this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are referthis book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.
the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.
but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.
the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.
his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.
to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.
i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you....more
so, it starts off strong. it almost feels like a biography, that's how real it felt to me. i actually looked on the back of the coverSPOILERS AHEAD!!!
so, it starts off strong. it almost feels like a biography, that's how real it felt to me. i actually looked on the back of the cover to see if it was based on a true story or something.
one thing i noticed off the bat was hosseini's style of writing. it was an extremely easy read. i wasn't sure if this was so it would be accessible to a wider audience or so we could concentrate more on the story rather than the prose or what. what's ironic is that the narrator and protagonist is supposed to be a gifted writer. anyway, the writing wasn't the book's strongest point. honestly, the author of the inner elvis had much better descriptive writing.
however, his simplistic writing style didn't take away from the emotions triggered in the story. i was practically bawling at every emotional scene. i have to say, though, that the rape scene, which is the first dramatic scene in the novel, was the best one. i know that sounds horrible, but it's timing and significance was on point.
and that's where things kinda went downhill for me. even though i was caught up in the story, things became really cliche. amir and hassan are the two protagonists in the story. amir is the son of baba, a wealthy and admired male widower while hassan is the hare-lipped hazara, people who are regarded as scum of the earth according to afghani history. anyway, hassan and his father, ali, are servants for baba and amir, but they are viewed as family. it's a refreshing departure from what could easily be a cinderlla-type plot.
anyway, amir is this really smart, well-educated pansy who can't stand up for himself for shit and hassan always backs him up, even taking on 3 guys on his own. there's a little rivalry between the two boys, with amir constantly testing hassan's loyalty and scoffing at him for seeming to be such a sucker. but when shit turns serious, amir doesn't return the sentiment.
the year that amir won a kite flying competition, hassan takes off for the last kite and ends up being cornered by child-sociopath, assef, and his cronies. when hassan refuses to give up the fallen kite, assef rapes him in an alley and amir watches the whole thing from a hiding place because he's too afraid to jump in and protect his friend.
as i kept reading, cliches and implausible coincidences start popping up everywhere. it turns out that amir and hassan are half-brothers. (i think i saw that plot-twist in days of our lives once.) when amir goes back to afghanistan to save hassan's now-orphan son, that son is held captive by --guess who?-- none other than assef who has become part of the taliban. the novel climaxes with assef kicking amir's ass. and who saves amir? hassan's son! with a fucking slingshot! (hassan was skilled at that, too.) amir gets reconstructive surgery and ends up with a scar down his lip like hassan had when he had surgery for his hare-lip. good lord. then there was this brief encounter where amir comes across an old homeless guy who just happened to know amir's mother before she died giving birth to amir. how would that ever happen?
to be fair, it had a really good storyline. i still maintain that the first third was well executed. the beginning of the book stands its ground well, but that may have just made the rest of the book pale in comparison even more so. it almost felt like the author was desperately reaching for the audience's acceptance (it's his first novel). or he hurried through the rest of the book and needed to increase the tear-jerker factor exponentially by making me cry at every page to cover up the fact that he was running out of quality ideas. on a positive note, it might add more depth to an already mysterious and often feared culture in light of 9/11.
but when all is said and done, it's still an interesting read.
final word on the kite runner: i can't wait for the movie adaptation. hollywood would eat that shit up. ...more
i'll be honest with you. i loved this book because i had no high expectations of it even though it is on the bestseller list. i'm also a biased consumi'll be honest with you. i loved this book because i had no high expectations of it even though it is on the bestseller list. i'm also a biased consumer; i love the flapper era and dark comedies. this book is a perfect combination of the two. and the fact that it takes place in a circus is such a unique setting to me. i love how the author intertwines the elderly protagonist's current situation with his younger self's experiences working in the circus. the perspective you get of the elderly community is also a unique lesson and one i wasn't expecting to get. lastly, there is a neat little twist that i found really cool. the author could teach hosseini how to use surprise sparingly.
however, i would give it 3.5 stars instead of 4 because of two things. 1: the characters are stereotypical, so it lacks creativity in that area. like "kite runner," it makes for an awesome movie script, though. the ending was pretty unlikely, too. but that's what hollywood is made of. i still love it anyway, because i think i've had a dream like this before. 2: i don't like how they portray the character with paranoid schizophrenia. they make it seem as though he was psycho because of his illness. granted, people back then understood much less about schizophrenia than we do now, but it's an unfair portrayal just the same....more
When rating this book, I was torn between giving it 3 stars and 4 stars. If I could give it 3.5 stars, I would. As a psychologist, I was disappointedWhen rating this book, I was torn between giving it 3 stars and 4 stars. If I could give it 3.5 stars, I would. As a psychologist, I was disappointed at the lack of psychological depth from a professional perspective. However, from a layperson's point of view, it's very informative, especially for teachers, parents, and anyone else who interacts with youth. In fact, I would also recommend it for youth as well.
The good points: very easy reading and easy to understand. For those who aren't familiar with teenage depression, it's a nice introductory book. The author presents an abundance of stories of teenage girls. Each story illustrates the language of teenage depression well. One psychological tidbit that appeals to the psychologist in me is a reference to Winnicott and his theory on stealing. Youth steal as a way to "get something" that they are sorely missing. I love symbolism. The book also sparked an interest in self-injurious behaviors like cutting. Probably the most key part of the book is the last chapter where all the girls the author interviewed provide their own insights to depression and how to cope. Because of this and the relative ease with which to read the book are what make me recommend this book to youth.
The negatives: However, I decided against giving the book a 4th star because of a cultural gap in the stories. The cover of the book says it all: many of the girls are White. Actually, the author neglects to mention ethnicity and race at all. Wait, there is one story about a Latina girl...who was adopted by a White family. It's an important story and at least it touches on racial differences, but it's like a token minority story, kinda like how "Black" movies have that stereotypical token White character. Anyway, with such a limited perspective of teenage depression, I can't really see how this book can apply to teens of other races and ethnicities.
If you are looking for an introduction to the world of teenage depression with no psychological conceptualization, then this is a good book. But as I said, keep in mind the limited view from which it is framed. As psychologists, we'd have to look elsewhere to read about specific multicultural issues....more
As a psychologist-to-be, I've decided to expand my literary repertoire to include works that aren't centered specifically around psychology (as I thinAs a psychologist-to-be, I've decided to expand my literary repertoire to include works that aren't centered specifically around psychology (as I think everything that involves humans involves psychology).
To be short and to the point, this book is fascinating. Dr. Lesesne has experienced everything from transsexuals wanting to get breast implants on his back for his lover to fondle to having patients being murdered by his colleagues to dating Katie Couric to being stalked by patients.
He even offers psychological tidbits that I think deserve further researh including his suggestion that perhaps some plastic surgeons may have pursued this profession in order to control women. What's also interesting is how the most rewarding compliment he gets from a patient is, "I trust you." It's very similar to the relationship between a therapist and her/his client.
I'm still against plastic surgery, but I understand that other people do get them and if I get clients one day who are considering going under the knife, I'd love to have some background knowledge of the field.
The only thing would make this book even more interesting is if it included first-hand stories from the patients themselves. I'd love to read a book of case-studies of those who have had plastic surgery....more
when it comes to memoirs, i can't really critique the content only because it's about someone's real-life experiences. but i can critique the deliverywhen it comes to memoirs, i can't really critique the content only because it's about someone's real-life experiences. but i can critique the delivery. plain and simple, i love koren's writing style. it's easy to read yet vivid and insightful. i think so many girls and young women can relate to her experiences, it's a validation of being female in this society and the relationship females develop with alcohol as a way to cope with the pressure. plus, as someone in the psychology field, it's a good resource for clinicians who work with individuals that abuse alcohol or for clinicians who aren't familiar with these issues and need a first-hand account of what alcohol abuse is like. five stars.
EDIT: after reading some of the other readers' comments, i have a couple things i'd like to address. a lot of people say that the storyline isn't interesting. i guess with a memoir, it's more about the author's willingness to make herself vulnerable to a wider audience than it is about an interesting story. even though her experiences with alcohol are common, her motivations for drinking are of key importance because they are actually symptoms of a society that places men and women in very rigid boxes. if you're looking for pure entertainment, look elsewhere.
other readers thought she was a whiny, spoiled brat from a good background. this doesn't make someone exempt from having their own internalized demons. other readers commented on her immaturity as a writer and as someone recovering from alcohol abuse. there was no resolution and some were not satisfied with her level of insight about her own abuse. did anyone stop to think that perhaps writing this memoir is part of her recovery process? and as far a resolution, there is no concrete, static resolution to substance abuse. recovery is an ongoing process. and some people don't ever recover fully. if your relationship to a substance is that binding, it can be difficult to completely let go of the abuser mindset.
i think we as an audience can learn a lot about alcohol abuse by our very reactions. a lot of people had no sympathy for the author. in my eyes, i think this exhibits society's relative indifference and lack of compassion for those who are struggling with personal issues and how alcohol and other substances can be a life jacket if only in the short-run. there was one comment about how the author's abuse was everyone's fault but her own. personally, i did not get that, but if that was the general feeling about her, it's an honest portrayal of people who abuse substances. i was especially appalled by one reader's comment about date rape and how the author should've known she would be raped if she hung out in frat houses all the time. in a way, this comment is enraging yet enlightening at the same time. and i think this is where the book is brilliant; it draws out all the biases, all the stereotypes, the myths, the victim-blaming attitudes, and our overall lack of understanding regarding substance abuse that still pervade our society. and i think it's fantastic that the author wrote the book shortly after trying to abstain; her feelings and insecurities are still fresh and we can experience that right along with her. it gives us a perspective of someone who is struggling to find herself without her alcoholic crutch....more