I couldn't help it - here are some of my favorite parts of this book.

I FREAKING LOVE WADE ROUSE.

"I, of course, read this too late, like I do everything in my life: the nutrition chart on Little Debbie boxes, the prescription for my Xanax, the size 4 tag in the back of my "men's" jeans."

"And then I had one of those life-changing days, the really big, super-shocking kind, the kind, perhaps, that Mary had when she learned she was a pregnant virgin or Jennifer Grey experienced when the bandages came off her nose."

"Our cottage sits a couple of miles from a horse farm, and they have obviously done something manure related, because it smells like I'm living in a PortaPotty. I retrieve a firewood-scented candle and light it, which makes the screen porch instantly smell like S'mores and diarrhea."

"I look up, and a hawk is circling, back and forth, and back and forth, like the old-time gliders I flew as a kid. Suddenly, the hawk dives straight down, five feet in front of me, and picks up in its talons one of the chipmunks I had scared moments earlier. Alvin stares at me as he is lifted skyward, kernels of corn spewing from his now open mouth . . . I look out in the yard and see his little friend Simon . . . Simon chatters at me again as he runs to safety, and I shiver again, this time because i can actually translate what he just uttered. Simon says: 'You're just like my friend Alvin. You are not only screwed. You're dead.'"

"For the next few days, I pretend to work but instead sit in our cottage and stare catatonically at the pine walls, creating images of the knots, actually naming them - "Alien," or "Frog," or "Pam Anderson" - based on their little knotty patterns, and then I hang Post-its underneath them with these monikers, like they are paintings on display at the Louvre."

"I write short, manic, nutty, two-sentence letters to friends in the city that state:
'I think I saw a Yeti today.'
'Please send me a Henri Bendel candle.'
'I ate four cans of soup by two p.m.'"