Amanda's Reviews > Love Bites

Love Bites by Lynsay Sands
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's review
Mar 10, 2011

liked it
bookshelves: fantasy
Read in April, 2007

First of all, the cartoon cover of this book sets the scene: no depth here. So anyone who goes in expecting much in the way of plot or character development will be disappointed.

Sands has an entire series set around the Argeneau family following the romance cliché with each member of the family getting their own book, in which the hero or heroine meets their lifemate. The vampire mythos is that all the vampires are actually descendents of Atlantis who developed nanotechnology. Nanos live it their blood and keep them in perfect health. Each vampire is destined to have a lifemate, i.e. a soulmate.

I won't bother hashing out plot problems as the focus of the story itself is not on plot, but on furthering the supposed sexual attraction between Etienne and his lifemate Rachael. Etienne turns Rachael into a vampire to save her life after she is axed in the chest by a totally ridiculous villain named Pudge--yes, Pudge--who has discovered Etienne is a vamp and wants to kill him.

Although I didn't hate it, my main issue with this book is with the scene in which Rachael awakens from being turned into a vamp thinks she is having a wet dream while Etienne tries to convince her she's awake, and he's a vamp. She is upset by him putting off her sexual advances and whines with disappointment that it must be because he is not well-endowed. Etienne responds with "all the men in my family are well-endowed." This line was so absolutely ridiculous and unbelievable that I laughed out loud. Rachael then responds with "Oh goodie!" I cannot believe the author, much less an agent or editor, did not suggest a revision to this absurd dialogue. What man would ever say this?! Worse still--how would he even know this information about the other men in his family?!!

Another amusing scene occurred when Rachael and Etienne are slightly intoxicated by the ecstasy-blood drinks they are slipped at a vamp club by Etienne's cousin. Rachael ends up on her knees, but Etienne gets a nice surprise when her blood lust overcomes plain old lust.

All in all, it's not the worst book out there, but many of the scenes trying to build tension between Etienne and Rachael were boring. Rachael whines a lot about the same old gripes--specifically about his turning her into a vamp, when she ought to be thanking him since she can't stop pissing and moaning about how BORING her life is. I mean, according to her, she was basically a hermit with a night-job of dealing with corpses in the morgue--why would she want to go back to that? Meanwhile, Etienne comes off as a geeky adolescent, despite the fact that he is supposed to be 300 years old.

In conclusion: this book has silly, absurd dialogue, no plot, and no heat between the main characters.

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