Elle's Reviews > Rules of Attraction

Rules of Attraction by Simone Elkeles
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Aug 31, 12

bookshelves: 2011-read, nawwww, elles-reviews
Read on June 21, 2011




SIMONE ELKELES: Hola, Elle!

ELLE: Oh. Hi Simone Elkeles.

SIMONE ELKELES: WTF, Elle? You gave my first book in the series, Perfect Chemistry, only two stars? Explain yourself, Senorita.

ELLE: Well, Simone Elkeles, I just thought it was a bit...

SIMONE ELKELES: I know, I know. I hear you, cariño. It was too intensely POWERFUL a novel for your mind. I accept.

ELLE: um, actually, no... it was more that I...

SIMONE ELKELES: Si, chica. I feel you. I suspect the hot-teen-sex-on-filthy-garage-floor scene was far too EXTREME for you.

ELLE: Well no, not really. In fact I kinda’ thought it was a bit lame and...

SIMONE ELKELES: And were you not AROUSED by the Adonis I created in Alex? Did he not get your sangre going?

ELLE: Well, y’know Simone, it takes a bit more than a 17 year old boy to...

SIMONE ELKELES: And then there’s my EPIC CLEVERNESS. Because they meet in Chemistry class and I titled the book: Perfect Chemistry! DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

ELLE: Yes. Bravo Simone.

SIMONE ELKELES: And then you must have been completely PERPLEXED by all the twists and turns and UNEXPECTED occurrences throughout the journey?

ELLE: Yes well... all that nonsense aside. Can we talk about Rules of Attraction now? Because this one was so much better and I really enjoyed...

SIMONE ELKELES: Si! Indeed, my talent has no end. I will continue on until I have achieved complete Young Adult Romance world domination!

ELLE: ...right. But as I was saying, I was quite impressed with...

SIMONE ELKELES: And they will name an entire genre after my gift! It shall be called: Young Adult SIMANCE!

ELLE: ...

SIMONE ELKELES: Did you notice how I gave the heroine a stutter so that I would have a tool with which to demonstrate the IMMENSE HEART ACHE from within our little chica? Again, my cleverness is beyond all proportion. Is it not?

ELLE: ...

SIMONE ELKELES: Your silence is praise to my humble ears, Senorita. Now, I must warn you. You simply MUST prepare yourself for the third instalment of my grand trilogy of greatness. Behold: Chain Reaction

ELLE: There’s another brother?

SIMONE ELKELES: Si!

ELLE: Is it going to be the same f’king story with the same f’king characters and the same f’king outcome?

SIMONE ELKELES: ... Si!

ELLE: Balls.

SIMONE ELKELES: Are you telling me that you will no longer succumb to my magnetic pull?

ELLE: I haven’t really decided. I think I might just wait and see what other...

SIMONE ELKELES: Nonsense! I insist that you YEILD to my supremacy. I will be keeping my obscenely talented EYE on you, my little villano. Hasta luego!

ELLE: ... balls.



*******


Dear Goodreaders,

I wish to make it perfectly clear that I have not nor have I ever claimed that I have interviewed Simone Elkeles. The above dialogue is intended as humorous fiction.
Simone Elkeles did not
actually say any of the above (to my knowledge, o_O).
Although... I bet she wishes she had thought up YOUNG ADULT SIMANCE herself, ay?

Regards, Elle




*** EDIT ***

The lunacy: http://coffee2words.wordpress.com/201...

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Quotes Elle Liked

Simone Elkeles
“Tofu tacos are not Mexican. I think putting tofu on anything and calling it Mexican is an insult to my people.”
Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction


Reading Progress

06/20/2011 page 80
25.0% 2 comments
06/21/2011 page 250
77.0% 5 comments
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 149) (149 new)


message 1: by Nomes (new) - added it

Nomes "ELLE: Is it going to be the same f’king story with the same f’king characters and the same f’king outcome?

SIMONE ELKELES: ... Si! "

LOL

i couldn't make it through this book. maybe i should have persevered but reading PERFECT CHEMISTRY was enough for me ~ i did not need a repeat ...

this review is awesome :)


message 2: by Brooke (new) - added it

Brooke Hahahahahahaha <3


Flannery REVIEW WIN. Every day I thank God you are on my friend list.


Elle Awww. Thanks Flan. Ditto :-)

Now, when are you getting round to Mind Games? I'M SO EAGER TO READ WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!!!!


Nicole Great entertainment value there! Now I see how stupid I looked telling you I loved Perfect Chemistry without checking your review...good one me!


Elle Don't be silly Nicole. :-) I'm definitely in the minority with my harsh but true 2 star rating of Perfect Chemistry.


Nicole You definitely make valid points, I'm just really easy to please. :)


message 8: by John (new)

John Egbert Bwahahaha, YA World Domination!


Sayjil i must say that you make an excellent point!


Mallory Awesome review! Spot on.


message 11: by Keli (new) - rated it 3 stars

Keli Lol! I love the review!


message 12: by SerenaSmiles (new)

SerenaSmiles LMFAOOO, i'm dying of laughter. Your reviews make my day :)


Nimra khalid lox..:D


Mauie (The Traveling Reader) HAHAHA. You should write for TV. That was really funny. :)


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

lol.. :))


Sophie Best. Review. Ever.


Kaylie Very true they are basically the same book. Even though I did enjoy both of them and now reading the third, I'm guessing it is going to be just like the others.


message 18: by Alisha (new) - added it

Alisha HAHAHA I absolutely love Perfect Chemistry but your review was AMAZING! Had me laughing soooo hard!


Josephine OMG- I thought I was the only one who felt the same way.


message 20: by Mahala (new)

Mahala Your review was muy hilarioso. Lol


Stephanie Funny review, but I wanted to add I saw the author at a book event and she's the reason why I bought the book. She's hilarious and very open about pretty much everything. YOu should seriously try to interview her if you have a book review blog. She's pretty cool.


Tatiana Even though I adore Simone's books, this review made me laugh so hard. xD you're so funny! :D


Beatrice Fabiosa This review is the funniest one I've read. I loved all the books in the trilogy though.


Monique J. Enjoyed this review as much as I enjoyed the trilogy. And was it me or did the books get better as they went? On the other hand I may have just gotten numb to her writing style:)


Ashley Loved your review!!


message 26: by Elle (last edited Sep 02, 2012 04:24AM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Elle ^^^^ FYI

This is the third time the author has contacted me.
She has sent private messages demanding I remove my review.

THAT's what I call disgusting behaviour.


EDIT: Simone Elkeles has since removed her comments from this thread.
A tad too late, but at least she cottoned-on in the end.

In case you missed it, here's one of the offending comments:




message 27: by Barbara (VampAngel) (last edited Aug 30, 2012 07:37AM) (new)

Barbara (VampAngel) Damn, WHAT IS IN THE WATER THESE DAYS?

Simone, I weep for you (not). It's just a funny review. Get over it. Or go cry in the shoulder of the STGRB people. I'm sure you'll find like minded friends there. This is not bullying. Not even close. What's with the word bully being used for everything currently? People should look the word up before throwing it around so casually.


message 28: by Elle (new) - rated it 3 stars

Elle Well said VampAngel.


Barbara (VampAngel) And really did she say anything that wasn't true about the book? I've read it. I agree 100% with this review, even if the humor is not to your liking. I thought it was hilarious, but different folks, different strokes...


message 30: by Sandra (new)

Sandra Simone wrote: "Write an actual review and I won't ask you to remove it. It's as simple as that. Using Goodreads as a forum to make fun of people is bullying."

Oh, so all the sites that allow people to make fun of other people are also bully sites then? Satire, parody - all bullying, right?

Seriously, look up the definition of the word before sprouting such nonsense.


Grace I LOVE HER BOOKS WITH ALL MY HEART
HOW DARE YOU DISS THE WORLD OF PERFECT CHEMISTRY
MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN YOU FIND LOVE YOU WILL LOOK DOWN ON THIS DIFFERENTLY SHAME ON YOU AND YOUR COLD HEART
PERIOD.


message 32: by Elle (new) - rated it 3 stars

Elle Yes Simone. And did I not then add the disclaimer to my review stating that no such 'interview' had ever taken place?

And yet you continued to comment this nonsense on my review.
At first, I did what I though was the KIND thing; I removed your comments because I did not see such behaviour ending well for you, and I had no intention of harbouring a forum that could potentially damage your reputation.

...unfortunately for you, you have chosen to persevere.


message 33: by MLE (new)

MLE Elle wrote: "^^^^ FYI

This is the third time the author has contacted me.
She has sent private messages demanding I remove my review.

THAT's what I call disgusting behaviour."


You and me both. You'd hope someone would learn that these sort of attacks on reviewers makes them look unprofessional (at the very least), and drives readers away from their books, but clearly the lessons have fallen on some very deaf ears.

[image error]


message 34: by Elle (new) - rated it 3 stars

Elle Agreed Emily.

The oh-so-sad thing is that I very much doubt my 3star rating and review of the book would have had much of a negative effect on the authors popularity.

Shame I can't say the same for her behaviour.


Barbara (VampAngel) Simone, I don't think ANYONE reading this review actually believes that Elle interviewed you. It's blatantly clear that it's meant to be funny, a parody, if you will. Nobody will read it and think that's what you said and/or sound like.

If that's your concern, you're being very silly.


message 36: by Christy (new)

Christy I haven't read her books, but I'm leaning more towards NOT reading them now...simply for the fact she can't have good fun on a REVIEW site. A complaint with Goodreads? One of the top reviewers on Goodreads, and you're going to file a complaint with Goodreads?...I'm impressed! I think most people would read this and laugh and KNOW this is not real...those that cannot *cough* Simone *cough* have no sense of humor.


message 37: by Elle (new) - rated it 3 stars

Elle Thank you Christy :-)


message 38: by Stefani (new)

Stefani Simone wrote: "BTW: I sent ONE private message to you and it said this: Please take down your review of Rules of Attraction, because it is against Goodreads Terms of Service. (ix) impersonating another person or..."

Saw this pop up on a thread I follow, good God another YA author who's less mature than their YA characters.


Simone, you do also realize that threatening readers with no cause is also unprofressional and very rude. And in fact it is the best way to send potential readers running away from your work screaming in fear that if they don't like your book and try to write a unique/amusing review then they might be your next target.

She did not misrepresent you or impersonate you, she made it very clear that it was an "interview" she made up to express her feelings on the book. At this point I would suggest walking away from the computer and getting over it before you make yourself look any worse.


message 39: by Brie (new) - rated it 4 stars

Brie Oh jeez! Not more of this nonsense!!!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion people (and when I say 'people' I mean whining authors)!

And if authors are going to throw such hissy fits because someone didn't like their book, then honestly I don't see why they should be allowed to use Goodreads.

I get that it feels like a personal attack because they put all this effort into this thing that now people are skewering, BUT we are allowed to violently dislike something and further more are allowed to post honest reviews of how we feel about it.

Get over yourself.


message 40: by Bb13 (new)

Bb13 I'd rather read this review over and over than read the same freaking story three books in a row for gods sake have some creativity! and maybe then you'll get better reviews.


message 41: by Kala (new) - rated it 3 stars

Kala Did ANYONE think it was really Simone in the interview?

Seriously?

No one?

Exactly. It's not impersonation when it's obviously meant as a parody. It would be impersonation if she was actually trying to pass that off as the real Simone, which SHE OBVIOUSLY IS NOT.

Get over it! Don't post on negative reviews! You're making yourself look worse than this review ever could!


message 42: by Lennongirl (new)

Lennongirl You know, if that is what Simone thinks about her readers, that they're too narrow minded and/or dense to see this review as what it clearly is - a witty, funny and *totally obvious* parody of an interview - then I don't really want to be associated with that kind of readers anymore. Ta!


message 43: by MLE (new)

MLE Elle wrote: "Agreed Emily.

The oh-so-sad thing is that I very much doubt my 3star rating and review of the book would have had much of a negative effect on the authors popularity.

Shame I can't say the same f..."


Exactly! I have been known to read books because of one and two star reviews. What someone dislikes might be exactly what I like.


message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

I'm usually on the side of reviewers in these kerfuffles, but...that review pins all kinds of offensive Hispanic stereotypes on the author in a way that is, at a minimum, a cruel caricature.

I've read the book. I didn't like it. I'm not a fan of the author. But if GR takes this review down, I'd agree it's the right decision.


Wendy Darling I wonder if you would have been asked to take down this review if it had been a 5 star review with a flattering, positively-skewed imaginary interview, Elle.


message 46: by Stefani (new)

Stefani Madame X wrote: "I'm usually on the side of reviewers in these kerfuffles, but...that review pins all kinds of offensive Hispanic stereotypes on the author in a way that is, at a minimum, a cruel caricature.

I've..."


From what I can tell from reading the quotes and hearing from someone who has read it, this was a charicterization of the characters in the book acting in a stereotypical Hispanic way. I obviouly don't know because I haven't read it. But from what I can see and have heard, it was satire about the characters, not the author.


message 47: by Cheryl M-M (new)

Cheryl M-M What the reviewer is doing is pointing out the authors own use of stereotypical language and derogatory associations with the race in question. She does that by using herself and the author in a convo, during which she uses examples from the book she has reviewed.
It is quite clever really.

The fact the author thinks it is offensive just makes it quite clear that
a) she thinks it is her right to portray her race that way, ergo because I am 'said race' I can,
b) when it is written outside of the sphere of her book it actually looks offensive to others.

That is of course a complete contradiction.

I think the review is a superb satirical play upon her own work. The fact that the author has taken it as a negative reference to her own work is very telling.


message 48: by Gwenyth (new) - added it

Gwenyth Love Just added to me never to read list. Life's too short to waste time reading books written by negative authors.


message 49: by Rose (last edited Aug 30, 2012 10:54AM) (new) - added it

Rose I took it as satire from the get-go, and having read a few perspectives from those who have read the book, it does seem like it's making light of the language/tonality of the book's thematic rather than being an impersonation of the author. So...I'm not sure where the impersonation clause would have relevance here, and it really isn't bullying or grounds to remove the review, imo. So I have to disagree with Elkeles's claim earlier. She might not like the tonality of the review, but it has every right to stand.

The saddest thing about this is I think Wendy's post earlier was right. If this had been a five star review with the mock interview, would it have come under contention? Probably not.

And in any case, this was a three star review, for all intents and purposes, it's not even a negative review. *sighs*


message 50: by Cheryl M-M (new)

Cheryl M-M Rose wrote: "I took it as satire from the get-go, and having read a few perspectives from those who have read the book, it does seem like it's making light of the language/tonality of the book's thematic rather..."

I agree, 3* is a good rating and the review is witty enough ( if the author backs off ) to actually create interest in the book.


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