handbook. In five easy steps you can become the best stalker eva!

Step 1: Wait until you beloved and her loved ones are fast asleep. It would be uncool to be found snooping around your one true love's house during some ungodly hour. This is especially important if there is a loaded weapon on the premises.

Step 2: The window or entry of your liking may creak. Don't forget to bring along a can of oil! This is imperative to your stalking success! You must be unseen and unheard. Like a ninja...a really creepy ninja.

Step 3: Watch your honey bunny sleep. Maybe she's dreaming of you. Stay awake, lest you miss the action. For maximum effectiveness drink a 5-hour energy drink. By all means, snoop around her room. This is your show. You run this!

Step 4: Leave before the stalkee awakens. I can't even begin to tell you how awkward it would be if you are discovered!

Step 5: Congrats! You have done it! You've stalked your soul mate! Now repeat these five steps again and again to receive your Jedi Master level of stalking badge.


Edward loses his mind and everybody knows it:

The star of this book for me was Emmett. He always said what everyone else was thinking. The "voice of reason," if you will.
"Kid's lost his mind."
"Lost his mind, poor kid."
"This is getting weird."
"You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?"
"Exactly like a crazy person."
"You're pathetic."
And my favorite part is when Charlotte and Peter (Jasper's vamp friends) come to visit and Edward is there in a corner looking crazy again.



And they all sort of stare at him, yet Emmett sums it up perfectly, "Madman."

Oh and I can't write a Twilight review without throwing in a few hits at Bella. I just love it how Edward knows she has got to be crazy, but still wants to be with her. Maybe he finds it endearing like her inability to stand on her own two feet with out her face kissing the pavement. *shrugs* I really don't know what goes on inside the head of Edward. There is one part where he sits down and questions her sanity. He even goes as far to think about having her institutionalized:
How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected?
She possesses zero self-preservation skills. Give up, Ed.
She was impossible.
Well, I won't say it. I effin' told you so!
I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.
You're just starting?(view spoiler)
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available... Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, what ever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...

I now truly believe both of these clowns are meant for each other. Crazy is as crazy does.

Even though I may have liked Twilight and Eclipse at one point, I feel the same way I felt about Midnight Sun the first time I read it, "Is this a parody? This can't possibly be legit. It is? Bahahahaha! Somehow that just adds another layer of LOL'ing!" If you are looking for quality YA literature, this ain't it folks. Run away! If and when this book is ever finished and released, it will only be good for one thing:


The lolz

Next up is Eclipse, but in case you missed it: My Twilight review and My New Moon review.

And in case you are wondering why I'm re-reading the series, stop on over to check out Project Hindsight at my blog Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. Follow if you like?

Yes, that was me shamelessly promoting myself.

/Fin.



***BONUS***

Can you guess my favorite line from Mike?

(view spoiler)
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Reading Progress

11/17/2011
1.0% "Edward, your condescending attitude towards humans is irritating."
11/17/2011
5.0% "Was she insane? Hahahaha! "
11/18/2011
5.0% "I don't understand why Edward didn't just ask to be excused from Biology class that first day since it was that unbearable to be around her. Perhaps go to the nurse or even the bathroom. Instead, he sits there the entire period visualizing killing her over and over. SMH." 7 comments
11/18/2011
21.0% "Stalk, stalky, stalker, stalks." 2 comments
11/18/2011
21.0% "It was embarrassing how my world suddenly seemed to be empty of everything but her-my whole existence centered around the girl, rather than around myself anymore. " 3 comments
11/18/2011
28.0% "But, all afternoon, I was gritting my teeth against the urge that had me yearning ditch, too-in order to go find the girl again. Like a stalker. An obsessed stalker. An obsessed, vampire stalker. " 9 comments
11/19/2011
29.0% "I could imagine how the girl would react to my kidnapping her. Of course, I rarely guessed her reactions right, but what other reaction could she have besides terror. I'm willing to bet my entire Twilight collection that she'd find it incredibly romantic." 1 comment
11/19/2011
29.0% "All the same, I frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall... It probably wouldn't injure him fatally... I just want to backhand you right now, Edward. " 10 comments
11/19/2011
40.0% "I tried the window, and it was not locked, though it stuck due to long disuse. I slid it slowly aside, cringing at each faint groan of the metal frame. I would have to find some oil for next time... Next time? I shook my head, disgusted again. " 10 comments
11/19/2011
43.0% "OMFG...I think I'm enjoying this "book" way more than I should be. I'm LOL'ing soooo hard right now."
11/20/2011
47.0% "Her scent was one thing; her flowing blood was another altogether. Not to be gross or anything, but does Bella never have a period in Twilight? Wouldn't that bother Edward, or even Jasper for that matter? I mean he practically almost murdered her over a paper cut." 24 comments
11/20/2011
53.0% "What does Esme actually do all day? There are no kids to look after. No food to cook. No messes to clean. I'm confused. What is her purpose in this book?!" 50 comments
11/20/2011
57.0% "OMG, Edward! You have more angst than Jace in City of Fallen Angels."
11/21/2011
57.0% "Bella was sleeping peacefully when I climbed up to her bedroom window early Monday morning. I'd remembered oil this time, and the window now moved silently out of my way. GTFO, Edward! " 11 comments
11/21/2011
60.0% "But I couldn't ignore the rainbow of sparkles that reflected onto her skin when I got closer. LMAO. Edward, you are the weakest link. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 3 comments
11/21/2011
65.0% "Edward's violent thoughts make me LOL. ^_^"
11/21/2011
68.0% "This cracks me up every time: Do I dazzle you? Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 3 comments
11/21/2011
71.0% "I'd just admitted to stalking her, and she was smiling. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos *sigh* Twilight, even Disney thinks you're doing it wrong." 20 comments
11/22/2011
75.0% "How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected. You let her die, Edward. Lol." 2 comments
11/23/2011
89.0% "My lips to her lips, cold stone to warm, yielding silk...And then she dies. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos *sigh*"

Comments (showing 1-50 of 202) (202 new)


message 1: by Princess Kayla (new)

Princess Kayla This is great! I can imagine Rihanna (or even a lonely island version). Oh gosh it’s funny cause it’s spot on.


Steph Sinclair I finally finished the review. My brain hurts. LOL.


message 3: by Anne Nikoline (new)

Anne Nikoline I'm laughing. Great review!


Jasprit Great review again Stephanie! I think I might go off and watch the smurfs now lol Gargamel those were the good old days *sigh*


message 5: by Anna (new)

Anna Basically my exact feelings on this "book". :D! You had me laughing extremely hard, just like le book, too!


message 6: by Shirley (new)

Shirley Marr What can I say Stephanie? This is perfection. Esp THAT blurb you kicked it off with. I am thoroughly entertained. Mor plz :-)


message 7: by Lissa (new)

Lissa This is awesome, as usual, Stephanie. Beautifully crafted.


message 8: by Aleeeeeza (new) - added it

Aleeeeeza OMG NEVER STOP WRITING SNARKY REVIEWS DO YOU HEAR ME? EVAAARRR.

i don't think i've laughed this hard in AGES :D


message 9: by Steph (last edited Nov 25, 2011 05:15AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Steph Sinclair :D

Thanks everyone. Would you believe me if I said I usually have no idea what I'm going to say in any of my reviews? I just start typing and things pop up. I wrote this review at the perfect hour of 2am. That's when any and everything becomes 100x more funny to me, no alcohol required. LOL. Of course, that means I had to wake up and actually edit all those typos I completely missed.


Steph Sinclair Okay, I just added the bonus. I can't believe I almost forgot. It was the only part of the review that was actually "planned."


message 11: by Merary (new)

Merary The last picture . . . is so . . . awesome.
That's some creepy picture. XDD


Steph Sinclair I know, right? That picture is so hilarious! Lol.


message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

This review is BOSS.


message 14: by SongoftheWolf (new)

SongoftheWolf hahaha!


message 15: by SongoftheWolf (new)

SongoftheWolf i love your reviews! they make my day


Steph Sinclair Thank you. :)


message 17: by Nobody8716 (new)

Nobody8716 Ahhh, I COMPLETELY agre with SongoftheWolf!!!!! It's HILARIOUS and I love it <3 I am going ot read more of your reviews from now on, for sure :D


Steph Sinclair Monica wrote: "Ahhh, I COMPLETELY agre with SongoftheWolf!!!!! It's HILARIOUS and I love it <3 I am going ot read more of your reviews from now on, for sure :D"

:D Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Gosh i thought i was th e only ne who hated Twi <3 thank YOU for proving me wrong!!!!


message 20: by Becki (new)

Becki Ahaha this has got to be one of the funniest and trueist reviews. I tried reading Midnight Sun but Edward just got on my nerves too much. And as added bonus those comments while your reading freaking hilarious. Great job.


Steph Sinclair Sarah, you are not alone! :)

Becki, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D


Kenecia That was epic. I seriously sat there and read the "book' giggling from start to finish. I thought I was a crazy person...until now. Either way, I'd rather a book from his POV than Bella's anyday.


Steph Sinclair I'm not sure whose voice I prefer. On one hand Bella is boring and on the other Edward is so creepy it's hilarious. So I guess for the entertainment factor, he does win. Lol.


message 24: by Nichola (new)

Nichola I have never physically laughed at a review before but this was HILARIOUS. hahaha. v good.


message 25: by SongoftheWolf (new)

SongoftheWolf Sarah wrote: "Gosh i thought i was th e only ne who hated Twi <3 thank YOU for proving me wrong!!!!"

Are you kidding? Half the world hates twilight. You are not alone, comrade.


message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

SongoftheWolf wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Gosh i thought i was th e only ne who hated Twi

Are you kidding? Half the world hates twilight. You are not alone, comrade."


Are you serious about the whole half the world or are you just bullshiting? LOL.


Steph Sinclair Sarah wrote: "SongoftheWolf wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Gosh i thought i was th e only ne who hated Twi

Are you kidding? Half the world hates twilight. You are not alone, comrade."

Are you serious about the whole h..."


Sarah, it's true. There are a ton of people out there who hate Twilight, including Rob Patz. Nobody hates Twilight as much as he does. Lol.

Nichola wrote: "I have never physically laughed at a review before but this was HILARIOUS. hahaha. v good."

Thank you, Nichola!


message 28: by [deleted user] (new)

Stephanie wrote: "Sarah wrote: "SongoftheWolf wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Gosh i thought i was th e only ne who hated Twi

Are you kidding? Half the world hates twilight. You are not alone, comrade."

Are you serious abo..."


DAUMMN ! <3 R. Patz is amazingly SEXY though <3 <3 <3


message 29: by Lazy (new)

Lazy Seagull this made my day

i can't stand the series but I got a laugh at it all the same

still can't decide if I should read MS or not, but, eh, it sounds hilarious.


Steph Sinclair Lizzy wrote: "this made my day

i can't stand the series but I got a laugh at it all the same

still can't decide if I should read MS or not, but, eh, it sounds hilarious."


Thank you. :)
Oh, it's great fun. Edward is very entertaining. It's like watching two trains collide.


message 31: by Kyle (new)

Kyle LOL, loved the stalking handbook!


Alex is The Romance Fox I am rolling on the floor....this is abso brilliant....you should be a writer....but i still love edward despite the pain from all the laughs


Steph Sinclair Alex wrote: "I am rolling on the floor....this is abso brilliant....you should be a writer....but i still love edward despite the pain from all the laughs"

Hahaha! Thank you!

Kyle wrote: "LOL, loved the stalking handbook!"

Well, I had great material. *wink*


Shauna Spot on Stephanie! :D Could not agree more, I'm pretty sure I 3star-ed that book for sheer perverse hilarity-it really does read a bit like a parody.


message 35: by Sarah (new)

Sarah I was laughing the whole time I was reading your review. Amazing, Stephanie. :))


Steph Sinclair Thank you Sarah and Shauna!


message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

Where did you get all the pictures? :D You've done a perfect summary of Midnight Sun. I applaud you. Absolutely lovely. :) *claps*


Steph Sinclair Thank you, Ally! I get all the images and GIFs from Tumblr and Google images.


Annie Brewer OMG love this review!!!! I actually lol'ed too!!! :)


Katheryn I am a twihard, but even I had to laugh at this review! In some ways, you have it SPOT ON! (if not a little harsh in some parts) but i do agree... Edward comes across a little creepy. Those pictures had me LOLing like a banshee! lol


message 41: by Lisa (new)

Lisa best. review. ever. Thank you lol


message 42: by Rachael (new)

Rachael OMG. I laughed so hard at your review, I almost fell out of my chair. I could never have written a review more scathing and honest and hilarious. Thank you!


Steph Sinclair Thanks, everyone. Midnight Sun is a hilarious book to read. Lol.


Sheri Haha this was very funny. Will be following your reviews from now on...


message 45: by Helena (new)

Helena ok, I am NEVEREVEREVERNEVER reading this book cuz of the reviews BUT!- I found your review absolutely hilarious!!! I'm definitely going to follow your blog. XD


message 46: by Isabelle (new)

Isabelle haha you are hilarious!! :D


Steph Sinclair Hahaha! Thanks everyone!

Helena, if you think of it as a parody, it's a very funny book to read. Lol.


Zero vi Britannia Just gonna stand there and rip Twilight
That's alright because I know that you are right


Steph Sinclair Zero vi Britannia wrote: "Just gonna stand there and rip Twilight
That's alright because I know that you are right"


Lol!


Vanessa I love your status updates for this. XD

I remember the massive shit-fit SMeyer had because oh nooo someone had leaked her pwecious manuscript of Midnight Sun and she refused to release it! x_x


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