Caris's Reviews > Felix and the Sacred Thor

Felix and the Sacred Thor by James  Steele
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Dec 02, 10

bookshelves: bizarro, 2010
Read from December 01 to 02, 2010

If you are under the age of 18, please get the fuck out of here. If you are over the age of 18 (and are not of a delicate constitution), please scroll down and behold the power of the Sacred Thor.

This is the mighty Thor:

It was taken from one of these:

It has these powers:

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And some other powers, too!

And one more time for good measure:

I love satire. I love it so much that I might use a Thor on it if it manifested itself physically. Steele’s book is full of satire. In the beginning (in a bit of expository gonzo autobiography), the protagonist, Felix, is working at a retail job. He’s pulled in too many directions and is subject to the whims of absurd and surreal customers who kill themselves if they don’t get their way. This is only made worse by the overbearing supervisors who literally sodomize their employees to demonstrate their power. I thought for sure that the beautiful, beautiful satire would end there, but I was wrong.

Steele goes on to criticize our country’s educational system which churns out thousands upon thousands of highly qualified individuals into the job market with nowhere for them to go. This hit me personally, as I’m going on three degrees now and have yet to put one to use. These people, with degrees in various useless disciplines all related to the nocturnal emissions of animals, end up waiting in long lines for months for the opportunity to work for nothing.

I’m going to digress for a moment because this part really pisses me off. I have a very good friend who is a geologist. After he graduated from school, he couldn’t find a job, so he ended up joining the Peace Corps. After two years of digging holes in Mali, he came back to the U.S. only to find the job market in a worse state than he had left it. He found a part-time, low-paying, temporary position with the National Parks service in California which lasted him all of two months. After that, he was broke and without any prospects. He was applying for jobs as a janitor, a Walmart employee, a dishwasher, or any other menial job he could find. But there was nothing. The student loan companies were hounding him about paying back money and sent his account to collections so he couldn’t even think about going back to school. So a couple of weeks ago, he joined the Army. This move was not out of any sense of national pride or some bullshit like that, it was a last shot at hope. The system lied to him.

And I’m grateful to James Steele for bringing that out in the open with this story. By breaking down these things that we go through every day and turning the metaphors into their literal counterparts, he exposes everything that’s wrong with this country. I would like to send this book out to major figures in our government and the key players in our educational system and demand that they respond. Under threat of Thor.

Go back up to the top and look at that dildo again. I’m getting kind of depressed here.
Okay. Moving on.

The story isn’t all depressing topics. Really, it was all kinds of fun to read. In essence, it was a tale of the unlikeliest superhero with the most unlikely powers. It was kind of like a middle-of-the-night-Captain-Planet-type-show-on-Adult-Swim. I liked that the sex toys, metaphors for so much, had super powers. Bad ass super powers. And I liked that they were also used for sodomy.

Anyway, whether you want a good time or a long spell of depression at the state of our country, this is the book for you.
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Comments (showing 1-8 of 8) (8 new)

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The Crimson Fucker i'm no animal expert... but i think the one on that picture is a mare... still! pretty amazing!!! you think they will one day come up with Star Wars inspired dildos??? like giant light sabers dildos or the Wookie stuffer??? i think that'd be fun too!!!

Caris Ha, Alfonso! That is not a mare. That is the Sacred Horse who gave up the Sacred Thor. His sheath is empty so that the world may benefit from his huge schlong!

I have no doubt that there are already such things on the market if you know the right words to Google.

The Crimson Fucker funny! i did went and google some of the stuff... there is no Wookie stuffer... but there are some light saber dildos!!! awesome!!!!

message 4: by Scribble (new)

Scribble Orca That combination of stinging, pounding and poking...perhaps key figures in your government would respond well to that.

message 5: by Mike (new) - added it

Mike Puma This would impress a Wookie:

when used Star Wars fashion:

or to entertain your friends:

message 6: by Mariel (new)

Mariel Masochists should date wookies cause you always gotta let em win.

message 7: by James (new)

James Steele I love the visual aids :-) Nice addition. Puts it all in perspective!

Caris The Thor must be seen to be believed.

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