Chris's Reviews > Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
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's review
Feb 01, 2008

liked it
bookshelves: fantasy, harry-potter
Read in July, 2007

Since pretty much everyone I know has read these books, I figure reviewing them is pretty pointless. But with the new book coming out in a couple of days, I have to go through them beginning to end. To make the reviews more entertaining, I will be doing them in a variety of unexpected formats. For this review, I will be writing as an unnamed member of the Bush administration.

So, how long until we can get this Rowling woman into Gitmo?

I mean really, have you read this book? It's an 800-page diatribe encouraging children to not only question authority, but to actively disobey it! I mean look at what we have here - there's a magical government that is responsible for to oversight and management of magical folk in Britain. Now I'm not entirely sure how this organization works, but I do know this - where there is a government, there is authority, and that authority must be there for a reason. No matter how much you may disagree with it, you have to understand that everything those in authority are doing is for your benefit.

It pained me to see how the character of Dolores Umbridge was treated in this book. She single-handedly tried to bring order to Hogwarts and steer it from the liberal-free-thinking path to destruction paved by that long-haired hippie Dumbledore. And what did Umbridge get for her hard work? The Medal of Freedom? No! She got carried off by a pack of wild centaurs. How is that right? Moreover, what kind of example is that setting for American children?

Now I don't care if Rowling wants to cripple a generation of readers in Britain. Go ahead, it's not like we need them anyway. But with these books becoming so popular in the United States, there is a very great danger that her insidious brand of rebellion and individualism will infect our children as well, and where will that lead us? Into howling chaos, that's where! Our children will see their favorite characters being disobedient and rebellious with no consequence, and it won't be long until they're thinking they can follow their example. If we let them, our children will become just as uncontrollable as the little monsters in this book.

I urge you, if you have children, not to let them read this book. It will do nothing but damage that will take years to undo. All you parents need to do is remind them is that there are people in authority - like yourselves - who know what is right for them. They just have to listen, not question, and obey, not understand.

I just hope that this trend doesn't continue in the next couple of books. Personally, I'd like to see all those kids locked up and that Muggle-hugger Dumbledore thrown off a parapet or something. The sooner Hogwarts comes back under Ministry control, the better everything will be.
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Comments (showing 1-7 of 7) (7 new)

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Steven Wait, I'm confused. This review is a joke, right? =P

Chris Steven wrote: "Wait, I'm confused. This review is a joke, right? =P"

The bit in italics is the key. I don't know why people keep skipping over that preface in these reviews....

Steven Oh! Haha, I'm sorry

Patrick The review sounds like an overly-concerned parent lol :)

Lexie I agree Patrick

Brooke WTF?

Rachel Caroline Deacons Brilliant. I applaud you sir! *Claps in slow motion.*

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