Andrew Georgiadis's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
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Feb 16, 2011

it was ok
bookshelves: teeny-bopper-nonsense, sci-fi-and-fantasy, pop-bestsellers
Read in January, 2009

1.5 STARS


Awful. Gooey and uncomfortably bad. After "Twilight," I now know that:

1. Phoenix is bigger than Seattle
2. Vampires are boring
3. Just because it doesn't have a "for ages 10 and up" on the back cover doesn't mean it's not for teenage virgins
4. Edward Cullen is graceful and beautiful and perfect and arrogant and is a perfectly arrogant boob
5. I chortle a lot
6. Vampires are boring
7. Harry Potter looks really good right now
8. Vampires? *Snore*

It's tempting to have a good attitude about this one, but it's impossible. Children's or young adult literature can still be challenging, and can still marshal some meaning for an adult reader. This is vapid, soulless, with all of the subtleties of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" without any of the scary parts. The Muppet movies are less insulting to our intelligences and emotional sophistications. The back-and-forth with the two main characters (a nerdy girl in a new town and the beautiful/perfect/graceful vampire) is terrible and terribly frequent. The "I love you"s pour from every page, the "I can't live without you"s soon to follow, with heaping spoonfuls of "What are you thinking?" "I'm thinking I love you and I can't live without you" "I was just thinking the same thing" "So was I" "You must have read my mind" "But remember I can't read your mind" chuckle chuckle mixed in.

So --- being in love, and talking to someone you love - that can be great. An admixture of love story and dark tale of separation, or of a relationship at risk because of differences -- that, too, can be compelling. But please. I mean please. The epilogue is the attendance of high school prom, and suffers from an utter void of drama or even a whiff of sexual tension for anyone over 12 years old. Life is short, peeps.


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