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Skylar's review

Shepherding a Child's Heart
by Tedd Tripp

Skylar's review
rating:
bookshelves: nonfiction, parenting, religion, unfinished

This is a very popular book among Christian parents, especially evangelicals, but I personally didn't find it particularly realistic or helpful. I certainly did glean a few insights from it, but, on the whole, I found its premise a little far-reaching for an ordinary human parent.

Tripp's point seems to be that you should shepherd your kid to examine his motives, be aware of his sins, and do good for the mere love of God. It's a noble goal, and every Christian parent's ultimate hope, but how does it work in the particular? He's sketchy on the details of how to do it, and only really specific about what NOT to do. And isn't it possible that the heart might FOLLOW the actions?

I'm not sure tackling the heart BEFORE you tackle the actions is necessarily the way to go with children, unless you're Jesus Christ and you have the divine power to transform the human condition. Teaching my child to behave WHETHER OR NOT she FEELS like it at heart is important to me. It's called being c...more This is a very popular book among Christian parents, especially evangelicals, but I personally didn't find it particularly realistic or helpful. I certainly did glean a few insights from it, but, on the whole, I found its premise a little far-reaching for an ordinary human parent.

Tripp's point seems to be that you should shepherd your kid to examine his motives, be aware of his sins, and do good for the mere love of God. It's a noble goal, and every Christian parent's ultimate hope, but how does it work in the particular? He's sketchy on the details of how to do it, and only really specific about what NOT to do. And isn't it possible that the heart might FOLLOW the actions?

I'm not sure tackling the heart BEFORE you tackle the actions is necessarily the way to go with children, unless you're Jesus Christ and you have the divine power to transform the human condition. Teaching my child to behave WHETHER OR NOT she FEELS like it at heart is important to me. It's called being civilized, and while I'd like her to WANT to behave out of the goodness of her heart, the fact of the matter is, there are many times in life when people - average, decent people - behave well not because they particularly want to, but simply because it is expected of them.

I'm Christian and not Jewish, but I actually found "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee" to be a more helpful parenting book. It emphasizes that it's not so important for your kids to FEEL like behaving as it is for them to ACTUALLY behave. That seems to me more realistic than what Shepherd seems to want us to accomplish here, which seems to be to miraculously remold the naturally selfish human heart. I'd like to believe that I have the power to do that, and I will certainly strive to teach my children right from wrong, the morals and values they should regularly strive to obtain, but we are sinful people who fall short of the ideal. In the meantime, we have to ACT properly whether or not our heart is in it. I think rewards and punishments exist and MUST exist because of human failings and limitations.

Overall, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" did a pretty good job of making me feel like a failure as a Christian parent. Tripp decries virtually every method of parenting as "unbiblical": punishments, rewards, grounding, time-outs. The only thing he seems to approve of is spankings coupled with conversation. (When you spank your kid for disobedience, though, be sure he understands that God says you "must" do it in obedience to God.) And while we apparently "must" spank our children in obedience to God, it's apparently "unbiblical" for us to teach them that they should defend themselves. So, when a teenage boy throws my daughter up against a locker and starts groping her, instead of punching him, as best as I can understand, she's supposed to "pray for God's help." ...less

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message 1: by Kelley

05/03/2008 08:35PM

I think your review of this book is very interesting. I did like the book, but I thought the author sounded a bit condescending, but he is an Education PhD and they tend to be that way. I'm going to look for "Skinned Knees"!