I bought this book based on Liz Greene mentioning it in her book "The Development of the Personality: Seminars in Psychological Astrology; V. 1" in heI bought this book based on Liz Greene mentioning it in her book "The Development of the Personality: Seminars in Psychological Astrology; V. 1" in her chapter about about the Puer and Senex which is a transcript of a workshop she gave on the subject. Looking forward to reading it soon.
I am up to about page 40 and absolutely loving the book so far!...more
I found the ideas in the book to be very powerful and worthwhile. Being involved with singles through my retreats for singles and being single myself, I have seen a lot of pain and suffering when a dating relationship does not work out or hearing the perspective from divorced people about their breakups.
There is no way around it, breaking up can be very painful. However there are things we can do that can eventually leave us less cynical, less angry, more whole, and more open for new love without carrying the hurt to our new relationships.
Below are some excerpts that I thought were worthwhile to share. I also particularly loved these two quotes from the book:
“Devaluing love once shared is like snubbing the sun at sunset”
“Never cut what can be untied.” – J. smith
I bless everyone, each in the right time, to find the peace and tranquility of letting go of the hurt and anger from the ending of relationships. Enjoy the excerpts.
“The feelings that can come up during a break up are so big that they can be really, really hard to navigate without getting ourselves into some kind of trouble. Big rage, big hurt, big devastation, big despair, big hopelessness, big powerlessness, big desire for revenge – all threatening to overwhelm us and cause us to behave in ways that are completely outside of who we want to be and the image we have of ourselves as being good, kind, loving, fair and decent people.” -------------------------------------------------------------------
“In a breakup, we all have tendency to point the finger at everything the other person did wrong. And it’s easy to do because the other person probably did do hurtful, immature and destructive things! It’s not like we’re making it up. But until we can take full ownership of all the ways that we covertly colluded with and co-created what happened, we won’t be able to access the power we need to create a different experience or to break our old patterns in love.” -----------------------------------------------------------------------
“We really need to begin to challenge this assumption that the end of a relationship for any reason other than the death of one or both partners means that the relationship has failed. Because that’s currently the covert standard that we are holding ourselves and others accountable to, that the longevity of a relationship is what validates its value.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Breakup Mistake #1: Hating the Person You Once Loved
“In an attempt to emotionally disconnect from the person we’re breaking up with, we’ll go from loving our former partner to hating them, devaluing them, and despising them. Which at first seems like a good idea because it can help us to detach from that person. But ultimately, we have to learn how to disconnect in a healthy way. Otherwise, we can end up doing a tremendous amount of damage to ourselves and others, and completely sabotage our ability to reclaim our power and reinvent our lives.”
“Regardless of whether you broke up with him or he broke up with you, most likely, where much of your attention has been on what your former partner did wrong. We tend to focus on blaming our former partner, ruminating on what he did that he shouldn’t have done, or what she didn’t do that she should have done, rather than examine ourselves and take personal responsibility for how we co-created the dynamic in a way that left us so vulnerable to being hurt and disappointed. Yet understanding ourselves as the source of this breakdown is what promises to liberate us from this kind of disappointment happening again moving forward.”
“Every way that you’ve given away your power, denied your own deeper knowing, put someone else’s feelings and needs before your own, stayed embedded in a victimized story, or settled for less in life—all of it is now up for review. You have nowhere to hide. Life has broken you open and it is violently, mercilessly forcing you to evolve, to develop, and to grow.”
“You can actually feel more loved in many ways at the end of a relationship than you can at the beginning. Because in the beginning we are often projecting onto the other person that we are going to get everything we want from them, so it’s easy to give. It’s at the end of the relationship, when we know that we won’t get what we want, when we are disappointed and things are very, very real, that we have the opportunity to give and receive authentic care.”
“a Conscious Uncoupling is a breakup or divorce that is characterized by a tremendous amount of goodwill, generosity, and respect, where those separating strive to do minimal damage to themselves, to each other, and to their children (if they have any), as well as intentionally seek to create new agreements and structures designed to set everyone up to win, flourish, and thrive moving forward in life.”
"In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet (Winston Churchill)." ------------------------------------------------------------------
Broken hearts, like broken legs, need a lot of tending to in order to properly heal. Unless of course, you don’t mind the possibility of your heart’s healing a little too crooked, a little bit closed, a whole lot defensive, and way too easily bruised moving forward from here. That’s the heart’s equivalent of walking with a limp for the rest of your life and feeling pain every time it rains. --------------------------------------------------
You are invited to purposefully protect the love that brought you and your former partner together and honor all you’ve co-created as you safely midwife the relationship to its healthier new form. The tendency to lash out, degrade, and destructively dismiss the connection as a way to cope with its loss comes at too great a cost. Devaluing love once shared is like snubbing the sun at sunset, pretending the garden that grew in warmth of those rays is now just a basket of plastic flowers. The danger of such a perspective is that one might be tempted to never open the blinds again, lest you be “tricked” into believing that the light being offered is real. Unless you’re the victim of an imposter who scammed you out of your fortune, what you and your former partner shared was real. One or both of you may have made mistakes that exposed fatal flaws you failed to notice or minimized before now, but that does not mean what you had was untrue or held no value. Longevity is not the only measure of love. -------------------------------------------------------
To step into this deep release, you’re going to have to be willing to hold your righteous narrative a little less rigidly about how you were wronged. We all have our stories to tell, most of them steeped in biased interpretations about what happened that it’s hard to discern “my truth” from “The Truth.” The story you’ve been telling yourself and others about your breakup is filled with assumptions that may or may not actually be true.
Human understanding can’t help but be highly subjective, and memory even more so. Recent studies show that we’re prone to recount events not the way they happened but through the interpretive lens of our own preexisting worldview. So, wear your conclusions lightly. If you insist on telling your breakup story from a victimized perspective, making your former partner the villain while setting a halo upon your own head (or vice versa), then you’re probably not capturing the complexities it holds, and the subtle ways your experience was likely co-created. To be free, you’ll want to let go of ruminating on who did what to whom, and turn your attention to the ongoing practice of forgiving yourself and your former partner for the many mistakes made during the course of the relationship. -----------------------------------------------------------
“Never cut what can be untied.” – J. smith ----------------------------------------------------
In their fervent desire to help minimize your pain, your family and friends may quickly turn against your former partner, revealing all sorts of negative opinions and feelings you had no idea they harbored. Their impulse to do so is usually well meaning, motivated solely by the instinct to offer emotional support. You may have even trained them to disparage your former partner in the months leading up to your separation, pulling on people to collude with your victimized perspective. While at first this display of social solidarity may cushion you from the blow of the breakup, ostracizing your former partner by fanning the flames of blame, such condemnation can easily have the far-reaching and negative consequences of making it virtually impossible to transition the union successfully to a healthy new form. While your primitive nature might want to boot someone out of your shared social circle as punishment for the crime of not loving you in the ways you’ve needed to be loved, doing damage to someone’s overall sense of belonging in the world by getting others to reject that person is just as harmful as if you broke her arm or bashed her head with a frying pan. Truly, it’s a form of violence. -----------------------------------------
Show Restraint In How You Relay Your Story
In the aftermath of a traumatic event such as a breakup, most of us will have the need to tell our stories to help us integrate and come to terms with what just happened. Yet in sharing your story with others, you may be tempted to tell it from a victimized perspective by pointing a finger at everything your former partner did wrong. It’s easy to fall into this trap, because most likely he or she did some hurtful, irritating, and destructive things. Yet, please remember that it’s in taking personal responsibility for the many ways you unconsciously conspired with your partner and co-created what happened that you’ll access the power you will need to create a different experience in the future.
When you speak disrespectfully of your former partner, you not only diminish that person but you diminish yourself as well. Whenever you share from a victimized and reactive place, you risk losing the respect of others. They will likely begin feeling sorry for you rather than admire you for the gracious and deeply wise human being that you are. In a subtle way, you may actually cause others to be less invested in supporting you because you are using them as a dumping ground, and they feel that. They may be sympathetic at first, but eventually they may not be able to help and will just watch the clock, wondering how much “supportive friend time” they’re on the hook for.
On the other hand, if you can speak from a nonreactive and responsible place, without pulling on them to have to suddenly begin disliking your former partner to prove their loyalty to you, you will not only gain the respect of others but may also inspire them to have better endings themselves by the good modeling you provide. -------------------------------------------------
Clean completions consist of three parts.
First acknowledging what this person has meant to you.
Second, appreciating the gifts he or she brought into your life.
And third, making a sincere attempt to restore wholeness to the situation by offering amends, either to the people you’ve hurt directly, or by declaring your commitment to never again repeat the same mistakes with someone new.
As you can see, this list does not include reconciling your irreconcilable differences, being vindicated once and for all, or finally getting your emotional needs met.
There are reasons you and your former partner are parting ways. Your values are too diverse, your perspective too polarized, or your core needs too much at odds. In a Conscious Uncoupling, this is not a problem, as we make room for differences and discordant perspectives. This isn’t about winning a war. It’s about giving up the idea of war altogether, and going the extra mile to make sure everyone wins moving forward. The truth is, at this point, it doesn’t really matter who hurt who more. It doesn’t even matter if you can agree on the reasons your relationship is ending. What matters is that you seek to bring closure in ways that help all involved to thrive when they get to the other side of this disappointment. ---------------------------------------------------------
Very mixed feelings about this book. I strongly agree with most of the principles in this book. The title, “Feeling buried alive never die…” is definiVery mixed feelings about this book. I strongly agree with most of the principles in this book. The title, “Feeling buried alive never die…” is definitely one of my all-time favorite quotes and I 100% believe is the root of most of our issues. Given that I believe so strongly in its principals I am trying to figure out why I had such a hard time reading the book. Perhaps it’s the authors writing style that does not sit well with me. Perhaps I am too familiar with many of the principals. Perhaps I have just been reading too many self-help books lately that it’s starting to annoy me. It could be that this book was written for the mass market and not specifically geared for those more psychologically minded.
In any event, I love and agree with the principles in this book, while not loving the writing style of the book.
Here are a few things I enjoyed about the book:
Differentiation between “Feelings” and “Emotions”.
Feelings: To perceive or to be aware of through thought, bodily or emotional reactions, instinct, etc.
Emotions: A strong surge of feelings marked by an impulse to outward expressions, and often accompanied by complex bodily reactions; any strong feelings as love, hate, or joy. Any agitation of mind or excitement of sensibility
It would seem to me from the books description that “feelings” are a cognitive function, being “aware” of what we are feeling. While “emotions” seems to be the emotive, the reactive element of our feelings – usually noted by heightened outward reaction. I really like this distinction.
Excerpts: ------------------------------------- John Bradshaw tells us in his book. Healing the shame that binds you that, “Underneath the mask of adult behavior there is a child who was neglected. This needy child is insatiable. What that means is that when the child becomes and adult, there is a ‘hole in his soul’.” ----------------------------------- When a child is abused, he is usually unable to express his feelings of fear, anger or rage. So these feelings are stuffed inside him without a form of verbal expression. When feelings are continually stuffed inside, the child may lash out by being abusive to others, or he may be uncontrollable in different ways. He may become languid or non-communicative and withdrawn; or, he may become ill. ----------------------------------- Whatever you believe, with feeling, becomes your reality. You are the sum total result of all your belief systems to this moment. Your beliefs form a screen of logic or a screen of prejudices through which you see the entire world. You never allow any information that is inconsistent with your beliefs, even if you have beliefs that are totally inconsistent with reality. To the degree to which you believe these things to be true, they become true to you. (Michael Wickett, It’s all within your reach) -------------------------------------------- I also liked the section which opened my eyes as to how violent childbirth may seem to a new born child. The author quotes Joseph Chilton Pearce from his book, Magical Child: “Suction devices are rammed into the mouth and nose, the eyelids peeled back to that blinding, painful light and far more painful chemicals dropped into the open eyes. He is held by the heels and beat on the back or subjected to a mechanical respirator: at this critical, oxygen-short period, the umbilical cord has been cut. He is cleaned up a bit from the blood of the episiotomy (which will knock his mother out of the picture for quite some time); placed on cold, hard scales to be weighed like any other piece of meat in a factory; bundled off to a nursery crib, screaming in pain and terror…
He has moved from a soft, warm dark, quiet, and totally nourishing place into a harsh sensory overload. He is physically abused; violated in a side variety of ways, subjected to specific physical pain and insult, all of which could still be overcome, BUT HE IS THEN ISOLATED FROM HIS MOTHER.”
Makes me really want to look into alternative forms of childbirth. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...more
While there may be something to our love language, particularly the way our parents emphasized their love for us, it just seems too simplistic. SeemedWhile there may be something to our love language, particularly the way our parents emphasized their love for us, it just seems too simplistic. Seemed to be a bit repetitive. ...more
This book contains some very powerful and original ideas about the process of our personal growth through life. I didThe Lunation Cycle – Dane Rudhyar
This book contains some very powerful and original ideas about the process of our personal growth through life. I did not give it 5 stars because at times it can be dense and a bit difficult to read. However, it is well worth slogging through those difficult parts. When you reach the (third) eye opening and mind illuminating parts about the Lunation cycle and the relationship of the Moon to the Sun and how each stage reflects a very specific part of our growth – it makes it all worthwhile. I give the concepts in this book 5 stars all the way.
On a number of levels this book is very personal to the current stage of my growth at the time of reading which is April 18, 2015. I just recently read “Born to Win” about Transactional Analysis and the three ego types within ourselves; Inner Child, Adult and Parent. I have been working to integrate all 3 ego aspects particularly making room and respecting the need for the Inner Child to express himself while still having the Adult be in charge. (See my review of Born to Win for more details). In this light its fascinating to see Rudhyar’s exploration of the relationship between the Sun (Adult) and Moon (Inner Child) and the necessity of integrating the two.
Additionally my Progressed Full Moon is happening next year on April 9, 2016. It is a particularly powerful Progressed Full Moon because it is trining and sextiling my Natal Neptune to the exact degree. The descriptions of the Full Moon in this book, some of which I have excerpted below, is very helpful and feels very true to my experience of it. -----------------------------------------------
The following three examples are my attempt to break down the archetypes of the Sun and Moon and is relevant to the first excerpt that I quote below.
Male and Female: The Moon is – Female archetype The Sun is – Male archetype
Emotions and Logic: The Moon is - instinctual, emotional, experiential and subjective. The Sun is - cerebral, intellectual, cognitive, logical and objective.
(One can argue that my description of the Sun may be more accurately ascribed to Mercury. Perhaps. The Sun may be the sum total of all our parts. This particular description is the best I could come up with to denote and expand upon the commonly used description of the Sun as the “Core-self”. I must say that I was startled to see Rudhyar use the moon to describe the mind. I think the “heart” would be a more appropriate usage. He also uses the “spirit” to describe the sun. I can hear that, but it is as vague as the “core-self”.)
Transactional Analysis: The Moon is – Inner Child The Sun is – The Adult --------------------------------------------------
The following excerpts are to me some of the most powerful ideas of this book:
Relationship of Sun and Moon “That the sun and moon represent two definitely antagonistic and irreconcilable orders of life is the great illusion. It is the illusion of separateness which sets the mind (moon) against the spirit (sun), the ego (a psychic structure whose evolutionary purpose is to develop objective clarity of consciousness through individual differences) against the spiritual self (a power of integration seeking the fullest possible inclusiveness). This illusion of separateness destroys the vital essence of relationship, even if the outer forms remain as shells. It is the denial of relatedness. And the mind which becomes pervaded with it only able to see the sun and moon as two unrelated alien and forever conflicting factors – each with its own independent “cycle of positions” – instead of as joint participants in a true “cycle of relationship,” the lunation.
…It is at the symbolic “full moons” of human evolution that these two approaches are seen in the clearest possible contrast. But this contrast is not to be considered as a glorification of the sun and a depreciation of the moon, opposing the solar to the lunar, in the sense of there being an irreconcilable enmity between the two. The negative approach is that which believes in such an irreconcilable enmity between solar and lunar forces, and even more in the utter lack of relationship between them. The positive approach, on the other hand, stresses constantly the relatedness of sun and moon within their cycle or relationship (the lunation cycle), as it also seeks to build within man (psychologically speaking) the power of forever relating the lunar character of the psychic structures of consciousness (mind-ego) to the solar power of the spiritual will and purpose of the self. It is only the result of such a relationship that creative meaning develops within the truly individualized and integrated human person.” – Pgs. 30-31 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Lunation Cycle of the Moon – Full Moon “If a positive attitude of growth and of liberation from the remains of the past has prevailed during most of the waxing period, the full moon brings to the earth-organism (at the physical or psycho-mental level) some sort of fulfillment, illumination or revelation. The new solar image – the new message from the creative spirit – is received in clear objective consciousness.
It assumes a state of concreteness; that is, of full perceptibility or intelligibility, as the case may be. This state implies some sort of contrast – a black-and-white, dark-and-light dualism without which no objective realization of form is possible for man. This means, in practice, that some new factor is given a high valuation, and that, as a consequence, an old value is either altogether repudiated or placed under a new light in contrast to the new realization.
This, in turn, may produce a definite re-orientation of everyday activities or a new statement of purpose – a man’s “purpose” being the result of the nature and quality of his response (positive or negative) to the images released within him by the spirit of the “sun”. – Pg. 29
“During the last half of the lunation, man has to do consciously what spirit accomplished in the unconscious darkness of the new moon phase. Man, as conscious individual, is to fecundate [make fruitful] society. He is to disseminate the seed of the future civilization. He is to build the form of tomorrow. He is now the sun-illumined moon, the creative Two-as-One. He has to shed his light in order to satisfy the need of his people, his race, humanity as a whole. As the moon wanes in the sky, so the illumined individual vanishes into his spiritual progeny. The civilizer’s light is being absorbed into the fabric of the new civilization – the new earth.
…The keynote of the first half of the cycle is spontaneous and instinctual action; the keynote of the second half is conscious growth in meaning and immortal selfhood – and the only true kind of conscious growth implies sharing meaning and value with others by means of adequate formulation, for no individual can gain real immortality (personal or social) except as a participant in the activity of an immortal Whole.” – Pgs 32-33 -------------------------------------------------------
“Progressed Full Moon: This marks a time of fulfillment, but also a climax which may mean the beginning of some kind of end. It is above all a crisis of clarification of life-purpose, of personal desires and aims. It may witness a sudden conversion or illumination; but more often it is simply a high tide period during which life seems to oscillate to and fro, between past and future. Some type of energy or behavior seems to have run its course, and it may give the person a sense of weariness or satiety. It should above all force him to face all the basic issues of his life and to start seeking for a clear meaning. Success of a sort may be reached at the progressed full moon, but it may also appear as a culmination beyond which no further growth is possible; and the question arises insistently: “Then what?”
In any case some kind of concrete limits have been reached. There must be a translation of the center of selfhood and consciousness to a new level - whether it be height or depth – or else the gradual ebbing away of all vitality, spiritual as well as physical, is bound to begin.
Much depends obviously upon the age at which the progressed full moon occurs. When it comes in early youth what is being “fulfilled” is not the individual selfhood, but instead the collective nature of family or race. Inherited characteristics reach a climax.” - Pg.108
[When it comes later in life] “The yearning for a more “spiritual” consciousness was becoming insistent.” - Pg. 110
“The path of the full moon is the “Conscious Way”; the way of the ancient TAO [combining within itself the principles of yin and yang and signifying the way, or code of behavior, that is in harmony with the natural order.] reformulated for our modern minds. At full moon, there can be a birth of light, a birth of meaning. From then, one goes on. Even though the body is beaten with pain, even though men die by the millions and the structures of the past crumble, as leaves wither under the blasts of the north wind, nevertheless the Conscious Way can be trodden with the warmth and radiance of “personality,” with the creative joy that wells up from the depths of conquered unconsciousness and assimilated instinct.” – Pg. 138 ------------------------------------------------------
Part of Fortune “The Part of Fortune may refer to the individual’s wealth and “good fortune” but this is not its most significant meaning, certainly not its primary meaning.” – Pg.73
…It is because the man who reaches the object of this search actually radiates a mysterious something which attracts success to him, that the name “Part of Fortune” was given to the index of the soli-lunar relationship. For as New Thought has taught us wealth, success, health, happiness are the varied results of a deep sense of ease, which in turn indicates a rhythmic flow of life-energy. There can be no such flow where there is not a vibrant, steady and uneradicable faith (instinctive or conscious) in the abundance of that infinite potential of life which, to the astrologer, is the sun, and to the religious soul, G-d.” – Pgs.79-80 ------------------------------------------------------------------ ...more
An excellent book for intermediary astrologers. I completely agree with his methodology of how to interpret synastry charts between people. He has manAn excellent book for intermediary astrologers. I completely agree with his methodology of how to interpret synastry charts between people. He has many great insights into what to look for. I also like the format as it initially was an interactive lecture and the feedback from the audience adds a lot to it.
Had I read this book a few years ago I may have rated it higher. At this point I am familiar with most of the ground he covered. I dont know of too many accurate books out there on synastry (outside of Liz Greene) so I do recommend this book to anyone who is a step beyond beginner and knows the lingo and what each planet represents. Its an excellent book to take your knowledge and learn how to make sense of the dynamic between people, particularly how to interpret complex aspect interactions. Like when an opposition in your natal chart is interacting with the other persons T-Square etc. Overall a good book....more
I just started reading this book and am only up to page 51 but I am absolutely loving it so far!! It really breaks down our growth process in a way thI just started reading this book and am only up to page 51 but I am absolutely loving it so far!! It really breaks down our growth process in a way that is very relateable and understandable. In my opinion its theory's fit so well with the dysfunction of some people that I know and I love that it pinpoints exactly what part of the growth process went awry and may have become stuck.
It also helped me on a personal level be more accepting of my attempts of separation from ego. Right from the get go on page five it describes the necessity of Ego Self Separation in order to grow and self individuate. It writes how the first half of life is focused on this aspect and once it is achieved then there can be a an Ego Self Union in the second half of life. Very much what I am attempting to do now. -------------------------------------------- Update 3/21/15: I am only at page 96 but this book has already blown my mind! It is incredibly profound and one of those rare books that shockingly seems to have the answer as to how the world, humanity, psychology and G-d all fit together beautifully! Tremendous amounts of food for thought. I suspect I will be rereading this book a few times. The only caveat I would put on it is that it is probably most beneficial when one is in the right space in their self development to be open and to process the ideas in this book. It is very much like the (movie) Matrix's no going back choice of either taking the blue or red pill. It may alter forever the way you view the world. I know it already has for me. -------------------------------------------
Update 3/27/15: So much for jumping the gun and writing a review on a book before I finished the book. This book has four sections. The first section is about 100 pages. I cant rave enough about the first section. Everything I said above, plus I will try to add to it, once I reread the first 100 pages again.
The rest of the book is a complete different story. I had to force myself to slog through it. It almost has nothing to do with the first 100 pages. I wanted to read it to make sure it did not expand or delve deeper into the area he covered in the first section. He did not. Its worth buying the book for the first section - its that eye-opening. Feel free to skip the rest of the book - unless the chapter titles appeal to you....more
This is my second of three books that I have recently purchased on Transactional Analysis (TA). I find the concept invigorating and freeing. When someThis is my second of three books that I have recently purchased on Transactional Analysis (TA). I find the concept invigorating and freeing. When someone asks me how I feel about something, rather than struggle to make sense of my mixed feelings, I can clearly respond from three different places within myself. I can explain how my Inner Child feels about it. I can explain how my Inner Parent feels about it and how my Adult feels about it. In my opinion this helps incredibly to avoid hurt feelings or people taking how you feel in the wrong way when they know its your Inner Child talking and that your Adult recognizes the more objective truth. More importantly it helps me work through ALL of my feelings about an issue or incident. Incredibly helpful!
Its really amazing to look at a heated thread on Facebook about any controversial topic and you can clearly see this dynamic playing out. People are responding to each other at cross-currents with Adult trying to reason with Inner Child or Inner Parent scolding another persons Adult.
I liked this book much better then Games People Play, as that was much more about the title of the book and scripts that stay with us from childhood. The basic three levels of TA speak to me much more then the games aspect, although I am sure if you are familiar with people who utilize such games, it may be rewarding to read as well.
I am looking forward to reading the third book I bought on TA, I am OK, You're OK, which received very high ratings on Amazon....more
A tale of two halves of a book. The first half I really enjoyed as it went through the basics of Transactional Analysis. I particularly was provoked bA tale of two halves of a book. The first half I really enjoyed as it went through the basics of Transactional Analysis. I particularly was provoked by its description of the common procedures and rituals we practice with people we are acquainted with and politely greet upon meeting them. It completely felt true to my experiences and even, as I mentioned, provoked me to internally react with "I can't believe we are such zombies in our interactions!!!" But it feels very true to me as I participate in them as well. Its the normal social structure that we have set up and live in. I really liked the first half which went till page 69.
Part 2 was titled A Thesaurus of Games which went till the end at page 189. It cataloged all the psychological games (many!) that people play with each other on a subconscious level. I found this section tedious and could not really relate to them. We all have a certain level of dysfunction and areas we need to work on. However, these games really implied a much stronger dysfunction. I am sure it is very prevalent in the human race and would be useful for someone familiar with people who utilize these games. It just did not speak to me....more
Great Book! Tackled all the tough issues that they won't really discuss in Yeshiva with you. There was one discussion that really through my head forGreat Book! Tackled all the tough issues that they won't really discuss in Yeshiva with you. There was one discussion that really through my head for a spin (in a wow, I can't believe they just brought that wild, wild example in a Torah context!!!) It was about a very sensitive area, so I won't mention it here.
This is not an halachic book, just one to give you some thoughts to mull over in sensitive areas that are rarely discussed publicly. Great resource to look further into many of these tough issues.
I currently am a huge fan of Jeff Brown as I feel he really gets personal growth and is able to cut through a lot of the chaff that has expanded throuI currently am a huge fan of Jeff Brown as I feel he really gets personal growth and is able to cut through a lot of the chaff that has expanded through the personal growth industry. In this book he chronicles his own path to growth and his internal battles with ego, practical monetary concerns versus his focus on his soul growth.
I feel like he is a soul brother and I agree with 95% of his outlook and approach to life regarding personal growth. ...more
I love Jeff Brown! He really understands personal growth and learning to be present and conscious with ourselves and others. This book was great. PerhI love Jeff Brown! He really understands personal growth and learning to be present and conscious with ourselves and others. This book was great. Perhaps I liked his other book, "Love it forward" slightly more. ...more
Each issue tends to have a theme (along with other, random, unrelated articles as well) where Rav Feldman and a few other writers discuss a major issuEach issue tends to have a theme (along with other, random, unrelated articles as well) where Rav Feldman and a few other writers discuss a major issue confronting Orthodox Judaism. This issue dealt with some of the controversies surrounding Open Orthodoxy and YCT (Yeshiva Chovevey Torah).
I thought the articles were okay, and I do agree with some of the points being made. However, I think that the best written article I have read about the controversy is by Yoram Hazony (which was referenced in this issue).
"Is Open Orthodoxy an approach whose aim is the critical engagement with non-Jewish ideas and culture? Or is it just a euphemism for accepting the authority of non-Jewish ideas and culture in an ever-growing number of areas? If the latter, then it’s hard for me to escape the conclusion that Open Orthodoxy is on its way to becoming yet another assimilationist movement."
I love the way he is able to narrow down all the back and forth to a simple question. Is Open Orthodoxy a critical engagement with, or accepting the authority of, secular culture? It seems Hazony and many, including myself, were hoping that it was a critical engagement. Unfortunately, many of us were very disappointed by the statements and values being espoused by Open Orthodoxy and sadly it seems that its more about accepting as unimpeachable MOST of the values of secular culture....more
Very powerful quotes that really spoke to me. Its very clear that Jeff Brown really understands personal growth and our journey in this world. He is nVery powerful quotes that really spoke to me. Its very clear that Jeff Brown really understands personal growth and our journey in this world. He is not preachy and since he talks so much from hard learned personal experience he comes off as humble and seeking truth. As soon as I finished reading the book, I ordered his other two books.
“Our soulpod is that person or group of people whom our soul finds the most resonance with at any given moment – people of ‘soulnificance.’ I can include anyone that appears on our path to inform and catalyze our expansion – our family of origin, significant figures, [friends,] strangers with a lesson. How long they stay depends on the lesson. It could be a moment, a decade, a lifetime…
…When I was less individuated, it had been easier to make friends. The more amorphous we are, the easier it is to find someone to have a drink with. But now I didn’t want to just have a drink. I wanted to be met in the deep within. I wanted to connect with people walking the same soulbeat – less ego, more essence, true to path.”
-- Excerpt from “Love It Forward” by Jeff Brown (Awesome book!) ...more
I have been having a hard time getting a more specific sense of Eclipses and I was hoping this book might do so. I was disappointed as it was very genI have been having a hard time getting a more specific sense of Eclipses and I was hoping this book might do so. I was disappointed as it was very general and did not satisfy my very high standard need for a more specific comprehension. ...more
While I did not like the style the book was written in and did not get much out of most of the principles in this book, there was one exception. The cWhile I did not like the style the book was written in and did not get much out of most of the principles in this book, there was one exception. The chapter about differentiation was worth the price of this book and is invaluable in helping me understand more clearly how people confuse feelings with facts. "They do not distinguish between “truth” and “fact,” and the inner feeling state is the most accurate possible expression of truth."
-------------------------------------------------------- Bowen's Theory - (From The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory)
"Differentiation of Self - To differentiate self from one’s emotional systems.
Differentiation of Self Scale
Humans vary in their ability to adapt to all that life brings. This variation can be described as a hypothetical scale.
At the higher end of the scale people have more ability to separate their emotional and their intellectual functioning. They have more ability to separate thinking from feeling, and to choose which will predominate at a given time.
People in the lower half of the scale live in a “feeling” controlled world in which feelings and subjectivity are dominant over the objective reasoning process most of the time. They do not distinguish feelings from fact, and major life decisions are based on what “feels” right. Primary life goals are oriented around love, happiness, comfort and security; these goals come closer to fulfillment when relationships with others are in equilibrium. …Much life energy goes into seeking love and approval, or attacking the other for not providing it… They do not distinguish between “truth” and “fact,” and the inner feeling state is the most accurate possible expression of truth.
Further up the scale all this tends to reverse… The more one is able to separate thinking and feeling, having some choice about which state one is in, the more reliable and accurate are perceptions of how things really are and the more decisions and planning will have desired outcomes." ------------------------------------------------------...more
I bought this book tonight (5/6/14) from Armand Diaz at a lecture he gave on the subject of his book. With his Leo Sun, Cancer Moon and Scorpio AscendI bought this book tonight (5/6/14) from Armand Diaz at a lecture he gave on the subject of his book. With his Leo Sun, Cancer Moon and Scorpio Ascending, Armand is a very entertaining speaker. I really enjoyed his lecture and am greatly intrigued by the notion of different planets representing romantic break-ups. He focused on the following planets:
Uranus break-up being “Here and your gone” very quick, has a certain coldness and the lesson being you don’t have to be locked into the same type of relationship next time.
Plutonion break-up being: Struggles, Nasty, lasts awhile. Filled with anger and fear. Lesson is we learn what is really important to us in relationships.
Neptune break-up helps us remove our guiding myth about relationships. Effects can be sorrow and pining for the lost oneness.
Saturn break-up: “It’s over” Does not feel bad, more legal and technical. Lesson is that relationships are not the be all and end all.
Key is to check the break up energy/planet/transit to the composite or natal charts to better understand the break-up energy for each partner.
I am looking forward to reading his book shortly! ...more
I began reading this book in mid 2014 and it was incredibly helpful for a relationship I was having at the time. Its principles of "Harsh Startup" "StI began reading this book in mid 2014 and it was incredibly helpful for a relationship I was having at the time. Its principles of "Harsh Startup" "Stonewalling" "Flooding" "Failed Repair Attempts" are all incredibly helpful in understanding any type of emotionally charged relationship. It's the core of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) by one of the worlds greatest experts on relationships - John Gottman.
I initially gave this book 5 stars because of the great principles it enumerated and how that really helps explain emotionally volatile behavior. As I am discovering by the number of "self-helpy" type books that I started a long time ago and am only now finishing, is that most of them really only need to be half size to teach the main components. I guess they would be harder to take seriously if they were only 100 pages, but really the gist of the book tends to be in the first 100 pages and the rest a bit of a snooze fest.
Still, its worthwhile to learn the principles of this book and may be very helpful....more
Another self-helpy type book that I began a long time ago and just ended now. It's main worthwhile point in my opinion is the concept of "Toxic ThoughAnother self-helpy type book that I began a long time ago and just ended now. It's main worthwhile point in my opinion is the concept of "Toxic Thoughts".
"Your thoughts can get you into trouble, however, when the negative ones stop being occasional and become more frequent, habit-like, unrealistic, intense, and distorted. When that happens, you're experiencing toxic thinking."
"By controlling our toxic thinking, we can control our feelings."
As I am discovering by the number of "self-helpy" type books that I started a long time ago and am only now finishing, is that most of them really only need to be half size to teach the main components. I guess they would be harder to take seriously if they were only 100 pages, but really the gist of the book tends to be in the first 100 pages and the rest a bit of a snooze fest.
Still, if you are dealing with someone who frequently practices toxic thoughts this book and may be helpful.