Dustin's Reviews > Satellite

Satellite by Matthew Rohrer
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Jan 29, 08

I'll never forget the time Matt Rohrer drove me and some of our friends up through Central California to Chico, at the tip of the Sacramento Valley, in the shadow of the Sierra Nevadas. We were there for a reading. It was a one day trip, and Matt Rohrer loaded us all in his van hella early and ate hella donuts and was kind enough to sit through the 49er game for me when we got to Chico. The Niners were terrible against the New York Giants; I think the long flight to the East Coast probably had something to do with their performance. Me and Matt Rohrer talked about that, about how we were watching our hometown team but they were in an alien place all the way across the country, how odd and discordant it was.

On the way home Matt Rohrer, who I originally knew as a Vegan, declared that he wasn't hungry but he wanted to eat some junk food. We pulled into lot that had both a KFC and a Jack in the Box, and Matt Rohrer went to the KFC and got six pieces of fried chicken and washed them down with a Jack in the Box shake. I had tacos. We never regretted anything.
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message 6: by Jacob (new) - added it

Jacob I remember that day well. I was flying back from LA, where I had stupidly gone to spend time with my ex-girlfriend, and I got stopped at the airport by Homeland security because my ID was expired. I think it was also because I have a big bushy beard and look Semitic. If I were Homeland security and Matt Rohrer tried to board a plane, I would search him, because he has a small, slightly bushy beard and he looks a little Semitic. A small bushy beard is more suspicious than a big bushy beard. Here on the West Coast beards are indicators of our strangeness, our outsider status, our refusal to play by the rules. Likewise, those of us that do not have beards further enforce that status. That's because here on the West Coast, we refuse to play by the rules of convention. Matt Rohrer embodies that spirit. He embodies that spirit so much that he hella embodies it. He embodies the shit out of it. This comment puts hair on Matt Rohrer's chest and tattoos the word "hella" on his left butt cheek.

message 5: by Truong (last edited Jan 30, 2008 01:56PM) (new)

Truong I was in a fancy grocery store with a fully stocked olive bar and the overpriced cupcakes buying my dinner after a long day of teaching. I decided on a turkey meatloaf sandwich on dutch crunch bread made by a guy who loved his job way too much. Having topped the sandwich with the crunchy side of the bread he looked at me and said in that overly zealous tone that said you should be thankful, “I gave you an extra slice of meatloaf.” Did I look like I need another slice of meatloaf? Did I look like some kind of charity case? I mean what the fuck? Did I ask for an extra slice of meatloaf? But then I thought to myself WWMRD, what would matt Rohrer do in this situation. Would he throw a trantrum? Probably not. Would he read into the situation and say this guy must think that I’m too skinny or maybe too fat or too poor or too gullible. I’m paying how much for a meatloaf sandwich that’s not even organic? Probably not. Matt Rohrer would buy the sandwich and smile and say thank you. He would reach into his messenger bag, pull out a poem and share it with the guy who made the sandwich. He would take home this meatloaf sandwich. He would carefully remove that extra slice of meatloaf. He would post an ad on craigslist saying, I have an extra slice of meatloaf. Its hella good and hella free. Freegans welcomed. Just come on down. Matt Rohrer would say Truong don’t start beef and offer me half of his turkey meatloaf sandwich because that’s matt rohrer that’s how it is here on the west coast so once again thank you matt rohrer for being matt rohrer. And by the way I did buy the sandwich. I smiled. I said thank you

Matthew! Lawrence! Rohrer! Matthew Lawrence Rohrer says NO to internet bullying!

message 3: by Jacob (last edited Jan 30, 2008 01:39AM) (new) - added it

Jacob There was a time in my life when I went to antiwar protests thinking that they stopped wars. Now, when I go to protests, I go with the knowledge that I am not stopping a war or ending injustice. Are these events successful if all they do is temporarily mobilize human beings? It happens, a large sudden gathering of humans, and then all of the participants disperse. And then ... nothing. It is as if these were things that happened only to be remembered later. Maybe, I'm cynical? Maybe, I don't believe in free will or the power to change things or maybe I am tired of having sore feet and sun burns or maybe I never liked festival style concerts and maybe I belong in dive bars and dim sum restaurants for the rest of my natural life?

The point is, when you look at all of this flurry of activity, and consider yourself as just another piece data in the machine-consciousness of late capitalism, you have no other choice but to sit back and begin laughing hysterically. It will come slowly at first but after a while it will pour out of you like blood from a wound like milk from a full udder like drool and snot running from a nose and a mouth.

Then what do you do?

You are laughing. You are a piece of data in some machine. You are a lump of meat that is walking around and talking and spilling things on the furniture. You are short money for the rent. You are saying it's not fair. It's not fair. And in the end, there no such thing as the bully or the author or you or status or the establishment. There are just a bunch of animals happening at the same time.

Matthew! Lawrence! Rohrer! Dude that was hella zen! Protests show the rest of the world that we agree with them that our president is an idiot. So when we go on vacation, we're less likely to be given wedgies.

Dustin Who the hell is Matthew Lawrence?

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