Great review but it's actually called "Season of the Machete."

sorry to say this to someone that i dont know, but i happen to know that James Patterson is a very talented writer, I am currently in Grade 11 English, taking level one (which is university level) and these are the things we look at in books. And I happen to HATE your comment. People who criticize great writers are the ones that need to, to make themselves feel better. And you probably couldn't write anything that even remotely comes close to as good as this novel, or any of his other novels for that matter.

Hi Paige! Here's how I know you're an idiot: I read your sentence "People who criticize great writers are the ones that need to, to make themselves feel better." The fact that your grammar and punctuation are so sh*tty let me know that:

a) You aren't as accomplished an English speaker as you think.
b) Grade 11 English isn't as impressive a class as you have been led to believe
c) You are the perfect person to compliment James Patterson's writing, because both of you are obviously terrible at using the English language appropriately.

I win!

Paige got smacked in the face by a comment! Did you see that? It was as if the comment came out of nowhere and just smacked . . . Paige . . . in . . . the . . . face.

Joel's comment, "I am not a God-fearing man, but if you believe in God, maybe throw in an extra prayer for James Patterson's English language murdering soul" has to be one of the funniest and more accurate statements that I've ever read in a goodreads review. I feel sorry for anybody who thinks James Patterson's books have any redeeming qualities whatsoever!

Joel it seems to me that you are very immature (and quite frankly i could care lees what rude remak you leave) seeing as to how Paige is just a kid. But on the matter at hand ( Patterson's skills it seems not to matter what you guys think because he is obviously a flourishing millionaire if he hadn't had the ability to capture the reader's attention through his work he would not have made it that far i guarantee you that! I love the way you are so blatant you your review though many people lack the confidence to say how they really feel and honestly you don't i like that keep it up! Sorry for any errors but hey i never professed to be a guru. : )

Paige wrote: "sorry to say this to someone that i dont know, but i happen to know that James Patterson is a very talented writer, I am currently in Grade 11 English, taking level one (which is university level) ..."

Paige I am sure that your intentions were pure and that your heart was in the right place with each keystroke. That being said, before you retaliate do us all a favor and learn how to properly write the language which you claim to be advanced in.

Thank you Joel. I rarely read the-book-of-the-month because I find them hackneyed, poorly written and boring. In my opinion, an author like Patterson, who appears to write a formulaic book a week, generates superfluous tripe. I promise I am not some pretentious literary snob, but my reading generally consists of non-fiction and the classics. You can’t go wrong with Grant’s Memoirs and I reckon if a novel is still around after 50 years, to some degree at least, it has stood the test of time. I have not been disappointed. Ian Fleming, Joe Conrad, Charles Dickens, Hugo and that ilk – you get the picture. They are great page turners, well-written and good yarns. I have read and enjoyed some newer stuff by the likes of Palahniuk and Brett Ellis, etc., but mostly I play it safe and steer clear of the New Releases at Barnes and Noble.

So when my teenage daughter kept raving about James Patterson, I felt like the moment was right to reconsider. I just finished Pale Fire by Nabokov and despite what the literary wonks think, it was painful. Perhaps I was in a rut and didn’t realize the literary gems I was missing. I resisted the Harry Potter thing, because the books were huge and the movies looked dumb. But I figured I needed to stop being such a stuffed shirt, so I proceeded to Goodreads in search of a James Patterson novel and perhaps a change in my reading strategy. Almost instantly, I stumbled upon on your pithy review.

Thank you Joel for saving me 15 bucks, mental drudgery and several wasted nights of my life. I may never read a James Patterson novel, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading your critique and thank you for forewarning hapless readers like myself from the tedium of a bad book. So now I think I am going to read the Three Musketeers. I missed that one along the way and hear it’s awesome.

Writing styles are like snow flakes, no two are the same. The next time you people are reading a book try to open your minds a bit. Don't try to look for the samething in everything you read. Don't t limit yourself.

This is like saying "you haven't tried monkey feces on your salad? Open your mind!"

Not only that, it's like saying it AFTER I ACTUALLY TRIED MONKEY FECES ON MY SALAD AND FOUND IT DISTASTEFUL.

Dakota - good point. The problem is, I am a slow reader - I average a book every ten days or so. So I want the books I do read to count - and when I unintentionally subject myself to a turd - I feel cheated. Discovering new books used to be like walking in a mine field. But with Goodreads, I can read pithy reviews by smart people with no agendas and avoid the turds. And better yet - have discovered some real gems!

Nostromo, the fact you found Pale Fire "painful" tells me a lot. The fact you characterized people who think it's good as "wonks" tells me even more. The fact you would decide not to read a book, not to read the first two chapters even, on the basis of one negative review on a website tells me enough Almost to complete the picture. The fact you think you have to pay $14 for a 17 year old paperback that originally sold for $6.99 tells me all I need to know.

It's true, reading time is valuable. I'd rather re-read Moby Dick or War and Peace than Twilight for the first time any day of the week; however, reading poorly-written books that also happen to be popular (in this case, so popular Hollywood thought it could make millions by turning it into a movie -- which it did ... and did) can serve a very valuable purpose. It can help you appreciate first hand why great works of literature are considered so great -- beyond the fact everyone seems to say they are. By spending just a little time reading the crap put out by James Finnemore Cooper, you can appreciate the genius of Mark Twain that much more.

Twain famously wrote a wonderful piece called The Literary Offenses of James Finnemore Cooper in fact. In this piece, he rips Cooper's work apart in ways that make the OP sound like a bashful choir boy. Even so, I highly doubt Twain would discourage you from reading Cooper's work, if for no other reason than for you to see for yourself how correct Twain was in his criticism. (Of course, Twain would likely suggest you buy his books but borrow Cooper's from your local public library.)

Reading books like KtG is not akin to eating monkey scat to prove you have an open mind. It's more like tasting cheap blended scotch in order to better appreciate the subtle qualities that make a great single malt so renowned.

Nostromo -- I apologize. I was going from memory above and got Cooper's name and the title of Twain's piece wrong. Here's the correct version of the latter, which also serves to correct the former error: "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses." Thanks.

The plot of this book hangs on several points which the author ignored to address based on his assumption that the readers are FOOLS. I threw this book away in disgust.
Tell me how can a girl be attacked and left alone after recuperation giving the fact that the culprit is still at large. How so stupid ?
How can the girl run away and fall into the river and the police are so stupid enough not to engage into a thorough search around the radius of the place.
So many other points.

Reading this book was a direct lack of respect from the author to the reader.

If you loved this book then you are someone who doesn't think and takes things for granted or someone who's pure aim was for the over-descriptive porn scenes of the novel.

This book was so bad. I couldn't stop giggling when the female protagonist immediately fell in love with the guy calling himself Alex Cross who is just a waste of time.

The author was so lost himself that he could not get the finale done that he turned his so brilliant killer into an obvious fool at the end of the book so that Mr. AC will solve the case. Pathetic !! No more Patterson - One was enough.

The funniest review and comments ever^^^^

Hey Joel, a friend of mine was reading this book so I came to Goodreads to find out what it was all about. Your comment on the book was hilarious. Made my evening. (I think you should probably ignore comments from people like Paige, though).

Ok. Now I've read the other reviews on this book, and I still have to say that yours was the funniest. 3 stars. Thanks. Hope you will be reviewing more books.

DISAGREE!!!! I thought this book was AMAZING, anyone who thinks any book by James Patterson is bad has to be insane he is by far one of the best Authors ever!

Completely agree - the writing is appalling and the plot holes are just embarrassing. The story itself however is not that bad, perhaps if someone else had written it ?.

I completely agree too. One of the worst books i've ever read. Now i'm hearing that Along Came A Spider is better, and wondering whether I should give Patterson another shot. hrm

Tone wrote: "Ok. Now I've read the other reviews on this book, and I still have to say that yours was the funniest. 3 stars. Thanks. Hope you will be reviewing more books."

Thanks! Will do!

Pepper, Along Came a Spider is definitely better than Kiss The Girls. It's one of the few JP books I don't detest. It's not great though. If you're gonna read it... Borrow it from the library. It probably won't be a book you want to re-read.

Tara wrote: "DISAGREE!!!! I thought this book was AMAZING, anyone who thinks any book by James Patterson is bad has to be insane he is by far one of the best Authors ever!"

Great point, Tara! Except for the part where you said "I thought this book was Amazing, anyone who thinks any books by James Patterson is bad has to be insane he is by far one of the best Authors ever."