A bunch of old time jargon compacted into a novel...And not the good kind either...
Quotes from Queenpin that I wanted to burn:
"She knew everybody and...moreA bunch of old time jargon compacted into a novel...And not the good kind either...
Quotes from Queenpin that I wanted to burn:
"She knew everybody and everybody knew her and she plucked me out of that two-bit hootchy-kootch and put me on a big stage, footlights up my dress (p.6)
""I wanted to take it in, her whole set up. The half moon manicured nails, pale green suit and hat, the pearl-ring brooch. Class. No gun moll, she. (p.7)
"Sure, I left feeling like I'd won something big, slid out from some clutches, but that feeling was long gone by the time I'd driven back to her place, our place. I'd beaten one rap for the time being, but I was headed back to a different kind of stir (p.154)
Yay, can someone hand me a box of matches now? The whole book is written like this,if it was a few sentences I could take it but....No... It wasn't. It was my whole dang book. Like let's stuff as much old time talk as we can into one paragraph.Yup, you can say it,I got lost in the style and but lost I don't mean I loved it. I mean I got confused like someone spun me on a road like a top and asked me to read out loud. The narration, darn that narration...It seemed so gimmicky.
I've read better portrayals of this year so I was let down.The plot, oh hell I don't remember if there ever was one. I was to busy trying to sort out her awful slang. I remember betrayal, the book isn't terrible, it's just not good and if you watch a lot of 40s movies like I do you will see that she used a lot of cliche scenes. The font was so huge, it made the book seem childish.
It didn't suck, no...I read it.Just a meh, not the greatest book, I've ever read. Not the worse.(less)
No just hell no. Hell no with Gabriel. Hell no with Xavier. Hell no with Jake Thorn.
Needn't I say more? The bad guys name is Jake Thorn..... -_- Yes Jake...moreNo just hell no. Hell no with Gabriel. Hell no with Xavier. Hell no with Jake Thorn.
Needn't I say more? The bad guys name is Jake Thorn..... -_- Yes Jake Thorn...He wears leather, has a motorcycle and a cutesie snake tattoo. Did I mention he had black hair and green eyes. Oh and he speaks with an English accent, as if that suddenly makes you evil....Gabriel the Archangel has lots of flaws to be an angel. I expected an angel to be I don't know....Perfect? So why is he portrayed so stupidly? First he had been doing this for thousands of years but yet he doesn't know how to control his human body at the first beginning of the tedious long chapter. Gabriel is also angry to be an angel - he is supposed to be stern - not angry. Anger is glaring at things and ripping walls in half not saying no. Gabriel turned into Mr.Top Chef though he hates human food but suddenly loved cooking. Since when does that make sense? Gabriel is restless in his human body - so he runs around doing human things (which he dislikes). An archangel picked surfing to be shirtless while answering doors shirtless? Where is his modesty? And I think Gabriel was human before once. (I have to check that out).
Doesn't it seem odd to sexify a real angel? Make a fake one!
Sexify:That act of making something sexy. Example: I will sexify my face with makeup. Bethany Church will sexify her Gabriel whom she thinks as a brother.
Another problem... PoV...Or lack of. Bethany Church sees him as family but she can't stop ogling him and have lusty thoughts, isn't that interesting.
I could go on about clueless Bethany Church but she hasn't a brain in her body. She's terribly naive and always wondering what is happening.
Xavier....I just hate Xavier's azure eyes and nutmeg lanky hair. Why is this written so many times in the book? He's perfect Flat Stanley boyfriend , after they go out for two days, they fall in love and he has no other meaning in the story but being a youth group leader.The stupid author acts like hell and heaven aren't "in it together". They aren't battling, never were! Read a freaking bible. "God" sent angels to do his bidding, stern ones. And Lucifer didn't bow before humans (because he thought he was more powerful and better) so he was cast down. Also he may have cried because he didn't want to torment humans. Ah research your book please! This author was to frightened to study hell so she wrote about it all wrong. She clearly hasn't read the bible and it's very cliche paranormal romance. I love urban fantasy and I don't even know what to call this. I hated this book. I'd give it zero stars if I could but alas I must give it one star.(less)
Disclaimer : Rant Rating Level. Off the freaking Charts. Cursing involved. I tried to keep it informative as well. Not working like he misspelled post...moreDisclaimer : Rant Rating Level. Off the freaking Charts. Cursing involved. I tried to keep it informative as well. Not working like he misspelled poster below. Yes I know it spelled wrong.
First Sentence: When the final bell sounded at Bryce Hamiliton , Xavier and I gathered our things and headed out onto the south lawn.
Of course you and Xavier headed to the south lawn. You're freaking Gorilla Glued together.
Summary: Bethany Church is tricked and kidnapped by the evil Jake Thorn and is stuck in “Hades” (Greek Mythology while she is Christian so she meant hell). In Hades you will witness exorcisms, the ghetto, high class hotels, night clubs and Lucifer who goes by the name of “Big Daddy”. For the first time in any of her books you will get to see ethnic people…….who are all portrayed as evil (PREJUDICE ALERT , THAT IS WRONG!). Hell/”Hades” in Adornetto's version of Hell is combined of people with brown skin and the ghetto while her heaven is blond! Anyone with hair darker than Xavier’s nutmeg hair is classified as evil (Jake Thorn). Bethany may be destined in the burning pits of the “Lake of Fire” forever and all she can think about is Xavier, her boyfriend.
This leads into my WTF Segment. WTF?!!! Why don’t you think about people burning next to you in hell or I don’t know try to find a way to get the fuck out?!. For some of you guys who haven’t read the series (lucky you) Xavier is her pathetic cardboard Flat Stanley boyfriend (who is a youth group leader) with azure eyes. In the novel evil Jake Thorn implies that he wants to have “tinky tonk” with Bethany and ruin her innocence (which I was all for because I despised her). That’s the whole point of the story. So WTF…
Frustration. Yes. Plenty.
WTF is up with the Narration?Seething with purple prose.
Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life.
Excuse me? What teenager talks like that? Want to hear it again? No? Okay.
“My one true love. The light of my life.”
Isn’t that ripped from somewhere? Yes reading Halo, you will be subjected to reading narration like this. Bethany also mentions “whassup’” nod, “homies” and “bling”? WTF...
WTF is up the dialogue?
Are you coming for dinner tonight?" I asked linking my arm through Xavier's,"Gabriel wants to try making burritos.".
WTF....I'm sure an archangel has better things to do than I don't know make a delicious mexican dish I love like I don't know save the world. Help starving children. That brings me to....
WTF is wrong with the setting? So god apparently sent angels to sit in mansions with Christians who are already "saved." Why aren't they in Palestine or Africa? Or freaking America helping the kids who DON'T HAVE SHOES BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HOME.
WTF is up with the pacing? Three hundred pages into the novel, something…………Happens. Finally. WTF? Who edited this pile of (car honks strategically covering up curse word).
WTF is up with the plot? Why hasn’t Bethany crashed from “heaven” yet like she’s supposed to! In the Bible, (Christian views no matter what Adornetto claims) Angels tempted by humans were banished from Heaven by God. Hence the term Fallen EFFIN’ Angels. Their half blood children were evil and always were thought of such. So how Michael and Gabriel, the “sexy blond” archangels okay with this? ………. She’s breaking God’s Law. WHY HASN’T SHE BEEN SENT BACK!
WTF is up with the Protagonist? Bethany Church. Yes you.Reasons why you just love Bethany.
1.Adornetto doesn’t feel its necessary how to describe how she became an angel. Maybe Adornetto doesn’t know how! Gosh darn that makes it even sweeter! We can add our own opinion.
2.Bethany crashed face first off the back of a turnip truck and ended up with wings which makes her a charmster! Not to mention in her first installment Halo she drank alcohol and contemplated having sexual intercourse with a human but when told no by Gabs (he earns a nickname) she never pondered it again.
3.MARY SUE. I just love Mary Sues, they give you a blank canvas to insert your own personality.
4.Nothing happens to her by her choosing. She only nearly dies a hundred times and gets saved. Bethany has no powers what so ever. So basically she’s a human with mutated wings.
5.I also adore how we don’t have to research books to publish them anymore… Thank you dear Adornetto. Mistakes, made it more raw.
6.She gets tricked into getting on a motorcycle. Even Albert Einstein would have wept to have her brain replaced with his.That involves sheer brain power from the other party. Wasn’t there a motorcycle accident in one of the Twilight novels?
Never mind. I must be imagining things.
WTF is up with the Protagonists? Asia is Asian. Really? Oh and she’s a demon. That would be totally fine if NOT EVER ETHERAL ANGEL PERSON WAS BLOND!!!!! Gabriel’s still sexified. Ivy is still emotionless and boring. Molly is still pining for Gabs attention. Xavier is still being perfect with his azure eyes and nutmeg hair. Next…………………..
So WTF is up with Adornetto’s need to shove her views in everyone’s face?
Now I am fine with people having their own belief system as long as they don’t try to impose it on others. This girl imposes hers on others. Bethany Church is Adornetto. Great parts of this novel should be burned and are pure preachy and nothing more.
*Bitch slaps without hesitation.*
Her opinions...Sex without procreation is apparently blasphemy. You will hear plenty of this and Ardenetto can not disconnect herself from her novels. Her opinion is everywhere. She’s a snare in the woods and of course you can’t get the eff away from her , which is disheartening because you really will want to. Trust me.
Reading the first two books, I know what she thinks is sexy (Gabriel), I know she likes men who cook (Gabriel), naturally, she thinks people who express themselves through clothing style are evil too. Creativity is bad. Clearly she thinks so, it shows in her book. Plus she likes V-necks and dark wash jeans on men (mentioned so in Halo # 1).I shouldn’t know this!
Recommends: 13 - Adult.
I would love to beat Bethany with a sock full of frozen butter for her mental capacity alone. With that being said, I will definitely be reviewing the third Heaven of her spectacular series!
My apologies for taking so long to get to this review. I had some stuff I had to deal with in my life. Any, let's hop right on to it. Thanks for sendi...moreMy apologies for taking so long to get to this review. I had some stuff I had to deal with in my life. Any, let's hop right on to it. Thanks for sending this novel for my to review Stefan Alford.
Summary: Imagine a boy, a child, and his name is Jake. He is a normal child until a horrific event sends his mind hurtling to remember events from a life he's never seen. It's impossible are the first words rushing through his mind. But these memories build and suddenly the worlds gets a a drop more dangerous. Jake is remembering from the details of a conspiracy about reincarnation that sends a group after him.
Main Character: Jake , child. He speaks in large words that is strange for an eleven year old boy.
Recommended For:: Fans of the Di Vinci and The Secret Prophecy, if you like conspiracies this is certainly your book.
Things you may not like: The narration, sometimes is goes on tangents and I wished it could have been edited more tightly. The words sometimes come across more of a history book than a story, I think it should have been more action but some people may like that fact. I personally can enjoy the drippy slow literature of Mildred Pierce to the snap as a whip crackle of James Patterson but this was none of those things. It was more texts and ti left me unsure of the target audience, is it a thriller for teenagers, or adults. I was left suspended in the in between. Again, I give it three stars for the plot line. (less)
If you love historical fiction with action , this is the book for you.
I'm so picky about my historical fiction and I usually hate books about the Revo...moreIf you love historical fiction with action , this is the book for you.
I'm so picky about my historical fiction and I usually hate books about the Revolutionary war or any war but this book grabbed me from the start. I found myself cheering on the protagonist Isabel and her endless yearn for freedom from slavery as she tries to save her wonderful baby sister Ruth from being sold away.They were supposed to be free. I loved every character and how rounded they were. I loved Miss Mary Finch's shaky character and Isabel and her little sister Ruth. The twist and turns kept me reading. Isabel wants freedom badly and she is suddenly at a huge crossroad to make a decision that could change her life.
Who should she fight for?
The Loyalist or the Colonies.
Which side will promise her freedom? Through this novel, you will find yourself tearing up and cheering for Isabel to run, hide, preserve and to carry on through all she has been through. For a writer who writes novels about Anorexia and Teenage Angst, this novel is a kick butt novel.I couldn't keep myself from reading! I am soooo picky with reviews, but this gets 5 stars all around. I have this book on my list of "I love it."
Boom............... That is another word for check out this dang book!(less)
Flowery and melodramatic, just like Flowers in the Attic. My fingers were smudged with scandal when I finished this novel...
You see, you've got to rea...moreFlowery and melodramatic, just like Flowers in the Attic. My fingers were smudged with scandal when I finished this novel...
You see, you've got to read these books with a certain mindset. The this writing is pure crap mind set. Only then you won't be disappointed!
Hide these books from the children. If you've got these old battered copies lying around do it before they learn to walk.
This book is fun and as warped as someones perception after an LSD tablet. I have a Trash Fiction category, it's what I call books that are so awful and cheesy you love them than there is Fiction that is Trash. Oh V.C Andrews you picked up right where you left off when they escaped the poisoned donuts from their mothers humongous house! Instead of four there are now three children...:O
A perverted twisted tale that starts with doctor who takes in the Dollanganger children. Wonderful eh? No awful... Doctor finds himself eying sixteen year old Cathy. To bad it's mutual.
Meanwhile, a flaxen brother named Chris is in the house thinking about marriage.... To Cathy, his little sister. But too bad...Cath has moved on and from her brother to doctor boy. So poof, their relationship is ashes. Sweep them up and dump them away. Then Cathy is ripped away from her odd brother and tiny sister Carrie and sent to a boarding school. Cathy seeks revenge on her evil murderous mother. But how? Read to find out.
Sadly I will hang my head in shame after enjoying this terrible novel. The purple prose is still muddling my brain....
Slowly oozes away in shame
So yes, if you liked number two just don't expect any literary value, ever....Because that my friend, you will not get.
My brain cells have melted to the point of no return. I loved it.(less)
Go Ask Alice by anonymous and Crank by Ellen Hopkins kicked this books butt to the moon. Period.I got so happy than I saw the layout. So I plopped dow...moreGo Ask Alice by anonymous and Crank by Ellen Hopkins kicked this books butt to the moon. Period.I got so happy than I saw the layout. So I plopped down, curled up and sucked my thumb out of depression. WARNING.
The WRITING STYLE of this NOVEL MAY irritate some most PEOPLE BECAUSE Lucy feels the need to CAP write LIKE
in her journal.
Talk about disorientating.
After the first few entries my excitement bit the dust.Poof dead and gone. So basically this book is written in the style as Go Ask Alice (a grittier book written in the early 70s, I think – I loved that book , check it out). This book was an updated version, web talk, different drugs and different clothes just current or the author trying to be current because it seemed like how someone thought teenagers acted not how they act. It was a little far out (that means it failed, no 70s throwback talk here!).
The Novel's Writing Style....
The style of this book is written in entries. YOU must get USED to all of THE CAPS LOCKS every sentence BECAUSE THE OMG PROTAGONIST thinks writing this way in her journal is natural. It’s in a very chatty style; I found the text talk kind of off putting. If I wanted text talk in my book I would go read TTYL or snap out my own cheap cellphone and text!
Things wrong with the book.
I expected to see progression of her drug usage in the writing. At first she seems like a normal happy girl but than the more attached to drugs she gets the more her writing starts to get more intense, shorter but I never got that.It was more like “I just smoked crack, and went to Thanksgiving, finished homework. So happy. I smoked more crack tonight! (Than describes the rest of her day without any ruined perception and this is like during 75% of the book)”.
Oh yeah but put Caps Lock every three words.So basically it’s done in the same style with the same trading ending as Go Ask Alice. Apparent the author found that book to be a guideline and it shows. I wanted the ending to be different but instead we (us readers) are assaulted in the eyes by a news letter. There is sex, an almost rape and her cooing over drugs writing while she is high but speaking in literate Caps Lock paragraphs. Not very creative to be honest.
Things liked About the Book.
The cover that made you think you were getting quality but it didn’t happen. I liked that I can this as an example of False Advertising. -__-
Ummmmmm……I forgot the main character’s name more than twice while reading. Is that a good thing? The characters are not round characters, they are all flat characters. The drug pusher, the good guy, the bad girl and the gay guys (to make the book seem edgier and more current but made them flat as well).
All in All.
If you are in highschool from the ages 14-16 read this book. If you aren’t in highschool you may find it very whiny and juvenile not gritty enough. I think I was too old for this book and I’m a teenager. So that says a lot. Plus this makes drugs sound like a glossed over party, not gritty enough.(less)