Lacey Louwagie's Reviews > Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
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's review
Jun 07, 11

really liked it
bookshelves: non-fiction, self-help, wedding
Read from February 25 to June 06, 2011

Even though I disobeyed the author and read the whole book (not just the first four chapters) before I got married, I have to say that there's nothing shocking here. While this is a book that addresses sex from a "Christian" perspective (that is, it stresses that sex is supposed to be saved for marriage, that God made sex, etc.), Dr. Leman still bases the majority of the text on credible psychology, not the Bible, which I respected him for a LOT. The book wasn't preachy at all and was very accessible. I really liked his attitude toward the place sex should have in a relationship, which is to say that it is PART of that relationship, not a separate entity, and that whatever else is happening in the relationship does affect it. He's sensitive to both women's and men's sexual needs and encourages understanding between the sexes. And although his attitude toward sex is quite progressive (basically, it's ALL good, acceptable, etc., as long as it's between spouses), there are times when this book feels as if it's being written for HIS generation, people my parents' age, and not mine. A few cases in point:

1) The assumption is that women are generally resistant to sex and do it "just" to please their husbands. I feel like a lot of women a generation older than me approached sex this way, but I don't know a ton of modern young women who do. I certainly don't!
2) The fixation on sexual hang-ups that seem kind of "old school," such as women having trouble orgasming, men orgasming too soon, etc. There wasn't a lot of exploration of all the nuances of potential sexual difficulties, just coverage of what are the basic, stereotypical sexual "dysfunctions" in men and women.

Some of the stuff he said about women was on-target, but a lot of it didn't pertain to me at all (see old-school references above), which DID make me question how accurate his blanket statements about men were. Luckily, the book also stresses uniqueness and communication, so that couples will (hopefully) take the time to find out which "generalizations" might apply to their partner, and which are way off. I also really liked that he addressed the issue of body image in women, with appropriate blame attributed to the unrealistic expectations of our culture. I wish he also would have addressed pornography at greater length, as that also really plays into both male and female insecurity about sex and is so ubiquitous that there are probably few sexual relationships in which the issue hasn't been raised in one way or another. Perhaps his main blind spot is in assuming that all men are as good-hearted as he is.

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Reading Progress

16.0% "The author says I can't read past chapter 4 till after I'm married." 2 comments
16.0% "I'm going to have to move this one to "to read," too, if I obey the author and don't read any more till after the wedding!"
62.0% "I decided to disobey the author's instruction not to read this book until after marriage after all. There's nothing in here that can't be seen in any grocery checkout line--or Yahoo questions on the Internet."
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