Don’t be fooled by the title. The title is like wishy washing voodoo magic to suddenly make a sparkly relationship appear. And that’s bullshit of courDon’t be fooled by the title. The title is like wishy washing voodoo magic to suddenly make a sparkly relationship appear. And that’s bullshit of course. The actual content of the book is not bullshit though. It opened my eyes, and so many puzzle pieces finally came together.
The premise is that your childhood, but also any experience you had afterwards with intimate relationships, lead to certain attachment patterns. If you’re lucky, you’re securely attached. If you’re slightly less lucky you might be avoidant or anxious. So many things I read in the testimonies nearly brought me to tears because they were so real to me. It felt like the author had opened my own head and take a peek of what’s inside.
I finished this book a few weeks ago, and it has helped me tremendously. First, to understand what it is I struggle with, and to know that I’m hardly alone. Second, to identify my behaviours and realizing when I’m doing something “off” (protest behaviours, overanalysing, thinking just a sentence can ruin things) so I don’t go sabotaging yet another good thing without wanting to.
But what I also like about it is that it is acknowledging these attachment patters without saying that there’s something wrong with you. They come from the cards we got dealt in life, and these patterns also make us who we are. Yes, getting yourself to a more secure stage will help, but until you get there, accept who you are, and try to slowly get yourself on the right path....more
I'm wondering whether this book is perhaps a bit outdated. It is 20 years old, and many of the things we take for granted now might not have been at tI'm wondering whether this book is perhaps a bit outdated. It is 20 years old, and many of the things we take for granted now might not have been at the time. This book, above anything else, feels like a massive pamphlet to tell us that emotional intelligence is critical. And it shows what happens if we don't have it (either because of brain malfunctioning or bad parenting).
This day and age I think very few people still need convincing that there is such a thing as emotional intelligence; we all know that Sheldon Cooper was at the back of the queue when they were handing it out. And while we love him on our television, we probably would dislike him in real life.
Unfortunately i felt that this book wasn't giving me much more than reasons of EQ's existence. But there's nothing really to help you out. Nothing to suggest how to grow it if you feel you're missing a part of it. Nothing to aid you in dealing with low EQ people. Nothing practical in other words, i found it highly theoretical....more
When you’re in the midst of things, it’s easy to lose perspective.
“All around him was whiteness which glittered with needlelike points of fire. He ga
When you’re in the midst of things, it’s easy to lose perspective.
“All around him was whiteness which glittered with needlelike points of fire. He gasped at the immensity of what he saw. (…) He blinked and cupped his hands over his eyes; but even upon his closed lids he saw only whiteness. A small inarticulate cry came from his lips; he felt that he had no weight in the whiteness, and for a moment he did not know whether he remained upright or whether he had gone down into the snow.”
Will Andrews, an idealistic Harvard student at the end of the 19th century drops out of school to head West, to find what nature is and to ‘figure it all out’. He funds and joins a buffalo hunting expedition and after a gruelling journey (paradise doesn’t come easy after all), they finds an idyllic part of land with mountains, green grass, blue sky and … immense buffalo herds.
But what Andrews really learns about the nature of men is not idyllic: greed, cruelty, thinking we are stronger than nature itself, but most of all how at the end of the day some of our ‘grand’ actions and expeditions are not justified, but utterly pointless. As pointless like snow as far as the eye can see, and after losing nearly all his illusions he feels weightless compared to so much snow, or to a mountain river in spring.
This book is no romantic Western, but it captures the other side of the medal. Our instincts lead us so often astray and make us snow blind for what is really going on. And what we really can do on this world and with the life we are given.
“You live all your life on lies, and then maybe when you're ready to die, it comes to you--that there's nothing, nothing but yourself and what you could have done. Only you ain't done it, because the lies told you there was something else. Then you know you could have had the world, because you're the only one that knows the secret; only then it's too late. You're too old."
"No," Andrews said. A vague terror crept from the darkness that surrounded them, and tightened his voice. "That's not the way it is."
When you’re in the midst of things, it’ easy to lose perspective. Because you don't get to see know whether you’re just walking around ruining things, or whether you’re making a masterpiece with your foot steps.
Kort onderbouwd boek met tips over slapen. Er zit weinig wereldschokkends in het advies (veel tips die ik in de 'boekskes' al had gelezen), maar het gKort onderbouwd boek met tips over slapen. Er zit weinig wereldschokkends in het advies (veel tips die ik in de 'boekskes' al had gelezen), maar het grote verschil is dat die adviezen ook worden uitgelegd. Ze hebben mij bijvoorbeeld al vaker gezegd dat 's ochtends blijven liggen of uitslapen niet helpt, maar ik ben nooit gestopt dat toch een beetje te doen. Na het lezen van dit boek ben ik al 3 werkdagen naeen uit mijn bed gestapt zonder zelfs maar één keer te snoozen (eigenlijk al drie keer voor de wekker afgaat).
Snel te lezen boekje, als je het in de bibliotheek tegenkomt zou ik zeggen: lezen maar. Het bevat tips voor slapeloze mensen, voor mensen die te veel slapen en ook voor ouders wiens kinderen slaapproblemen hebben.
En baadt het niet, dan schaadt het niet. Dat is ook al veel....more
It’s true, I’m a sucker for social science research: the human mind just intrigues me like there is not tomorrow; and the emotional side even more soIt’s true, I’m a sucker for social science research: the human mind just intrigues me like there is not tomorrow; and the emotional side even more so than the rational one. After accidentally seeing Brené Brown’s TED speech for a second time this week, I was intrigued enough to pick up her books.
Unfortunately her book is nowhere near as exciting. First of all, for someone who claims to be an obsessive organizer, there is a remarkable lack of structure in her book. It seems more like a collection of blog posts than anything else, and near the end I started wondering what the topic of her book actually was.
In her talks she is forced to distill and focus for 20minutes, but in the book her editor seemed to have let her run wild. And it’s a shame. She has a few really nice insights, but she gets stuck in trying to put everything into neat definitions, and the actual stories and research trends disappear in obscurity. I really couldn’t care less about her personal definition of joy versus happiness, I’d rather learn more about how it all happens between our ears. ...more
I like adore what Elizabeth Moon did here. Twenty years after completing The Deed of Paksenarrion she went back for a visit to Paks' world. This bookI like adore what Elizabeth Moon did here. Twenty years after completing The Deed of Paksenarrion she went back for a visit to Paks' world. This book picks up straight after the trilogy ends, so there is no time jump in the story, but the writing style definitely made a gigantic leap right into the 21st century. Gone is that dated feel from the story, and a lot of the more modern styles are applied, including multiple point of views and much more subtle foreshadowing.
To be clear: I don’t have anything against 80s fantasy (quite the contrary!) but the surprises of then have been used so often they became tropes and therefore many of the stories are highly predictable for the frequent fantasy reader. And that’s exactly what changed with this book. Where the plot of Oath of Gold was utterly unsurprising, ‘Oath of Fealty’ has twists and turns that I did not see coming, and it kept me wondering where things were headed throughout. I became enthralled mid-way and just had to finish the book. I didn’t even stop reading to apply sunscreen this very sunny afternoon, which is why my nose now resembles a red herring – but that’s beside the point.
I know people will ask whether they have to read The Deed of Paksenarrion before this book. In my opinion it isn’t required; the book has been written in a way that will give you all the information you really need, but having finished the trilogy will make it more pleasant as you are familiar with most of the characters and you will care so much more. If you go straight to this series, you will cheer a lot less for people's rise or downfall, nor will you care as much when my favourite sergeant goes down, simply because you won't know him. The general world building, and especially the Gods will make more sense if you finish the previous book. In this one the names Gird, Falk, Liart are thrown around as if common knowledge, but I'm not sure that it really would hurt the reading experience. Still, while the previous trilogy is no required reading, I think it’s better to read it first....more
(given this is book 3 in a series, it might contain some mild spoilers, consider yourself warned)
I was psyched to start this book: At the end of book(given this is book 3 in a series, it might contain some mild spoilers, consider yourself warned)
I was psyched to start this book: At the end of book 2, we went somewhere peculiar and unexpected and Paksenarrion could be found at the metaphorical rock bottom of the ocean. The first half was (by far) the best part of the book: Paks struggling to get through the days, her finding her way back to Brewersbridge and getting helped by my favourite Kuakgan. That whole part was actually really cool.
The second half on the other hand was a bit disappointing: The entire sword-plot was so predictable that a toddler could see it coming from a mile away. The ending with Paks sacrificing herself was just over the top and too ridiculous to be true. I really wish Moon would have stayed away from that, and have it ending on a fight.
The first half (and the rest of the series) are making up for it though. As a whole, it's still a really enjoyable fantasy series. ...more
The ‘problem’ with reading 80’s-fantasy a few decades later, is that it sometimes feels somewhat… dated and predictable. I cannot judge whether it wouThe ‘problem’ with reading 80’s-fantasy a few decades later, is that it sometimes feels somewhat… dated and predictable. I cannot judge whether it would have been predictable at the time, but I suspect not. Many of their twists and turns have been used so frequently by now that they became tropes.
Still, I liked this book much better than the first. First of all, I’m happy to report that my beef with book 1 (the lack of secondary characters) has been removed. Not because it’s gone, but because I now understand why it was done that way.
Most of all though, I liked the way this book ended, which took a turn I definitely hadn’t expected. Up to that part, it did feel a bit ‘too easy, too soon’, but the end put a good stop to that and I was actually baffled by it. Nicely done, Mrs Moon! ...more