Carmen Petaccio's Reviews > The Fermata

The Fermata by Nicholson Baker
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Sep 28, 10

Read from September 16 to 28, 2010

"Getting engaged was thus an obscenity. 'If you fingerfuck this ring for me now, darling, I vow that I will fuck you regularly for the rest of my life.' That's basically the arrangement."

"...I wanted to tell Joyce my dream of a flying blue brassiere: that we would be stranded in a rowboat in the middle of a sulfur lake, and the only way we could escape is if she took off her shirt and removed her flying blue brassiere and kneeled in its cups and took strong hold of the straps and pulled up on them for lift, using them as a steering-bridle. I would ride piggyback, and she, noble bare-breasted horsewoman of Lycra, would lift us and swoosh to verdant safety."

"What on earth, she was wondering, was a brand-new, mint-in-box, sealed-in-plastic vibrating dildo representing a Capuchin monk and his clit-fondling manuscript doing in the trash of the Boston Public Library?"

"I fanned the coals so strenuously and rapidly with the Arts section of hte Globe that my balls starting flapping backward and forward in exactly the same rhythm as my arms. It was a unique experience, to be able to feel those cocktail onions to-ing and fro-ing with such gusto. I stopped to get my breath and as the flames frew looked up at the woman standing near me holding a drink (one of Rhody's friends from work), and I said to her, in an amazed voice, 'My balls are actually flapping. It's a new experience.' She nodded sideways and sipped her drink."

"I snapped my fingers to invoke the Clutch and gently removed the Mortimer novel from her hands and wrote on the page that she would be turning to, in as elegant cursive as I could muster, I need to pop my nuts on a pair of small sexy tits right this second!!!"

"When he had left, Marian did the dirtiest thing she could think of, which was to drive fast to the supermarket, buy a copy of Cosmopolitan, drive home, pull the shades, and squat naked over her living-room floor directly over the magazine, opened to a full-page head shot of Patrick Swayze."

"There was the startlingly realistic hand-painted slightly curving Arno Van Dilden Heavydick, with moveable balls and suction cup base."

"'Oh, that's it,'" she said, feeling herself filled with the unexpected lateral UPS-truck-fuck-motions."

"'I've got toys up my cunt and up my ass,' she moaned."

"There was a purity and seriousness to the cat's simple wish to be fucked immediately that Marian found refreshing. The cat didn't want love-it wanted cat cock."
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09/19/2010 page 50
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