Seizure Romero's Reviews > Digital Fortress

Digital Fortress by Dan Brown
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Dec 18, 2007

did not like it
bookshelves: zzzzznrk, shite, fiction
Read in January, 2005

There's a reason why everyone talks about The DaVinci Code and not about this book. I have no idea what that reason would be, because I thought Angels & Demons was mediocre so I never bothered to read the The DaVinci Code. Anyway, I was bored and a copy of this was sitting at the library for a quarter and I thought "WTF, mate, I'll give it a go."

The first page of chapter 1 starts with Susan Fletcher waking from a romantic dream to the ringing of the telephone:

"Susan, it's David. Did I wake you?"
She smiled, rolling over in bed. "I was just dreaming of you. Come over and play."
He laughed. "It's still dark out."
"Mmm." She moaned sensuously. "Then definitely come over and play. We can sleep in before we head north."

That is not a transcription typo, or the manifestation of my unfocused rage. It really does read '"Mmm." She moaned sensuously.' Please feel free to vomit if you need to; I'll wait.

David then proceeds to postpone their plans to celebrate their six-month engagement due to something hush-hush, like maybe his being a big homo. C'mon, what sort of man is going to pass up some sweet, sweet lovin' before disappearing on a mystery mission? The kind who likes other men, that's what kind. A handful of pages later, it becomes clear that Dan Brown has read too many Clive Cussler novels as we're treated to a description of David Becker:

"Becker was dark--a rugged, youthful thirty-five with sharp green eyes and a wit to match. His strong jaw and taut features reminded Susan of carved marble. Over six feet tall, Becker moved across a squash court faster than any of his colleagues could comprehend. After soundly beating his opponent, he would cool off by dousing his head in a drinking fountain and soaking his tuft of thick, black hair. Then, still dripping, he'd treat his opponent to a fruit shake and a bagel."

Is it just me or does this read like Dan Brown was typing this with one hand? Why does Mr. Stud have the same initials as the author? Why would anyone want a sharp green wit? And is 'fruit shake' some sort of code for gay sex? Is that why he is still dripping?

So then, after all this ran through my immature little mind, I remembered I had other books to read--books that didn't suck horrifically within the first ten pages. Yay for other books!

Oh, and I sold it to a used book shop for a dollar, so it was worth the quarter. Yay for used book shops!
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Comments (showing 1-44 of 44) (44 new)

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Perrin I'm sorry, but you are not giving this book enough credit. If you didn't read it all the way through then why did you post this. Sure the first ten pages weren't the best, but the book was amazing. Sorry but don't just dis the first ten pages there are lots of books where the first ten pages sucked. Such as Harry Potter teh first few pages really sucked especially the 3rd which is now my fav of the series.

message 2: by Kristen (last edited Mar 06, 2008 03:13PM) (new)

Kristen Hair I'm going to have to go with Perrin here. I loved the Da Vinci code, and even though I haven't read this one, you NEVER judge a book by the first ten pages. Heck, The Scarlet Pimpernel, a classic, sucked for the first FIVE chapters. And then it was amazing.

message 3: by Seizure Romero (last edited Mar 06, 2008 11:55AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Seizure Romero Your comments are well thought out and articulate and there is no other obvious choice but for me to agree with you. Especially after the youthful, charming and intelligent Kristen has demonstrated her firm grasp of logic and reason by defending a book she hasn't read even ten pages of and by slamming home her impeccably argued point through personal attacks. That, indeed, is the syllogistic coup de grace that showed me the error of my ways. I sit, humbled, before her wit and brilliance.

I am puzzled by the reference to "devil horns," however. What are "devil horns"?

message 4: by Kristen (last edited Mar 06, 2008 03:11PM) (new)

Kristen Hair Aren't devil horns what you are wearing? Or is that hairstyle of choice? And, as much as I hate to back off from an arguement, you do have a good point. I will read it, and see what I think, for real this time. I apologize for what I said and made personal. But, remember, I'll be back, after I've read it. See ya later, seizure.

Seizure Romero Thank you for the apology, Kristen--and my mom said people didn't respond to sarcasm!

However, I feel I should clarify a thing or two in order to avoid future misunderstandings:

1) I wrote the book sucked (horrifically, mind you) "within the first ten pages." I did NOT say I stopped reading there. Oh, no; for I am a hound for pain. I gave this steaming pile many more pages before giving up. The point is that you are possibly confusing my dislike of Dan Brown's assault upon the English language for my dislike of the story he is attempting to tell, if poorly. My problem with this book is that the bad writing is so distracting it prevents access to the story itself. I chose the quotes in my review on purpose. They are excellent examples of not-good writing. Which leads to:

2) There is no argument to back off from. You are not going to convince me that Brown is a great writer. Or even a good one. Am I going to convince you he's awful if you like him? I doubt it, and I wouldn't try. I read one of his books and I tried a second. I was left profoundly unimpressed with his skill, or lack thereof. I agree with King D (you don't want to disagree with him; he has Cthulhu on his side)-- if they can't keep my interest, chuck 'em. I've got my degree. I don't have 'required' reading anymore. There are way too many good books out there for me to waste my time with what I perceive as crap.

Which leads us to the beauty of this site: every one of us is entitled to his or her opinion, no matter how misguided or delusional.

Speaking of delusional, why do you keep bringing up devil horns? This obsession with Satanism cannot be healthy.

message 6: by Dash (new)

Dash In my humble opinion, Dan Brown is a hack! I can't take his palavering either, so I must admit I have not had the patience or constitution to read any of his stuff very long...

Annie All of this may be true. PUlp fiction is called that for a reason, after all. But at the end of the day, which one of us is hauling bags of cash to the bank? He's making the money, he must be doing something right....

Seizure Romero To which I can only reply with the words of someone much more articulate than myself (in this case, H.L. Mencken):

"No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have researched the records for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people."

(For the record, the quote continues: "Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby." Mencken wrote these words in 1926. This is completely immaterial to my point, but I think the man has proven to be disturbingly prescient.)

message 9: by Stuzzy (new)

Stuzzy Stuzzerson "The point is that you are possibly confusing my dislike of Dan Brown's assault upon the English language"

Assault on the English language...isn't that what all Americans do on a daily basis? I think they teach it in your schools.

message 10: by Stuzzy (new)

Stuzzy Stuzzerson "They are excellent examples of not-good writing"
I take it this was meant as humour

message 11: by Laura (new)

Laura Haha, brilliant. Your review actually made me feel better about having wasted my time on this book.

Yay for your review!

Hannah Schultz have no imagination feel free to get one at the used brain shop yours probably cost 25 cents.. yay for used brain shops!!!

Hannah Schultz i totally agree with you just because of that one bit you stop reading! whats wrong with you are you afraid of hormonal sex??

message 14: by John (new) - added it

John Thomas But Dan Brown's laughing all the way to the bank. Like Flannery O Conner said, "If you can learn to write poorly enough, you can make a great deal of money."

Seizure Romero Thanks, dan!

I'm still amazed/impressed/disturbed by the fact that hordes of people can read sentences like that (DB's, not mine) and claim he's an amazing writer. You like him? Fine. Enjoy. Just admit he's junk food. I like nachos. I don't pretend they're good for me, though.

Mmmm, nachos.

Ashley I laughed so hard at your review. If I would have read your review before reading the book, I probably would have gotten more enjoyment out of reading the book than I actually did. But only because I could have made fun of David's gayness the whole time....
You know, after reading your review, I get the feeling that Robert Langdon is gay too.....

message 17: by Cody (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cody well then. dont bother reading half of the best authors out there. This Book was awesome.

message 18: by Ale (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ale that was so funny ,i didn't thought about David Becker that way! But sorry, you cannot judge a book by it's first pages, you must have it read to understand its own message...I hope it'll be a day when when you will read this book to its end and understand its meaning ,saaying "Gosh! It was awesome!" (:

message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Great review. Very funny. But I do think you should read more of the book. Not that you will enjoy it, but I'll enjoy reading what you have to say about it.

Seizure Romero Ha! Nice try, my fine friend. But I shan't be tempted, even by the opportunity to heap more snark on Mr. Brown. I have, however, in what I can only describe as a moment of weakness colliding with ennui, finally read The DaVinci Code and been less than whelmed by its mediocrity. Review is pending.

Torsten This is the best review I have ever read on Goodreads. And I agree completely about Brown's lack of talent.

Seizure Romero Thanks, Torsten!

message 23: by Aliyah (last edited Jan 14, 2013 11:34AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Aliyah Wow! Your review is genius. Laughed so hard that I got tears in my eyes. I've read this too years back. Hated all the techno junk & lame plot. Interesting theory to state that the man was gay. I assumed that he suffered from erectile dysfunction. O_0

Metalligazza you are slaging off dan browns discriptive talent and you use the word "yay" well this book just doesnt have the amazing script of the sweet life of zack and cody .

Annie HAHAHA! Those Are the same passages that turned me off the book. I don't believe I've ever described a man in quite those terms; even one I had the hots for. In my opinion, men in general, and Dan Brown in particular shouldn't try to write from a woman's point of view. we just don't think the same way about sex. Or just about anything else for that matter.

nd the plot really was weak and thin. I enjoyed Angels and Demons and the DaVimci code a lot more. At least they had a good twist to the story.

message 26: by Seizure Romero (last edited Jan 29, 2013 02:54AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Seizure Romero @25: I apologize, Metalligazza. I should have used the word "huzzah" instead. It won't happen again.

Actually, that's a lie. I probably will use "yay" again. It's an easy way to indicate joy, happiness, and occasionally, sarcasm. Also, I now know it irritates people on the internet.

@26: Good points, Annie. I feel that way about James Patterson.

Metalligazza woot woot seems to be a popular one at the moment

DavidO Very funny. Sadly I'm a sloppy reader and would have missed those little gems you pointed out, probably because of my sharp green wit.

message 29: by Ivana (new) - rated it 1 star

Ivana I read the entire book (sadly), and it sucked balls. There.

Seizure Romero Wrinkly balls, if I remember. My condolences on your loss.

Keshaw Pandey Please do not judge a book by it cover.

message 33: by Robert (new) - added it

Robert Yay! Awesome freaking review. We should all be allowed to speak our minds about the books that we read. That is what this whole damn site is all about.

message 34: by Victor (new)

Victor I was wondering why you gave the book such a rating. Then in the review, you were of the opinion that Angels and Demons is mediocre. Then I laughed, because then I understood. People either love Brown's books to the extreme or absolutely hate them. No middle ground. You are obviously in the latter category because I've read most of his books and Angels and Demons is definitely not mediocre. I respect your opinion, though

Seizure Romero Thanks for your comment, but you definitely misunderstand. I don't hate any of Brown's books because they're not worth the energy. Hatred takes work. If I hated the first book, I wouldn't have given him a second chance (or a third). I used the word 'mediocre' because that is exactly the word I meant. I make fun his books because they are easy to mock & I'm lazy. Accept that there is middle ground. Accept that some of us find Brown's work derivative, simplistic and silly. Breathe. Move on.

Darío You're not a real reader. It's like when someone judge a person just for meeting him/her for just 10 minutes. Please, if you want to leave a negative comment, READ THE ENTIRE BOOK.

Seizure Romero You kids are just so *CUTE* when you're defensive!

message 38: by anish (new)

anish Seizure have you ever written a book? If you haven't then try... beginnings are the hardest to write

message 39: by anish (new)

anish :)

Taswa Haha, hear hear, I just wrote a review where I critisize the charachters, altough mine probably have extremely bad grammar.

message 41: by [deleted user] (new)

Oooooooo - get you, snarky-boy! Who rattled your cock? I meant cage, not cock - CAGE, dammit!!

message 42: by Annie (last edited Jul 25, 2015 08:53AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Annie You have to admit it: Dan Brown is a formula writer. Most of his books are worth the time it takes to read them; especially Angels and Demons and The DaVinci Code. Digital Fortress, however, was a stinker. And the thing I hated most about it is how is supposedly female character thought. espcially the bits Seizure quoted above. It does make you want to vomit. Women don't think like that. Carved Marble? Really? That's manspeak there.

Annie Perrin wrote: "I'm sorry, but you are not giving this book enough credit. If you didn't read it all the way through then why did you post this. Sure the first ten pages weren't the best, but the book was amazing...."

On the other hand, you can usually tell within the first couple of chapters if a book is worth finishing. There are very few that soldiered through and ended up enjoying the book in spite of the first few chapters.

Shamin Koonkaran I think Brown is a unique writer and I like all his books.He has a remarkable ability to blends facts with fiction in a way you won't know.

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