Dear Ms. Carter,

Since you appear to unable or unwilling to stretch your research skills so far as to google the Greek gods, I have prepared for you a small primer, in the hopes that your future endeavours will not gratuitously and flagrantly denude one of the oldest mythologies in the world. Following is a (very short) account of some of the major Olympian gods who apparently play a role in your “book”.

Zeus: The ruler of the gods. That means what he says goes. This is a pantheon of the gods, not a bloody democracy. Now let’s see... Zeus, the man who is guilty of patricide, incest, adultery and bestiality. He, fulfilling a prophecy of Uranus and Gaia, killed his father and his uncles. He married his sister, Hera. He then went on to consistently cheat on her with a variety of mortal and non-mortal women. He is believed to have had secks in animal form with Leda. He is, in fact, related to most of the Greek pantheon BY BLOOD. He is the brother of Hera, Poseidon, Hades and Hestia, who were all born of the Titan Cronos and his sister-wife Rhea.

Hera: The sister-wife of Zeus, she spends all of her time chasing jealously after the various conquests of Zeus and attempting to destroy them and their demi-god offspring. You know what she didn’t have time for? Falling in love with her other brother, that’s what.

Poseidon: He is the vengeful god of the sea. He , like his brother, liked to chase the women and give them babies. He is said to have raped a nymph and slept with his granddaughter.

Demeter: In some mythological texts, this is another instance of brother-chasing-sister. She turns herself into a mare to avoid Poseidon, but he ends up catching her in his stallion form and having wild animal secks with her... literally! In so far as I am aware, she didn’t give a shit about Hades and his existence, except for hating him for kidnapping her daughter, Persephone.

Aphrodite: The goddess of lust and beauty. Need I say more?

Hades: Ah, the big one. Hades was the god of the Underworld. He tricked and kidnapped Persephone (his niece!) and trapped her in the Underworld. He was charged with maintaining the balance, which meant he was not about to randomly grant dead people their lives back. No, he was not in the business of patching up broken skulls and sending dead souls back into the living world. Really.

He was as sexually active as the rest of his family, pursuing nymphs left, right and centre. He was DEFINITELY not a virgin, and being guilty of patricide (and marrying his own niece), I find it hard to imagine that he would be happy about being portrayed as a lonely, troubled, sensitive and considerate young man. And as for being stuck with a pussy name like Henry, well, let’s just say Tartarus isn’t going to be a happy place for anyone guilty of such blasphemy.


Are you noticing the common thread here? No? Allow me to point out to you the things the ancient Greek gods DIDN’T care about: Anger, Envy, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Gluttony and LUST. You know what’s so great about being a god? You don’t have to conform to some measly human notion of morality and sin. You don’t have to ‘test’ the humans in order to give them immortality. You don’t have to pass your decision through a ‘council’. You just do what the hell you want, because you’re a god, not a paper-pusher. Accountability is a human notion; gods are above it. That’s kind of why they are called gods.

In the event that said gods wanted to make humans prove that they were worthy of being immortal, they sent them on a quest. That, in case, you didn’t know, is a heroic endeavour meant to test strength, courage and intelligence. Not moral fibre. Again, the Greek gods didn’t HAVE moral fibre, so they couldn’t care less about it. So, I’d say that pretty much rules out history tests and sharing your clothes with your friends. I mean, COME ON. Is that the best you can do? ‘You shared your clothes with your friends, my dear, so you can live forever!’

The Greek pantheon preceded Christian theology by several thousand years. Try not to mix your religions, it always ends badly. You might also want to keep in mind that gods are not sweeter, kinder versions of humanity. They have no humanity. They don’t fall in love, get married and live happily ever after in domestic bliss with 2.5 children. So if your heroine is asking the Lord of the Underworld whether he wants what other ‘people’ want — marriage, a home and a family, chances are, she is going to be laughed out of the Underworld. Not looked at wistfully and tenderly.

Henry is the worst representation of a romantic hero that I can think of. Unless we are now trying to portray the Greek gods as Victorian maidens. He moans and sighs and languishes in a manner that is an embarrassment to gods everywhere. It could have been an interesting plotline that Henry was in love with someone else, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s so drippy about it, you want to give him some laudanum and put him to sleep on the fainting couch.

Your heroine too, could use some increase in IQ. I believe, as she exists currently, she falls in two categories of unlikeable women: goody-two-shoes and too stupid to live.

On a non-mythological note, I would like to submit a complaint, as a reader of average intelligence. I am not five. Could you kindly refrain from talking down to me? The ‘twists’ in this book were laughably obvious. From Kate’s mother’s identity to that of James, to that of the murderer, it took me about five seconds to figure out. Maybe next time we could try for an actual mystery? Just a suggestion.

Also, if you could refrain from wimping out in your sex scenes, you would earn my eternal gratitude. Teenagers can and do have sex. Normal, happy sex with boys they love. They don’t need to be forced into it by a sophist trick like the inclusion of aphrodisiacs. If you could stop including plotlines that make me throw up in my head, I would be thankful.

I hope my little notes have been of a helpful nature in guiding you towards a more entertaining, well-researched novel. You will forgive me, however, if I don’t have the courage to verify for myself whether your next attempt at writing goes better than your first. I value my sanity.

Yours sincerely,

A Reader


P.S. This book was provided to me by the publishers via Net Galley. No considerations, monetary or otherwise, influenced this review.