Wow. This book reads like a What Not To Do as an Adoptive Parent guide: 1) Don't resolve your infertility issues before you adopt. 2) Don't research adoWow. This book reads like a What Not To Do as an Adoptive Parent guide: 1) Don't resolve your infertility issues before you adopt. 2) Don't research adoption or adoptive parenting before you adopt. 3) Loathe your child's home country. 4) Let your own issues get in the way of meeting your adopted child's fundamental needs. 5) Don't take referrals for a RAD therapist from your doctor because you are in denial. 6) Don't acknowledge your kid's RAD for years because you are so insecure and have issues with your own parents. 7) Once you decide your kid has RAD, treat them with information you gathered from the internet. Do not seek professional therapy. 8) Get professional therapy for issues with your mom, but not your kid. 9) Refuse to do the mandatory post-placement reports for your child's home country. 10) DON'T TELL YOUR CHILD SHE IS ADOPTED UNTIL SHE IS FIVE. I mean SERIOUSLY, who could possibly think that is a good idea? 11) Write a book with your kid's photo on the cover talking about what a mess you are as a parent and detailing her psychological issues, while patting yourself on the back for not revealing too much information that might stigmatize her to her teachers.
This book started out a little slow, but after I got about a quarter of the way through, I couldn't put it down. It wasn't quite as compelling as ThreThis book started out a little slow, but after I got about a quarter of the way through, I couldn't put it down. It wasn't quite as compelling as Three Cups of Tea, but it was a similarly fascinating story of a part of the world few of us will ever see. Farid and Conor are doing very important work. I am glad to have read this book and would recommend it to others....more
When another friend told me she read this book, she gave the very lukewarm comment that "It doesn't add anything new to the discussion" about adoptionWhen another friend told me she read this book, she gave the very lukewarm comment that "It doesn't add anything new to the discussion" about adoption. I couldn't agree more. I supposed I should have expected as much when the subtitle is "In Praise of Adoption".
There is nothing new about a book that seeks to reassure adoptive parents that their feelings are perfectly ok. And by the way! Never fear! There are many many adopted kids and adults who are happy and well adjusted! They love their adoptive parents, even if they have questions! But don't worry, some of them don't want to know anything about those pesky birth parents! Some of them MIGHT want to know, and sometimes it even works out OK! And even if the Chinese government switches your referred baby with some other baby, "It doesn't matter". (Really?? What happened to that other baby?)
Simon's discussion of race and transracial adoption is also so very predictable it is a cliche. Clearly race isn't going to matter much to these chinese kids because they eat Latkes! They embody the multiculturalism of America so all that other race stuff will likely roll right off their backs. And his kids have Chinese connections too. Even the people in the Chinese restaurant love them. Gah.
Don't get me wrong, this is a book by a Dad who really, really loves his kids. In fact, they SAVED him. They GAVE HIM the life he has. (No pressure there, girls.) Adoptive parents, we love our kids. But do we really need to be so self-congratulatory, sappy and shallow about it?
This was a nice little book, but there was no depth. Adoption is complicated. It is bittersweet. All that love doesn't erase those losses. I suppose I was wrong to hope a reporter would dig a little deeper....more