About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that suffered from Manic Depression. And third, I was strangely and unashamedly entertained by it all.



I know what you are probably doing. Right now, you may have your head cocked to the side with your eyes squinted, wondering if you read that last part correctly. I will repeat: I was entertained. First, let me clear the air. I was not entertained by the story or the writing. Shit Heavens, no. For the same reasons why some found Midnight Sun disturbing, I found it unintentionally comical. I can't tell you how many times I snickered or LOL'ed. Well, that's a lie, I probably could, but it'd be an awful long review.

However, I will touch on a few standout parts that really tickled my pickle. OMG, did I really just type that? Project Hindsight is melting brain cells.


Manic Depressed, murderous vamp with feelings:

Like I mentioned earlier, Edward definitely suffers from manic depression. He first starts off as an extremely condescending vamp, but as soon as he lays his eyes on Bella and gets a whiff of her sweet-smelling blood, he quickly becomes a murderous hunter. Now, this I can understand to a degree because vamps, ya know, drink blood and all. BUT, as he is thinking of various ways to murder everyone in his biology class and eat Bella, he starts whining. He literally has a "woe is me, fuck my life!" moment.

Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me.

It's all about him, isn't it? He isn't the one who's *thisclose* to being eaten, but here he is singing the, "Why cruel world?!" song. And his bitch fest continues...

Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in?

*sigh* Are you done?

Why had she come here!

Sometimes people move, Edward. It happens! Man the hell up!

I didn't want to be the monster! I didn't want to kill this room full of harmless children! I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial!

*Rubs temples*

I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.

You tell that little human, Eddie. *Pats back* Feel better now?

Then, the next page over he gets back to work plotting Bella's murder. You know who Edward reminds me of best in the beginning of Midnight Sun? Have you ever seen The Smurfs? Remember old Gargamel and how he was always either planning some lame attempt to catch and eat the smurfs or crying from failing so hard?

*Evil crackle* Yessss...I'll get those little blue smurfs! I'll sneak into their village while they sleep and boil them alive! Won't we Azrael?

(view spoiler)[
Hmmm...what a weird coincidence. I found a pic of that on Google... Oh, fangirls. Still feel like swooning now? (hide spoiler)]

Okay, now imagine Eddie just like that while he says,

She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.

Conniving little bastard, isn't he? ^_^

Of course, then he runs off to Alaska and throws himself one hell of a pity party. Then, he goes back to Forks and falls head over heels in love with the most "mouthwatering" "beautiful" "selfless" INSANE girl. This is how I envisioned Edward for most of the partial draft *wink* book:



*sigh* Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You need help, son.

And there is also another human who had the misfortune to make Edward's personal hit list: Mike. I actually felt sorry for the douche bag in Midnight Sun. If Edward wasn't thinking about eating Bella, gently caressing her lips (LOL, who does that?), or how she looked in that damn blue blouse, he was thinking of "annihilating" the "obnoxious boy." Oddly enough, that too, had me LOL'ing. I know, I know. I'm a strange one. Heh. And when he said, "I wasn't going to stand around arguing with the wretch," I fell out. LOL.


He creeped, He perved, He stalked:

The creepiest thing, yet hilarious to me, about Midnight Sun is when Edward watches Bella sleep.

I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom?

LMAO, you fucking aren't! This book is a Stalker's Handbook. In five easy steps you can become the best stalker eva!

Step 1: Wait until you beloved and her loved ones are fast asleep. It would be uncool to be found snooping around your one true love's house during some ungodly hour. This is especially important if there is a loaded weapon on the premises.

Step 2: The window or entry of your liking may creak. Don't forget to bring along a can of oil! This is imperative to your stalking success! You must be unseen and unheard. Like a ninja...a really creepy ninja.

Step 3: Watch your honey bunny sleep. Maybe she's dreaming of you. Stay awake, lest you miss the action. For maximum effectiveness drink a 5-hour energy drink. By all means, snoop around her room. This is your show. You run this!

Step 4: Leave before the stalkee awakens. I can't even begin to tell you how awkward it would be if you are discovered!

Step 5: Congrats! You have done it! You've stalked your soul mate! Now repeat these five steps again and again to receive your Jedi Master level of stalking badge.


Edward loses his mind and everybody knows it:

The star of this book for me was Emmett. He always said what everyone else was thinking. The "voice of reason," if you will.

"Kid's lost his mind."
"Lost his mind, poor kid."
"This is getting weird."
"You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?"
"Exactly like a crazy person."
"You're pathetic."

And my favorite part is when Charlotte and Peter (Jasper's vamp friends) come to visit and Edward is there in a corner looking crazy again.



And they all sort of stare at him, yet Emmett sums it up perfectly, "Madman."

Oh and I can't write a Twilight review without throwing in a few hits at Bella. I just love it how Edward knows she has got to be crazy, but still wants to be with her. Maybe he finds it endearing like her inability to stand on her own two feet with out her face kissing the pavement. *shrugs* I really don't know what goes on inside the head of Edward. There is one part where he sits down and questions her sanity. He even goes as far to think about having her institutionalized:

How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected?

She possesses zero self-preservation skills. Give up, Ed.

She was impossible.

Well, I won't say it. I effin' told you so!

I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.

You're just starting?(view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]

I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available... Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, what ever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...

I now truly believe both of these clowns are meant for each other. Crazy is as crazy does.

Even though I may have liked Twilight and Eclipse at one point, I feel the same way I felt about Midnight Sun the first time I read it, "Is this a parody? This can't possibly be legit. It is? Bahahahaha! Somehow that just adds another layer of LOL'ing!" If you are looking for quality YA literature, this ain't it folks. Run away! If and when this book is ever finished and released, it will only be good for one thing:


The lolz

Next up is Eclipse, but in case you missed it: My Twilight review and My New Moon review.

And in case you are wondering why I'm re-reading the series, stop on over to check out Project Hindsight at my blog Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. Follow if you like?

Yes, that was me shamelessly promoting myself.

/Fin.



***BONUS***

Can you guess my favorite line from Mike?

(view spoiler)[
That pic is so creepy...it's perfect! (hide spoiler)]