I actually went to a parenting lecture where Jennifer Kolari was speaking and it was fantastic which is why I read the book to gain a greater understaI actually went to a parenting lecture where Jennifer Kolari was speaking and it was fantastic which is why I read the book to gain a greater understanding of mirroring and I found this part of the book excellent. I have used this skill (although I'm still practicing) with amazing effect. I really loved this part of the book and found it much more helpful then some of the techniques from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.
However, I did find the consequences step convincing and it doesn't look like she researched the effects of consequences (light punishments) and rewarding children as she did to why mirroring works. She has a degree in psychology but did not research the many articles on how punishments and rewards actually harm children and adults. She only cites one article that fits with her theory.
Another criticism, I have with this book is that a lot of it deals with how to control your child but not how to work with your child. For example her scenario of a parent trying to have her child put on her raincoat in order to go to the store. She reminds the parent to do her three mirroring statements then demand the child to put on the coat. Throughout the book most of the problem solving come from the parent. Why does she not encourage the parent to help the child problem solve with them? This technique is used in both books How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk and Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. Perhaps the child could come up with a reasonable solution to the problem, but throughout the book Kolari always has the parent presenting the solution.
The other problem I had with this book was I found she used sweeping generalizations on boys and girl. Such as girls love to decorate these with stickers and boys like to call their emotions names like 'volcanox' etc. And I found the section on gifted children particularly annoying....I'm not sure this was written with any factual references as it read as anecdotal generalizations.
I will keep mirroring, but I will not use any of the other advise she gives in the books. The books 'How to talk...' and 'Unconditional Parenting...' will be my point of reference.
I felt this was like an after school special about a brain injury. The main character does go through conflicts but they are so easily resolved. She sI felt this was like an after school special about a brain injury. The main character does go through conflicts but they are so easily resolved. She seems to just breeze her way through a rather life changing experience. I did not feel there was a lot of depth to her struggles. Not enough anger or frustration.
Having said that it was delightful to read, much like her favourite thing was to curl up in front of a fire. This book was rather like that something quite nice to read. The tone and feel was consistently written.
I really enjoyed this book. I know he was preaching to the choir, but I still found it interesting, well organized and well written. I liked his mix oI really enjoyed this book. I know he was preaching to the choir, but I still found it interesting, well organized and well written. I liked his mix of anecdotes, data and humour.
However, I'm not sure he is quite right that individuals are the ones that are going to be able to stop their consumerist behaviour. I do believe governments are going to have to step in and at least start guiding the process. ...more