OK, so this was cheesy and predictable, but on a certain level what chick lit/chick flick isn't? I still watch chick flicks right?
This is from a first-time author out of Utah ... and I decided instead of just saying it didn't work for me I'd give one or two constructive criticisms. I mean I haven't been able to crank out a novel so she probably did better than I could, but as a critical reader, this is my feedback:
1) Show, don't tell. There were multiple parts of the book (unfortunately I didn't mark them, sorry!, but I remember thinking this often) where based on the scene, we could pick up on the situation or the feelings of those involved. Unfortunately the author then goes on to explain the whole situation and feelings of those involved in the previous scene. Before starting narrative explanation, pause and ask yourself, "does the reader already know this from what I've written?"
2) The voice was interesting and expressive, although it sounded like it came from the mind of a girl. Maybe stick to narrators who are female. It's very hard to jump the gender-narrator gap and not be cheesy or offend anyone.
3) The three best friends and roomies - they truly sounded like BFFs and roomies, if they were girls. Sounded like college female roommates . . . Has the author been around very many college age single LDS bachelors? I have two older and two younger bros (and was also managers of a male housing complex of male students at BYUI) and I think all of them would have rather been caught dead than act like these three. I guess it's just like how you can tell an author/screenwriter is female (my brothers laugh hysterically on High School Musical that Zack and his BFF fight like girls, like they say, NEVER would real teenage-bachelor age boys fight like chicks or express so much emotions).