Downs acknowledges the symptoms and hurts this book describes aren't solely experienced by gayish dudes --still, this is a book every GBT dude or everyone who closely interacts with GBT dudes should read.

Since that won't happen, some key points:

"We are born into this world helpless, love-starved creatures" who "avoid abandonment at all costs." GBT dudes know they're different from an early age, even though they don't even know what it means. To avoid being singled out, many find a way to make this work: "We couldn't change ourselves, but we could change the way we acted." Those who don't become laughing stocks. As we get older, we're still "driven by those insatiable, infantile drives for love an acceptance."

Gay first relationships are basically doomed even more than straight ones. Having had no role models in a young gay man's life of what a male-male relationship is, and can be, both enter into the relationship with a bulk of unresolved issues. Add to that the burning emotion of first love, and everybody is going to get hurt.

So GBT dudes live their young to middle-ages lives finding ways to hide from and compensate a large amount of shame and feelings of worthlessness, constantly seeking validation in one way or another -- so much so this often melds with their evolving personality.

There's so much this book teaches, explains, from why "catty homos" are "catty homos" (covering up hurt, invalidating one another to validate selves), to "lessons on being an authentic gay man" like: "Don't let your sexual tastes be the filter for allowing people into your life" (ouch.)

It's not the best written book, but don't let the cynical engines that turns on in you shut down you openness to it. Downs has great things to say, and years of research to illustrate. At points reading it, I not only thought of myself, but every other gay dude I've closely known -- shades of truth in this book apply to all.