Chris's Reviews > The Kite Runner

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
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's review
May 21, 2007

did not like it
bookshelves: poop, abandoned
Recommended to Chris by: Everyone
Recommended for: Monkeys
Read in January, 2008

I became what I am today at the age of twenty-nine, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 2008.

What I am about to tell you about what I became is going to be very shocking. It is going to manipulate your emotions. It may include some random words in my native language for no reason whatsoever. It will teach you unnecessary things about my culture. It will not be smarter than a fifth grader. And it will include as many cliches and as much foreshadowing as is humanly possible.

You are going to be shocked. I, for one, never saw it coming. So I doubt you will. Get ready. Aren't you so ready to be shocked? You're never going to see this coming.

What comes next is the big revelation, so get ready!

Wait, I need to ask you something first. Did you know that the Irish like potatoes? Yeah, we really enjoy them. And alcohol too. It's pretty great. Erin Go Bragh! This means Ireland Forever! Unfortunately, you will be very sad to know that my father just died due to an Irish car bomb. Well, about 15 of them to be exact. All on an empty stomach! It makes me sad and you should feel sad too, kind reader.

Ok, on to the big reveal. Here it is:

On that frigid overcast day, which happened to be the day that I decided to quit reading The Kite Runner, I became a book snob.

Because The Kite Runner is adored by most people who read it, I am forced to conclude that most people need to read more. A whole lot more. You should be embarrassed if you like this book. Seriously. The moment I became a book snob (shortly after "The Scene"), I became so embarrassed to be seen reading it that I accused the guy sitting next to me on the subway of putting the book on my lap while I wasn't paying attention. "How dare you, sir! Have you no decency?" I exclaimed excitedly in my native language. Then I noticed a monkey on the platform waiting to board a train. I quickly hopped off my train, ran to him, handed him the book, and said "Top O' the Mornin' to ya! Enjoy!"

Later that day, I saw that monkey flying a kite in front of the Washington Monument. I noticed that the glass string wasn't making his hands bloody. Do you know why? He was wearing gloves.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Please note that I have absolutely no appreciation for life and reality.*

*Bart Bondeson, who claims to be "a better person for having read this book," suggested that I make this clarification to my review. Thanks for the suggestion, Bart! Hopefully that clears things up for those who were wondering.
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Reading Progress

02/02 marked as: unfinished
01/06 marked as: abandoned

Comments (showing 151-200 of 478) (478 new)


message 151: by Chris (new) - rated it 1 star

Chris I requested to be Angel's friend, but she rejected it. If you read this, Angel, and you want to reconsider, I'd happily accept your friendship offer.

Abraham Lincoln once said: "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend."


message 152: by Alli (new) - rated it 3 stars

Alli Schuster This review is better than theee book!


message 153: by Kate (new) - rated it 5 stars

Kate This site really needs a dislike button. Read the cover and you will know that a lot of the book is about the culture. Obviously you shouldn't have picked up the book in the first place if you weren't interested in learning about a culture other than your own. I'm not embarrassed that I read the book, I'm embarrassed that I spent the time to read your review.


message 154: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason CHRIS, YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT!!!


message 155: by Chris (new) - rated it 1 star

Chris I really messed this up for everybody.




message 156: by Esteban (new) - rated it 1 star

Esteban del Mal Kate wrote: "This site really needs a dislike button. Read the cover and you will know that a lot of the book is about the culture. Obviously you shouldn't have picked up the book in the first place if you were..."

DISLIKE.


message 157: by Esteban (new) - rated it 1 star

Esteban del Mal Why do the crestfallen rally 'round this this particular shitty book, amongst many shitty books? Is it the strength of this review? The mob mentality of seeing so many other dummies throw their poo at the review? The equilibrium between low IQ and emotional manipulation? Astrological?


message 158: by Nesrin (new) - rated it 5 stars

Nesrin L. Kate wrote: "This site really needs a dislike button. Read the cover and you will know that a lot of the book is about the culture. Obviously you shouldn't have picked up the book in the first place if you were..."

Just stop it, this bloke's a wanker, and seems to get off on being the way he is in this review.
Save your energy, he is an ignorant prick...


message 159: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason If he's so unworthy of your energy, Ɲėṩṛīȵ (I had to fucking copy and paste that, by the way, how ridiculous), why do you continue to waste yours by commenting on his review?


message 160: by Nesrin (last edited Oct 31, 2012 02:25PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Nesrin L. Jason wrote: "...Ɲėṩṛīȵ (I had to fucking copy and paste that, by the way, how ridiculous).."

Well, P#2, you could just have written Nesrin, if you knew so much about other cultures, since you like to agree with the writer of this review(P#1), that readers of this book can be called Monkeys & all the other stuff he said as of yet.
There's no need for a PhD to write a Turko-Persian name!

And for the rest of your comment, I just didn't like you & Esteban jump on the waggon to defend Damsel-In-Distress Chris-The-P. against Kate.
It was an advice to her, you didn't have to comment on it unless your name is Kate, too.
In which case I would have to rename you T#1.

P.S.: It also was partially for the Lulz.


EDIT- I edited the vulgarities away (...but I still mean them) 'cause I just remembered that kids could be able to see this, too.
Sorry!


message 161: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason You seem to get off on calling people names, N!^N@#$WE or whatever your name is. Maybe Chris has a point about the kind of people who like this book.


message 162: by Nesrin (last edited Oct 31, 2012 02:01PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Nesrin L. Jason wrote: "You seem to get off on calling people names, N!^N@#$WE or whatever your name is..."

Nah, just a bit of trolling.

I'm one of those semiliterate whiners that you sooo can not stand, Love of my Life.(Does that sound better?)

EDIT
You haven't even read this book as it seems but still talk here? -Is this somekind of testosteron induced fraternisation?

Ah, now I get it!
You are friends with Chris on this page.
Why, you sneaky...


Michelle The sexual tension on this thread is palpable.


message 164: by Esteban (new) - rated it 1 star

Esteban del Mal CHILDREN?! CHILDREN GET FUCKED IN THEIR ASSES IN THIS BOOK!

LOOK AWAY, CHILDREN! IT'S A CULTURE THING!

I don't think Chris is a damsel in distress. I think all you Volk that get so upset over a review are slack jawed morons and I enjoy watching you run around ablaze in righteous indignation.


message 165: by Colin (new)

Colin Priest Love it...just love it.


message 166: by Alexis (new) - rated it 4 stars

Alexis Funny review!!! I totally disagree with your opinion though :-)


message 167: by Maryam (new) - rated it 4 stars

Maryam Melissa wrote: "It was really intelligent of you to pick up a book that was obviously about another culture and then become frustrated when the author (whose first language is not English, imagine that!) uses word..."

Beautiful. Couldn't have said it better myself.


message 168: by Jodi (new) - rated it 1 star

Jodi Blyde Amen.

I battled through 100 pages before literally throwing the book away with disgust! Ugh. That is 2 hours of my life that I will never get back.


message 169: by Hana (new) - rated it 4 stars

Hana Rosenfeld Did I just read a review from a "book snob" denouncing The Kite Runner as an inferior piece of literature? If you can't see the universal themes and implications the novel personifies, maybe you should go back to school and learn a bit about STYLE. Based on your narrow-minded review, I'd say you're one of those people who thinks James Joyce's "stream of consciousness" technique was stupid, Picasso's La Guernica was worse than graffiti, and Gustavo Dudamel should be embarrassed for being such an erratic conductor! Where is your humanity? If you don't like a book, just say so- don't claim that it is bad writing and sneer at the millions of more educated, more intelligent, more tolerant people than you who have adored this book. You have just committed the worst crime of any true reader; you have told people to be embarrassed about reading a book and have discouraged some from even starting it! Please think twice about writing reviews like this one in the future; we aren't all ignorant, cocky pseudo-readers masking our idiocy with cynical derision like you.


message 170: by Maryam (new) - rated it 4 stars

Maryam Hana wrote: "Did I just read a review from a "book snob" denouncing The Kite Runner as an inferior piece of literature? If you can't see the universal themes and implications the novel personifies, maybe you sh..."

Astounding. Actually crying. I couldn't agree with you more. How can someone dare discourage reading like that? So low.


Michelle Chris, weren't we just talking about this yesterday?


message 172: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason Michelle wrote: "Chris, weren't we just talking about this yesterday?"

If I remember correctly, he was crying over how sad he was that strangers don't like his review.


message 173: by Chris (new) - rated it 1 star

Chris Yes we were, Michelle. I check in on this thread every now and then when I'm in the mood for a chuckle.

I don't know what Jason is talking about. I've only cried twice in my life -- both times while watching Winged Migration.


message 174: by Esteban (last edited Nov 30, 2012 09:00PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Esteban del Mal Hana looks like a prepubescent Alyssa Milano. I'm changing teams in an effort to impress and ultimately seduce her.

Chris should be dipped in honey and tied-up over a colony of fire ants; then, while barely still alive, he should be roasted above an open fire while encased in a clay pot that is adorned with the most beloved passages of this book.

Holla at'cha boy, Hana.


message 175: by Jason (new)

Jason Miller Haha -- well said Hana.


message 176: by Ashley (new) - added it

Ashley This book is about redemption which is one of the most fundamental parts of being human. Everyone can relate. Not only that it, it sends a powerful message that it's never too late to fix things. And the fact that it takes place in a culture most everyone judges and hates makes it all the more amazing. It shows what it's really like in middle eastern countries and some people just don't want to hear it. They are too fixed on hating it to realize their prejudice is based entirely on ignorance. If you did not take anything from this book it is you who should be embarrassed.


message 178: by Nicole (new) - rated it 1 star

Nicole Still my favorite review.
Especially for the comments.


message 179: by dyanne (new) - added it

dyanne Chris, you totally should write a parody version of the kite runner because I would totally buy it. Not to mention that it would be 1000000% better than the kite runner. I'm dead serious.


message 180: by Nikolas (new) - rated it 1 star

Nikolas Rex What I am about to comment will shock and astound you, it will amaze you, it will twist your emotions. I lied, its rather boring, loved your review, hated this book for all the reasons you hated it!


message 181: by Chris (new) - rated it 1 star

Chris Dyanne wrote: "Chris, you totally should write a parody version of the kite runner because I would totally buy it. Not to mention that it would be 1000000% better than the kite runner. I'm dead serious."

Ha. I appreciate the compliment but I fear that writing a good parody would require me to become intimately familiar with the details of the book. I'd probably need to read it three or four times. The thought of doing that sends shivers down my spine.


message 182: by dyanne (new) - added it

dyanne Chris wrote: "Dyanne wrote: "Chris, you totally should write a parody version of the kite runner because I would totally buy it. Not to mention that it would be 1000000% better than the kite runner. I'm dead ser..."

good point. As I couldn't even finish the book, I raise my imaginary, invisible glass to you for actually being able to mock the writing style of the kite runner. I will have to feel contented with the review alone. :)
I'm wondering... what do people find about this book that is so amazing? Don't they know the definition of a good book is anything but this?


message 183: by Regina (new) - rated it 1 star

Regina Andreassen Hana wrote: "Did I just read a review from a "book snob" denouncing The Kite Runner as an inferior piece of literature? If you can't see the universal themes and implications the novel personifies, maybe you sh..."

That is certainly a very receptive attitude! Labelling us of 'book snobs' just because we disagree with you. Typical of little minds! Fortunately, not all those who love this book react like you do! I have friends who enjoyed this book, yet they understand my reasons for feeling differently and do not judge me because of it but instead, they stop and consider the validy- or invalidity- of my arguments!

By the way 'the universal themes' as you call them, can be discussed in different ways without becoming material for soap operas! The Kite Runner is not a good piece of literature but it was just a weak attempt to produce something great and trascendental by using basic, cliche resources and playing with people emotions...a shame because it had potential!

Now, accept that we don't like the book and move on!


message 184: by Regina (last edited Feb 01, 2013 02:11AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Regina Andreassen Ashley wrote: "This book is about redemption which is one of the most fundamental parts of being human. Everyone can relate. Not only that it, it sends a powerful message that it's never too late to fix things. A..."

The Kite Runner may be popular but as a piece of literature it is not a good book. Expand your horizons! Just because The Kite Runner explores human suffering does not mean it is a good book! About redemption? Many authors explore those issues without all that ridiculous paraphernalia! Nonsense!

In fact, you are wrong! If The Kite Runner gets so much criticism (especially by critics who are serious about literature) it is precisely because NOT EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO IT!

By the way, I am an anthropologist and a sociologits, and let me tell you that precisely because of my career I get to meet people from all over the world and many of them come from the Middle East. If you ask them they will tell you that this book is giving a twisted picture of their society and using cheap resources to get attention! Search for real knowledge, Ashley! and if you like it...good for you! We just don't share your views! Isn't that good enough for you?


message 185: by Regina (new) - rated it 1 star

Regina Andreassen Dyanne wrote: "Chris, you totally should write a parody version of the kite runner because I would totally buy it. Not to mention that it would be 1000000% better than the kite runner. I'm dead serious."

Brilliant comment! LOL


message 186: by Digvi (new) - rated it 5 stars

Digvi Shah Are you an idiot ????


message 187: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason Digvi wrote: "Are you an idiot ????"

I don't believe Chris is an idiot at all, no. Great question, though! But hey, on an unrelated note, maybe you should show your mommy and daddy what you write on the Internet? Naughty little girl.


message 188: by Mandie (new) - rated it 5 stars

Mandie wow!! could not believe your review just goes to show we all have differing taste. i loved this book and a thousand sounds. very descriptive of life in Afghanistan. i detest books snobs who think their intellect is superior to others. please dont be put off by this review.


message 189: by Hana (new) - rated it 4 stars

Hana Rosenfeld Regina wrote: "Hana wrote: "Did I just read a review from a "book snob" denouncing The Kite Runner as an inferior piece of literature? If you can't see the universal themes and implications the novel personifies,..."

Hi Regina! First of all, I'd really appreciate it if you would read posters' comments in their entirety before commenting on them; it was obvious that you didn't even deign to read my main point. I am not, as you so eloquently suggested, a hyper little kid who hates everyone who disagrees with me. Rather, I am a young person who has too often seen the cynicism of adults impact teens negatively. My ONLY problem with this review is that it discourages reading.
P.S. With all due respect, I would like to point out that your arguments would be more readily accepted if you would bother to use proper grammar and spelling.


message 190: by Linds (new) - rated it 4 stars

Linds I'm enjoying trading this but this review is hilarious.


Ji Mei I really like your review. I agree with the author's lack of... well, anything good. It was so melodramatic.


message 192: by Pankti (new)

Pankti Haha...I love this book, and I am not embarrassed to admit it :) To each its own.


Ji Mei *Raise up glass* Cheers! I see how people like this book and I want to like it, it's just my personal view on the, um, incident that stops me.


message 194: by Valene (new) - rated it 5 stars

Valene Ayar I actually classify myself a "book snob" too but i liked it! However, your review was HILARIOUS!


message 195: by Janai (new) - rated it 5 stars

Janai I think the more you read into the book the better it gets you can't judge a book on its first few chapters...well you can but then yoyr missing out on a well written and heart warming story


message 196: by Janai (new) - rated it 5 stars

Janai I think the more you read into the book the better it gets you can't judge a book on its first few chapters...well you can but then yoyr missing out on a well written and heart warming story


Pussinboots the book was brilliant and I've read books like The Return Of The Native, Wuthering Heights, To kill a mocking bird and several more


message 198: by Gabby (new) - rated it 5 stars

Gabby have you taken acid recently


message 199: by Beem (new) - rated it 5 stars

Beem Weeks I've read hundreds of books, many considered literary classics, and still I found this book to be fantastic. Yes, there are lots of clichés. But if you'd drop the "hip jaded guy" routine and delve into the complex human condition presented here, you just might discover what millions of others have found.


message 200: by Jim (new) - rated it 2 stars

Jim January So relieved to read a review similar to my own thoughts about this book


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