Aaron's Reviews > You Suck

You Suck by Christopher Moore
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Jan 29, 08

Recommended for: Ex-Goths living in SF (most of my friends?)
Read in January, 2008

A hugely entertaining lightweight page turner about modern day vampires living in SF. A cast of very likable characters kept me thoroughly captivated. This is especially true of one Abby Normal, 16 year old goth girl, minion to The Vampire Flood, and part time narrator through her diary entries like this:

Chapter 16: Being the Chronicles of One Abby Normal, Completely Fucked Servant of The Vampire Flood.

OMFG! W00T!! I have failed. Left my duty undone, like so much dog poop on the blooming sidewalk of the tragedy that is my life. Even as I sit here at the Metreon Starbucks, writing this. The froth slaves seem to move like silver eyed zombies, and my nonfat soy amaretto mochachino has gone as bitter as snake bile, which is like, the bitterest bile you can get. If there wasn’t a TOTALLY hot guy two tables away, acting like he doesn’t notice me, I would weep. But real tears make your mascara run, so I’m staying chilly in my despair. You’re loss cute guy, for I have been chosen. Suffer bitch.

I had to leave lord Flood to his own devices last night. But before I left I confessed my undying love for him. I am a hopeless ho’s beast. All I had to do was say goodbye, but no, I just barked it out. It’s like he has this power over me. Like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuffed cookies. I don’t have an eating disorder, I’m just skinny because I enjoy eating mass quantities and then yacking it back up. It’s not a body image problem. I think my system has always wanted to survive on a liquid diet, and until I’m brought into my Dark Lord’s loving embrace, it’s Starbucks for me.


(Transcribed from Audio, so I probably got the punctuation wrong.)

Yeah, I'm totally tickled.
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