This story probably isn't strong enough to stand alone, although the plot itself is self contained. It's a nice story, but nothing amazing. It is very touching to watch Jay "deal" with Michael's problems and seeing the relationship from his perspective (since Michael would surely say Jay got the raw end of the deal).
What I liked
I felt the story really picked up once Jay actually arrived home. I realize the need for the detour, but that section dragged a little for me (on the other hand, the story would probably feel like it was missing something if it wasn't there). More than the sex (not that I minded that, it was enjoyable!), I liked watching Jay help Michael come out of himself and his memories through the sensory questions, especially when Michael describes Jay's touches on him.
What didn't work
There was one possible plot hole: The story takes place on July 4th, and the fireworks of New Years are referenced, but The Telling takes place in spring, which mean a July 4th would have already passed once.