Kat Kennedy's Reviews > The Goddess Test

The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter
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Nov 20, 11

bookshelves: just-plain-bad, kat-s-book-reviews, ya-pnr-maddness
Read from March 07 to August 03, 2011

*This ARC was provided for me by Harlequin and no money was exchanged.*

I requested this galley because, after reading the blurb, I immediately decided that the concept was awesome and that this book would be made of win. I tried to rationalize with myself that it might not be the fantastic story I was imagining, but it still had to be good, right? RIGHT?

Of course the concept of Vampire has already been taken, murdered, chopped into little pieces, jellified and poured into a modern, PC mould of super coolness.

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I just didn't realize you could do that to the entire Greek Mythology as well.

And this is where to entire book falls apart. Which is extremely sad because the concept was so awesome. There was potential for REAL characters, great dialogue, witty mythology-based banter, awkward circumstances and believable chemistry.

Mythology: The Greek gods and goddesses, like normal people except with immortality and individual powers. They torment, rape or save mortals and generally act insane before retiring for the evening to get drunk and partake in debauchery.
TGT: The gods and goddesses are no longer blood relatives and they're no longer Greek. They're equal opportunity dieties. They don't stand for any immoral shenanigans and consider human life valid.



Mythology: Hades is a mostly okay god having only raped a few mortals and embroiled in a small case of kidnap which may or may not have given Persephone the world's first case of Stockholm Syndrome. He is the guardian to the Underworld which is a miserable place according to every spirit spoken to, the few retrieved or those couple who've bravely entered alive and lived to tell the tale. DON'T try to mess with or remove spirits from this horrible place. It seriously pisses Hades off though he has been known to return a spirit or two because he's a generally alright God. He's the eldest of his three brothers. He has an awesome helm of invisibility and a few other useful trinkets and also a three-headed dog.
TGT: Hades is a brooding, twenty-two year old (looking) VIRGIN immortal, with a ONE headed dog named Cerebrus and none of the awesome or LACK OF VIRGINITY. His only powers seem to be an incredible ability to angst up a room and all the romantic tact of a wet fish with a bad case of herpes (WHO IS A VIRGIN!) He also follows some preset rules (if gods don't make the rules then who does?) and is generally a pussywhipped virgin!


Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

I could go on, but I think it's enough that the original mythology which was this book's biggest drawcard, has been destroyed and along with it, the possibility of a really great story. Because, after all, you can't proudly base your story so heavily on Greek mythology and then turn it into something so very uncomfortably western and Christian based.

The characters weren't all bad. Kate was extremely exasperating in the beginning of this novel. She, for good reason, believes that Hades has the ability to take life and death right up until she's in his beautiful mansion and has seen all the proof. Then she refuses to believe any of it and insist he's crazy.

The biggest problem is that when you're reading a story about being tested to become a god or goddess, you're kind of expecting the trial to be somewhat hard. You know, stealing the Girdle of Hippolyte or DESTROY A FREAKIN' HYDRA!!! It's immortality, dude. You can't just go giving that shit away.

One day I would like to discuss why a man gets twelve tests that require strength, skill, cunning and intelligence; and a woman gets seven tests requiring morality and humility. There seems to be an underlying message there for those people who want to draw conclusions.

And that's my final problem with this story. It's not that the writing is necessarily bad or that all that characters are bad. Most of them are fine and this book is actually readable. My problem is the massive copouts left, right and centre.

Being coerced into a deal to save your mother's life should involve maybe a few more hardships than getting to wear pretty dresses, living in a rich mansion and falling in love with a super sexy God. Tests for immortality should be a little more difficult than going an afternoon without food and letting your friends have the clothes that you didn't want anyway.

Finally, I felt the entire ending of this story was the biggest copout of all.

It's been a sad trend in YA lit that everything always has to be hunky-dory perfect with a kickass outfit to boot. I was really hoping this book would be something special and unique. The Goddess Test didn't pass its final grade.


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Comments (showing 1-50 of 69) (69 new)


Kat Kennedy Wow! 1 Star? I'm worried now!


Ceilidh This book pulled a dick move with its ending, not to mention the inane stupidity of the tasks. Also, the seven deadly sins AREN'T GREEK MYTHOLOGY! Great review Kat.


Kat Kennedy Thanks, Ceilidh. I completely agree. I was very frustrated that the most they expect from a woman, to prove she's goddess material, is that she conform to some outdated and outmoded concept of virtue.

They're supposed to be the Greek gods FFS!


message 4: by Mariel (new)

Mariel The test should at least be as hard as Manny's goodreads god test!


Kat Kennedy I know! Although, I'm actually slowly making my way through that test. I'm about to start Brigai Monda and I think that's one of them.

How have you gone on your trials? I wasn't invited into the special group so I haven't been able to see your progression!


message 6: by Mariel (new)

Mariel I passed the gods test. I'm a Goodreads God.


Kat Kennedy I'm so jealous! Can I bathe your feet? Tell me your secrets!


message 8: by Mariel (new)

Mariel I get to sit at the Gods table and eat exotic fruit!


Kat Kennedy Oh, how exciting!

Hellion - it was disappointing. Though I don't think Carter is entirely to blame. It's kind of a product of the current YA publishing trend.


message 10: by Vinaya (last edited Mar 08, 2011 05:30AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Vinaya You didn't rant about the V-thing? How could you not rant about the V-thing?! I was looking forward to your rant about the V-thing! Go rant about the V-thing now!

...was there too much 'rant' and 'V-thing' happening that comment? No, I didn't think so either.

Btw, Mariel, I'm so glad you un-privatized your profile so now I can stalk your 'reviewing the reviewers' without waiting for someone to like it so that it shows up on my feeds! I go read some of those reviews whenever I'm free! :)


message 11: by Cory (new) - added it

Cory The more reviews I read, the more boring it seems to get. Hades to Henry is like Michael Jackson to Chris Brown. Lame.


Vinaya B-b-but Chris Brown is HOTTT! He's a 'bad boy' with abuse issues! He's bestseller material! How could you, Cory! LMAO


message 13: by Moira (new)

Moira Russell all the romantic tact of a wet fish with a bad case of herpes

//can't breathe


message 14: by Vi (new) - rated it 1 star

Vi Vi "Hades to Henry is like Michael Jackson to Chris Brown"

CAN'T STOP LOLING OMG!!! LOL so true.

I'm actually really glad that I was denied a galley for this.

And yes, Kat, THE V-THING.


message 15: by Cory (new) - added it

Cory What V-Thing? Do tell.


Vinaya Cory, didn't you read Hellion's review? (view spoiler)


Vinaya oooh, I did NOT know Meg Cabot was retelling the Persephone myth! Are Greek gods the new vampires? Everyone seems to be writing about them!


message 18: by Cory (new) - added it

Cory I do not look forward to the Persephone retelling by Meg Cabot. I imagine that she will either make it horribly smutty, like Ransom My Heart, or terribly cheesy, like All American Girl.


Kat Kennedy There ya go, Vinaya! I Virgin'd the review up a bit for you. I'd honestly just forgotten about that detail!

*Goes off to look up Meg Cabot*


Vinaya Yay! Pity I can't 'like' a review twice! I haven't even read the book yet, but the virgin thing just struck me as so wrong. Way to ruin a high-living, sister-fucking, swan-seducing pantheon! Thanks a lot, Carter!


message 21: by Chichipio (new)

Chichipio LOL, and I thought I was going to have trouble spotting the virgin edits.


Kat Kennedy I like to think subtlety is one of my finer attributes!


message 23: by Cory (new) - added it

Cory You're about as subtle as a naked man dancing and screaming in front of a mall.


message 24: by Chichipio (new)

Chichipio Well, that's a mental picture that I really didn't need. Thanks.


message 25: by Cassie (new)

Cassie This is incredible. Glad I read your review before picking up the book.


message 26: by Cassie (new)

Cassie Vinaya wrote: "Yay! Pity I can't 'like' a review twice! I haven't even read the book yet, but the virgin thing just struck me as so wrong. Way to ruin a high-living, sister-fucking, swan-seducing pantheon! Thanks..."

HA!


Kat Kennedy You're about as subtle as a naked man dancing and screaming in front of a mall.

Tell it to me straight, Cory! Don't try to soften the blow!


message 28: by Amazon80 (new)

Amazon80 At least he gets the medal for holding out longer then Edward. Major blue balls. Way To Go Hades!


Danielle LOL! Kat & Cory you two are hysterical!


message 30: by Chichipio (new)

Chichipio A hundred years without getting any and then not even getting a damn medal? Wow… Sparkly, that's a new low.


Kat Kennedy Well, Hades is supposed to be from the beginning of creation and according to this story, he was a virgin until recently. That's a waste of several thousand years!


message 32: by Chichipio (new)

Chichipio Why would you even want to live thousands of that kind of years? (TMI: I still remember the dry spell of 2002 and how it seemed to last a thousand years)


message 33: by Bonnie (new)

Bonnie Love the snark in this review! Best part: "His only powers seem to be an incredible ability to angst up a room." Hee...describes WAY too many romantic leads nowadays. This is now on my To Avoid pile, thanks.


message 34: by Lina (new) - rated it 1 star

Lina There is no way Hades is a virgin because in one of my past lives I was tappin' dat ass.


message 35: by Lina (last edited Mar 09, 2011 07:36PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Lina Hellion wrote: "LMAO. Love. IT!! Princess, you're awesome!"

<3 You are even more awesome.

I'm just spreading the truth, the Elysian Fields were rocking that night.

Sexy Pictures, Images and Photos


Kat Kennedy You've made me love you so much, Princess!


message 37: by Kelli (new)

Kelli Lee How disappointing! This is, and has been since childhood, my favorite mythology tale. With that said, I was looking forward to reading this. Not so much anymore. Oh wells. Great review, Kat.


message 38: by Lina (new) - rated it 1 star

Lina Kat wrote: "You've made me love you so much, Princess!"

Yay! Love <3 and I didn't have to trick or insult or stalk you to do it! Take that Edward Cullen!


Laura the Highland Hussy OMGsh Kat you are gorgeous! I soo want your accent! (and I loved the stars!)


Kat Kennedy Haha! Thank you so much, Laura. SO DID I!!! I kept looking at the buttons as I was trying to do my review.

Kelly, I was really looking forward to reading this as well which is why I was so disappointed.


message 41: by Chichipio (new)

Chichipio You were really sparkling, weren't you? Why didn't you ever tell us that you were one of Meyer's vamps?

Anyway, the buttons and the family sketch were great. Keep using both!


Kat Kennedy I know, Tommy! They were so awesome!!!!

Lol Chichipio! I was ashamed!


message 43: by Bry (new)

Bry Ok and now I am leaving this book off o my TBR list. I got all excited when I saw it because I love Greek mythology but whats the point if they completely bastardize it. Boo. YA lit is ruining all my favorite subjects lately. Fantastic review as ALWAYS Kat!!


message 44: by Erin (new) - rated it 1 star

Erin Just finished this book and my issues with it are the exact same as yours. Thank you for putting it better than I could.


message 45: by Cyna (new) - rated it 2 stars

Cyna That review was epic and awesome and true. I was expecting Labors of Hercules, not a who-can-make-like-a-nun best contest. Also, I hated that by the end, Kate's mom-centered life had turned into a Henry-centered life. God forbid she ever lead a Kate-centered life.

Also, her mom may be the worst mom ever.

That being said, the next one actually sounds kind of adventure-y.


message 46: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh my, am I deterred to read this. If the blurb hadn't made the "Nope, avoid" message clear, your review and a couple more I saw around surely made it sink. Thanks for the heads up and the time saved.


Ikhlas The ending was plain sad, I definitely agree. Enjoyed reading your review and watching your video!!


message 48: by Lyndi (last edited Nov 21, 2011 01:55AM) (new)

Lyndi THERE ARE STARS COMING OUT OF MY FACE...

Nailed the 'amazed by technology' look I usually only see on grandparents. Great video review =)


message 49: by Jen (new) - rated it 5 stars

Jen I don't get why your all saying Henry's a virgin... it never says that in the book, and the end was just fine- but then again i'm a positive person and always look on the bright side:) but am seriously pissed at all these negative reviews of such an awsome, fantastic book!


message 50: by Kat Kennedy (last edited Nov 29, 2011 12:47AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kat Kennedy Then you are a very poor reader because it clearly stated in the book that Henry is a virgin. If the negative reviews are raining on your parade then it's best you don't read them.


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