mark monday's Reviews > On Stranger Tides

On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers
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Jun 23, 12

bookshelves: rain-man-reviews, fantastickal

On the menu tonight: ON STRANGER TIDES

Amuse Bouche
This treasured bit of savory Pirate en Papillote will tantalize your taste buds: a choice cut of ole pirate lore and Caribbean history, spiced with traditional Creole seasonings, and glazed with a stringent sea salt reduction to further whet the appetite. Ahoy, diners, prepare yourself for a repast that is simultaneously light and fulfilling!

Appetizer
A tossed salad of varied delights: for the historian, we include historical greens as served during the actual time period on display – vignettes that are easily verified by a cursory search on Wikipedia; for the robust straight male, a hearty helping of derring-do, swordplay, vengeance, machismo, and chivalry; for those of the more faggy persuasion, we offer constant shirtlessness and the promise of much nocturnal shipmate “camaraderie”. Unfortunately for the gentler sex, this multi-course meal does not include the usual sampling of kick-ass female pirate; although this flavor is present (sparingly), we instead offer a blander side of helpless Rescue-Me-Please. Our regrets to our lady diners.

Entrée
Although the classic pirate bouillabaisse is often over-spiced to confusion, our delightful offering has been stripped down to allow the diner to discerningly inspect and consume the essence of each ingredient: the pure hero - a straightforward poached scallop; the pure heroine - a handful of simple white rice; the spicy villains - a vivid combination of Haitian crawfish, robust Andouille sausage, and most surprisingly, the traditionally bland English haddock, which we have flash-fried with – some may say – “sorcerous” spices, hitherto untasted by English gentry. Prepare your senses to be born again, and again, as each spoonful allows the diner to imagine how they may return to taste and re-taste this classic dish. Some have said that this meal inspires the rare individual to attempt to conquer Death, if only to return to this meal, forever and again. On this topic, our lips are sealed and our flavor profiles shall remain sacrosanct!

Dessert
For our last dish, we offer you this stunning and dramatic plate: a half-mad English sorcerer, reliving his days as a happily married man, furiously fucking the sand as he once again fulfills his wedding night duties, as all around him turn aside, aghast!

Wine Pairing
The vintage “Tim Powers” is a truly unique palate cleanser: it takes traditional historical figures and places them within the realm of the supernatural, all the while remaining true to their documented history. This fine wine takes the known and boldly combines it with the unknown: a marvelous feat!
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Comments (showing 1-22 of 22) (22 new)

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Kwesi 章英狮 Funny style of reviewing a book!


message 2: by Nancy (new) - added it

Nancy Sounds delicious!


Joselito Honestly and Brilliantly a unique way of reviewing a book. Let's all imitate this!


Brad Wow, mark. Best review I've read on here in months. I wish I'd written it.


mark monday gosh! thanks brad!


message 6: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Are you in copywriting, by chance?


message 7: by mark (last edited Feb 24, 2011 07:46PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday nope, social work. but i did once work as an underwriter for AIG (ugh), perhaps that's where i learned my menu-writing skills!


message 8: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Ouch. Those professions are both killers, in different ways.


message 9: by knig (new)

knig Hilarious. But, isn't the amuse bouche served AFTER the appetizer?


message 10: by Laima (new)

Laima Yummy review!


message 11: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday thanks Laima & Knig!

Knig-o-lass: nope. never in my experience, at least.


message 12: by Laima (new)

Laima You are very creative, mark. My favourite review was your top 10 list.


message 13: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday thank you Laima! what a nice thing for me to read. especially right now, as i'm taking a break from the stresses of memorizing the speech i'm delivering this afternoon. that compliment hit the spot!


message 14: by Mike (new)

Mike Ah, fond memories of a good read. It's been years since I've read it. Your review certainly calls for a second read.


message 15: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Knig-o-lass: nope. never in my experience, at least.

Ditto. If there is an amuse, it is the first thing you get.


message 16: by Joel (new) - rated it 3 stars

Joel tim powers makes me feel dumb for not getting any of his historical references.


message 17: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday i assure you, Wikipedia historical reference checks will help with this feeling. it helped me!


message 18: by Mark (new)

Mark Though I fear I may be your 'traditionally bland English Haddock' this really made me smile. Brilliant review


message 19: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday thanks! and you're no haddock - never let anyone tell you otherwise!


message 20: by Mark (new)

Mark No Haddock but traditionally bland and english ? i sense a back handed compliment


message 21: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday ha! that's a negative on the bland as well. as far as the traditionally english... maybe! or maybe not. hard to say... i don't even know what traditionally english would even entail.


message 22: by Mark (new)

Mark mark wrote: "ha! that's a negative on the bland as well. as far as the traditionally english... maybe! or maybe not. hard to say... i don't even know what traditionally english would even entail."

I will let you into a little secret.....ssshhh....nor do we


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