**spoiler alert** My summary and notes from the book: Three acts of the world's drama: creation, fall, redemption. ***
Ch2 - Creation - Scripture tells**spoiler alert** My summary and notes from the book: Three acts of the world's drama: creation, fall, redemption. ***
Ch2 - Creation - Scripture tells us who created the wonders of the world and why. Study of these wonders tells us how God did his wonders, and when. Some people believe that the world drama is only about humans, but Plantinga argues that the Bible makes clear "the earth is the Lord's nd all that is in it." psalm 24:1. Also, in Genesis 9, God makes a convenant with Noah and every living creature. The initial command for us to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth is taken as God's command for us to work creating culture, etc. Part of this command also asks us to be image bearers of God, and this includes subduing the earth, but also filling it with God-pleasing cultural activity. Reformed Christians think a lot about the implications of the original creation. For example, they argue that the original goodness of creation implies that all of it, including any human being we meet, is potentially redeemable. Being created in the image of God also means that we must balance our individual and corporate identities. Creation also tells us our place in relation to God and the rest of creation. We are not God, but we do bear His image. ***
Ch3 - fall - If the falleness of creation extends everywhere, then it also extends into our thinking processes themselves (thus we have distorted reasoning with God's help). ***
Ch4 - redemption - Reformed Christians take a very big view of falleness. They argue that God doesn't just want to save souls, but to save bodies too. God wants to save social systems and economic structures. Calvinists want to reform the entire world using Scripture and relying on the Holy Spirit to determine what is the right way to reform things. ***
Ch5 Vocation in the Kingdom of God - God wants us to be a "prime" citizen of the kingdom and yearn passionately for the kingdom of God to come. Your college education is not just job training, but training to help you become a "prime" citizen. God can accomplish His purposes in the context of secular education, but it is more difficult because you cannot have conversations that include meta-narratives regarding humans being created in the image of God. Plantinga argues that it is very difficult for the committed Christian to thrive and learn how to serve in God's kingdom in a secular school of higher education. He also warns against going to a Christian school in order to prevent your beliefs from being tested. Each Christian must go through the hard work of thinking through his or her beliefs no matter where they are. ...more
**spoiler alert** My notes and summary from the book:
Introduction -Parents do not need to have a consequence for a child’s every misdeed. -Family fun s**spoiler alert** My notes and summary from the book:
Introduction -Parents do not need to have a consequence for a child’s every misdeed. -Family fun should not be contingent on child behavior. -Expectations are more effective and powerful than lots of rules. -Parents must decide what information is private about the child. -Hurt children get better when their pain is soothed, their anger reduced, their fears quelled, and their environment contained. CH1: Who is the hurt child? CH2: Dare to parent -Hurt children are sensitive their own vulnerability and perceived weakness. They act terrified of losing control and fearful of control by others. -Hurt children often have unhealthy fears -They have survivor’s mentality and deny their vulnerability (think nothing can hurt them). -Healthy fear eventually leads to respect, empathy and love, and a child cannot arrive at one stage without going through the prior stages. -Vulnerability and perceived weakness -Being cooperative , compliant, and receptive translates to losing. -For healthy children, control over them equates to love. They believe their parents are all-powerful and it’s okay for them to be vulnerable. They can be weak without being unsafe, and this helps them develop a conscience (internalize morals based on fear of disapproval). CH3: What doesn’t work -Nurturing vs. rewards – Nurturing happens whether or not the child behaves well; rewards are more like bribery to achieve a particular behavior. Children should not be reward for doing what they are expected to do. -Should never withhold affection/love towards the hurt child. It is impossible to make them feel worse than they already have been made to feel. -Punishment: empathy and consequences are much better teachers than lecturing/words -Hurt need time-ins with parents instead of time-outs. Instead of grounding, it is better to require permission for everything so there are no assumptions about what is okay to do. -Deprivation: Taking things way from hurt children (who are used to losing everything) is ineffective. Instead, if something is going to be taken away, it needs to be taken away forever so they learn to believe what you say. For example, if they continually fail to take care of a toy/s, you can let them know that you are going to give them to a child who doesn’t have any of those toys (and make the child’s life easier because it will be less for them to clean up and take care of). -Anger: Must remember that anger is a hurt child’s best friend. In fact, they are often the most unhappy when parents are joyful. Anger helps them feel safe and distant, and when he sees it in others, he feels powerful. It brings the level of energy the child is accustomed to. -Equality: respond with “We’re all different, and the world doesn’t always treat us fairly or equally. It’s much better to learn this at a young age than on your first job assignment.” CH4: What works -Authors argue that the most effective ways to achieve attachment is through touch, smell, speech, motion, warmth, and eye contact. -Best not to tell hurt child consequences of their behaviors, instead, parents should alternate responses so the child is always guessing as to what you will do. -Be very careful in offering praise, it can easily make them feel as if they’ve lost control; should offer praise indirectly (let them overhear it). Also, don’t offer praise for expected behaviors (like using manners) -Negative behaviors: turn all negative behaviors into something that you control (act like it is what you wanted them to do anyway). E.g., rating a tantrum, ask them to scream louder, predict their negative behavior. -Work on training degrees of bad and good (e.g., “behave” to them means being perfect). Given them a rating scale, such as down to neck is not so bad, below belt is really bad -Make very clear to hurt children expectations of your family – our family does “x”; for example, we are “truthtellers” in our family – don’t rely on subtle cues, use explicit ones CH5: Cinnamon on applesauce -Eye contact is very important, mimic the way that you spend a huge amount of time starting at an infant. P84 has a whole list of games/techniques -p90 has list of techniques on how to do movement together, activities, etc.; nurturing through food is also important – see p95 -Enhancing communication – tell adoption story over and over, past experiences with kids, etc. -p99 has several techniques for physical closeness with children CH6: The school dance -Teach children phrases to help them survive in school and practice them: e.g., I need help, I can do difficult things, I always have a choice, I can learn from my mistakes, I like to try new things, I like school, I can solve this, I know I can count on myself, I know where to get help, I can solve problems, I need your help to understand. -Make sure you establish communication lines with educators early and often CH7: Rough waters – all about getting your child unstuck and how to handle tough times CH8: Life preservers – Lists of resources to get help from others CH9: Finding useful help – how to find the best therapist CH10: Ask an expert – Q&A for the authors for specific children -kids may try to recreate sensory memories (like smell of urination) for comfort -kids’ life book must represent reality of why they were removed from parents -p203 has several techniques about how to deal with lying CH11: Parents and children talk back – testimonials from parents and adopted children CH12: Reprinted articles written by authors -p256 good article on importance of holding and touch ...more
This is an interesting book that I would recommend to certain others. Although I imagine this book has considerably fewer male readers than female oneThis is an interesting book that I would recommend to certain others. Although I imagine this book has considerably fewer male readers than female ones, I think that is unfortunate. This book is especially useful for any male that wants to understand why modern motherhood is characterized by so much anxiety. Warner does a good job of communicating the exasperating aspects of American cultural expectations on motherhood, but I found the historical path of feminism she traces from the 1950's through the present to be the most interesting part of the book. The book did seem a bit disorganized at times (which, since the author is a mother, is probably just more evidence for her overall thesis), but I would still recommend it to others particularly interested in these issuess....more
This is a great book for parents, educators, and psychologists. Damon is a developmental psychologist who has done research in the area of child develThis is a great book for parents, educators, and psychologists. Damon is a developmental psychologist who has done research in the area of child development for a number of years and uses empirical data to support his positions rather than simple argumentation. One of the most interesting aspects of this book from my perspective was its use of terms such as “calling”, “meaning”, and “purpose” in a completely areligious sense. As a researcher, Damon constantly points to the evidence that it is terribly important for young people to have a sense of purpose in life, and without that, they are likely to struggle and drift through life no matter how intelligent or competent they are. I think this speaks to the need for both parents and educators to constantly meld purpose with instruction (easier said than done). In fact, the one criticism I would submit of this work is the lack of specific instruction on how to detect and implement purposeful direction to young people. Overall it was a great read, however, and I would definitely recommend it to others. ...more
“I want to have kids,” she says. “Hey, who said different?” “But not right away.” “No, I know. We’ll have kids, but**spoiler alert** My Favorite Quotes:
“I want to have kids,” she says. “Hey, who said different?” “But not right away.” “No, I know. We’ll have kids, but when we’re ready.” “Right …” Beat. “But I don’t want to wait too long …” “No, we won’t,” I assured her. “We’ll wait, like, you know … just the right amount of time.”
I’m well aware that not everybody gives the if-and-when of having kids this much time and deliberation. A lot of people have kids who, frankly, didn’t mean to. Many people choose to have no kids at all and live quite happily. But most people have kids simply because you’re “supposed to.” The rule book says once you get married, start churning ‘em out. It’s just “the next step,” part of that nonstop momentum that keeps us all sprinting through life. (p. 8).
It becomes a matter of which self-centered impulse you want to service; the need to be free and unencumbered now, or the need to secure yourself a caretaker to whom you can be a huge encumbrance later. “Let’s see … we’re going to need someone to put our things in order, someone to take all our junk when we die, and someone to take care of us and worry about us before we die … I don’t know anybody who’s going to do that … I know – let’s make someone. Let’s manufacture a whole new person, and then that’ll be their job.” (p. 10).
New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters. They’re like newly converted religious fanatics, these people. They’re not only hooked, but they won’t rest till they bring you into the fold, too. (p. 11).
When you’re trying to get pregnant, you both take a veritable crash course in biology and anatomy. Names of procedures and body parts that were once faraway places on that big map in your doctor’s office become second nature. But for men, this transformation is even more remarkable, because before this, they knew next to nothing. It’s remarkable –sad, but still remarkable – how little they know of the actual mechanics operating within women’s bodies. The whole business is referred to simply as “Down There.” (p. 21).
So where do these cravings come from? I concluded it’s the baby, ordering in. Prenatal takeout. Even without ever being in a restaurant, fetuses develop remarkably discerning palates, and they are no shy about demanding what they want. If they get a hankering, they just pick up that umbilical cord and call. (p. 38).
In addition to cribs and cradles, you also have to consider playpens, which at first impression struck me as no more than brightly colored, miniature jails. Is this really how we want to treat a brand-new person? Poor thing spends nine months cooped up in the womb, and first thing we do is toss him in a cage like a zoo animal. At least zoo animals get shrubbery and little ponds and schoolchildren tossing them peanuts. (p. 45).
Once you go ahead and buy every piece of merchandise with the word “baby” in the name, you still have another problem: How do you get all this stuff home? The answer, of course: Get rid of your car and find yourself a big ugly four-wheel-drive/trucky/sport utility/”just-throw-everything-in-the-back” vehicle. Suddenly you understand those behemoth station wagons your parents had. But because we are, as a group, so much more clever, we now surround ourselves instead in hulking tanks – uglier by far than anything we sat in the back of when we were five. But this time they have much cooler names, Outback, Range Rover, Land Cruiser, Four Runner, Trooper, Pathfinder … Where do we think we’re going? We’re picking up diapers and dropping off a video. We’re not bagging a cheetah and lugging it across Kenya (p. 49).
Observing my relatives with the baby, I realized they fall into a few different categories of adult-to-infant communications: There’s the Greeter: “Who’s that? That’s your mommy. Who’s that? That’s your daddy …” Who works hand in hand with the Tour Guide: “This is the living room, can you say living room? And this is the foyer! You don’t want to spill anything in the foyer …” Who’s not quite as annoying as The Embarrasser: “Did you make a stinky? I think you made a stinky. I’m going to tell everyone you made a stinky, even though we’re not a hundred percent sure …” Or the Entertainer: They just lean over the baby and make amusing noises. “Ha-cha-cha-cha … Ha-cha-cha-cha … Boo-ti-boo-ta … chook-chook-chook-chook …” These of course, are all derivatives of the quintessential and official baby-speak noise – “Coochie-coochie coo.” I’m not sure how that became the industry standard, but it is. I imagine that at some point there must have been a meeting. “Coochie coochie coo” beat out perennial favorite “goo-goo-gah-gah” and the straightforward but too-literal “Greetings, Small Bald Round One.” (p. 86).
When you’re the parents of a new child, all the craving and desire you’ve ever felt for sex is transferred over to sleep. It’s like somebody sneaked into your brain, found the wires going to the sex button and the sleep button, and just switched them. I didn’t realize how extensive the change was till I found myself one day staring at a lingerie ad with a photo of a beautiful, seductive, young woman sprawled practically naked across a satin-sheeted bed, and all I could think was, “Man, that bed looks comfortable.” (p. 106).
But as miraculous and moving as this is, I can’t get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife’s breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar. This takes some getting used to. It’s like if bread were suddenly coming out of a person’s neck. Wouldn’t that be unsettling? Let’s say you’re a woman. If you were nibbling your husband’s ear and came away with a piece of toast, wouldn’t you be a tad skittish? That’s all I’m saying. (p. 133).
And again the accepted convention is: Lie. For all the sharing and being open and vulnerable, the truth is that all new parents are Big Fat Liars. We lie about things that don’t even mean anything. Like Sleeping Through the Night. You wouldn’t think your newborn baby’s ability to sleep or not sleep consecutive hours would be potential grounds for ridicule. But you’d be wrong. “Our daughter came home from the hospital, and from that night forward, she slept perfectly. Went down at eight-thirty, woke up the next morning at nine.” Lies, lies, and more lies. Because if you told the truth, it might make you look bad. If your baby doesn’t sleep through the night, it’s a cultural stigma. It’s like The Scarlet Letter –where the “A” stands for “We’re still Awake, thank you very much.” So even if you both have bags under your eyes the size of steamer trunks –lie. (p. 180-181)....more