Joe's Reviews > Shiver

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater
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Jan 13, 14

bookshelves: young-adult, borrowed-library
Read from December 13 to 27, 2010

Here's how I imagine Stiefvater's meeting with the publishing house.

Stiefvater: I want to write a book about a girl who falls in love with a vampire!
Publisher: Sorry, Maggie. That's been done before. Read Twilight. It's terrible!
Stiefvater: Oh. I want to write a book about a girl who falls in love with a zombie!
Publisher: Sorry, Maggie. That's been done before. Read Generation Dead. It's terrible!
Stiefvater: Oh. I want to write a book about a girl who falls in love with a werewolf!
Publisher: Bingo!

Months later...
Stiefvater: I wrote a book about a girl who falls in love with a werewolf!
Publisher: (reads a couple pages) Maggie, this is terrible! We'll take it!

In what's becoming a distressing theme in young adult literature aimed at females, Stiefvater's Shiver follows a teenage girl who falls in love with a supernatural creature, and risks life and limb to be with him - oftentimes forgetting herself along the way. Love, after all, is something every girl needs.

Truth is, though, I think Maggie Stiefvater might be a worse writer than Stephenie Meyer. Sure, Shiver lacks anything as truly awful as a vampire baseball game, but it does have a brooding protagonist (werewolf Sam) who writes unfathomably insipid lyrics to songs in his head. Check out this masterful sequence:

She draws patterns on my face / These lines make shapes that can't replace / the version of me that I hold inside/ when lying with you, lying with you, lying with you. "I like your hair," she said. (p. 157)


Here's the deal, everyone. I'm going to write my own teenage supernatural love story. It will be sexy! And scary! And totally realistic! And I'm going to write it RIGHT NOW.

'CABRA
by Joe
Jessa woke up with a start. The pale sunlight filtered through the linen curtains, casting a soft glow on the chupacabra's skin, highlighting the sick, putty-colored spine. How had it gotten into her room? No matter. The glances that had passed between them in the desert earlier that day hadn't been in vain. Jessa swooned, casting a sultry look at the chupacabra. Her chupacabra. She reached out to it, and it ripped her fucking arm off.
THE END
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 116) (116 new)


message 1: by Mindi (new)

Mindi Why doesn't Goodreads have a "like" button?


message 2: by Mindi (new)

Mindi My bad! Found it! And...LIKED!


Anitra Is it sad that your review kinda makes me want to read it?


Anitra Ok, so I totally read it because I'm sick and wanted something trashy. Seriously, the lyrics thing? I was getting embarrassed because they were so bad.


message 5: by Joe (last edited Jan 06, 2011 01:16PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe OMG, I can't believe you actually read it AND gave it one star more than I did. You're totally sick, Neet.


Anitra I only reserve one star ratings for books that I actively hate. Perhaps I was too tired to actively hate Shiver, but I wasn't too tired to roll my eyes on a regular basis while reading it.


message 7: by Sarah (new)

Sarah Keliher I give your supernatural romance saga 5 stars.


Netty I want to marry the person who nailed this review. Total agree, it's terrible!! I never even finished it. If there was a 'Burn Book' button I would have clicked it. The characters were irritating the story line was just dull. My only wish, is to try and gain the time I lost reading this.


Angie We had her as a featured author Q&A for one of my groups. A time set up and everything. She canceled with the group because no one liked her book. It was awful!


http://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_...


Hannah I love this review! It's perfect!
And I think you have a fine future in writing Young Adult 'novels.'
I would read 'CABRA in a second, especially when given the choice between reading it and Shiver again. O_O


message 11: by Emily (new)

Emily Peacock joe just made my day


message 12: by Huma (new) - rated it 3 stars

Huma Ah, I love you, Chupacabra.

You just might be the most realistic writer ever, Joe. The ONLY realistic writer of our time.


Anna (Yoda Is My Spirit Animal) You are a brave man Joe and a great writer. You are on level with Shakespeare - only difference being he wouldn't say 'it ripped her fucking arm off!' But he'd be thinking it! :)


message 14: by Dawn (new)

Dawn Ang That is the greatest PNR story I have ever come across. I laughed like a mad(wo)man. :)


message 15: by Danielle (new)

Danielle LMAOOO, finaly, a happy ending. I have to agree with everything you say. ALL YA books these days are so atrocious! Its almost as if the twelve year olds who enjoy these stupid books are the ones writing them! I cant fathom how they get published, let alone earn a 3.96 rating on the site...


message 16: by Kendra (new)

Kendra Lott HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! oh my gosh your supernatural love story was brilliant. The Chupacabra. HER chupacabra XD oh that was great LMAO!


Synesthesia (SPIDERS!) Hilarious. I'd totally read that Chupacabra story.


message 18: by Katie (new)

Katie K Not every Twelve/Thirteen year old loves this kind of book.......


message 19: by Joe (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Did I say they do, Katie?


message 20: by Katie (new)

Katie K No, I was responding to another comment, made by Danielle. I thought your commentary was wonderful. :) Especially the 'Cabra story.


message 21: by Joe (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Excellent. Glad you enjoyed. FYI: I'm writing a sequel in which the chupacabra rips off her other arm. :)


message 22: by Katie (new)

Katie K Oh wow! That's wonderful ;)


message 23: by Camryn (new)

Camryn Oh my gawd! If thats how Shiver is gonna be I will be laughing through the whole thing! But It'd be pretty sad if it is and they call it a ' Young Adult Romance Novel ' LOOOOOL! HER chupacabra!


Paige I heard this book was good.....


Samantha 'Cabra was awesome....it will make millions ;)


Paige Samantha wrote: "'Cabra was awesome....it will make millions ;)"

Yeah I just got it today, so far it's awesome!


Tracey Team Cabra

Photobucket


message 28: by Katy (new)

Katy I laughed my ass off as "Cabra" - then I went to try to "friend" you, but I don't know your dog's name. Oh, well - your review was still funny ...


message 29: by Julia (new)

Julia Schuyler OH EM GEE. 'Cabra is my new favorite story. I mean, the male character just spoke to me. He's so sweet and sensitive and I just think his craving for the blood of goats is so cute. <3


Sarah Julia wrote: "OH EM GEE. 'Cabra is my new favorite story. I mean, the male character just spoke to me. He's so sweet and sensitive and I just think his craving for the blood of goats is so cute. <3"
l.m.f.a.o. xD.
+joe; i love shiver. i`d give it five stars. my second favorite book.
but this review?
is fucking hilarious.
i fell out of my chair laughing.
you are genius.
'cabra is gonna someday be a bestselling book.
even more than harry potter, which is also terrible :O.


message 31: by Elena (new)

Elena You make me wanna read this book. x] If i actually will, i bet i'll laugh my ass off reading the lyrics thing. By the way, loved the ending of Cabra.


Tracy Wow. That's hateful. I'm reading it anyway.


Paige Is Joe's Cabra book real? Like people were talking about the character and stuff??? I'm confused, but his book sounds pretty good!! :)


Tracey I don’t think its real, but we all wish it was :)


Paige Yeah I bet it would be good!


Yogurt look dude, you cant see in the mind of girl teenagers cant say i liked the book much but it was a good read. Many girls over the world love this book, but you wouldnt know.


message 37: by Joe (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Paige wrote: "Is Joe's Cabra book real? Like people were talking about the character and stuff??? I'm confused, but his book sounds pretty good!! :)"

Nope. That's 'CABRA in its entirety. It doesn't need to be any longer! :)


message 38: by Joe (last edited Aug 25, 2011 02:52PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Yogurt wrote: "look dude, you cant see in the mind of girl teenagers cant say i liked the book much but it was a good read. Many girls over the world love this book, but you wouldnt know."

Here's a tip for when creating a cogent defense of a book and/or responding to a review you don't agree with: the gender/age/race/sexual orientation/national origin/religion of the reader has nothing to do with enjoyment or lack of enjoyment in a book. Personal taste, on the other hand, has everything to do with both those qualifiers.

I've worked with young adults every day of my adult life. I recommend books like Shiver to them all the time, because I know they'll love it. I might hate it, but teens will eat it up. And the fact that a book like this is popular: well, that's thrilling to me, because kids who normally wouldn't read need a book like Shiver. It engages and enthralls them... and I think that's terrific. I also think that the book is a terrific piece of shit, an opinion that I chose to make public here.

So, here's a little advice: write a review of Shiver in any style and in any way you choose. Some people will read and love your review. Some people will read and hate it. But I bet you'll be pretty damned put out if they start attacking you personally and making idiotic assumptions about the quality of your character. Because there's nothing - I guarantee it, NOTHING - about you that warrants that type of immature response.


Synesthesia (SPIDERS!) Joe, you seem cool. I would friend you were I not so shy.


message 40: by Katy (new)

Katy Synesthesia wrote: "Joe, you seem cool. I would friend you were I not so shy."

Ah - well, Joe only accepts friend requests from people who really know him, sadly - I imagine otherwise he'd be inundated with requests, 'cause obviously he's a hoot! I'm sure almost everyone who has responded here would have tried to friend him. I even tried to follow his reviews so I could see more of them, but ... I'll just have to stumble across them like I did here! Here's to ya, Joe!


message 41: by Joe (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Katy wrote: "Synesthesia wrote: "Joe, you seem cool. I would friend you were I not so shy."

Ah - well, Joe only accepts friend requests from people who really know him, sadly - I imagine otherwise he'd be inun..."


Sorry, Katy, it's true - I only accept friend request from people I know. I was inundated a few years ago and had to make an exec decision. I've unlocked my profile, though, so you may follow my reviews. Thanks for the feedback!


message 42: by Katy (new)

Katy Joe wrote: "Katy wrote: "Synesthesia wrote: "Joe, you seem cool. I would friend you were I not so shy."

Ah - well, Joe only accepts friend requests from people who really know him, sadly - I imagine otherwise..."


I totally understand, Joe - thanks for that, so I can follow your reviews!!


Tracey Joe wrote: "Paige wrote: "Is Joe's Cabra book real? Like people were talking about the character and stuff??? I'm confused, but his book sounds pretty good!! :)"

Nope. That's 'CABRA in its entirety. It doesn'..."


less is more


SmallTownGirl Haha I laughed when i read the ending of your story xD its so realistic its hilarious!


Sarah Kelsey I wish I could *like* this more than once.


message 46: by Lisa (new)

Lisa damn. humans falling for humans was overdone? I challenge someone to write a story about a human falling in love with a chair. i bet that will be better written than Twilight or Shiver. Maybe in the second book, the human must decide beween her chair and an end table! still, better than this book...


Rachel Diane *Ahnnihilate* wrote: "That ending! So sad.

Oh well, didn't like Jess that much anyway. Cabra, on the other hand, is awesome."


I agree. Just so heartfelt. LOVED IT!


Rachel Joe, do you read books like this purposely? I wouldn't mind. Just like reading the reviews.


message 49: by Joe (new) - rated it 1 star

Joe Rachel wrote: "Joe, do you read books like this purposely? I wouldn't mind. Just like reading the reviews."

I teach Library Resources for Young Adults at the University of Pitt; every term we require the students to read between 40 and 50 books that are popular with teens. I figure if I help compile the list of books, I should read them, too, even if I think they'll be crap.

Mostly I read good YA lit, though, and enjoy it very, very much.


message 50: by Anna (last edited Oct 23, 2011 03:29AM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Anna This review is excellent! As is your Twilight review, by the way. Hilarious. :)

I'd love to read a sequel to 'CABRA one day.


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