Jacob's Reviews > Damned

Damned by Chuck Palahniuk
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
637062
's review
Oct 27, 11

bookshelves: 2010-2011
Read from October 18 to 21, 2011

October 2011

Look out, Chuck Palahniuk fans! It's a Chuck Palahniuk book! Chuck Palahniuk's Damned, the newest Chuck Palahniuk book (by Chuck Palahniuk!) is classic Chuck Palahniuk, a wonderful addition to Chuck Palahniuk's collection of Chuck Palahniuk books, and a must-read for Chuck Palahniuk fans who love Chuck Palahniuk and his Chuck Palahniuk books!

Meet Madison, Chuck Palahniuk's newest creation, a dead thirteen-year-old girl trapped in Hell after overdosing on marijuana (or did she? Chuck Palahniuk will keep you guessing!). And it's a Hell only Chuck Palahniuk could imagine! And you get to explore Chuck Palahniuk's Hell, with Madison and her friends--a jock, a nerd, a pretty girl, and a rebel, just like The Breakfast Club! Except it's set in Hell and it's by Chuck Palahniuk! Oh, isn't Chuck Palahniuk clever! Isn't he witty? Follow Madison & friends through the Dandruff Desert, past the Great Ocean of Wasted Sperm (isn't Chuck Palahniuk just so shocking?), to the Sea of Insects--see her masturbate a giant demon-woman with the help of a severed head (isn't Chuck Palahniuk just a scream?)--see her use her job in telemarketing (isn't Chuck Palahniuk a comic mastermind?) to convince terminally-ill Earth folk to join her in Hell (like the opposite of those support groups in Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club--isn't Chuck Palahniuk a genius?)--see her punch Hitler in the face and take control of Hell (isn't Chuck Palahniuk devilish?)--join her as she meets Satan Himself (you'll never guess who Chuck Palahniuk's Satan turns out to be! He's a Satan only Chuck Palahniuk could write!)--watch as she learns a SHOCKING REVELATION (you'll never guess what Chuck Palahniuk's come up with this time!) and vows to destroy Chuck Palahniuk's Satan once and for all--IN THE NEXT BOOK!

That's right, Chuck Palahniuk fans! Chuck Palahniuk's novel Damned is only the first Chuck Palahniuk book in a Chuck Palahniuk trilogy! By Chuck Palahniuk! Hold on to your hats and genitalia, because Chuck Palahniuk is just getting started!

Chuck Palahniuk? Chuck Palahniuk!

Chuck Palahniuk.


-------------------------------

(Original review)

If there was a Hell, my mom said you'd go there for wearing fur coats or buying a cream rinse tested on baby rabbits by escaped Nazi scientists in France. My dad said that if there was a devil it was Ann Coulter.
(Damned, p. 18)


Taking a little jab at Ann Coulter, I see. Ooh, how daring.

Are you there, Chuck? No, really, are you there? Maybe I'm just out of touch, but I was under the impression that it's 2011 and nobody gives a shit about Ann Coulter anymore. Maybe it was when she called John Edwards a fag, maybe it was a few years later when Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann came along--but let's face it, Ann Coulter is a nobody. She was replaced by younger and perkier right-wingers, and these days the best she can do is insult the stupid old queens at GOProud for money. Does she still write a regular column? Maybe. Does she have a book out? Yeah, so what. It doesn't matter. Whatever shock value she once had is completely dried up. Gone. Coulter is old, tired, and dull. A complete hack. Stale.

So, I guess the two of you make a perfect couple, don't you?
230 likes · likeflag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Damned.
sign in »

Reading Progress

10/18/2011 page 1
0.0% "Hello there, little Chuck Palahniuk book. Would you like your one star now, or shall I keep you in suspense?"
10/18/2011 page 30
12.0% "Bad, dull, dumb, tired, and weak. So, classic Palahniuk."
10/19/2011 page 61
24.0% "Ok, so I lied. "Damned" isn't bad. It's boring and uninspired, but not bad. "Bad" would've required some effort on Palahniuk's part."
10/20/2011 page 122
48.0% "Someday I'm going to chop up all of Chuck's books and toss various lines and paragraphs into a random novel generator (re: blender), just to see what comes out." 1 comment
10/21/2011 page 256
100.0% "Egads! For a few pages there I was worried I might have to give this book two whole stars...but that was just a false alarm. You had me worried, Chucky-boy."
10/18/2013 page 1
0.0% "Hello there, little Chuck Palahniuk book. Would you like your one star now, or shall I keep you in suspense?" 2 comments

Comments (showing 1-50 of 149) (149 new)


Jacob Because I wanted to see how it would end. The joy in reading Chuck Palahniuk is, you know it's going to be awful--but you never know how awful until you read it.


message 2: by Mitzi (new)

Mitzi Oooohh, BURN! lol I've never read any of his books, are there any that you liked or do they all suck?


message 3: by Jacob (last edited Oct 22, 2011 06:22PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Well, Fight Club is good (although the movie is much better), and probably the only one worth reading--everything else since then is the same kind of narrator telling the same kind of story with the same kind of voice. I read FC, Survivor, Invisible Monsters, Choke, Lullaby, Diary, and Haunted in one big rush late 2005/early '06, and my 18-year-old self thought they were cool--but every single thing he's published since Rant in '07 has been crap, so I'm starting to doubt 18yo me's taste in books.


message 4: by Mitzi (new)

Mitzi You would have to read them again now to know for sure... Might not be worth it :P lol


message 5: by Jacob (last edited Oct 22, 2011 06:37PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Totally not worth it. You've read one Palahniuk, you've read 'em all. Which hasn't stopped me from reading each of his new ones. Waste of time? Maybe. But the joy in reading Chuck Palahniuk is, you're over as soon as you start.


Vanessa To be fair, the Coulter comment wasn't a jab at her. It was to paint a picture of the father, which I think it clearly did. Don't know if it warranted any bitterness...


Jacob Vanessa wrote: "To be fair, the Coulter comment wasn't a jab at her. It was to paint a picture of the father, which I think it clearly did. Don't know if it warranted any bitterness..."

That wasn't bitterness, that was exasperation.

But yeah, good point. I clearly didn't consider that. Although sometimes, the problem with reading Chuck Palahniuk is you can't always tell if his characters are being stupid, or it's just him.


message 8: by Joel (new)

Joel i liked lullaby and survivor. that's about it. i did not like fight club, stopped halfway through choke and haven't read anything since rant.

i think you should stop encouraging him, jacob.


message 9: by Matt (new)

Matt "Well, Fight Club is good..."

I couldn't get into fight club, because it was so completely clear that the author had never been hit very hard and that getting the crap beat out of him a few times would greatly improve his fiction.


message 10: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Matt wrote: ""Well, Fight Club is good..."

I couldn't get into fight club, because it was so completely clear that the author had never been hit very hard and that getting the crap beat out of him a few times ..."


I was more interested in the writing, I guess--Chuck's writing style worked well for Fight Club. Most of his other books, not so much.

But I last (re)read FC about three or four years ago. I might think differently if I read it again.


message 11: by Joel (new)

Joel he deserves to be beaten up just for his fanbase.


message 12: by D. (new)

D. Pow comment 14 would have made a great short book review too...


message 13: by Esteban (new)

Esteban del Mal Jacob wrote: "Well, Fight Club is good (although the movie is much better), and probably the only one worth reading--everything else since then is the same kind of narrator telling the same kind of story with th..."

I liked that one where the Amish guy on steroids crashed a plane for about thirty seconds.


message 14: by Kathrina (new)

Kathrina I met Chuck a few years ago, and he was the nicest, kindest, charmingest guy -- he made me a necklace with both of our names on it! --it is hard to imagine this nice, sweet guy writes these books. As much as I love him, I haven't read his books since the calamity of Haunted.


message 15: by Ali (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ali I listened to this review with a screenereader, and by the time I finished, I had heard the word Palahniuk so many times that it didn't make sense anymore. That might be the point, though.
Also, I think I'm in love with you. I usually can't stand scathing reviews like this, even if I don't like the book in question, because most of them are all style and no substance. The person writing them tries to be funny (and sometimes succeeds), while trying to hide the fact that they give no reasons why the book is so bad, and their argument amounts to, "i hated this book because it sucked and omg it was so bad and the author needs to have his face sliced off with a cheese grator and there is something wrong with the entire literary world because people like this book and it is so bad because i hate it and i feel like killing myself because this book is so bad and did i mention it is terrible?" Yours, obviously, isn't like that, which is something I can respect. You give reasons why you didn't like it, and you don't try to tell people that if they like it, there is something wrong with them and their opinions.
I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to bother reading this one. My experience with Palahniuk tends to be that his ideas sound really interesting, but when I get around to reading the books, they fall flat except for a few enjoyable moments. This didn't happen as often with his earlier work, but after Rant, he got very gimmicky, and had little in his books to recommend. It's not even that I don't get the point of them, I do. I was one of a few people, or so it seemed, who had no trouble understanding Pygmy's broken English. (On a side note that has nothing to do with the topic at hand, people who categorize him as a Middle-Eastern terrorist make me want to punch something. It is not stated anywhere from what country he comes [furthermore, it doesn't matter], and not all Middle-Easterners are terrorists.) I understood the English, I got the point of the story, I just didn't care. Everyone is a grotesque and unbelieveable caricature, and no one is written in such a way that I would care what happens to them. I haven't even bothered with Tell All. For whatever reason, whenever I think of possibly reading it, something about the little I know of the story just repels me. I may try Damned, because it really does sound like an idea worthy of a great book, but that's what I said about the last Palahniuk book, and the one before it, and the one before that, and the one before that, and...


Autumn Normally I'd find your review kind of annoying, but this morning I was laying in bed and looking at the spine of this book had PALAHNIUK as big as it could be. I was thinking that was really arrogant not even having the book title on the spine. I've read about a quarter of the book and I decided that was about enough of that. It was a total rip off of The Breakfast Club and HE KNEW it.


message 17: by Paquita Maria (new)

Paquita Maria Sanchez Thank you for this.


message 18: by Jacob (last edited Oct 28, 2011 04:18PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Autumn wrote: "Normally I'd find your review kind of annoying, but this morning I was laying in bed and looking at the spine of this book had PALAHNIUK as big as it could be..."

Heck, I find my review kind of annoying. I'm absolutely sick of seeing Ch--er Chucky P.'s name now.

The name on the book spine annoyed me too. Even worse, I stopped by the fiction section of the library earlier today, and all of his later books, from Rant to Tell-All, do the same thing. There was one big row of PALAHNIUK PALAHNIUK PALAHNIUK PALAHNIUK (plus one more PALAHNIUK for Damned, but they hadn't reshelved it yet). Arrogant? Totally.

It was a total rip off of The Breakfast Club and HE KNEW it.

Know it? He's FLAUNTING it.


message 19: by Joel (new)

Joel his name matters more than the book. to everyone. publishers, certainly. readers, if they are still buying these things. and, of course, chuck himself.


message 20: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Joel wrote: "his name matters more than the book. to everyone. publishers, certainly. readers, if they are still buying these things. and, of course, chuck himself."

I know, I'm just wondering how long he can keep going like that. Damned may be a slight improvement over his last three, but at some point "_____ by CHUCK PALAHNIUK (the author of FIGHT CLUB)" just isn't gonna sell anymore.


message 21: by Jacob (last edited Oct 28, 2011 05:01PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Ali wrote: "I listened to this review with a screenereader, and by the time I finished, I had heard the word Palahniuk so many times that it didn't make sense anymore. That might be the point, though..."

Er, yeah. Sorry about that. That was the point, but I think I got a bit carried away.

My experience with Palahniuk tends to be that his ideas sound really interesting, but when I get around to reading the books, they fall flat except for a few enjoyable moments.

I know! A novel about a porn star and the porn industry? A novel about and by a terrorist planning to attack the US? A biography of a classic Hollywood film star written by her maid? All potentially interesting--until Chuck picked them up, smothered the life out of them, and added his trademark gross-out humor, fake porn titles, masturbation slang, sly jabs at American culture, and...whatever he did with Tell-All, which isn't exactly memorable.

And yeah, Pygmy...I could say a lot of crap about Pygmy, but this comment is getting long. Check out my review (and please forgive the shameless self-promotion).


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

I made this dorky list when I noticed both Coupland And Brett Easton Ellis tend to have covers where their names are much bigger than the title. It's a sign of something, not exactly sure what.

http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/13...

I probably didn't need to say dorky when I said list.


message 23: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob That wasn't dorky--that was awesome.

Ok, it was dorky too.


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

We are on a book themed social networking site, so....

I'll have to add this, and other Pahallfjfirifjick, once I can remember how to spell his name.


message 25: by [deleted user] (new)

...which is sad, given I just read it googleplex times.


message 26: by Esteban (last edited Oct 28, 2011 06:26PM) (new)

Esteban del Mal If I ever write a book, I'm going to make its title my name. And it'll be awesome.

Esteban by ESTEBAN

"It's the Estebaniest." -- The Chicago Sun Times

"'Esteban by ESTEBAN' is a confluence of Esteban." -- The New York Times

"What a jagoff." -- TV Guide


message 27: by [deleted user] (new)

There is NO WAY TV Guide would use such salty language. My word.


message 28: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob I always wanted to write a book and call it "A Novel."

The subtitle "A NOVEL" would be in larger font.


message 29: by [deleted user] (new)

...and have the nom de plume "A. Novel"

Metafictional meltdown to the maxxxxxx!


message 30: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Ceridwen wrote: "I'll have to add this, and other Pahallfjfirifjick, once I can remember how to spell his name."

Chuck Palahniuk and M. Night Shyamalan should write a book together. Zach Galifianakis could write the introduction.


message 31: by [deleted user] (new)

I'll write the afterward.


message 32: by Joel (new)

Joel hey, now there's a question... shyamalan's career is basically bust. why are people less willing to accept shitty movies than shitty books? is it because it is easier to tell they are shitty?


message 33: by [deleted user] (new)

It doesn't cost $30 million to make a shitty book? How much did that Airbender abomination cost? A lot.


message 34: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh, for fuck's sake - Avatar: The Last Airbender cost a horrifying $280 million to fuck up its source material that severely. OMG.

http://techland.time.com/2010/07/02/h...


message 35: by Esteban (new)

Esteban del Mal The bar for movies is much higher because Americans are stupid voyeurs. Wait. The bar is LOWER for movies. And books that make good (read: crappy) movies are thought of as high arrrrrrrrrrrt.

Being seen with this book would undoubtedly get you laid at any number of community colleges across the country.

Am I making sense? I feel like I am, but that's probably not a good sign.


message 36: by Joel (new)

Joel i meant more from an audience POV. and yeah, last airbender cost a lot but for some reason it also eked out around $300m world-wide.

maybe the comparison IS rather apt... the brand attracts enough to make them worthwhile enough to keep doing them.


message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

You have confused me, Esteban.

Good books don't necessarily translate into good movies, and bad books can get redeemed. (For example, I will not read American Psycho, but I pretty much loved the movie, because of the spin on it by the filmmaker.)

But the the audiences, and the industries are so very different - movies are on a much bigger scale.


message 38: by [deleted user] (new)

Joel wrote: "i meant more from an audience POV. and yeah, last airbender cost a lot but for some reason it also eked out around $300m world-wide."

Which means it probably still lost money - there are all kinds of marketing costs that are not factored in.


message 39: by Esteban (new)

Esteban del Mal Chuck Palahniuk does The Last Airbender.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG9lOQ...


message 40: by [deleted user] (new)

Dick.


message 41: by Joel (new)

Joel maybe. it made more than double its budget in theaters though, and every terrible movie makes bank on dvd. they probably did ok but i don't see them rushing to greenlight a sequel.


message 42: by [deleted user] (new)

They better not. *shakes fist*

I know I shouldn't be so dire about this, but Airbender deserved so much better.


message 43: by Joel (new)

Joel i have never seen the cartoon. well, i saw a few episodes. does it get better after the first few episodes?


message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

I thought so, but I concede that it's not for everyone. I watched a lot of it with my kids, and I was honestly impressed with the ways the show played out this story of the speshal kid without making him Christ, or downplaying any of the other characters, or their motivations. Plus, it was often just funny. <3


message 45: by Alex (new)

Alex Sheldon Savva I never managed to get through any of his short stories, so I started to wonder what all the fuss is about with all his novels.
But thanks to your review, I'm now convinced of my suspicions.


message 46: by Ashley (new) - added it

Ashley I became hooked after reading Invisible Monsters then read everything up to Haunted... Which I couldn't even get through. I've made several attempts to like any of his work since. Each book is just a bigger disappointment. Damned, I'm sure will be just as terrible as Rant or Snuff. I guess I'm just a sucker for punishment.


message 47: by Sarah (new)

Sarah S. This is the best review I've ever read of anything ever.


stephanie this is the most asinine review + comments I have ever come across.


message 49: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob Dreadfully sorry; I'll remove it post-haste. It shan't happen again!


message 50: by Jacob (new) - rated it 1 star

Jacob But--but--but she doesn't like it! I have to delete the review! I have to delete them all!


« previous 1 3
back to top