Hallmarks of a good PI:
1. Has been disillusioned by past experiences in either the police force or the military (double points if he's been disillusioned by both).
2. Experiences hot flashes at the thought of meting out Justice (with a capital J), is wholly and unrepentently self-righteous, and yet can see more shades of gray than a color-blind sketch artist.
3. Speaks "Privatese," a language almost entirely composed of overblown similes and metaphors, and peppered with Class A reparte and banter. It's a fluke of the dialect--the more dangerous the situation, the snappier the speaker's dialog.
4. Has friends in very low *and* very high places.
5. Is a sucker for several classes of female: a woman in a tight dress and tall heels, a young girlchild who's hard up with no place to go, and someone's downtrodden mama.
6. But not such a sucker to forget that all women are the source of every good man's problems. Devious, lying, succubi--all of them.
7. Is equally equipped to take and give harsh beatings.
8. Is on nobody's side but his own.