Krista (One Love) (Critical)'s Reviews > Breaking the Rules

Breaking the Rules by Suzanne Brockmann

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Four stars because it's THIS series, but if it were another series...it would get three stars, max.

1. Eden is an immature, stupid, impulsive child. I expected her to mature in this book. I expected her to beg for Izzy's forgiveness. Instead, Brockmann throws in a bunch of excuses that supposedly let her off the hook. And, Izzy does SO MUCH apologizing to Eden!!! Over and over he has to apologize to her! She does completely stupid things and then he has to apologize to her for calling her on it. Any time she doesn't get her way, she runs away, often into danger. Izzy deserves better. All she has to do is cry (which happens in pretty much every scene)--AND, Brockmann constantly tells us that Eden is "stoic" and hides her emotions.--um, in what world are you living!?!?!?!! This "woman" bursts into tears every five minutes and then runs away, slamming doors like a toddler.

2. Ben. He was fine at first, but then he started acting all self-righteous, bossing people around and telling them how to live their lives. One of my biggest pet-peeves is when a side character butts into the business of the two MCs, telling them how to act, and it's even worse when it's a freaking KID telling them! What right does he have??? AND THEN, there's the thing he does toward the end: (view spoiler)[Goes out to get himself kidnapped! The idiot! HE KNEW baddies were after him. (hide spoiler)]

3. The cliches. In 99.99% of romance novels, at least one character threatens the life of the hero - "I'll kill you if you hurt her" etc... Why does that have to be in EVERY book? I find myself waiting for it to happen. Is it in some rule-book?

HOW TO WRITE A ROMANCE NOVEL 101

Step 1. Make the heroine a whiny, I-turn-independence-into-bullheaded-idiocy, immature b**ch.

Step 2. Have at LEAST one character threaten to murder the hero for no reason whatsoever.

Step 3. Throw in a stupid kid who acts more like an adult than the heroine, then have him boss the MCs around, telling them how to live their lives (since we all know 15-year-olds know EVERYTHING about relationships and totally have the right to tell adults what to do, since they clearly are smarter).

Step 4. Remember that heroine? Yeah, make sure she bursts into tears in EVERY SCENE! You can't have a strong heroine unless she also has a vulnerable side, aka she tends to act like a 10-year-old. Also, be certain that the heroine's tantrums lead to the hero begging for her forgiveness, even though he's done nothing wrong.

Step 5. If you're going to have two couples, this is what you should do: Make ONE of the men likable, and ONE of the women likable. You CANNOT have more than TWO likable characters. This is important. You don't want your readers to like or relate to the characters.

Step 6. The UNLIKABLE hero, aka Hero #2. Make sure he's an a-hole up until the VERY LAST PAGE. Have him hold onto irrational anger and hatred for no reason. He needs to INSULT his heroine, too, and make her feel insecure. Also, he absolutely HAS to hate the other hero and heroine for no reason. Preferably, have him call the other heroine a whore or slut throughout the book.

Step 7. Let the "other" heroine get her revenge on Hero #2. What you want to do is set it up so she thinks Hero #2 is physically abusive, and have her accuse him of this to his face for extra drama - be sure the whole situation is unrealistic. For example, set the scene up like this:

Hero #2 is attempting to push his heroine out of his path, but then somehow he accidentally punches her in the face. Now, we know that her shoulders are not on the same level with her face, so we also know this is borderline impossible. Perfect! I know I grab someone's shoulders with clenched fists! All the better to GRIP onto said shoulders!

Step 8. Continue the theme of Heroine #1 throwing pity parties for herself, and have this lead to the hero apologizing to her some more. Now, this is very important, so read carefully: It is ESSENTIAL that the heroine come off as ridiculous, self-pitying, immature, whiny, stupid, and ungrateful. AND construct it so your readers are on the hero's side, but then have him grovel anyway. Why? Readers LOVE when books make them so mad they want to rip out their own hair. In addition, have the heroine say something like "You are not allowed to look at me anymore" while screaming at the top of her lungs in one of her tantrums, but ALSO have her boss the hero around to make her a hypocrite, 'cause who doesn't love a hypocrite? AND, have her say "I hate you" to her hero over and over, like a little kid. Remember, make her A TOTAL witch. Have her cry while she's being a witch so no one can get mad at her for said witchiness.

Step 9. Throw in an irrelevent subplot just because you can, and also to add more drama and force the book to be bulkier. Have the subplot be really, really annoying, and have it go nowhere until the VERY end. Make sure each time you switch to the subplot, you essentially write the same scene over and over. For example:

Create a little illegal immigrant girl. Have her evading baddies. Every time she's on the scene, make sure she's either A. running away from baddies, B. running away from the good guys, or C. spying on the baddies. Try to make all the scenes feel the same, and make the girl have the same exact thoughts during every scene, too, because readers like to be bored and annoyed at the same time.

Step 10. Sprinkle in little things here or there that are sure to annoy your reader. Have your likable hero portrayed as the bad guy and your unlikable heroine as the good guy. Have your likable heroine forgive your unlikable hero for everything he does after he says "sorry." Don't have him elaborate.

Step 11. Your unlikable heroine must also be REALLY FULL of herself. She must constantly think about how beautiful she is. Have her dwell on how she can never get a job, because no matter where she works, guys will be pawing her. Have her say the only two places to work are McDonalds or a strip club. No other stores exist. Now, we all know pretty women go to work all the time without getting pawed and having hands stuffed up their shirts, but that doesn't matter because we want this to make no sense. We want readers to be thinking: Well, I'm considered pretty...why don't I have this problem? Or, I know someone gorgeous, why not them? WELL, because NO ONE is as beautiful as EDEN! DUH!

Step 13. Give the unlikable heroine a long, drawn-out, extremely ridiculous sob-story so all the characters will think she's awesome! As a bonus, have every single male character in the book, save for Hero #2 and his little gay brother, be a pervert who forces the heroine (view spoiler)[into some type of sexual situation. (hide spoiler)] Have these sexual situations be unavoidable and make her be seen as a hero.

Step 13. In the end, have your unlikables both be just as unlikable as they were at the start. Maybe give them a few moments of nice, smart, kindness, but then forget it! They're back to being jerks.

Step 14. Have this book be the last in the series (for now, at least) so that people will already like the series, and won't be able to give it a low rating, since, well, THEY LOVE YOU!

But...really.

Love Izzy and Jenn. Hate Dan and Eden. I did enjoy the book because I love this series and like I said, Izzy and Jenn. Dan had a few redeemable moments, while Eden had maybe one, but all the same it WAS interesting, and there were moments I really enjoyed. Plus, Izzy is hilarious. It so completely annoyed me, though, hence my 101. That being said Brockmann's talent is in creating unique, stand-out characters, whether they're annoying or not. I've NEVER read about characters like ANY of the ones in this book--or this series, for that matter, so three stars for that alone, really, and one more for Izzy. No doubt she's an amazing author and I'll pick up anything she writes in the future. Oh, and despite what I said about the subplot, I do love Nisha. I want to adopt her haha.

I really don't mean this review to be totally negative. It really isn't a bad book.

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