Look out, Chuck Palahniuk fans! It's a Chuck Palahniuk book! Chuck Palahniuk's Damned
, the newest Chuck Palahniuk book (by Chuck Palahniuk!) is classic Chuck Palahniuk, a wonderful addition to Chuck Palahniuk's collection of Chuck Palahniuk books, and a must-read for Chuck Palahniuk fans who love Chuck Palahniuk and his Chuck Palahniuk books!
Meet Madison, Chuck Palahniuk's newest creation, a dead thirteen-year-old girl trapped in Hell after overdosing on marijuana (or did she? Chuck Palahniuk will keep you guessing!). And it's a Hell only Chuck Palahniuk could imagine! And you get to explore Chuck Palahniuk's Hell, with Madison and her friends--a jock, a nerd, a pretty girl, and a rebel, just like The Breakfast Club
! Except it's set in Hell and it's by Chuck Palahniuk! Oh, isn't Chuck Palahniuk clever
! Isn't he witty
? Follow Madison & friends through the Dandruff Desert, past the Great Ocean of Wasted Sperm (isn't Chuck Palahniuk just so shocking
?), to the Sea of Insects--see her masturbate a giant demon-woman with the help of a severed head (isn't Chuck Palahniuk just a scream
?)--see her use her job in telemarketing (isn't Chuck Palahniuk a comic mastermind
?) to convince terminally-ill Earth folk to join her in Hell (like the opposite of those support groups in Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club
--isn't Chuck Palahniuk a genius
?)--see her punch Hitler in the face and take control of Hell (isn't Chuck Palahniuk devilish
?)--join her as she meets Satan Himself (you'll never guess who Chuck Palahniuk's Satan turns out to be! He's a Satan only Chuck Palahniuk could write!)--watch as she learns a SHOCKING REVELATION (you'll never guess what Chuck Palahniuk's come up with this time!) and vows to destroy Chuck Palahniuk's Satan once and for all--IN THE NEXT BOOK!
That's right, Chuck Palahniuk fans! Chuck Palahniuk's novel Damned
is only the first Chuck Palahniuk book in a Chuck Palahniuk trilogy! By Chuck Palahniuk! Hold on to your hats and genitalia, because Chuck Palahniuk is just getting started!
Chuck Palahniuk? Chuck Palahniuk!
If there was a Hell, my mom said you'd go there for wearing fur coats or buying a cream rinse tested on baby rabbits by escaped Nazi scientists in France. My dad said that if there was a devil it was Ann Coulter.
(Damned, p. 18)
Taking a little jab at Ann Coulter, I see. Ooh, how daring.
Are you there, Chuck? No, really, are you there
? Maybe I'm just out of touch, but I was under the impression that it's 2011 and nobody gives a shit about Ann Coulter anymore
. Maybe it was when she called John Edwards a fag, maybe it was a few years later when Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann came along--but let's face it, Ann Coulter is a nobody. She was replaced by younger and perkier right-wingers, and these days the best she can do is insult the stupid old queens at GOProud for money. Does she still write a regular column? Maybe. Does she have a book out? Yeah, so what. It doesn't matter. Whatever shock value she once had is completely dried up. Gone. Coulter is old, tired, and dull. A complete hack. Stale.
So, I guess the two of you make a perfect couple, don't you?