Kira's Reviews > Passion

Passion by Lauren Kate
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's review
Jun 23, 13

bookshelves: angels-and-demons, ya, made-no-sense, could-have-been-worse, train-wreck-romance, better-than-the-first-one, sentimental-value, rule-of-abeko-you-broke-it
Recommended to Kira by: An angry cat
Recommended for: Angry cats
Read from June 16 to 29, 2011 — I own a copy, read count: 1

** spoiler alert ** The other day I was at Freshco with my mother and we were looking for bargains, as you do. We'd already snagged yellow corn chips for like $1.99 and a whole stack of cat food for $0.49, so I was feeling pretty pumped by the time we got to the cold section to look for juice.

My mother walks over to the chiller and looks at the prices. There's three shelves of OJ, and to the right there's a smaller bottle with pulp priced at about five dollars. To the left, there's a huge bottle without pulp priced at like $3.99.

My mother flaps between the two, and I stare at her in disbelief.

"What the hell? Pick the one on the left."

"But I want PULP."

My jaw hits the floor. We've literally saved our asses off, and here we are stressing over pulp. PULP!

So I grab the cheaper bottle, put it in the cart and say, in my best Sense The Tone voice, "Mother, I cannot believe that our financial wellbeing is now resting on you wanting pulp. Pulp!"

She grabs the cart with a scowl. "Someone's touchy. I only wanted pulp."

We do the rest of the shop in stubborn silence. Well, not the rest. We stay grumpy with each other until we reach the freezer case and start tittering about kosher ice cream and how much better it is than atheist dairy products.

Looking back, I now call this a Torment moment. Everything trips along fine until someone has to make a frivolous decision or says something not quite on the mark, and then BAM! Blitzkrieg. Ladies and gentlemen, let it be known that I adore my mother with all my being, but man, can she be a Luce when she wants to be.

Alas, it was this character model in the previous book that left a nasty taste in my mouth, and forced me to question whether or not I'd ever bother picking this one up. Let's be real here: Torment was an appalling shitstorm.

Should I go on, I wondered? Should I put myself through the agony?

Of course, that's all complete horseshit. There was never any question: I was always going to finish this series. It's a car crash. It's crack.

Look, I was under no illusions after reading the first two instalments. I set myself up some tantalizing anti-feminism folded into a good, hearty chunk of mature cheddar. All wrapped in a smooth sheet of rich, purple fondant.

And here I am, giving the book 2.5 stars.

Let me explain. Please.

So Passion's writing was peculiar in that it's kind of like that weird phase you go through when you finally decide to leave fanfiction behind; you're done with all your porny "his eyes were like shining cerulean gemstones from the Dead Sea" (laughing mildly because I don't think Ally Adornetto ever got past that stage) but you aren't sure how to really structure a sentence or write with any sort of rhythm. You don't really have a style.

That's what's weird about this book. There's no real style or flair. You couldn't read a random excerpt and think, "wow, that's definitely Lauren Kate."

Why would you, anyway. That's like eating a cheap greasy burger and then marvelling at it, exclaiming, "oh, wow, that's definitely Kraft American cheese slices. I'd know that elegant cultured taste anywhere."

I just can't really invest myself in this prose. There's just no raw skill at the core of it. Most of it barely makes sense. There's an awful lot of: "He did this. He did that. Then he did this. Then he did that. He felt this. Then he felt that."


"He could feel their ragged teeth sawing into the leather of his shoes. He could hardly breathe for the stink of their waste. He kicked out and there was a squeal. Then he gathered his feet beneath him and rose onto his haunches."


[Drinking Game: Take a shot every time you come across the word "Anachronism" in Passion. You'll be roaring drunk by the time you reach page 150. No shit.]

The dialogue wasn't too awful, but the main problem I had was that it just didn't fit with the change in time periods. We have some AngryCrazyBitchyFemale(tm) in 3100 B.C. talking about eardrums and a kitchen wench in nineteenth-century England roaring like that photo-bombing guy on that BBC news report at the Glasgow airport, who danced around behind the reporter slurring, "I hate Ice-land!". Look, it just doesn't fit.

That's another odd thing about this book. The time travel. Okay, I understand the perils of writing about time travel and I obviously commend Lauren's quite brave decision to attempt it as a plot point. Time travel is a weird thing. It's very, very difficult to make sense of and extremely hard to base a story around. (I for one can't stand it. I hate it because it isn't feasible. You simply cannot make logical sense of time travel. It's not a concept that feels even remotely comfortable to me. I just UGH. No. I hate it.)

But there are so many worrisome plot holes that can arise with time travel, and Passion really is no exception. The whole thing with 'cleaving' the present self and the past self together to go "three-D" was incredibly confusing. So Luce can blend with her past selves - but are they aware of it happening? How does Luce slot herself perfectly into the timeline? How come she doesn't change anything? You would literally have to match up every single minute movement you made with the past self, or you risk creating a ripple effect that would destroy or greatly alter the future.

And then Daniel cleaves to his past self, okay, but then kills his past self with a starshot? WTF?! How does that even make sense? IF YOU KILL YOUR PAST SELF YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL NOT EXIST. So how does it get from dead past Daniel to living future Daniel and how the hell does this act not change the future?

What the fucking fuck, Lauren Kate?

And another thing: what the hell was with the campfire scene? Anyone care to explain? We're supposedly being pulled in three directions which doesn't make sense with the premise. Luce and Daniel are torn between the good fallen angels and the bad fallen angels (don't fucking get me started) but then there's a third side involving Arriane and Annabelle, while Annabelle's role has never been fully explained and probably never will be?

And hey, I still hate all of the characters. Well, all except Cam. He got a little interesting here, though. Less insipid and dull. I like that.


Why the fuck was the whole "Daniel and I are BROTHERS, BROTHERS IN ARRRRRMS" thing treated like some big reveal? Good God, give us some credit. Anyone who knows jack shit about angels knows they're all basically siblings, considering they have the same Father. In fact, you don't even need to know jack shit. You just need a brain.

I just. . . I can't. Of course they are brothers. Of course. Fuck!

Yo, let me make something clear. This book is, by far, the best yet. The characterization was a little less paranoid and jumpy and Lord, Luce even began to sow the seeds of a personality. It was a personality worth a kick in the fucking teeth, but I'd rather hate a character than feel nothing. Yeah, Luce in this book is basically a complete fuckwit but that's better than a sad crumpled piece of wet cardboard.

And yeah, she's a fuckwit alright. After making a total fucking piss-up of her Helston life, she banged her head on the wall of the Announcer hard enough to shake her out of this blind flailing trance of pure panic that send her stumbling through her more recent lives like an ostrich on blow, but apparently it wasn't enough to force her into a state of more apt decision-making. I mean, I'd like to think that if I were Luce, after being royally fucked-over by a deceitful librarian (cough-snigger-cough) AND a friend's ex-boyfriend, and having nothing to show for it but a bloodless corpse and a really horrible haircut I'd perhaps think twice about trusting small gruff goblins (gargoyles, whatever) with my quest to reveal the secrets of the universe.

But not Luce! She's as humble and trusting as ever. She trots alongside Bill, this ridiculous caricature of a sidekick, as he supplies her with a copious wealth of deus ex machina, until the plot actually has to fucking happen and he turns out to be Satan (okay, let's not get into how deep of a mythology fail it is to equate Satan, Lucifer and the Devil. I just. . . let's not).

All those nudge-nudge hint-hint comments about not being an angel and knowing literally EVERYTHING may as well have been big, sparkly signs with 'I AM EVIL INCARNATE' written across them in scarlet Sharpie. And there's this urgent disaster moment where he grows into some 1,000 foot tall monster and Luce is screaming and there's this shitstorm that should have happened two hundred pages before and the whole thing is just so hilariously melodramatic. Someone needs to take Lauren Kate's laptop away from her until she calms down.

Bill aside, Daniel was likely the greatest evil of this book. He always does this really weird *Terminator voice* MUST PROTECT AND THEN KILL WOMAN WHO INEXPLICABLY LOVES ME thing and to be honest, it creeps me out more than anything. Like, he's this really old, old guy going after this seventeen year old girl, telling her what to do and where to go, and sexually idolizing her to the point of complete obsession. She seems to be handling things okay but he cries that she's "bound to need him" and I'm just so done with him. I'm so done with this really creepy old dude like swirling around her with eyes like spotlights, trying to mold her into the person she used to be in a past life. It's fucking sick.

Really, though. Luce is hardly Lara Croft, but she honestly does not need to be constantly rescued. By the time he came out with "she's bound to need me", Luce had already escaped a Russian war zone, saved the lives of a platoon of Italian soldiers in the back of an ambulance and traveled safely by Announcer three times. Of course, there were cries aplenty of "I WANT DANIEL" and "UGH DANIEL IS MY AIR" and "HOW WILL I SURVIVEEE" but what she shows us is that she's capable and it's Daniel holding her back. He's a really perverted crutch.

Is no one else freaked out by the whole Daniel/Luce pairing or is it just me? He's millennia old. In this life, Luce is seventeen. She isn't even old enough to buy a Bud Light. And they're in "love" like a week after they meet in this life, as if Luce is just fair game for Daniel. That's what we teach young women with these tales of weird, almost macabre romance. That their love is cheap, easy. That they're prey, and they ought to let men pounce on them and stand at their helm in total control. Isn't Luce flattered, you'll ask? Isn't she flattered that Daniel loves her?

She shouldn't be flattered. It shouldn't be flattering to have a man step into your life and tell you that he has decided that you love him, and you have no choice in the matter. You always have a choice. Your love is absolutely priceless, and anybody who thinks they are entitled to it is a grotesque self-important piece of garbage.

This book also breaks the Rule of Abeko in the most spectacular fashion, which I often use as a rule of thumb; are you willing to do some research, or do you prefer to follow in the footsteps of misogynists past?

"They [Adam and Lilith] weren't married very long when Lilith left him. It broke his heart. He waited for her a long time, but eventually, he met Eve. And Lilith never forgave Adam for getting over her. She spent the rest of her days wandering the earth and cursing the family Adam had with Eve."

Misogynists it is, then!

Lilith originates from somewhere within the darkest throes of Judeo-Christian mysticism, and was first named in the Alphabet of Ben-Sira. The real story goes that Adam and Lilith were born from the same clay, and thus equal. He tried to force Lilith to be sexually penitent, but she refused to let him dominate her, so fled. As soon as she ran away, Adam cried to God that he was alone, so God created Eve from Adam's rib so that she would forever be in debt to and a possession of man. Lilith hated Adam and refused to return to Eden, even after three angels threatened to kill a hundred of her demon children a day.

Here's a quote from the original Alphabet of Ben-Sira:

"While God created Adam, who was alone, He said, 'It is not good for man to be alone' (Genesis 2:18). He also created a woman, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, 'I will not lie below,' and he said, 'I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.' Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.

Adam stood in prayer before his Creator: 'Sovereign of the universe!' he said, 'the woman you gave me has run away.' At once, the Holy One, blessed be He, sent these three angels to bring her back.

"Said the Holy One to Adam, 'If she agrees to come back, what is made is good. If not, she must permit one hundred of her children to die every day.' The angels left God and pursued Lilith, whom they overtook in the midst of the sea, in the mighty waters wherein the Egyptians were destined to drown. They told her God's word, but she did not wish to return."

But of course we're left with some bullshit high school drama where Adam "gets over" Lilith and then dates someone new and it's lovely and cutesy and there's none of the awful original barbarism that runs so deeply through the veins of everything Bible-related.

It's also interesting to note that Lilith's true companionship was with Lucifer. They mated once and stayed allied forever, and she produced their monstrous child, Baphomet. There's some evidence that Lilith was the spouse of Sammael, but it's always made clear that Lilith had a strong relationship with Lucifer (whether or not that relationship was loving, sexual, or platonic varies from text to text). But the point is that Lilith has no affiliation with Adam after she leaves Eden. How could she be angry with Adam "getting over her" when she clearly had other fish to fry?

Bastardization of mythology that is pretty clearly laid out is a real peeve of mine. You profess to know everything about your source material but then you fuck it up royally - and it's not even like you made it better or more interesting. Kate, you've actually made Lilith's story boring. How is that even possible?

I can't. I'm done. 500% done.

So where do we go from here?

Rating this book was incredibly difficult for me. I wanted to praise it, but letting go all the little things that made me want to cry in a corner felt like a betrayal of my past self, the one that slogged through Fallen and Torment with an aging grimace. I wanted to go back and cleave to that past self, make her bang the book against her forehead until she blacked out, then kill her with a starshot so she'd never have to live in a world where this book tops the NYT bestsellers list. What is it that is so appealing about this series? Is abuse of women, of mythology and of literature now suddenly the hot new thing we all have to indulge in?

I had to be honest. I had to pick up the slack and complain. I had to go ahead and tell the truth about a product I bought that I was not entirely happy with.

This book was far from the worst I've read. In fact, in some parts, I almost enjoyed it. I mean, I get it. I get why people want to read about a pretty man and a time travelling adventure. But this book is, for young readers, an education in mythology, love and friendships. It's a piece of media, and it's being fed to legions of sponge-like minds.

"It's just a book."

Don't. Don't say that, and then in the next breath wax on about how The Hunger Games is a new piece of culture that can teach our generation a lesson and change the world. You cannot pick and choose - you do not have the luxury. Media is media, and media is a juggernaut of pure moral power. There is nothing that wields a greater capacity to teach and/or morally maul an entire generation than media. Realize this.

We all know I'm going to read Rapture, anyway. It's in the stars. Frankly, after this rollercoaster ride, I'd rather drink a cup of cold sick, but I'm in too deep now. This was the third of the Great Crimes, and we all know I'm committing the fourth. I have waded too far into this pool of curdled literary blood to turn back.

I'd also kind of like to find out what happened to Trevor. Remember him?

Good. Cause no one else does.
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Reading Progress

06/19/2011 page 1
0.0% "Okay. *cracks knuckles* LET'S DO THIS THING!"
06/19/2011 page 6
2.0% "Enough with the Outcasts. They're boring. Stop trying to make the Outcasts happen. THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN."
06/19/2011 page 19
5.0% "SOVIET RUSSIA? MY CALCULATIONS WERE CORRECT? Really, though, I'm interested. Let's see how this pans out." 2 comments
06/19/2011 page 21
5.0% "Prose is improving. Come on, Kate. Keep going..."
06/19/2011 page 24
6.0% "Oh, we lost it. Darn. Better luck next time."
06/19/2011 page 27
6.0% "Holy hell, I need a gallon of phlegm to pronounce that second-t-last line. Hufflepuff."
06/19/2011 page 32
7.0% "Daniel, you stupid asshole. Congrats on murdering your 'true love' once again." 1 comment
06/19/2011 page 48
11.0% "Blah-de-blah. Blah-de-blah. Blah-de-blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Let's cut our sentences off every fifth word. Yeah, really helps to disengage our reader." 2 comments
06/19/2011 page 58
13.0% "Great. The douche is back."
06/19/2011 page 64
15.0% "Why do you love him, Luce? Why? So far all you've commented on his how hot and perfect and gorgeous he LOOKS. You are incredibly shallow."
06/19/2011 page 72
17.0% "Get a grip, Lucia. Geez. Yeah, Luce is the same shallow drip even in her past lives (though she did show a glimmer of something back at the ambulance. Didn't last long)." 1 comment
06/19/2011 page 73
17.0% ""bound to need him"? Daniel, get your big fat head out of your ass. Bound to need you. Yeah, because she's so incompetent that she couldn't possibly have already travelled through time to escape you, fixed up a couple of minced soldiers in the back of the WWI ambulance, and survived a Russian war zone. She's no Lara Croft, Daniel, but does it look like she's desperately in need of you? Get a grip." 3 comments
06/23/2011 page 77
18.0% "Blah-de-blah, lust at first sight...Daniel pervs on a thirteen-year-old...wait, what?"
06/23/2011 page 88
21.0% "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Bill, I know exactly who you are, and you are absolutely not funny. In the slightest. A thousand interpretations for your character, and Ms. Kate chooses done-and-dusted snarky cretin. Al Pacino already had that down, so let's try something else."
06/23/2011 page 96
23.0% "Okay, Luce. I see your plan. Torture yourself, then you'll find the key to everything! No, I don't get it either."
06/23/2011 page 98
23.0% ""Follow your heart. It won't mislead you." BLECH!" 2 comments
06/23/2011 page 101
24.0% "Yes, okay, Luce is so totes cool and goth 'cause she wears Converse. Stop trying to be down with the kids, please. You're giving me a headache."
06/23/2011 page 111
26.0% "Yay! Cam's back! The only remotely interesting and likable character, which is saying something, 'cause he's boring and unlikable has returned! Might this get interesting...?"
06/23/2011 page 113
27.0% "Ah, no such luck. We're stuck with some more TWOOLOFF4EVA..."
06/23/2011 page 114
27.0% "There it is. The quick fix. Some good ol' fashioned lust."
06/23/2011 page 121
29.0% "I like Henrietta!"
06/23/2011 page 126
30.0% "I don't recall Roland being black in either of the previous two books. Huh." 7 comments
06/23/2011 page 131
31.0% "STFU, Bill. Geez, we all know you're being a manipulative asshole, so give it up, will you? God."
06/26/2011 page 139
33.0% "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Double take much."
06/26/2011 page 142
34.0% "Insipid Luce/Lucinda. What's new?"
06/26/2011 page 146
35.0% "'Trollop'! I fucking love the British language."
06/26/2011 page 148
35.0% "Wait, what? Did you really just say that, Luce? What is THIS? Could it be...CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?"
06/26/2011 page 150
36.0% "Oh, great. A Daniel chapter. Let's skim, shall we?"
06/26/2011 page 159
38.0% "So now the death of your true love is beautiful, Daniel. You're a creep, is what you are."
06/26/2011 page 165
39.0% "Oh, great. Lulu. Pas de deux. This books is so pretentious." 4 comments
06/26/2011 page 167
40.0% "BLAAECH! Luce is envious of the sand Daniel walks on and the water bathes in. What's next? She's jealous of the air swirling around his balls?" 2 comments
06/26/2011 page 169
40.0% "Ignore that last status update. That was so vulgar. Anyway, at least now we're seeing something in their relationship other than kissing and fondling and gazing silently into each other's eyes. Also, how come we never see any inkling of this tattooing on Daniel's future self? Luce didn't even ask this question! It didn't even cross her mind! What the hell."
06/26/2011 page 177
42.0% "Oh, shudder. Here, now I'm feeling mean, because this atmosphere is pretty cool and creepy. And what's weirder than going to your own funeral?"
06/26/2011 page 183
44.0% ""SHE WILL SHOWER WHEN TIBET IS FREE!" Sorry, but that Friends reference was the first thing that entered my mind at this point."
06/26/2011 page 185
44.0% "Okay, okay. Some more relationship development. A little talking. Very chaste. Not quite convinced, but getting there."
06/26/2011 page 189
45.0% "Holy shit! Oh, holy shit! That was a shock. Honest to Hell! I didn't expect that. That was horrible. I almost sympathize. No, actually, I do. Holy shit. Oh, God. This book is giving me whiplash."
06/26/2011 page 194
46.0% "Oh, shit. Please stop being so graphic. I don't need to know."
06/26/2011 page 195
46.0% "Dare I say it? Dare I? I do. I'm warming to Cam. He's...less of a douchebag."
06/26/2011 page 201
48.0% "A French chapter title? Are you serious? Come on. Let's try to appeal to a wider audience, please. It didn't impress us in 13 to Life, and it doesn't impress us here. Come on, now."
06/26/2011 page 207
49.0% "Bill? What the hell are you doing? What is this? What Not to Wear? Pineapple Dance Studios?"
06/26/2011 page 212
06/26/2011 page 216
51.0% "Of course, Luce would be ZEE CHOZEN WUN to marry the King. Of course she would." 2 comments
06/26/2011 page 225
54.0% "There's that pesky emotion again! Look, they're both idiotic placecards, but this is still kind of...sad."
06/26/2011 page 233
55.0% "Oh, God. Daniel, seriously. Sometimes you make me want to slap you into next week with a rotten pike, and sometimes you just make me sad. Overall, you're kind of pathetic."
06/26/2011 page 238
57.0% "That same old tired mistake. When are people going to actually read Romeo and Juliet and stop calling it a "great love story"? Lauren Kate, come on! Read the damn thing! Stop being a sheep! Stop following the footsteps of Meyer and Adornetto! ARGH!"
06/26/2011 page 242
58.0% "A beard? Oh, God!"
06/26/2011 page 244
58.0% ""Unmannerly"? And you'll take this belittlement, won't you, Luce? Because he's hot. Back to square one, it seems."
06/26/2011 page 246
59.0% "Could Luce please ACTUALLY follow in Anne Boleyn's footsteps? Heads shall roll! Also, I am in high doubt about casual references to Mars at this point in time. No one knew it was even an actual planet until Galileo secretly looked at it with a primitive telescope in 1609. Would that make it common knowledge by 1613? No."
06/26/2011 page 255
61.0% "Yay, Cam! ....wait, what? Did I just say that? I think I did. Mainly because right now he's the only remotely interesting character in the entire cast." 2 comments
06/26/2011 page 258
61.0% "D'aww."
06/26/2011 page 265
63.0% "I am so confused right now. Like, legit. I have no idea what's going on."
06/26/2011 page 270
64.0% "Still have no idea what's going on."
06/26/2011 page 273
65.0% "Oh, fuck! Out of the way, people! Projectile barf coming through! That is fucking disgusting."
06/26/2011 page 275
65.0% "Ix what? Ix Cuat? How do you even say that? What happened to the L- pattern?"
06/26/2011 page 284
68.0% "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 2012. Lol, Bill - why don't you go talk to the guys at Ubisoft? They'd give you a heads-up."
06/26/2011 page 294
70.0% "Do it, Daniel! PLEASE THE RAIN GOD!"
06/26/2011 page 305
73.0% "What the fuck is going on?"
06/26/2011 page 308
06/26/2011 page 310
74.0% "Oh, here we go. Butchery coming up. For the love of fuck."
06/26/2011 page 312
74.0% "NO. No, honey, that's NOT how Lilith's story goes. That's completely and utterly wrong. WRONG. God, how DARE she twist this? How dare she! I'm absolutely seething right now. Passion just lost a star from me. Thanks, Lauren Kate, for completely ruining the story of Lilith and filling the minds of thousands with bogus crap that, once again, demonizes one of the most important yet unknown biblical women." 10 comments
06/26/2011 page 315
75.0% "Of course Cam would be the reasonable one, being the male angel that he is. I am still so angry right now, I can't even...ARGH!"
06/26/2011 page 318
76.0% "Too fucking right, Lilith. You leave with your pride, girl. FUCK THEM."
06/26/2011 page 325
77.0% "Thin and pretty, thin and pretty. Always thin and pretty. Yeah, yeah. Beauty is the best thing ever. We get it."
06/26/2011 page 327
78.0% "Yeah, yeah. Of course she would be the king's wife. And how many times have we heard that excuse? "He killed himself!" Whatever. Lu Xin killed him. Obviously. Put a pick-axe in her head, Luce, and save us all a coronary." 5 comments
06/28/2011 page 329
78.0% "Let's not condone cheating, please."
06/28/2011 page 333
79.0% "OhmiGOD! What's this? What the...? Luce is being all...strong! She's totally taking initiative! Holy SHEET! This is like Mulan all over again..."
06/28/2011 page 339
81.0% "Oh, yeah. Huh. Yay, I guess. *headshake* So much for that. Hurray, Luce. Daniel came to rescue you again. How wonderful for you."
06/28/2011 page 345
82.0% "Yeah. Okay. Come on, Ms. Kate. Quit trying to make your characters to blameless all the time. They're already completely unrelatable as it is."
06/28/2011 page 347
83.0% "DEATH. AGAIN. Luce, why not die and stay dead? That way all the world's problems would be solved."
06/28/2011 page 351
84.0% "LUCE, FUCKING LISTEN TO BILL. IT WOULD SAVE YOU A LOT OF SHIT. Also, finally someone's thinking about the bigger picture here! Finally!"
06/28/2011 page 354
84.0% "I can't believe you think THAT'S a revelation, Kate. I knew that from the moment we met both guys in the first book. I thought everyone was supposed to already realize that. Failure."
06/28/2011 page 358
85.0% "Whoa! Creepy baby, much! Chuckie alert!"
06/28/2011 page 365
87.0% "Donkor. Donkor. Lol."
06/28/2011 page 366
87.0% "I'm pretty sure they didn't know what eardrums were in 3100 B.C. Fail."
06/28/2011 page 368
88.0% "YES! IT'S BACK AGAIN! Them's fightin' words, Luce!" 8 comments
06/29/2011 page 377
06/29/2011 page 381
91.0% "Enough with the whooshing! Enough!"
06/29/2011 page 384
91.0% "Yep. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I knew that was coming. I'm not impressed. Nor am I the slightest bit frightened. Or threatened. Or entertained."
06/29/2011 page 389
93.0% "Disney villain. Again! "This is my plan, mwahahaha! I shall destroy the world!" Bo-ring."
06/29/2011 page 392
93.0% "What? WHAT? How is that even going to work? What a stupid, stupid, evil master plan. I don't even understand how that will...what? What?"
06/29/2011 page 397
06/29/2011 page 408
97.0% "Again, incredibly confused. Clearly, Lauren Kate lied, and this book does not hold "all the answers". What the HELL is Luce? Really?"
06/29/2011 page 415
99.0% "I still don't understand that eeeeeeevil master plan. I'm trying, truly I am. But I don't understand how that's going to work. It just makes absolutely no sense to me."
06/29/2011 page 416
99.0% "So. Many. Mythology. Fails. I don't even know where to start."
06/29/2011 page 418
100.0% "Yes, Molly! That was awesome. You rock."
06/29/2011 page 419
100.0% "This makes absolutely no sense."
06/29/2011 page 420
100.0% "YES! FREEEEDOM! I'm finally done, thank fuck! Now, let's get started on that sparkling review..." 3 comments
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 274) (274 new)

RainaMarie im sorry but thats pretty much the point of these books yah know the "ill stop at nothing to be with you " kinda stuff so i bet your gonna be pretty pissed if you read this book


*bedroom eyes*

message 3: by Lissa (new)

Lissa Ryuk, there is no end to the depth of love I have for your snark. You are, of course, spot on.

Kira Lissa, I am a little bit in love with you. Know that.

message 5: by Varsha (new)

Varsha Just when I was almost ready to bang my head on the wall, frustrated that I didnt even know where to begin criticizing this book I stumbled upon this BEAUTIFUL piece of writing. I am at peace now.

Kira Oh, Varsha! You are endlessly fabulous. Have a magical day!


Kira Deena, I'm genuinely confused. Are you for real?

Just Deena lol wat do u mean?

message 10: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Never mind. I'm not confused any more.

Just Deena ok, :)

message 12: by Monique (new) - added it

Monique This is awesome. If only the author has the sense to read it. I fully agree with what you have said about teens reading this. It is one of the main issues I have with Twilight. Only, unlike Twilight, this is decently written. I would love to see how the author handles something with a decent main character and plot development beyond "OMG romance!".

message 13: by Lissa (new)

Lissa It's because Meyer has said again and again that she wrote the book for herself, so she didn't actually write it for a YA market. It doesn't send good messages to a teen audience. Compare it to other established YA authors who actually know how to write good role models or at least good messages for a YA audience - characters that don't rely on men to save them etc - it's pretty poor. But for some reason it's still really popular. Want to know why? Because the biggest audience is the same age as Bella and everything's a bigger deal when you're 16 and in love for the first time.

message 14: by Cami (new)

Cami Dont you think this is a little harsh?

message 15: by Kira (last edited May 15, 2011 07:20PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira No, I don't. I think it is fair after I spent over fifty of my dollars on these books and have gotten nothing but derogatory anti-feminist values, bastardized mythology and a generic recycled plot line out of them.

Maybe you should go back and read the last paragraph of my review.

message 16: by Amanda (new) - added it

Amanda Torment was sooooooo boring! The only thing that happened in this book was Luce hating Daniel then loving Daniel, then hating Daniel, and loving Daniel.MAKE UP YOUR MIND!sheesh.

message 17: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Some interview I read said she'd be taking it to Scotland. Plus, Daniel mentions a past life of Luce's that was set there, in Fallen.

I wistfully dream that what I heard was false...though I don't think it was. I can't quite remember which blog it was on, but I'm pretty sure she said it.

Lauren Kate also claims to have had a 'past life experience' of Scotland. Yeah, I died inside too.

message 18: by Lissa (new)

Lissa Ryuk wrote: "Lauren Kate also claims to have had a 'past life experience' of Scotland. Yeah, I died inside too. "

I just died a little inside, too. This is just another example of Luce being a wish fulfillment figure for Kate, just like Bella was with Meyer. No wonder the character sucks so much.

message 19: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Oh, God, Lissa - you're right, doll. Most of today's tween YA authors suffer from WF Syndrome. Alexandra Adornetto is the only one who actually admits it.

message 20: by Kira (last edited May 27, 2011 07:57PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira If she does, and it descends into all those old, irritating stereotypes, I'm going to punch something. Probably this book. You know, I would like to see someone write about FUCKING MODERN SCOTLAND. The whole reason people think it's a fucking wasteland is because all they see is movies where it's a smoking fire-pit full of hairy men and kilts. It's really pissy and incredibly aggravating. You know what? When I first moved to Canada, people would come up to me all the time and say "I loved Braveheart".

I told them to go to the library and pick up an Oxford reference book that isn't tacky Hollywood trash.

message 21: by Lissa (last edited May 28, 2011 03:45AM) (new)

Lissa Hellion wrote: "In no way does it discuss Scotland like it's some exotic land..."

I'm sorry: I'm Australian living in England and I still think Scotland is exotic. And I love me some hulking men (am marrying one next year, though he's not Scottish he is a northerner lol).

message 22: by Ceilidh (last edited May 28, 2011 04:13AM) (new)

Ceilidh No Lauren Kate, you did not have a past life experience of my country, you simply fell asleep while watching Rob Roy:

I'm especially sensitive to crappy misinterpretations of Scotland because I'm a Celtic student and I've spent way too long looking at how badly Hollywood, and even our own tourism boards, has fucked it up. Ms Kate, 10 minutes on Google will correct any misconceptions about Scotland. If this thing ends up being Brigadoon the YA I will not be merciful.

Emily May I love reading these kind of reviews, it rekindles my hope that not everyone buys this bullshit.

Thank you for being so wonderfully snarky :)

message 24: by Lissa (new)

Lissa Ceilidh wrote: "No Lauren Kate, you did not have a past life experience of my country, you simply fell asleep while watching Rob Roy:"

Ew, apparently Lyra Belaqua (His Dark Materials) inspired Luce. I have got to say, Lyra kicks Luce's pathetic, whiny, boringly needy ass. And she's five years younger.

message 25: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira I know, Hellion. As if there are no houses in Scotland, only castles, and everyone is a Lord with a flock of sheep. Screw that. It's boring stereotypical bullcrap and I'm done with it. I have left the U.K., as of last July, but Scotland is still the place where I grew up and is still my homeland. It still houses most of my family, including my father, brother, and sister. I don't care if Passion ends up being a Capote-esque masterpiece, I'll still give it one star and one star only if it goes so far as to disrespect and bastardize our heritage.

I love it how Ms. Kate thinks she has some tie to Scotland because she 'saw it in a dream'. Sorry, but Ms. Meyer saw Edward in a dream, so I am no longer inclined to take dreams seriously.

message 26: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Oh, and Lissa: True say. Lyra could slap Luce into next week.

Rinoa Heartilly Lol, you changed your name. AGAIN. *nicepicture*

message 28: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Yeah, I felt like going back to the old days of Kira. Nostalgia attack!

Rinoa Heartilly "I'm gonna take this chip and EAT IT!"

message 30: by Kira (last edited May 31, 2011 05:14PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars


^ Kira laugh.

Jessica, you are hilarious. My favorite Death Note moment, right there.

Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) Lol, i remember that. When he knew he was being videotaped and Ryuk was suffering from apple withdrawal. Light is a genius. :). My darling yagami. Misa's slightly annoying though.

BTW- she said she that she had a past life in scotland? Did she have a past life as a volture too? Swinging down on unsuspecting people to snatch their money? Then bringing the money back to lamiel? The fallen falcon? Who demands that she stops dying her feathers blonde?

message 32: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira LOL, Jahlia, you are super-badass awesome. I do believe you just nailed the exact events of one of her mysterious past lives. Hurrah!

message 33: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Lissa wrote: "Hellion wrote: "In no way does it discuss Scotland like it's some exotic land..."

I'm sorry: I'm Australian living in England and I still think Scotland is exotic. And I love me some hulking men (..."

I almost forgot to say: Congratulations, Lissa! You're engaged! That's absolutely wonderful news. I'm so glad for you and I have no doubts that your wedding will be a truly beautiful event.

Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) Kira, you checking out higurashi? I sent you info about what it's about.

message 35: by I am Bastet (new)

I am Bastet Kira you're my favorite.

Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) Also lissa congrats.
Kira i believe i shall write a short story. It shall be called the many past lives of lauren kate! It will go a little something like this.

"Stupiducey(@ast life) was walking along the beach when she was attack by dolphia! Dolphia made water splash against her and stupiducey was in danger of ruining her new hair style. However larriane swooped down on them with her butterfly wings and hit dolphia with her pink fluffy purse. Dolphia blew water out of her blow hole in anger before she swam away. Laniel and stupiducey made out until she burned alive and laniel went to have a fling with a little nephilim girl. Until stupiducey was revived and they made out until 2012 CAME. Because he was too busy killing his......*ahem* "true love" over and over again TO STOP THE END OF THE WORLD!

message 37: by Neşe (new)

Neşe wow i never knew the picture was stolen :O . that's just.....sad. i stoped trying . i read the first one but it was a meh read for me . the second one was dredfull i didnt even finish it . great review Kira you took the words out of my mouth . :)

message 38: by Lissa (new)

Lissa Thank you for your lovely congratulations. I've been engaged for a while now but circumstances make it impossible to get married sooner.

Also - does 2012 have anything to do with the series? Or was that Jahlia just being clever - because that plot was more interesting than both Fallen and Torment combined. I wanna see Luce burn.

Mandy Im kind of confused on whether or not you actually read the book? Sorry, your rant was kind of long and I only skimmed..

Mandy Oh, wait, you marked it as to read. Never mind. Shouldn't this go under review for the other books then?

Jahlia ((thing 10 Evil 1)) Lissa wrote: "Thank you for your lovely congratulations. I've been engaged for a while now but circumstances make it impossible to get married sooner.

Also - does 2012 have anything to do with the series? Or wa..."

I am not sure if it does, but maybe Mz. Kate might insert it somewhere. Maybe that's why luce is "the price" because the outcasts need her to end the world. IDK. I i have no idea where this story is going, it really seems to be aimless. It is possible that lauren kate is playing us all for fools so that she can burn a whole in her greedy little pocket. Because that is probably her intent i have a requst for one of her......*ahem* modified charactors.

Larrianne! Save me by using your big pushy butterfly wings of yours to fly ms kate away! Replace her with a good writer, one that isn't leading us to nowhere! If she resists, knock her out with that pink fluffy purse of yours! XD!

message 42: by Kira (last edited Jun 01, 2011 02:11PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Mandy, this is my pre-review, or my thoughts on what is to come. It isn't a rant and it does not belong with either of the other two books.

message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

This was...extremely random though very entertaining. Fair to say that Kira is funny as hell and if you ever change I will probably fall over and die.<--That would mean no more cupcakes =( so don't change, the cupcake addicts on GR need you!

message 44: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira I love you guys. Seriously.

message 45: by Lissa (new)

Lissa Mocha ღ wrote: "Fair to say that Kira is funny as hell and if you ever change I will probably fall over and die."

Kira changes her name. Frequently. So please don't die when she does that. That would be most unfortunate.

message 46: by [deleted user] (new)

Lissa wrote: "Mocha ღ wrote: "Fair to say that Kira is funny as hell and if you ever change I will probably fall over and die."

Kira changes her name. Frequently. So please don't die when she does that. That w..."

I'm aware of that but still...don't change Kira T_T

Beth   (the one who is) OK, well I am going to wait until the next book comes out. I was hesitant to buy the book.
I am curious on your thoughts of Crescendo and The Iron King series.

message 48: by Kira (last edited Jun 02, 2011 02:52PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira I already read and reviewed Crescendo, my dear Beth, but I haven't yet gotten around to checking out the Iron Fey series. It's one of my 2012 goals (since my 2011 to-read shelf is already bursting at the seams).

message 49: by Sierra (new)

Sierra Beatty I agree with this review! Finally some other intelligent person out there! And more if you consider the comment box.

Nicole Renee i'm trying to figure out something after reading this comment. do you have no life either because you're reading books you continually dont like, or because you waste your time writing shitty reviews?

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