karen's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
45618
's review
Jul 02, 2010

bookshelves: death-is-not-the-end, and-so-this-is-grad-school, why-yes-i-ya

spoiler alert: he's a vampire!!!

has anyone heard any press on this book yet?? i think that once the teens hear about it, the author will be quite successful. definite cinematic potential here.
................................................................................

pop - there goes my meyer cherry! and with it my integrity.

this, sadly, isn't one of those twilight reviews that is going to get a zillion votes. it isn't going to be particularly insightful or funny or anything like that. it is mostly just a stunned reaction to a book that i vowed i would never read. and i know i am about to lose a ton of street cred, but you know what?? itsnotthatbad.

there.

i know, intellectually, that i shouldn't have enjoyed this book, but the feelings - they respond. and that is today's theme - the power of the emotions to o'erthrow zee brain. we will return to this theme later.


i have friends who love this book.

i have friends who hate this book.

i have friends who have never read this book, but still openly mock its fans and say things like "oh edward, you sparkle so gooood" - oh wait - no, that was me. oops.

i was totally apprehensive about starting this and possibly having to revise my previous and very vocal anti-twilight stance. i do not like admitting i am wrong. i am a very stubborn lady. and i figured, despite all my yelly-facing, i could honestly go either way.

but i did it. and it's really not at all bad. true - there are some moments that are terrible, particularly in its editing. "ballet bar", "dust moats", "had been belonged to me". OMFG SRSLY stephenie, you can't afford a copy editor?? and while we are at it - your name is also a typo. and there is so much chuckling and tooth grinding and fist balling (heh) and jaw clenching it seems like a ticcy nicolas cage movie at times. and the repetition of words for edward; "beautiful" and "heavenly" and "sublime" and "perfect" "perfect" "perfect". christmas wishlist: a thesaurus for stephenie.

but more than that.

from what i had heard - the big complaint about this book was bella. i was expecting some vapid, swoony, clumsy, clingy, weak little thing who was a terrible role model for the young misses and a blight upon the face of womynhood. but she is actually pretty badass. she drives a massive truck and is good at science and likes to read and hates the prom and is pretty fearless and would hook a finger in your eye and pop it out instead of running away if she felt threatened. i can get behind that.

so what are the complaints actually about?? her selfless devotion to edward; her willingness to sacrifice and surrender herself for a boy. a vampire. a much older man. a creature known for its powers of mesmerism and allure.

the ultimate bad boy.

well, duh!

this is precisely how it feels to be a 17-year-old girl deeply in love. it's fight, kill, or die for your beloved. see, i was one, so i can speak to the phenomenon firsthand. and from here on out, if it makes you feel more comfortable; if you have a problem with sweeping generalities, when i use the phrase "17-year-old-girl", feel free to substitute "karen t. brissette"

17-year-old girls are drawn to the bad boy

17-year-old girls in love do not think, they feel

17-year-old girls are dangerously self-absorbed (when "self" includes the beloved because they are one soul etc etc)

17-year-old girls do not give one shit about what kind of example they are setting for others of their gender

17-year-old girls are all too inclined to sacrifice,to become a martyr for their love, to believe in the magic of the world and the power of infatuation, and to risk it all to prolong that infatuation

17-year-old girls lack cynicism and have no real frame of reference yet or any extensive battle scars, or relationship track record; everything is here and now and the most important thing in the history of the world.

so, yeah, bella, i get you. you are not a victim. and your clumsiness (and mine) are very endearing.as is your commitment. i once walked miles barefoot on the summer blacktop to show my devotion to mine, he pulled equally stupid demonstrative stunts - there were blowups and reconciliations and third-party interventions and i became love and it was wonderful, mercurial, mad mad mad.

so,yeah, bells, i get your depth of feeling.

forget team edward
forget team jacob
i am resoundingly team bella.

and i was also told this was one of the most erotic novels of all time, by my most favorite professor, and i rolled my eyes at the time, thinking "why does everyone like this damn book so much??"but you know what?? she was right. this is totally virgin porn. straight up sweaty virgin porn.

and of course, all vampire lit is porn, where the bloodsucking stands in for the sex act etc etc. but what if both parties are acting against nature/their inclinations?

he is repressing his desire to drink her blood

she is repressing her desire to touch him

both feel the strain of resistance and every time they are close - there is amazing heightened tension.and it is - it is pretty damn hot.

hoofa.


so, yeah, like cottage cheese, i have come around in my thinking about this book. but i refuse to give this a star rating. let me hold on to that much of my pride.


354 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Twilight.
Sign In »

Comments (showing 1-50 of 289) (289 new)


message 1: by Sara (new)

Sara This should be fun.


message 2: by Matt (new)

Matt Margo From Proust...to Meyer?


message 3: by karen (new) - added it

karen in 3.5 seconds...


message 4: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine Elizabeth wrote: "Matt wrote: "From Proust...to Meyer?"

Makes total sense. Both authors leverage long, boring, reflective passages, with dream-like qualities, and acts motivated by love or jealous as the only "acti..."


I can't tell who is being insulted here.


message 5: by karen (new) - added it

karen neither, i think. this sounds spot-on to me. see, i told you - it isn't hard to compare proust to kiddielit!!


David You know how I feel about the expression 'spot-on,' brissy. Or you should.

Please cease and desist.


message 7: by karen (new) - added it

karen oh, god - does that count as a briticism?? i thought we had absorbed it into everyday parlance. no?


message 8: by D. (new) - rated it 1 star

D. Pow Oh, for phucks sake! Really?


message 9: by karen (new) - added it

karen there are many reasons why, none of which i feel competent to elucidate in my current condition.


Manny Elizabeth wrote: "Matt wrote: "From Proust...to Meyer?"

Makes total sense. Both authors leverage long, boring, reflective passages, with dream-like qualities, and acts motivated by love or jealous as the only "action"


Yeah, and he's always going on about how hot Gilberte is, and how Albertine's a bit like a werewolf. You know, he keeps worrying that she'll suddenly turn into a lesbian.

When I've finished vomiting, I'll explain why Mme Verdurin is actually a lot like Victoria.


Jackie "the Librarian" Read what you want, Karen.

By the way, I just started reading Eclipse. :)


message 12: by karen (new) - added it

karen i heard that meyer's next novel will be inspired by the love between swann and odette, the way this one was inspired by cathy and heathcliff. the y/a version of swann's way will have 2 stoned underfed kids on the front cover looking longingly at each other, holding pomegranates.


Manny karen wrote: "i heard that meyer's next novel will be inspired by the love between swann and odette, the way this one was inspired by cathy and heathcliff. the y/a version of swann's way will have 2 stoned underfed kids on the front cover looking longingly at each other, holding pomegranates."

Karen, that's a fantastic idea, but you're confusing Twilight with Eclipse. This volume is supposed to be inspired by Pride and Prejudice. You can see it in the mannered language and the sparkling irony.


message 14: by karen (new) - added it

karen oops. i am not far enough along in the book to see a similarity with either of them yet. but i am sure to soon.


message 15: by karen (last edited Jul 05, 2010 06:33AM) (new) - added it

karen further in now. it doesn't seem overtly p&p, except there is a male lead who seems to be aloof but is secretly burning with desire for a female lead.

also, he is a vampire in this book, and in the original he is a zombie, right?


message 16: by Esteban (new)

Esteban del Mal I think I'm going to be sick...it's July 4th weekend. Manny's looking, for God's sake! THIS is what the Stars & Stripes' #1 reviewer gives the world! FACK!


message 17: by karen (new) - added it

karen sweetheart - there is nothing more american than this book. i was o'erreaching when i was reading proust. this weekend i am drinking beer, eating cake, and reading twilight. god bless the u.s.a.


message 18: by Esteban (new)

Esteban del Mal Proust and Edward both need tans.


message 19: by karen (new) - added it

karen ooh! edward's sunshine-sparkly skin could be used as our 4th of july sparklers! then we would have both hands free to shove cake in our mouths!


Marissa let me know what you think of it when you're done!


message 22: by karen (new) - added it

karen oh, never fear, there will be a review. all you early voters - hold your horses, sheesh...


The Crimson Fucker you on denial! 2 of my friends saw you in the line around union square Regal... wearing your Team Jacob shirt on opening night for Eclipse! there is no denying it Paper! YOU LOVE TWILIGHT!!! and fuck it i aint covering for Mr. Greg either! although at least he tried to disguise himself with his Team Edwards cap... he was spotted too!


The Crimson Fucker holy crap! i image googeled "twilight red panda" and something actually popped!


Rachel Hahahahahaaaa!


message 26: by Greg (last edited Jul 05, 2010 06:55AM) (new)

Greg That is the same red panda I have attacking Karen and Nick Cave!




Rachel hahaha! Karen looks so thrilled!


message 28: by karen (new) - added it

karen they were such nusiances! getting itno things, being all cute... pests, i tell you!


message 29: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine karen wrote: "oh, never fear, there will be a review. all you early voters - hold your horses, sheesh..."

don't lie you would have been annoyed if we didn't vote already.


message 30: by karen (new) - added it

karen untrue. that is a placeholder review. i'm not saying it is going to blow your mind when i get a chance to write it, but i hope it is better than that.

i am leaving for train station soon - sad. but i should have time tonight to sit down with my Impressions on Twilight.


message 31: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine I thought that one was funny.


Janene Holy cow. You're reading this?

*marks calendar*


The Crimson Fucker Jasmine wrote: "karen wrote: "oh, never fear, there will be a review. all you early voters - hold your horses, sheesh..."

don't lie you would have been annoyed if we didn't vote already."


i knew i wasn't the only one getting the "you forgot to vote X review" private messages!



p.s.: in the paper's defense it was a response to the "you forgot to vote on my disgusting poll" private message!


message 34: by karen (new) - added it

karen also - you are the one who lost the bet - i am just making sure you suffer through your penalty.

suffer!


The Crimson Fucker karen wrote: "also - you are the one who lost the bet - i am just making sure you suffer through your penalty.

suffer!"


why does it always have to be me the one who suffers!!!!!! you know what! i think i got something where i can take you and win... a virtual rock paper and scissors off!!! we will each take 3 pictures of our hands with either rock, paper or scissors.... and send it to mr. greg! and who ever wins... wins fair and square!!! !!!!! guaaa!


message 36: by karen (new) - added it

karen okay, but i just got home - gimmie a little time on that.


The Crimson Fucker ok! but firstly! we need to set the rules clear on this!!!! i dont want you trying to get out of it on some default thingy!!!


message 38: by Greg (new)

Greg You each send me the pictures and be clear about what order you want the pictures in. And I'll let you know who wins. If you don't want to take pictures you can each just email me what your three choices would be and I'll let you know who wins. whatever is easiest.


message 39: by karen (new) - added it

karen okay - mommy is trying to write a review for this book now - you go make up the rules and give her some space...


The Crimson Fucker ok, each one of us takes 3 pictures... with whatever choice we prefer of either rock, paper or scissors. each picture most have the numbers 1 to 3... in the order you want your draws! the same draw can't be used more than once...


if i win i win if you lose you lose.


message 41: by Ellen (new) - rated it 1 star

Ellen Ah, but your review made me laugh.

Got through the first two-thirds of this book, and then put it down. I did watch the movie, though. My daughter was home; during the movie, I had a running monologue going which I kept to myself.


message 42: by karen (new) - added it

karen i am waiting for the barrage of "i told you so's"


message 43: by Greg (new)

Greg I get it, no stars because stars sparkle like Edward and you are making a tTwilight point.


message 44: by karen (last edited Jul 05, 2010 05:55PM) (new) - added it

karen there are... more???


message 45: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine hmmm... I had a friend tell me this book was great and eventually I was going to call him and tell him I was wrong it is the best book ever.

On the other hand I hated romeo and juliet basically for every thing that you just said about 17 year old girls, but hey lets be honest romeo was totally the girl in that.

My conclusion I will continue to assume that I will hate this book, just like I have made the assumption based on 5 pages of a quidich match that I hate rowling's writing style.


message 46: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine Greg wrote: "I get it, no stars because stars sparkle like Edward and you are making a tTwilight point."

wait so if we count the vampires in the book will we know how many stars it gets?


message 47: by karen (new) - added it

karen well, she will have to wait a while, at any rate. there are many books i need to read first. maybe next fourth of july...


The Crimson Fucker Elizabeth wrote: "karen wrote: "there are... more???"

I don't know that you want to read them. The others aren't as good."


lies!!! eclipse is the best! not the movie tho... that sucks!


message 49: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine when are you going to read Santa and the Magical unicorn.

Also, Greg do you want elect Mr Robinson for a better world back?


message 50: by karen (new) - added it

karen when it becomes as big a sensation as twilight.


« previous 1 3 4 5 6
back to top