Skylar Burris's Reviews > The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World

The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney
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Nov 04, 13

bookshelves: parenting, sociology, marriage
Read in May, 2011

This review has been published elsewhere as "Introverts Are Not Idiots."

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message 1: by K (new)

K Fabulous review. As one introvert to another, I salute you.


Skylar Burris Thanks, Khaya!


Kressel Housman Harsh review! You haven't quite convinced me to take it off my "to read" shelf, but at least I know not to spend any money on it.


Rozanne Yeah, I just started reading it, and the baby talk is getting to me. I'll stick with it a bit longer, but I def. agree that a book like this should be required reading for extroverts.


message 5: by Ilona (last edited Dec 16, 2012 04:38PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Ilona Parts of your review made me laugh out loud, because they were precisely my response. Short sections to protect our "itty-bitty introvert brains"??? How insulting!

Like you, I'm pretty darned introverted, and that section you cited sounded "pretty darn nuts" to me, too.

I found the book, overall, patronizing and insulting. Unlike Dr. Laney, I've never considered myself defective because I'm introverted, and it would have benefitted the book enormously if she'd interviewed more introverts like you and me, who enjoy our introversion. (I'm an INTJ. Perhaps that's why I found sections of her book almost inexplicable?)


Skylar Burris Ilona, I too am an INTJ. I think that J makes this book hard to swallow...


message 7: by Katie (new)

Katie I love this review! Thanks so much for the thorough and humorous take on the book. Now I'm not sure if I want to read it just to see if it really is as condescending as you suggest. How could a fellow introvert speak to us in such a way? I may not be comfortable in a crowd, but I am certainly comfortable with my own intellect.

I tested a INFJ in high school and reading about this personality type sent me a long way in learning to accept myself and my introverted quirks!


Elyse Well, here's one extrovert's take. (I say "one" because, contrary to the book's definition, we do not all fit into one box.) This book was chosen for our book club by an introvert who loved it. I have to agree with Skylar's review.
It felt to me like the author needed to put extroverts down to build introverts up. Just look at her descriptions on how each kind should talk to the other on pg. 123.
Extroverts:
-Don't interrupt . . . well, I don't.
-Count to five and think . . . why? My thoughts are organized and ready to go. I am happy to be patient and allow my introverts to process and speak when ready.
-Learn how to sit quietly . . . Really? Could she be more condescending? Am I doing the Cha Cha while reading?
Introverts:
-Don't be afraid to yell or talk loudly . . . do you find that necessary? Are we so hard to talk to?
-Say anything that pops into your mind . . . doesn't that go against your nature given that you're introspective and thoughtful?
-Allow pauses. It's okay not to keep up with your extroverted partner's nonstop pace . . . I didn't realize I don't know how to have a give and take discussion.
My introverted best friend told me to read it as though the author was talking about the extremes. That still didn't keep me from feeling annoyed. Ilona, I also found the book to be patronizing and insulting to both personality types.
I'll be quite curious to see the response from our book group, which actually has more introverts.


message 9: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Wow. Nice review. You should be a writer if you aren't already. Witty and observant. I enjoyed reading your review. Thanks!


message 10: by Christine (new) - added it

Christine Mitchell yep. INTJ here and often folks associate introverts with artistic and unorganized traits. or why introverts are better listeners... well, listening is the hardest part of being an introvert for me. zone out in groups? yep. i was really hoping to find more good news about this book in the reviews because i need clear cut examples of how to apply not only being an introvert to my job/life but also being a female who talks facts first and makes decisions fairly quickly with appropriate data present. INTJs are external processors as anyone who has studied personality types will know and i find that a sticking point because i get labeled as a crabby extrovert which is just asinine... the only help i've found is from talking to a certified mbti specialist, and reading keirsey's please understand me book. which delves better into introverted and extroverted traits of the s n t f and how the j p affects that. I'm likely to read this book anyway just because the world does expect extroversion, regularly expects females to be touchy-feely and flexible and that just described my opposite on the mbti. I'd love some suggestions for reframing conversations so i have words the help me relate to people better or show people whats going on inside (its required in my job, i manage over 100 folks.) so if anyone cares to reply to this comment or send me to a blog that will give me some answers maybe that will be more helpful.


Skylar Burris I'll have to check out Please Understand Me. Thanks for the tip.


message 12: by Kirk (new) - added it

Kirk Carver Thanks for the review, but here's some feedback on your assumption that people get M-B tested in high school: if you a person is over about 35 years of age, Id be willing to bet they weren't tested. I know I wasn't.


message 13: by Leah (new) - rated it 2 stars

Leah Cass Thank you! I just finished the book and the whole time was thinking to myself "I'm an introvert, not a total moron." So condescending. You can be an introvert and still have basic social skills.


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