“I have studied love because it is my life’s most difficult problem. Although I have made progress, the “impossible dream” of a truly fulfilling mutua...more“I have studied love because it is my life’s most difficult problem. Although I have made progress, the “impossible dream” of a truly fulfilling mutual love remains a goal I have yet to achieve. Possibly you are not satisfied with your achievement in the pursuit of love. Erich Fromm warned that “there is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations and yet which fails so regularly as love.” …When your efforts to find a satisfying job are frustrated, you don’t leave the solution to luck – you study the problem and review all possible options. Why not do the same for love? If you are not prepared to “settle” and you can’t count on luck to lead you to someone close to your ideal, then you need to study love-styles.” – John Alan Lee on why he studied love.
“Just as different religions are constantly competing for supporters, so different love-styles are constantly seeking your agreement. You have only to turn on your radio for 15 minutes to hear several love songs in a row. The first tells you love is not merely the most important thing in your life – “love is ALL there is.” The next tells you not to be so stupid – love is just headaches and a way to catch pneumonia. The next tells you to enjoy love, but don’t take it seriously and don’t become dependent on it. The next tells you love is simply a lifelong friendship, whose closing chapter is two old folks playing checkers in the sun.” - The Psychology of Love.
“Love is an Austro-Hungarian Empire [basically a hodge-podge] uniting all sorts of feelings, behaviors, and attitudes, sometimes having little in common, under the rubric of “love.” Love can come from a surplus of energetic positive feelings or from feelings of inadequacy and gratitude to the one who lessens these feelings. Love can be felt for another who services the individual, or it can be benevolent love for another without personal advantage, or it can be a mixture of the two. Love can manifest itself as a feeling, as behavior, as a judgment (decision). A definition of love that attempts to unify these diverse phenomena results in a simplistic tautological definition that love is what one decides it is.” - The Psychology of Love.
“Unfortunately, some individuals believe, like Archie Bunker, that ignorance is bliss. Senator Proxmire in 1975 opposed the use of National Science Foundation funding to study love, stating: I believe that 200 million other Americans want to leave some things in life a mystery, and right at the top of things we don’t want to know is why a man falls in love with a woman and vice versa. …So National Science Foundation – get out of the love racket. Leave that to Elizabeth Browning and Irving Berlin. Here, if anywhere, Alexander Pope was right when he observed, “If ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.” - The Psychology of Love. (less)
Really difficult to read. He has a terrible writing style that is repetitive and seemingly nebulous. He keeps on talking about opening yourself up to...moreReally difficult to read. He has a terrible writing style that is repetitive and seemingly nebulous. He keeps on talking about opening yourself up to G-d – but does not explain in any way what that means. To be fair I have not finished the book, but its just painful to read.(less)