Kira's Reviews > Swoon

Swoon by Nina Malkin
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Aug 14, 12

bookshelves: ya, ghosts, made-no-sense, train-wreck-romance, so-boring-i-ate-my-own-face, lost-the-will-to-live, lolwut, could-have-been-worse
Recommended to Kira by: A gremlin or goblin or whatever Sin is
Recommended for: Gremlins or goblins or whatever Sin is
Read from August 29 to September 05, 2010 — I own a copy, read count: 1

Gawd, this book. Let's just say The Spanking Scene and leave it at that.



...or maybe not. You know how, in the Kingdom Hearts fandom, there is this legion of Xion-loving trolls who all think that every single person who hates their precious Mary-Sue Xion only does so because they ship Axel and Roxas? That's what this book's fanbase is like. If you hate this book it's obviously just because you're a prude, right? And you think sex is a sin, right?

Please. Don't fuck with me.

I make absolutely no secret of the fact that I endorse sex. There's nothing wrong with sex. As long as it's safe, fun and consensual, then do it. If you want to do it, just go ahead and do it. Do it all day long, if that's what you and your partner want. You'll have rock hard pecs and washboard abs before you know it. Also, it keeps acne away. Seriously!

My beef with this book lies solely in the link that I already referred to.

This book is Porn Without Plot. I'm sorry, but it is. There is very little coherent plot to speak of, and what there is really isn't anything to write home about. It's a bit of Dice went here, Dice went there, everybody had an orgy, Dice went home again, everybody had another orgy.

It's boring.

Let me reiterate a great and true statement that we've already heard a thousand times, but that we still don't seem to understand: Just because you have a teenage protagonist doesn't make your book YA.

Also, the extremely serious issue of rape is glossed over, and even treated like a silly little joke by this book. A girl screams that she is being raped at prom, and is then pointed at and laughed at, and declared insane. Does anybody look into her claim? Does anybody do anything but say, "Oh, she always overreacts!" "She's such a hysterical woman!" Cause it's no big deal, right? I mean, stop overreacting. Stop being so hysterical. It's not rape, it's just surprise sex you didn't know you wanted!

Just...

No. I can't even. I could write an entire paper on the thriving rape culture in this book. The tropes are endless. We have Hysterical Woman, Men Have Needs, It's Not Rape If No One Was Around To Hear It, It's Not Rape If They Didn't Use A Weapon, Pot Is Harmless...

I can't. I can't stand it. This book is just gratuitous. Gratuitous drug use, gratuitous shrugging-off of rape, gratuitous sexual spanking in front of a seven-year-old, gratuitous caveman/cavewoman dynamics, gratuitous emotional abuse of women. I mean, no. Don't.

It makes me want to tear my hair out when anyone proclaims that Sin is "sexy". Sin is a date rapist. There is literally no more I can say about this. Sin absolutely uses and abuses Dice in every way. He emotionally abuses her, physically abuses her, taunts her sexually, then uses her and leaves. He literally sleeps with her then walks away at the end, never to be seen again.

What the hell?

He's also one of those assholes who has an answer for everything. According to Sin, nothing is ever his fault. Not the ruining of numerous lives, not the emotional torment of Dice, not the piggish way he treats Pen. No; it's always someone else's fault. As a person who has dated someone quite similar to this, it really sets my teeth on edge.

I don't remember this book very well, but what I do recall is just trash. I know for a fact that the writing was excellent, and the craft was the only thing that kept me going. It was stellar. As for the content? Shitty. I hated it. Shitty, shitty, shitty.

Two stars are for the writing only. Even the cover is ugly.

Oh, and also? It seems odd that some of the people thumbing their noses at the haters of this book and calling them prudes are the same people who say, "FUDGE" in the place of swearing because they're too chicken to say "FUCK". Fuck is not a bad word. There is so much hate against the word fuck, when really it's only dirty if you interpret it that way. I like the word fuck. It reminds me of daisies. And lollipops.

And sex. It reminds me of sex, too.



BONUS TIME!


You will never regret it.
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 51) (51 new)


message 1: by Mel (last edited May 29, 2011 03:50PM) (new) - added it

Mel DUDE, those were my exact thoughts when I saw the title and cover itself.


message 2: by Anila (last edited May 29, 2011 05:03PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Anila And the contents of the book bear this out - it's very not YA.


Wendy Darling I'm just the opposite, Cillian...this rarely happens in these instances, but now I really want to read this train wreck!


message 4: by Kira (last edited May 30, 2011 03:37PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira READ IT! I need my band of girlies to snark with...tell them, Ducky! So we can all beat it to death together! (It's vile, by the way.)


message 5: by Wendy Darling (last edited May 30, 2011 04:12PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Wendy Darling The reviews are stupendous! I have to see how bad it actually is. On its way from the library. :)


Stef This book wasn't really that bad, and if your so compassionate, I don't understand how you think being rude is okay. I don't really think it should be rated as 'soft porn' that is making this book seem horrible and all about sex, when its really not. It's all about revenge. I agree that some of the parts went over the line of what usually is conceived as young adult, but it is not as bad as some books that have been labeled young adult. I seriously don't think young adult is anything under 16 so I think it was appropriate for the age group. If you include people under 16 in Young Adult, then I agree with you.


message 7: by Kira (last edited Jun 13, 2011 07:49PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Stef, I just don't get how revenge equates with group sex at prom, a raped girl being shamed and laughed at, a girl being spanked and having an orgasm in front of small children, more oral group sex in someone's living room, condoned drug use, drug addiction being glossed over and treated as a fad, the heroine's love interest sleeping with her cousin and that being okay, then said love interest leaving the heroine immediately after having sex with her without saying goodbye.

This book was all about sex. It was jolt after jolt after meaningless jolt, and everything happened just to shock and force risqué. There are few books out there that are as smutty as this, and that condone drug use as this does. Did anyone even mention birth control? No, of course not. The rampant child-scarring sex was more important. I know what you're trying to say, Stef, and I completely respect how you feel, but the YA genre has to be handled with care. Thirteen-year-olds read YA. Eight-year-olds read Twilight. Now, it seems tame, but look at Breaking Dawn and tell me you'd let an eight-year-old of yours read that. A friend of mine's eight-year-old brother read The Hunger Games. I don't believe in placing blinkers on society, smothering young minds or endorsing the virgin/whore dichotomy in any way, but there comes a point where children have to be children, and being subtle and clever in a way that makes the book enjoyable and sexual for teens but still appropriate for those who are a little younger shows a lot more authorship skill than shock after shock after shock.


message 8: by Mel (last edited Jun 14, 2011 05:40AM) (new) - added it

Mel Kira wrote: "Stef, I just don't get how revenge equates with group sex at prom, a raped girl being shamed and laughed at, a girl being spanked and having an orgasm in front of small children, more oral group se..."

... Call me crazy but I think I want to read this book.


Stef I wouldn't let anyone under the age of 16 read this book. I read the hunger games and there is no way I would ever let an 8 year old read that! That is when parents need to step up and actually watch what they are allowing their children to read. Young adult, is not when you are thirteen! Young adult to me is between the ages of 16-20. There was a better way for you to handle your judgement, if you don't like the book, just say you didn't think it was appropriate, you basically called everyone who liked this book a pervert. I am 19, and I liked this book, because it actually dealt with some interesting parts of teenage life, that other authors sugarcoat.


message 10: by Kira (last edited Aug 14, 2012 09:05AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Stef, I know what you're getting at. You and I aren't very well acquainted. My review style mirrors the way I am in real life; sarcastic and cynical. I poke fun at books. I don't hate them, and I can always appreciate the work that goes into writing them, being an author myself. Like most YA books, my reviews must be taken with a pinch of salt, and the humor in them is very subjective - some get it, some don't. I guess you could say that my sense of humor is an acquired taste. Love this book if you want to, and I of course won't think any less of you.

And I completely agree - I wasn't a young adult when I was twelve, I was a child. But society today has four year olds crammed into high heels and thongs, and everyone is desperate to grow up and be an adult before their time. It's sad - childhood seems to have faded out of fashion. Kids as young as nine think they are old enough to handle violence and swearing in books and movies, when really it's damaging and irrelevant to people their age who are still just growing into their skin and learning about the diverse world around them. The Hunger Games has no place in the hands of an eight-year-old, but sadly, it seems to have found its way into the Children's section rather than Older Teen where it belongs.


message 11: by Aleeeeeza (new)

Aleeeeeza lol, the pervert recommendations...HAHA. :D


message 12: by Elizabetha (new)

Elizabetha Souvré I have this book :S ...is it so bad? :S


message 13: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira It's not TERRIBLE, but it's hardly enjoyable. I just hated the way rape was portrayed, hated the casual drug use and the flat irritating characters. There was no plot, really. It was just a bunch of teens all having sex with each other. Not really a book I want to remember (or remember very well. It was very meh.)

I love your display pic. It's Kikyo, right?


message 14: by Reut (new) - added it

Reut Stef wrote: "I wouldn't let anyone under the age of 16 read this book. I read the hunger games and there is no way I would ever let an 8 year old read that! That is when parents need to step up and actually wat..."

Stef, for the record, I am almost fourteen and yet I consider myself mature enough to read a book like this. Do you by some chance mean that younger teens (and by the way, books like this are marketed towards teens, and indeed, thirteen and fourteen year olds belong in that category) will attempt to emulate or normalize the behavior they find in books? Trust me, we are a bit smarter than you give us credit for. As Kira was listing these instances of disgusting behavior, I was... wait for it...

...disgusted.

Younger teens like myself have no intention of becoming the people we read about in books like these. You don't need to worry about us.

(And because I can't contain myself: By the way, my parents know what I read. My mom regularly picks up my book and will read the jacket. If she doesn't agree with it, she'll politely suggest that maybe the book isn't for me. Then I will proceed to argue with her. Then she lets me finish the book. And when I'm done the book, I can reflect on the behavior of the characters. Sometimes they are awesome (cough cough Frankie Landau-Banks, cough cough) and sometimes they are awful--much like I imagine these ones to be. And yes, maybe the former does have an impact on my behavior. But the latter? Not a chance.)


message 15: by Elizabetha (new)

Elizabetha Souvré Kira wrote: "It's not TERRIBLE, but it's hardly enjoyable. I just hated the way rape was portrayed, hated the casual drug use and the flat irritating characters. There was no plot, really. It was just a bunch o..."
Thanks!!!I will burn it or throw it in to sea (there is a beach near my home, well seven streets near =P ) ...I hate this kind of literature...hopefully i had the great idea of saw your funny review...

Yes, is Kikyo, my beloved and sad Kikyo

Thanks again, Kira =)

Liz


message 16: by Stef (new) - rated it 5 stars

Stef I am not saying that all young teens are immature and that your not smart enough to not re-enact the acts in the book. I am 19, so I am not that much older than you. I was making judgements based on the teenagers who I went to school with. There aren't a lot of mature 14 year olds. There also are not that many parents like your who pay attention to what their children are doing. I am not trying to say anything bad about teenagers and I loved this book, I am just saying it is not for immature people.


message 17: by John (new)

John Egbert Reut (reutreads) wrote: "Stef wrote: "I wouldn't let anyone under the age of 16 read this book. I read the hunger games and there is no way I would ever let an 8 year old read that! That is when parents need to step up and..."

Thank you. I am also a younger teen and I think I would commit suicide before saying or doing some of the things I catch in books or films.

Immature =/= young. There are many, many adults who have the minds that twelve year olds should have, and many twelve year olds who have the minds that adults should have. Saying something shouldn't be in YA because it's graphic...it's a little late for that, I think, considering that we have some YA authors who make their whole careers off of writing things deemed "inappropriate" by some.

I think it'd be nice if the publishing companies would stop labeling things "young adult", "middle grade", "adult" (which, apparently, mean absolutely nothing now) and start just telling you what content is in the book. Personally, I am a prude and have no interest what so ever in any of that. I picked up a book. I want to be able to read it, not cringe away from the page in disgust every five minutes. Is it too much to ask to be warned? A simple "this book contains blankity blank blank" would save all of our (or, at least my) problems.


Hannah So true!
I couldn't even finish the book!


message 19: by Anna (new)

Anna I just saw this at the library the other day. I remember being mildly interested, but not checking it out.
Guess what? I'm gonna read it now, just because of this non-praising review! Soft porn says thee? In the YA section? I query. YES I DO BELIEVE I SHALL LOOK INTO THIS FURTHER.


Jayne Lamb Was going to skip it. Now I defs have to read it.


message 21: by Holly (new)

Holly Holy crap....I just got the ARC of the second book so i was planning on reading this first. Now I'm thinking of passing on both. :/


Ezmirelda This was the WORST book I have ever read in my entire existence.
I came so close to throwing it away, but I kept it because I thought it wasn't fair to the illustrator of the book. The cover is so pretty. It was the biggest $17 I ever wasted in my life.


message 23: by Emma (new)

Emma I started to read 'Young Adult' books when I was like seven or eight, and I am now 16. Seeing all your comments about this book? Don't think I'll be reading D:.


message 24: by Desiree (new)

Desiree I must be a pervert cause as bad as this sounds I now have to read it!


Emma Elizabeth I read this book when I was pretty young (12? 13?) and I have to say, I think a lot of it went waaay over my head.


Alliesjay Girl you said it. This book was awful.


message 27: by Roxy (new) - rated it 1 star

Roxy That video, hahaha.

I'm surprised you'd even give this book a 2, it was one of the worst books I'd ever read. The cover for the sequel is pretty tho. :\


Lisa (Fic Talk) Spanking of the sexual variety in YA? really?

Huh.


message 29: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Lisa wrote: "Spanking of the sexual variety in YA? really?

Huh."


And not just regular spanking. Spanking taking place in front of a seven-year-old.


message 30: by Amber (new)

Amber oh god I remember this author... She's really dull.


Lisa (Fic Talk) Kira wrote: "Lisa wrote: "Spanking of the sexual variety in YA? really?

Huh."

And not just regular spanking. Spanking taking place in front of a seven-year-old."


Um, whert? o_O

Isn't that a crime of some sort?

*vom*


message 32: by Rinoa (new)

Rinoa Heartilly I laughed so, so hard at the first part with Xion. Could AkuRoku day yesterday have inspired you to add that to the review?


message 33: by Kira (last edited Aug 14, 2012 01:49PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Rinoa wrote: "I laughed so, so hard at the first part with Xion. Could AkuRoku day yesterday have inspired you to add that to the review?"

Yo, it was AkuRoku day yesterday?! I didn't even realize! I actually was never a fan of AkuRoku. I found them kindasorta boring, lol. And I left the whole Kingdom Hearts fandom a really long time ago, despite loving the games, because it was just this huge screaming monster made of shadows and hatred that seemed to watch me while I slept.

Sleep-watching is simply not on.

On a lighter note, glad you enjoyed the review! Also, Rinoa, when I left KH I moved on Final Fantasy. Which is like, way better, bro.


message 34: by Rinoa (last edited Aug 14, 2012 03:05PM) (new)

Rinoa Heartilly Yeah, I know because it's kinda hard to stay oblivious when everyone is flooding your tumblr with AkuRoku posts (having once been shipping them quite hard because of a certain fanfic I wasn't too bothered).

Oh, come one now, we're not THAT bad. At least we don't offend POC on a daily basis like Homestuck (the fact that I have to refer to an other fandom to defend KH is kind of telling, isn't it?). Idk, I just stick to the people that basically just stay for shits and giggles, they're the most fun (kind of unrelated, but OMG, KH3D is so gay and it's hilarious).

And what is this Final Fantasy you are talking about? I shall look into that further.


message 35: by Kira (last edited Aug 14, 2012 07:08PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Rinoa wrote: "Yeah, I know because it's kinda hard to stay oblivious when everyone is flooding your tumblr with AkuRoku posts (having once been shipping them quite hard because of a certain fanfic I wasn't too b..."

Lmao, I've never been able to pluck up the courage to explore the KH portion of Tumblr.

And don't worry! I know you're not all that bad. I actually met some incredible, hilarious, wonderful people among the KH fandom, but there was just way too much crap going on around those chosen few. The amount of misogyny floating around both in the fandom and in the games (there was not one capable, likable female character who didn't have to depend on a man until Aqua came along in BBS, and then as soon as she was introduced, everyone either ignored her or hated on her! And she still spent the entire game one step behind Ven and Terra) put my nose right out of joint, and at one point I was receiving death threats because I didn't ship AkuRoku. I mean, really, KH fans? Really?

Final Fantasy XIII was actually the first FF game I picked up, and I fucking LOVED it. The story was amazing, the women were far from damsels in distress and the fandom was just...accommodating. People agreed to disagree. I liked that.

What is Homestuck? I don't think I've ever heard of that. Maybe I don't want to. The fandom sounds awful.


message 36: by Amber (new)

Amber Kira wrote: "What is Homestuck? I don't think I've ever heard of that. Maybe I don't want to. The fandom sounds awful.

Homestuck is an internet comic. It's kind of odd, mostly Flash animations and panels with dialogue directly below. It looks like it was drawn on MS Paint, so that's where the website got the name MS Paint Adventures.

I personally like the comic. I've never dealt with much of the fandom beyond people I follow on Tumblr but the ones I do deal with seem like very nice people.


message 37: by Rinoa (last edited Aug 15, 2012 07:39AM) (new)

Rinoa Heartilly It's not that bad if Tumblr Saviour is your best friend... But yeah, I get where you're coming from, especially with the misogyny in the games. I mean, really, Organization XIII and then you only have one female member (2 if you want to count Xion but then you'd have Organization XIII with 14 members which is also all kinds of idiotic)?! KH gives us 6 original female characters, one of whom is a minor character (Olette, whom I personally liked), while one of the others is an evil bitch (Larxene if you haven't figured out by yourself xD), one isn't even really female (seriously Xion is just Replisora) and Naminé is pretty much just a damsel in distress in COM (for some reason she still remains my favourite KH character next to Sora and Riku).

I never really took to Aqua (BBS just rubbed me the wrong way in how obviously it was just introduced to fill some major plotholes and how it was just KH Episode III: Revenge of Master Xehanort) and am neutral on Kairi, although she did manage to kick some ass at the end of KHII.

So yeah, not such a great quota, Nomura. Although that seems to be your style, what's with the major sausagefest that Versus XIII seems to be.

Ugh, sorry for the rant. But wow, death threats? That's low. Mariana Trench low. Kind of ridiculous how worked up some people become over the question of which fictional character should suck which other fictional character's cock. Ridiculous in a rather sad way.

FFXIII is love. My favourite tied only with VIII. You have good taste ;)

Ugh, Homestuck is some sort of webcomic. I tried it out because like half of tumblr seemed to cream their panties over it and got so bored after half an hour that I had to stop. I guess you can only really understand Homestuck if you are Homestuck yourself. But what I've read about it on some Social Justice blogs... No. Just no. There seems to be an AU called Tribalstuck (whitewashing everything) and most of the fandom in general assumes all the characters are white although they were stated to be a-racial. Seems like the problems are mostly in the fandom. Yeah, I don't really know all that much about it personally except for what I read on Social Justice blogs so I'll just stop here before I make myself look like an idiot but from what I've heard, I don't really want to know more about it (if any Homestuck lurk around here and can explain some or defend Homestuck that would be awesome though, I'm not trying to be mean it's just that what I've heard so far sounds just awful).

OMG, I didn't even realize how long this comment is until I posted it. o.O


message 38: by Rinoa (new)

Rinoa Heartilly Holy shit, just ignore this wall of text. Yesterday was a rambling day.


message 39: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Dude, I LIKE that wall of text. That's the Great Wall of Text. It made me want to go try out Homestuck. And I was on it for all of three minutes before I got bored and gave up. It's fucking dumb.


message 40: by Amber (new)

Amber Kira wrote: "Dude, I LIKE that wall of text. That's the Great Wall of Text. It made me want to go try out Homestuck. And I was on it for all of three minutes before I got bored and gave up. It's fucking dumb."

It helps if you have people breathing down your neck to read it. My boyfriend did that to me.


message 41: by Heather (new)

Heather Wood Hey, great review but you know when you mentioned the 'mary sue' reference can I ask what do you mean when you use it as I see it used a lot in reviews.

Thanks! :D x

P.s the video was hilarious. New favourite!!! x


message 42: by Kira (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kira Glad you liked it, Heather!

Here is a proper explanation of what a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu is (it can apply to both genders, and it does): http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php...


message 43: by Rinoa (new)

Rinoa Heartilly I give you the permission to take the Great Wall of Text's hand in marriage if you like. ;)

Just out of curiousity, Amber, how long did it take you to begin enjoying reading Homestuck? Maybe I just gave up too early and it's really all kinds of awesome :)


message 44: by Amber (new)

Amber Rinoa wrote: "Just out of curiousity, Amber, how long did it take you to begin enjoying reading Homestuck? Maybe I jus..."

Well I kind of was fascinated straight away. But, if I remember right, it gets REALLY interesting after they start playing the Sburb beta and introduce other characters. About the end of act 1. And the characters are funny (at least to me) when they start instant messaging one another.

How far did you get?


message 45: by Rinoa (new)

Rinoa Heartilly It's been a while, I can't really remember. And I just checked and MSPA just kindly informed me that I must've forgotten saving my game (place? chapter?) although I'm quite sure I wasn't that idiotic. Well whatever, I've started all over again and am now determined to at least make it to the end of the first act.

And now I'll stop writing and leave this comment space to those who want to, um, have a discussion about this quality book called 'Swoon'.


message 46: by Bella (new) - rated it 1 star

Bella Grace Damn. You said it all, Kira. I glad to know I'm not the only person who wants to shove Sin into a furnace.


TinaNicole ☠ Le Book Nikita ☠ "It's not rape, it's just surprise sex you didn't know you wanted!"

That made me laugh so hard, I actually snorted. Great review, Kira. I can't believe I never heard of this book before.


message 48: by Miranda (new)

Miranda Reagan Hahaha I haven't even read this book but I just want to mention my grandmother got this book for me!!!! That's ironic...


message 49: by Melissa (new)

Melissa Martin I love this review, I love your reviews. But I read books even with bad reviews cos curiosity killed you know? So was the spoiler that just popped out of nowhere necessary? Boo face. Otherwise great review. :)


message 50: by Melissa (new)

Melissa Martin I love this review, I love your reviews. But I read books even with bad reviews cos curiosity killed you know? So was the spoiler that just popped out of nowhere necessary? Boo face. Otherwise great review. :)


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